Why God Created Sister in Laws

Jimmy's sister Nancy came to visit yesterday. She lives in San Diego, so we don't see her a ton but it's always fun when she comes to town. Brynlee loves her, and gets super excited when she knows she is coming. Brynlee kind of says her name like " Nasty" though. Hopefully we can break that habit.

Here is a conversation Nancy and I had last night.

As I'm trying to get ready for work-

Nancy: Do you get hit on a lot?
Me: Uh, no. Never actually.
Nancy: Oh well I was just watching you, and you're really pretty!
Me: Well thanks!
Nancy: You just must give off that "I'm unavailable vibe"
Me: Yeah...that must be it. Sure.

See you need a sister in law to tell you stuff like that! ;)

Thanks Nancy, you can come over anytime!

Tough Things

This has not been a good few weeks for pregnant people I think. My best friend Carla has been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for the past 5 years. After 2 rounds of IUI, and 2 rounds of IVF she was pregnant with twins. A few weeks ago she found out that one of the twins heart stopped. On Friday she found out that the other twins heart stopped as well. Ugh.

Yesterday I took her to get a D&C, thinking that this feels oddly familiar. I've recovered quite well from losing my baby, if I do say so myself. I try not to dwell on it and actually find myself happy. Happier than I've been in a few months. But once in a while my mind wanders and I realize that I should be like 12 weeks pregnant right now, and am not.

I see people that had babies around the time when I had Brynlee all having more babies and being pregnant again. It feels like we are in a race and I'm now falling behind. I know that is a strange way to think of it. People share stories about how they had 6 miscarriages. I know they are trying to make me feel better, but I'm not sure that helps. Because then I think " Wow, what if Brynlee is the only child we have.". It wouldn't be the end of the world. But in my mind we would always have more.

Carla had her procedure done at the fertility clinic she has been getting treated at for months. As I sat with her yesterday surrounded by people all desperate to just have one child I realized how lucky I really am. How lucky so many people are that they don't have to deal with the devastation of trying to have children and not being able to. How lucky I am to be able to try to get pregnant again soon, and not have it cost me $13,000. I am truly blessed. And so are all you super fertile people out there. So when your kids act up and drive you crazy, think of how lucky you are to have them at all. Because there are so many people desperately hoping to be driven crazy by kids one day.

Poison Control

As Brynlee got into my perfume yesterday ( this one was my fault, I left it where she could get it) I started to think about all the stuff she has gotten into in the past few months. This kid is a terror! Make up, pain, Vaseline...(that was a fun one, It took like 3 baths and dish soap to get that off because she was covered in it), endless amounts of food- And one other not so funny thing.

I don't think I blogged about this one, and if I did sorry. I can't remember anymore. The older I get the less my brain functions!

In August I had a sinus infection and was taking antibiotics. It was a Saturday and I had to go to work. Jimmy was making breakfast, and I was getting dressed. I thought he had Brynlee, and he thought I had Brynlee. Turns out no one had Brynlee, and she was running a muck. As I'm tying my shoes Brynlee comes in and tells me she has medicine. I looked in her mouth and sure enough there was a white pill which I promptly plucked it out of her mouth.

I was confused, what could that be? I went into the living room to see my purse dumped out, and my antibiotics spilled everywhere. They are supposed to be in a child proof bottle! I started to panic and tried to count how many where missing. I couldn't even focused I was so panicked. 5! 5 were missing! Me, being full grown and supposed to take 2 per day.

On a side note, I remember watching Family Feud with Robbie once. He started talking about who he would bring on that show... and I was not mentioned. He told me I'd crack under the pressure. I was slightly offended, at the time.

However this day proved just how right he was. I was so panicked I started looking in my baby book to try to find the number for poison control. Jimmy, ever cool as a cucumber just googled it and made the call. They told us to expect some vomiting, and perhaps diarrhea. But she would be ok. I immediately started balling my eyes out because I was so relieved.

I went to work and called Jimmy like 100 times to check on how she was doing. I was racked with guilt. This was totally my fault. Not only did I leave my purse where she could get it, I'm super dumb and didn't screw the lid back onto the child proof bottle all the way. And then when it came time to calm down and act quickly I completely buckled. Great!

However Brynlee was fine. She didn't seem sick at all.

About 1 week later I was cleaning out my purse and found 4 loose pills in there! So, counting the one I plucked out of her mouth she actually ingested NONE of them. I can look back at this and laugh now, but at the time I felt like the worst mother on the planet. I learned a lot from this experience though, and hopefully I won't have to call poison control again anytime soon. And if I do, I hope I can be as under control as Jimmy was!

Equality!

This time of year rolls around every year. I think I actually posted about it last year. If I wasn't so lazy I'd look back and check, but that is a lot of posts to look through.

I just don't get the Victoria's Secret fashion show. I do not get it. How is it that 100 lb women parading around in overly expensive underwear can be aired on a national station like CBS.

Ok I get why guys like this show. I mean duh. But it seems more like a thing that would be aired on Spike. Or the Playboy channel...

CBS you disappoint me.

Here is what really rubs me wrong. No equality. I think there should be a fashion show of just super hot guys walking around in bedazzled boxer briefs or tighty whiteys. And they should air it on NBC and Justin Beiber should provide the music. It's only fair right?

My former roommates are frequents at the local Hooters. I don't get that one either. Ok once again I get it. But whey don't women have a place to go? I've envisioned this and I see it making a ton of money. It would be a place where all the guys are hot and shirtless. There would be chick flicks playing on big screen TVS ( think The Notebook, Legends of the Fall, 27 Dresses, etc). All the food would either be fried, dipped in chocolate or salads. It would be great!

I'm not saying that I would go to this restaurant, or watch my all male fashion show that I've cooked up in my head. But it would just be nice if women out there had the option.

Needless to say I did not tune in last night. As if American girls don't have enough issues with body images. I don't need to see super humans strutting their stuff to add to that. What's funny is if there was a plus size like fruit of the loom fashion show with normal sized people in it strutting around in underwear I don't think I would be so bothered. Maybe because they would be projecting a healthy and more importantly REALISTIC body image.

Now that I've got that rant out of my system, it's back to snacking on all sorts of Christmas goodies. Take that Victoria's Secret models who only eat limes and diet coke. Carmel popcorn never tasted so good!

Blushing

The older Brynlee gets the more she does some things that are...well a little embarassing. Nothing like kids to thrust cold hard reality in your face.

Incident #1- On Thanksgiving, a guy was drinking a diet coke. Brynlee went up to him and told him that he was drinking "Mommy's soda". I explained to her that he could have one too, but she wouldn't accept it. She kept following him around telling him to stop drinking my soda. Eh hmm. You know you have a diet coke addiction when...

Incident #2- On Sunday Brynlee saw an older lady coming into the church building. She loudly proclaims, " There is a big Grandma!". Mortified, Jimmy tried to tell her that she wasn't a BIG grandma. Nope, in Brynlee's mind she was just that. And she continued to call her that all through church.

Incident #3- Since it finally stopped raining, Brynlee and I decided to celebrate. It's been raining for the past week, and for Californians that just won't do. We got our sunshine back today, thank goodness! Anyhow Brynlee and I went to get donuts and then go to the park. We walked into the donut shop and she walked up to the counter and told the lady she wanted " A chocolate donut, please". Ok. Maybe we take her to get donuts too often. I'm not sure a 2 year old should be able to order a donut with such assertiveness. However the donut lady thought she was so cute that she gave us an extra donut for free. :)

So, basically I drink too much diet coke and Jimmy gets Brynlee donuts too often. I'm not sure who to blame for the "big Grandma" comment. It was really strange. There were plenty of other big grandma types there, but she took to this lady I guess. Ah kids!

No Use Crying Over Spilled Make Up

Most Saturdays I work during the day. Jimmy is home with Brynlee. I got home last Saturday and asked him how she was. At first he said good, then said " Oh wait actually not good. She got into your make up."

Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran in the bathroom and quickly did damage assessment. In Brynlee's defense, I knew this was coming. The other day she watched me put on my makeup and was enthralled with it. I put some clear powder on her and she was so excited. I went over the make up rules with her over and over. She can't touch the make up without me. I asked her if she is supposed to touch my make up. She gave the correct answer of No.

At this point I'm still trying to figure out exactly what she understands. She definitely understands when she is not supposed to do something. But I'm not sure she understands cause and effect yet.

After going to cosmetology school I've sadly developed a love for more expensive things. I've seen and experienced first hand that target make up and hair products just don't hold a candle to the professional stuff. This is unfortunate because I don't have a ton of money to go by these expensive things. I did however splurge on a foundation that I love love love. I love it. Did I say that? It's like magic. And feels weightless on my skin.

At first I was afraid that Brynlee had gotten into that one... and then I remembered in my infinite wisdom that I keep that foundation in my medicine cabinet, away from the rest. She did manage do dump my back up Revlon foundation all over the floor, carpet and everything else. Apparently she burned right through my bare minerals blush. And my make up brushes need some TLC. But she did not get hold of my prized possession.

I asked Jimmy if he got in trouble and he said " Oh yeah". She is old enough now in my opinion to listen. I want her to learn not to touch things because I say "No", not just because I've hidden them out of her reach. However when it comes to things such as knives, cleaning chemicals etc I'm not willing to gamble with those. So those are still out of reach.

Unfortunately my makeup had to fall on the sword for Brynlee to learn a lesson. She will have to learn lessons the hard way it looks like. She touched the stove the other day while I was cooking and burned her finger. She got a big old blister and scared me to death. Seems like I get to learn these lessons right along with her. Motherhood. It's a wild ride!

Cared For

After I had surgery last week I needed a little TLC. Wednesday Brynlee's day care was closed, and I wasn't sure what kind of shape I'd be in physically (or really mentally for that matter) and figured I'd need some reinforcements. I decided to call in the best. My Mom. Or parents rather.

It's funny how even when you are 28 you still want your Mommy to take care of you when you don't feel good. And with good reason. If your Mom is like my Mom she is the best at playing nurse. Even though it was the day before Thanksgiving and they were both super busy at work, my parents both took the day off to take care of me and Brynlee. On Wednesday morning my Dad picked us up ( because I was told I couldn't drive due to heavy pain meds) and took us to their house.

I spent the day cuddled on the couch being waited on watching lifetime movies. It was awesome. My Mom got me drinks. She got me pillows. She got me blankets. She made me a grilled cheese sandwich. All the while they both wrangled Brynlee so she would leave me alone and I could rest. It was honestly an amazing day. Which is pretty amazing all things considered. I found myself not wanting to leave this care palace. Not that Jimmy doesn't take care of me, but no one does it like my Mom.

Despite the rather depressing turn of events around Thanksgiving I had a lot to be thankful for this year. I have a wonderful group of family and friends that really banded together around me during a hard time. Jimmy basically took care of Brynlee from Friday (when we got the bad news) to Tuesday when I had the procedure done. And then he took time off work to take me to the Dr even though his department is super super busy this time of year. My parents came to the hospital to make sure I was OK and then took care of me when I needed it And paid for the procedure, since unfortunately it was not free. Donna took time off work to take care of Brynlee so I could go to the Dr. My friend Tessa got my shifts covered at my job so I wouldn't have to worry about calling in sick during a busy time. And she brought me candy and diet coke after I had the procedure (she knows the way to my heart!). Not too mention emotional support from countless other family members and friends. I am truly cared for.

Now if someone could just make this extra 5 ish lbs go away I would really appreciate it. If i'm not going to be pregnant I want to be back at my pre pregnancy weight. And am impatient. I want it now! The fact that it's Christmas time is like a dieting nightmare. At least after you have a baby even though you are large you still have a baby to show for it. Now I just have some baby weight and no baby. I was in Costco yesterday and had to leave immediately because there was tasty food everywhere. Alll over. Since I actually enjoy eating again now it's even harder, because I just want to eat all the time. And that is what I did on Thanksgiving. It was delicious. Some things are worth the 5lbs!

A Broken Heart

These past 5 days have completely thrown my world upside down. Jimmy and I were expecting our second child. And until 6 hours ago I was pregnant. After several weeks of feeling like death (thanks to my nemesis, the first trimester)it was time to do an 8 week ultrasound.

Jimmy and I set out for the Dr on Friday feeling excited and optimistic. That all quickly faded though when we were told the baby did not have a heart beat. At first I wasn't sure what to do and the thought was not computing. I've had no bleeding, no cramping. I've been sick as a dog. Everything seemed as normal as can be. But it wasn't. My Dr sent me to a different part of the clinic to get a second ultrasound, just to be sure. Before we went to that ultrasound I had Jimmy give me a blessing.

As soon as the blessing was through I felt peace. But I also felt that the baby was no longer alive. Sure enough the second ultrasound proved that was the case. It was only the second time in 9 years that I've seen Jimmy cry. And I'm glad for that because seeing someone so strong cry made me want to rip my heart out.

So now on top of the traumatic news we were faced with a decision to make. Wait for me to miscarry naturally, or have what's called a D&C where they remove the fetus and all the other stuff associated with it.

We went home in shock and numb. My emotions were all over. First I'd cry. Then I'd be ok. Then I'd laugh. Then I'd cry again. We kept waiting for an answer on what we should do to come to us. I went to work the next day, and tried to focus on anything else. The fact that my body still thought it was carrying a viable pregnancy was like a cruel joke. I still felt tired and sick. And then I'd remember that it was all for nothing and I'd feel crushing disappointment.

We decided that I'd get one more ultrasound on Monday, just to be sure that nothing had changed. If the baby still had not grown and did not have a heart beat we would proceed with the D&C. My Dr told me that at this point in the pregnancy a miscarriage would be very painful, and very very traumatic. The idea of just waiting to miscarry made me want to vomit. Who would know when it was coming? At work? At home alone? In a store alone with Brynlee? I felt like I was standing in front of a firing squad just waiting to be shot. I couldn't take that feeling anymore.

On Monday I went and had another ultrasound. This was only my 2nd experience with this Dr, but I really like the way he handled things. He showed me what we should be seeing. He was patient with me and we watched the screen for what seemed like forever-waiting for a heart beat that never came. I brought my poor mother in law with me, and gave her a list of rules to follow. No hugging me. No complimenting me. No crying. I needed her to be strong so I could be strong. I needed her to be a Cuillard. She told me she is not a Cuillard man. Ha ha, yes Donna I know. But on Monday she acted like a Cuillard man the best she could and I'm proud of her for that.

After sobbing uncontrollably (not in front of Donna of course, because that would be un fair for me to cry and not let her cry) I pulled myself together and proceeded with the D&C prep. I started thinking of all the good things about not being pregnant... and wow there are quite a few. I'm going to take really strong medicine, and hopefully fit back into my skinny jeans. I'm going to eat hot dogs, and lunch meat and not throw it up. I'm going to sleep through the night without peeing 10 times. If I stop to think about how awful this is for too long it gets to me so I have to think on the positive side.

Tonight I had the D&C. I can't even express how thankful I am for modern medicine. One minute I'm in a room hooked up to an IV, the next minute it's all over. I didn't have to see/hear/feel anything. The pain is minimal (for now) and so is the bleeding. I already feel so much better. I'm not sick to my stomach and I feel hope for the future.

To say this was an awful experience is an understatement. I realize how common this type of thing is, and to think about that is horrifying. We are going to take a few months to heal and then will hopefully be blessed with another child soon. It's hard to want to get back in the saddle when you've been kicked of this badly. It's hard to understand why these things happen to people. But I felt the Lord's hand in this the whole way, and even though I don't understand the reasoning behind it I trust that it's for the best.

I came home tonight after the surgery and watched Brynlee sleep for the longest time. Somehow Jimmy and I were blessed with the most beautiful person on the planet. I can't even express how lucky I am to have her. We will have more children. When the time is right. Until then, I'll cherish the one that I have.

Shameless

I was driving the other day and I started to think. I like some seriously crappy music. I mean it's really bad. But I love it. Basically if it would be fun to dance to, I'm a fan.

This love of crappy music is not new. Must I bring up the waiting in line for 12 hours in the rain to see O-Town incident? Sooo bad. But I loved them then, and if I could find their old CD I'd probably love them now.

What got my started on this was the radio. They were playing a Ke$ha song and I got all excited. I seriously seriously love Ke$ha. I can't even type her name without cringing, it's so painful. But I love her repetitive poppy music. It gets in my head and I can't get it out. I woke up at 4am to pee this morning singing that same Ke$ha song...it's like an epidemic.

I guess my standards for music are a little low. I don't care if they can't sing, if they say the same thing 1000 times, or if they are a white blonde girl trying to rap (not to mention any names here). If it makes me feel good I like it.

Jimmy and I are always fighting to be radio commando when we are in the car together. He hates my taste in music for the most part. If there is a song I put on that he hates, he sings really loudly off key over the song. Just to be irritating. Sweet isn't he?

I'm not ashamed of my bad taste in music. I listen to it loud and proud...usually. Until someone else gets in the car and I start to wonder if they are judging me based on my love of computerized white girl rap. Maybe they are. Judge away outside world!

Live and Learn

As I start to see commercials for black Friday shopping popping up on TV, I can't help but have strong feelings. Strong feelings that there is no way on God's green earth you are going to get me to do that again.

Yes I went last year. I'm not sure why I didn't post about it. It was quite the experience. Carla and I decided to go to Wal-Mart at 11:30pm Thanksgiving night...yeah. Maybe we were on a Turkey high or something because we thought that would be a good idea. When I got to the Wal-Mart parking lot I had to park so far away they should have offered a tram to get me to the store. That was my first clue. When we got into Wal-Mart it was like a moving sea of people. You couldn't get through the aisle, unless you mowed your way through with the shopping cart. It was a claustrophobic nightmare.

All the displays were a mess. I kept finding one of something I liked, but it wasn't in the right size or color and I couldn't find the actual display where it came from. That's probably because it was eaten by a wild pack of hungry shoppers or something.

I found a few things I liked, so at about 1:30 am we decided to check out. Baaaaad idea. The lines up front were horrendous, so we saw a line that didn't seem too long ( all things considered) in the back by the guns and fishing gear. 2:00am rolls around, and we are still in line. 2:30 rolls around and we are still in line. At this point everything in my basket is so not worth this, and I'm debating just getting out of there. But then I've wasted the past 3 hours. So we keep on waiting. Finally we see what the hold up is. Bless his heart there is only 1 cashier on the register and he looks like he is 100 years old. It was way past his bedtime for sure. It might as well have been father time up there for how slow he was going.

After we actually bought our stuff we had to walk alllll the way back to our cars. I think I finaly got into bed at 4am. I vowed to not do that again. It was a good story to tell, but that's about it. So this year while all the black Friday shoppers are out there getting good deals, I'll be snug in my bed. And I wouldn't want it any other way!

Conversations with Jimmy

One of the things I love about my husband is that he constantly makes me laugh. Sometimes not on purpose, but he is hilarious. Case in point, a conversation we had the other day:

Jimmy: I'm tired of this cat (referring to my beloved Mitzie- apple of my eye, owner of my heart)

Me: Why?

Jimmy: All she does is take, take, take

Me: Well, she's a cat. What did you expect her to do? Wear a 3 piece suit and get a job?

Jimmy: Yes...

Oh boy. Well, even I can admit that Mitzie has been slightly irritating of late. She keeps playing in the blinds behind our bed at say, 5:00am. It makes me want to make a kitty fur coat when she does that. But otherwise I love her. I guess Jimmy just has high expectations for our animals?

Jimmy is nuts about our bed. Every night before he gets into bed he has to open the covers, and repeatedly "wipe" off the sheet with his hand. In order to get the dust off I guess. Or to just be crazy if you ask me. It's like an OCD habit. He hates it when I lay on his pillow, because I drool (ok yes, I'm a drooler! I can't help it) and usually get some sort of make up on it.

This morning as he is leaving for work I shimmied my way over to his side of the bed. I'm not sure why, but his side of the bed is so much better than mine! Anyhow I lay on his pillow and start to drift off back to sleep. Until he wakes me up asking in a whispery irritated voice " what are you doing?". "Sleeping" I mumble. "Well you better not drool on my pillow" he says. Ha ha. He makes me laugh. I did drool on his pillow. Just a little bit. Oops. I'll have to wash is pillow case for him so he doesn't have a freak out.

I haven't been feeling well recently and he has made me breakfast the past 3 days. And gets me medicine, and takes care of Brynlee so I can rest. He is pretty awesome. And pretty hilarious. It's good to know that years from now when we are old and gray and can only sit around and talk that he'll keep me laughing.

Aftermath

Well...for the first time ( and likely one of the only times, but we will see) I actually voted Republican. Yes, I did. I voted for Mitt, and he lost. Bummer. Big big bummer. I really thought he was going to win. I'm not sure why, but I did.

In a sense he did since he won the popular vote. But that does not somehow get you the presidency...I guess I didn't pay enough attention in government to understand how that works.

I think he would have made an awesome president. Maybe he'll run again next time? Who knows, 4 years seems a long time away right now. So now what do we do? Wait and see what Obama does next I suppose. I do not doubt that he is doing what he thinks is right and the best for this country. Unfortunately I don't really agree with a lot of his thinking. And since he is president and I'm not I guess I'm stuck.

I'm seeing a ton of anger on my facebook news feed. It's sad it all has to be this way. The Obama voters had just as much right to vote for him as I had to vote for Romney. Once again, the LDS has church as released a statement that makes me really proud. It's times like these that I know I'm in the right place with the right faith. This was released yesterday by the leaders of our church-

"We congratulate President Obama on winning a second term as President of the United States.


After a long campaign, this is now a time for Americans to come together. It is a long tradition among Latter-day Saints to pray for our national leaders in our personal prayers and in our congregations. We invite Americans everywhere, whatever their political persuasion, to pray for the President, for his administration and the new Congress as they lead us through difficult and turbulent times. May our national leaders reflect the best in wisdom and judgment as they fulfill the great trust afforded to them by the American people.

We also commend Governor Romney for engaging at the highest level of our democratic process which, by its nature, demands so much of those who offer themselves for public service. We wish him and his family every success in their future endeavors."

I love this country and will continue to hope and pray that President Obama receives the guidance and wisdom he needs to lead us in the right direction. When live gives you lemons, you make lemonade right?

Voting Day

Today's the day! I like politics, but I don't like the affect it has on people. I'm super glad this election will all be over soon, and I'm very curious to see the outcome. Being that I'm LDS, most of my friends are Republicans so all I see all over the place is Romney support. So in my mind, Romney will for sure win and Obama doesn't stand a chance of being re elected. Silly me I forget that everything doesn't revolve around what I see. It seems that the race is quite close, and that makes it interesting.

Unfortunately for me, I'm somewhere between a democrat and a republican, so I've never really felt passionately for any candidate. None of them have represented my feelings closely enough for me to have a real strong feeling. We'll see what the end of today brings.

Last election day was quite a debacle for me. I've moved several times, and wasn't sure where my voting place was. I tried two places before work, neither of which I was registered to vote at. At work I called to find out where I was supposed to go. After I got off I set off to the polls again. Unfortunately at this point it was like 7:45pm and Obama was already being declared the winner. As I entered the polling place the workers shot daggers at me through their eyes. But I was not to be derailed! I was going to cast my vote, even if it really didn't matter at that point. It mattered to me.

This time around I'll have to wait until this evening. And I've done absolutely no research on anything. Yep... I suck! I was hoping Jimmy left his sample ballot at home so I could make some educated decisions real quick, but he took it with him. My sample ballot goes to a house I lived at 6 years ago. Oops. I never did change my voting address. I suck again. So now I'm stuck looking up stuff online to try to avoid just picking names I happen to like.

Jimmy called me a "slacker" this morning. He is absolutely correct. I slacked big time. But I'm still excited for voting day. I have a good feeling about this one. I feel like good things are to come for this country and can't wait to see!

Adventures

Today has been mine and Brynlee's first day home together as a start to our new routine.

It started with Brynlee climbing into my bed around 8am. After looking at my chin, we had a conversation that went like this-

Brynlee: Mommy, what's that?
Me: I'm not sure ( thinking, great, a zit!)
Brynlee: A nipple?
Me: LOL! No Brynlee, it's not a nipple

She really his hilarious. We went to McDonalds for breakfast. We tried to split a deluxe breakfast platter, but someone hogged it all. She ate all 3 pancakes, and the whole hash brown! I felt like I was trying to eat a meal in prison ( or what I imagine trying to eat in prison is like) She can out eat me in eggo waffles now too. Crazy considering she is so skinny.

We proceeded on to Target where she had a comment or concern about everything we saw. Or wanted everything we saw.

Later we are going to go for a hike I think. On Thursday we are going to go for a bus ride. It's been an adjustment, not being at school everyday. But so far I'm enjoying my adventures with Brynlee. Even if she thinks I have a nipple on my chin. :)

Tough Love

Being a parent to a toddler is so much different than I thought it would be. For sure this is the hardest time I've had parenting. I feel an immense amount of pressure to be a good parent, and to be sure that I give Brynlee all the tools she will need to go out into the world.

Brynlee likes to push things. Buttons, limits, patience...you name it. I'm constantly at war with myself. The desire to just let her get away with things because its easier vs the desire to actually get up and discipline her over and over again. The desire to be a good Mom vs being a friend Mom. I'm stuck in the middle, because I really want to be both.

But if I have to chose, I would chose the good Mom. Brynlee will make friends in her life. But she only has one Mom. And it's up to me to teach her right from wrong and how to behave in society. Sometimes I encounter other adults and I think, "Wow your Mom sucked. Or she tried and it didn't work." I don't want to have one of those kids.

So I give tough love. Jimmy and I both do. Brynlee knows what she can and can't get away with. If she crosses the line, she is disciplined. Some days my resolve is weak and I think "Is it that bad that she just did exactly what I told her not to do?". It probably isn't that bad. But I'm training her and training me for what's to come in the future. If we don't start a pattern of her listening to me now, when will we start it? The teenage years? Yeah...good one.

Each day is a clash of will. Sometimes she won't back down, and neither will I. So we go head to head and I'm happy to say I usually win. :)

I just hope she appreciates this when she is older!

On a side note, she is on a new thing about turns. She will tell me, "it's my turn. It's not your turn, it's my turn". Oh ok. Thanks for that info Brynlee. Even if she just had a turn, it's her turn again in her mind. Must be nice to live in toddler land where it's always your turn!

Final Days

My days in cosmetology school are rapidly coming to an end. On Thursday I will reach 1600 hours and be done. It's exciting and scary and sad all at the same time.

It's like when high school ends and you realize you probably won't see most of those people again. Except in this case, I've spent 7 hours a day 5 days a week for the past 13+ months with these girls. I've formed friendships stronger than I ever thought I would.

And soon it will all be ending, and for me that is heartbreaking. We all say we'll stay in touch, but I know better than that. I know that I in particular am not great with correspondence.

I can't believe this journey is coming to a close. It feels like it just started. The next step is kind of foggy for me right now. I won't be able to get my license until January ish most likely. So until then I'm just going to try not to forget everything I've learned!

I'm excited to spend more time with Brynlee. I've never been a stay at home Mom, and now I sort of will be so I'll have to get myself together. I'm not great at planning activities. My idea of entertaining Brynlee is taking her to Target...not exactly mother of the year material right here. I've got my work cut out for me. But I'm excited about it.

My final school days are bittersweet. I'm sure there will be lots more tears to come (I seem to cry whenever one of my classmates graduates, which is super embarrassing) before I'm through. But there will be smiles as well, because we've all worked so hard and come so far.

It Must be Love

I am Mormon. In case you didn't know. Being Mormon is hard sometimes. Sometimes people don't like me, right off the bat. Sometimes they say bad things about Mormons before they realize I am one, and I get angry and my feelings get hurt about all the misconceptions out there. The older I get, the more it bothers me. I'm not sure why. I guess my patience for close minded people is getting slim these days.

I love my religion. I really truly do. It may seem weird, and strange and restrictive to others. But to me it fits.

Are there people that are part of my religion that I don't love? Yes there certainly are. Unfortunately we are not perfect and we make mistakes. And some Mormons give all of us bad names.

This is an excerpt of an email my Relief Society president sent out. It came from the leaders of our church. Relief society for those who don't know is our women's group at church. For some reason it is assumed that because a Mormon is running for president that anyone who is Mormon has to vote for him. I've run into people that have asked if my church is going to "make" me vote for Romney. First off, my church doesn't make me do anything. No one is holding a gun to my head. But I think most people would be surprised to read the following:

"It is important to note that during the primaries and presidential election that the church and its doctrines will be attacked and displayed in ways that are not flattering to the church or to us as members. We need to be careful not to be defensive, but to be respectful in our responses. Not only might we offend our neighbors, but many of our own members have been offended by members expressing their political views. Our membership in the church and our worship on Sunday should be free from such opinions and conversations and a place where we rest from our worldly labors.


The church encourages all members to engage in the political process as individuals, apart from the church and our callings in the church. But it is important that we follow the counsel of Elder Perry in this endeavor when he told us to be bold in our declaration of Jesus Christ, to be righteous examples, and to speak up about the church.

The Church does not:

1. Endorse, promote or oppose political parties, candidates or platforms.

2. Allow its church buildings, membership lists or other resources to be used for partisan political purposes.

3. Attempt to direct its members as to which candidate or party they should give their votes to. This policy applies whether or not a candidate for office is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

4. Attempt to direct or dictate to a government leader.


The Church does:

1. Expect its members to engage in the political process in an informed and civil manner, respecting the fact that members of the Church come from a variety of
backgrounds and experiences and may have differences of opinion in partisan political matters.


2. Request candidates for office not to imply that their candidacy or platforms are endorsed by the Church.


3. Reserve the right as an institution to address, in a nonpartisan way, issues that it believes have significant community or moral consequences or that directly affect the interests of the church."





I feel like politics brings out the absolute worst in people. I've started a new rule on facebook. If you post 3 biased and argumentative political posts I block you. There isn't a reason why we can't talk politics with respect for each other. If you can't cooperate, I don't want to read what you have to say. It's like a 3 strikes and you are out policy!

I'm not saying who I'm voting for. The truth is I'm not sure at this point. I haven't done my homework and educated myself on the issues yet. To me voting when you know nothing about what/who you are voting for is worse than not voting. But you better believe I'm not voting for someone because my church makes me.

Photo Op

I've changed. Sometimes I catch myself doing something I thought I would never do. Or saying something I never thought I'd say. I guess children will do that to you.

Brynlee is 2. That is for sure. I'm told 2 and 1/2 is the hardest toddler age... I hope they are right. This kid is crazy nuts! She is super super active. I see people with children that will just sit still. She never stops, and keeping up with her is tiring to say the least.

Tonight she said she wanted to watch Barney (curse that purple dinosaur, curse him!). I put Barney on in my room and Jimmy and I came out to the living room to watch the football game. I didn't hear from her for a while. I should have known. When toddlers are quiet, you know they are into something.

Maybe some kids will sit still and watch Barney, but she won't. So I was only semi surprised when she came out of my bed room covered from head to toe in Vaseline. Mmmm... I guess she thought it was lotion? She is obsessed with lotion. I have to hide them all from her because she will keep putting it on until she makes lotion soup. Well tonight she made Vaseline soup.

I should have taken a picture, but I didn't. I never think to do that at the time. My first thought is always ( Fail!) when she gets into something like that. Jimmy gave her a bath, but I think she will be pretty well moisturized for a while.

I didn't get angry, which is funny. I think a few years ago I would have gotten upset about that. But not now, because I've learned a form of patience I didn't think was possible. I haven't mastered it yet, but I've come a long way. Turns out while I'm teaching Brynlee, she is teaching me too.

Getting it Together

I'm not what you would call an organized person. At all. I'm basically the opposite. I lose everything. I can't keep anything straight. I forget to return phone calls, emails, text messages. You name it. I try to remember important events, but sometimes I forget those too.

I didn't used to be this bad. But recently I feel like I'm moving from being a lovable ding dong to just plain flakey. And no one likes a flake.

I've tried several different things to keep organized. All have failed. Not to blame shift here, but Jimmy is just as bad as I am. So you put the two of us together and we are a mess.

It's like when I have a missed phone call, I usually see it at an inconvenient time. And I think, " Oh I'll call them back later". Then I forget and never call them back. Bad. I'm old fashioned in that I think it's rude to be on your phone all the time. Sorry if you are like that, but I don't like it. I don't answer my phone when I'm with a group of people. Like they want to hear my conversation. Or I'm not responding to my emails while hanging out with someone. I like give the people I'm with my full attention. They deserve it after all.

So, my time to correspond with people is somewhat limited. But I know that is a crappy excuse. I have a phone that can keep track of all sorts of things for me. But if I put an event in there I forget to check it.

My question is this. All those people out there who are organized, and who don't forget everything. How do you do it? What method works best for you? I really want to get it together. I feel like my forgetfulness sometimes hurts peoples feelings, and I really don't

Tis the Season

I love this time of year. Have I mentioned that before? Oh, about 10000 times. Oops. Well I'll say it again. I love it. :)

I love pumpkins. The way they taste, smell and look. I was recently given the easiest pumpkin muffin/cake/cupcake recipe. I can't believe I've never heard of this before. It's genius. And it tastes like little bits of heaven.

Magic Pumpkin Muffins:

1 box of yellow cake mix
1 15oz can of pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling)

Blend together and put in a lined muffin pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 18-20 min.

Voila! Yes you read correctly, 2 ingredients. These things are so moist it's not even funny. And, bonus this is a weight watchers recipe, so they can't be thaaaat bad for you.

Next time I think I'll put cream cheese frosting on them. Mmmm.

It makes about 16 or so. I made them this morning, and now 4 remain. No, I did not eat them all by myself. I could though. Believe me, I could.

There you go my faithful readers. Happy baking!

Time for Change

Sooo we are moving. Soon. End of this month to be exact. Just across Simi Valley for now, but early next year we are really moving. To Arizona. The big out of state move. It's very bitter sweet for me.

I'm not great with big changes like this. I keep thinking about all the things I'm going to miss and I end up just wanting to hide in my bed. Our families are here. Our friends are here. Our lives are here. But we can't stay here anymore.

We've tried to make it work in California for almost 7 years now. 7 years of up and down, scrimping and saving and barely getting by. We kept hoping opportunities would open up for us here, and that we'd be able to stay in our hometown. But we can't wait anymore. How long is one family supposed to live in a room for goodness sakes? Or with 30 something male roommates.

We came to the Arizona decision by making a list of pros and cons. Jimmy's brother is out there and he has offered to let us live with them for a while. Which is amazing and such a blessing. Jimmy can transfer his job out there, making California money in Arizona. It's not that long of a car ride from Simi Valley. The big con...it's hot. Really really really hot. That is probably the main one. I hate heat. My first summer in AZ is going to be a miserable one, I'm already well aware of that. Somehow people live out there and like it though. I guess you just don't do anything that requires you leaving the house during the day. Like vampires almost. I like Twilight just as much as the next person!

Lately I've been sitting in my house and trying to take in all the memories here. We've been here for 4 years. We brought both Mitzie and Brynlee home in this house. I love it here. But it's time for us to move on. Our family is changing and this living situation can't accommodate us anymore the way it used to be able to. The guys will be staying here, so while we are still in CA I'll be able to come back and visit. If I want. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that right at first. It will make me too sad.

As school is coming to a close Brynlee and I will have a new schedule. She started pre school this year, so I don't want to pull her out of that. So she will go to school Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hopefully on those days I can work lunch time shifts to be home with the family during the evenings. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll have her home with me. I'm excited, and kind of nervous. It's going to be a lot of time together. I hope I can entertain her! I'll have to get creative about it, like all those fun stay at home Moms do!

So here is to some changes. Hopefully for the better!

I Remember

This day is special to me. This day makes me sad. But it makes me happy as well. And so amazingly proud to be an American.

I can't believe it's been 11 years since the September 11 attacks. In a way it feels like yesterday. I remember where I was when I found out it happened. I remember what I was wearing. I remember how I felt. I remember not really understanding what was going on. Until the endless media coverage gave me a first hand look.

I had no idea what the Twin Towers were. And no idea how many people worked in them. Or how much that day would affect our country as it has these past 11 years. Once I understood the severity of the situation I remember feeling depressed. And helpless that I couldn't do anything to help anyone. And scared that I would be next, that my school would be attacked, that my family would be attacked. I felt relieved that I didn't directly know anyone affected.

The weeks that followed were full of emotions for me. I wore red, white and blue. I participated in candle light vigils and I donated what meager money I could being 17 and working part time. I wrote letters to teenagers whose family had been affected to let them know that they were not alone.

September 11th has become like the Titanic, Pearl Harbor or the Holocaust to me. Whenever there is a TV special on any one of those things I have to watch. I'm fascinated. It's almost as if if gather enough info about these things I can understand why they had to happen. And it makes me feel better.

However September 11th is the only one of those I lived through. So it hits a little closer to home. I can't seem to make it through a TV show about it without crying. The same way I can't listen to the song " I'm Proud to be an American" without crying.

One of the many TV specials I've watched recently followed a few survivors from Sept 11th. It told of how they survived, and how they have gone on to live their lives. One survivor in particular is still working and living in NYC. One of his current co workers made a comment to him about how he is always in such a good mood. He told him that unless a plane is flying into your office building, you are having a good day.

I keep thinking about that. And how true it is. Each day is a blessing and a gift.

Some of the images will never leave my head. The first tower actually collapsing when no one ever thought it would. The sound of bodies hitting the ground as helpless people jumped to their deaths rather than be burned alive. The fear and disbelief on the faces of those who managed to make it out. The wreckage of the plane that didn't make it to it's intended destination because of the brave passengers on board.

But I also remember firemen from all over the country answering the call and going to help out. The rescue efforts that continued days and days after the attack, in attempt to give family members some sort of closure. The way we banded together as a country. I remember September 11th and the heroes that came from it. And will be forever grateful for their courage and example.

Senioritis

I'm graduating in about 1 month. It's nuts! This year flew by, and I knew it would. I was terrified I wouldn't want to graduate. Because I, unlike the 19 year olds I go to school with know what is waiting for us after school. Hard work, tough reality and a bad economy. Not an ideal time to start a new career. Well I do feel terrified. But I'm excited too.

I've come a long way in 1 year. I still have a long way to go, but I'm continuing to improve and that is all I can ask for. I love the girls I go to school with, but I'm getting tired of being there allll day long. My class definitely has a case of senioritis. It's like once the end is close, a switch flips and all anyone wants to do is sit around all day. We moved seats and I'm now in the waaaaay back. It has pros and cons. Pros being that I really could sit around all day and no one would probably notice. Cons being that my elderly clients have to trek a long way to the shampoo bowl. I always joke with them and ask them if they wore their walking shoes because we are going to get some exercise!

I love my school. There are some bad things about it, for sure. I only paid $5k to go there as opposed to other schools which are up around $20k. And it shows. The budget at my school is not great, and we are packed like sardines in there with minimal staff and minimal supplies. But everyone does their best and I feel so blessed to be able to follow this dream of mine. I'm a lucky lady, and I'm working hard on not forgetting it!

A Day at Work

I've been working at Chili's for a little while now. I've got the swing of it again and am feeling pretty good. It's funny when I told my Mom that I got a job there she told me I was a lot older then when I worked there before.

Jeez thanks Mom! However... she is right. When I have school and work by the end of the day I want to crawl to the couch my feet hurt so bad. Serving is hard work! But it's kind of like a forced work out for me. I definitely run around and sweat (eww, I know but it gets really hot) enough. It's like 4 hours of paid cardio. I don't remember my body aching like this when I was serving before though.

I've traded my desk job for two very physically demanding activities. Which is good. I like to be moving around. And I like to be semi active. I'm not going to go run a triathlon or anything (ha ha) but I don't like sitting around all day.

I've realized I've developed another trait this time around as a waitress. My attitude is a little...well I've got one. If someone at a table gives me an attitude, they get one back. My favorite is when I ask a table how they are doing and they tell me " hungry". Oh man! That is hilarious! I've never heard that before. I figured you were full, and that is why you are out to eat! So stupid.

But for the most part I really like my job. And I'm making better money that I every have at Chili's as well, so I'm happy with my decision to leave Macy's. At least that is one decision I can be sure about!

Looking Forward

Recently I find myself keeping track of days. As each day of August ends, we come closer. And closer. To...drum roll please.... Fall!!!! Yay!!!! I LOVE fall. It is by far my favorite time of year. I cannot wait. In fact I'm trying to will fall here early by doing fallish type things.

I bought nail polish from the Essie Fall Collection the other day. And I had a cup of apple cider. And I brought out my fall body wash, pumpkin spice. In my mind, Sept 1st is fall time. Summer decorations come down, and fall decorations go up.

Unfortunately the weather does not seem to agree with me. Usually September is our highest electric bill, because usually it's 100000 degrees outside. *sigh*. I'm so over summer it's not even funny.

I remember as a kid loving summer. But then I grew up and reality hit. All summer means now is having to get in a 110 degree car after school/work. And lots of sweating, ick. And a super high electric bill. I admire adults who love summer. I'm not one of them.

But fall is just as good as it always was. It means cool weather, Holidays on the horizon, pumpkin pie, warm drinks, pretty colored leaves (ok not here, but in other places). To say I'm looking forward to fall is an understatement. I'm ready to make a paper chain and take of a link for each day until it gets here!

Flower Power

Last night Brynlee was a flower girl in a wedding. To be 100% honest I've sort of been dreading it. For selfish reasons. Jimmy was a groomsman in the wedding as well, and I knew it would require a ton of effort on my part to try to corral Brynlee into behaving. This was not a church gym wedding. This was a formal event, with a sit down dinner and everything.

It went pretty well. Brynlee made it down the aisle, and actually threw some flowers. Woo Hoo! That was really my main goal. The reception was a little rough. She does not sit still very well, or for very long. So to try to get her to sit still for a lengthy period of time was hard.

The rehearsal dinner was on Friday night and trying to get her to sit still for that was really hard, so by the time last night rolled around my patience were thin at best.

But she was so cute I could barely stand it. And then the dancing started. And she was the life of the party. At 10pm I had to literally pull her off the dance floor. Turns out she is quite the dancing queen, and stole the heart of just about everyone at the wedding. Unfortunately for me, every time I would go up to her she would run because she thought I was trying to take her home. So I did not get to dance with her as much as I hoped. Or really get any pictures of her.


Besides a few tough moments, like during the ceremony when I had to take Brynlee out because she would not be quiet and the whole audience could hear her yelling " Daddy!!!" As I'm dragging her out there it was a good experience. It might be her only chance to be a flower girl, so I'm glad we did it.

Today

There are many days where I wonder if going to cosmetology school was a mistake. I question my abilities, my judgment and my sanity. I hope that this whole thing was not just me chasing some crazy fantasy and taking my family along for the ride. That would suck for everyone involved.

But today is not one of those days. Today, this was the right choice. I did my first major hair service on my own at my house. I did a highlight re touch with lowlights as well. I had no help, no one watching me and nothing but my own knowledge to get me through. And her hair turned out phenomenal. She is really happy with it, and I'm really happy with it. We are just happy. It's a great feeling.

I can do this. I wonder when I'll stop being surprise when something like this turns out really well. Every time I do highlights there are several times during the process when I think "disaster!". It's just really hard to visualize it all coming together for me. Until the end when it actually does come together. And then I wonder why I was freaking out so much.

Today was a good day. Here's to many more!

Urgent Business

So, for the 100000th time this year I got sick. Again. Between school and Brynlee I haven't got a chance.

It's been about two weeks and I feel better, but not great. My nose is still really stuff, my head is swirling and I have no energy. Yep, you probably guessed it. Sinus infection. Unfortunately for me I'm all to familiar with these beauts.

So, rather than make an appt and miss school to go to the Dr, I just decided I'd go to urgent care last night while running some errands.

I've had to go to urgent care a few times in my life. At urgent care, they take people according to how dire their situation is, not first come first serve. Which I agree with. If someone comes in with a broken leg by all means take them before me. Unless I'm in there with a broken leg too. In that case me first!

In my urgent care experiences I've gone and actually just walked right in. I've also gone and had to wait 4 hours... yes 4 hours to see the Dr. Kill me. I wasn't sure what I was going to get last night.

I waited in the waiting room for about 1 hour. During this 1 hour I just got more and more tired. I balled up and waited. And waited.

Then they called me and I sat in the little room. And waited. And waited. I'm not sure who they think they are fooling. I know what they are doing. It's like with airlines as long as they get you on the plane and leave the gate they flight is considered on time. You can wait on the runway for 3 hours.

I figured I was in for the long haul in the little examining room. So I made myself comfortable. I took of my shoes, lounged on the examining table and took a nice nap. Yes I sure did. The Dr coming in the room 1 hour later woke me up. At first I was confused and not sure where I was.

The Dr asked me if I was ok. I told her I fell asleep. She told me she was sorry for the long wait. I told her that I have a toddler at home, and being in a nice quiet Dr's office is like being on vacation. She thought that was pretty funny. Unfortunately I was not joking.

I remember when I used to have to be in my bed, in my pjs to fall asleep. Not anymore! I guess that is was being a busy Mom will do to you. Turns out I have a sinus infection. Surprise! 10 days of antibiotics and I should be like new. More importantly next time I need a nice quiet place to take a nap, I know where to

A Lazy Man's Marathon

As the Olympics continue I continue to watch. It's easy to get sucked in and get excited about things such as Olympic Speed Walking...ok not that one. But other events that I wouldn't normally be interested it.

Like Marathon running. Watching a giant pack of women run all through London in rain for 26.2 miles is... interesting. To me, that looks like the 7th circle of hell. I will never understand distance running. I just don't get it. I think I'd rather stab a blunt object in my eye ball.

Running seems to be the thing, and people are really into it. I guess I'll throw that one in the pile of skinny jeans on guys and giant sunglasses craze... I'll never understand.

But maybe I can relate on some level, by reading. If there is a multi book series out there, I will read it. No matter how long, I'll read them all. I read all 9 books of the Work and the Glory series. Even though after book 5 I was pretty done with them. I kept going. Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games, 50 Shades of Grey, Beautiful Creatures, Vampire Academy, Girl with a Dragon Tattoo to name a few. If there is a series, I see it as a challenge.

So that leads me to my current challenge. The Game of Thrones Series. Anyone familiar with these books knows that there are currently 5, with 2 more to be published. They are not the easiest reading. And they are loooong. And based in medieval times with all the warfare and stuff to go along with it. So sometimes I need to throw a book into the mix that is a little more up lifting. Book number 5 which I'm reading right now is over 1000 pages. Have I wanted to give up? Sure I have. Each book in this series is over 1000 pages... that is a lot of the same characters. And a lot of the same story. But I keep going. I must finish. And I love it. I love the challenge, I love finishing the book and I love getting lost in the story.

I'm guessing this is similar to how marathon runners feel sometimes. Except that reading doesn't cause me any physical pain like running does. Although my current book weighs like 15lbs it feels like and holding it up in bed can be really taxing.

Reading is my marathon. A lazy man's marathon. It's like a mind marathon. Maybe runners and I aren't from different planets after all.

Go for Gold

So it's the Olympics. Yay! I love the Olympics. Go USA! Although this year it's a little different for me.

Does anyone else feel like they suck at life when they watch the Olympics? Or is that just me? All these people with these amazing abilities, in which they have put years and years and years into perfecting.

And then there is me. I don't think I've ever felt that passionate about anything. Ever. I can't imagine loving something that much to put all my time and effort into it.

And being able to afford to do that none the less. I don't get how these athletes survive. Who pays for them to swim laps 24/7? Ok I'm not talking about Michael Phelps, because obviously Subway pays for him. But the other athletes. The ones that come in 8th place. Do they really have that many sponsors that for 4 years they can just not work and focus all their time on one thing? Like synchronized diving? Or long jumping?

I don't get it. It's interesting to think about though.

One more thing I find interesting about the Olympics. When kids 15 years old say they've worked their whole lives for something. It gives me a tic. Your 15, you haven't even lived your life yet. That sounds like something I would have said at 15. Stupid. Ah kids.

Blame it on Aunt Flo

My privileges for picking Netflix movies have been officially revoked. Or so Jimmy says. Too bad all the info is in my name... Mwah ha ha( insert evil laugh here).

In an attempt to cut back on some costs, we switched to the two movies per month plan. Not that we got to watch a ton of movies. Two is all we really have time for anyway. But Jimmy and I have some very different movie tastes. Surprise! He's not real fond of the Rom/Coms that I tend to chose.

I haven't been on Netflix for a while. But last time I was on there I loaded our Queue up real good. We must be getting low on our Netflix list because the last few movies we've gotten in the mail have been a little strange. Like Netflix suggested them and I thought " What the heck" and put them on there anyway.

Case in point, last nights surprise in the mail. Kal Ho Naa Ho: Tomorrow May Never Come. Yes, that is a foreign film. In case you couldn't guess. It was an Indian film, straight out of Ballywood. Complete with singing, dancing and necessary English subtitles since it was completely in Hindi. Here is the lovely movie poster:

Hmm... In Jimmy's mind the one thing worse than a Rom/Com is one that is in another language! And includes singing and dancing. Oh boy. He was thrilled to watch it believe me. In my defense it got really great reviews and won a ton of awards in India... if that makes it any better.

Well the other night we watched it. All 3 hours and 8 minutes of it. Yep the singing and dancing just kept on coming. While it was a little lengthy I actually liked it. And found myself sobbing my eyes out. Straight up balling. Like watching the Notebook crying. It was such a great love story! Maybe I'm extra emotional this week because Aunt Flo is in town. I'll just blame it on her. But I haven't cried that hard in a while.

Jimmy was not so touched by this movie. But he said it was "alright". What a trooper. I'm sure the Netflix Queue is filled with action movies that Jimmy added on there. I might just have to get on there and do some re arranging again...Mwah ha ha ( insert evil laugh here again).

Vacation

Ah summertime. A time when most people travel and go on vacations. And then there is us. Us who haven't been on a real vacation since 2009...3 years! Ok maybe I'm exaggerating there. We have gone places in the past 3 years, but we haven't really been able to vacate. Since I'm in school and traveling is pricey it looks like this year will be a vacationless year as well. But I can vacate in my mind!

So, tonight I'm going to go to...( drum roll please....)Cape Cod! Yep. I could go anywhere, and that is where I'm choosing to go. Why? I mean I've only been their like 25 times. Because I love it. That is why.

First we'll spend some time in Boston and do the Freedom Trail again. It's not like I remember everything from last time. And you can never get too much Revolutionary War history in my opinion! We'll take in a Red Sox game, and they'll actually win this time.

Then it's off to see my family, that I miss a lot. Especially during summertime. We'll stay with my Grandma and she'll make her famous lemon squares. Because they are phenomenal, I'll eat like 10. Calories don't count on vacation! I'll visit my aunts and uncles and cousins. All my cousins will be living home again so I can see all of them (hey this is my fantasy, so people have to do what I want!) and we'll catch up on life.

We'll lay be the beach, play lots of horse shoes and take long naps. I'll actually eat fried clams because I've developed a liking for them, after hating them for 20 years. We will see some amazing sunrises. Even if we have to get up super super early, there is nothing like seeing the sunrise over the ocean. Something you don't get to see here in California.

The humidity will make my hair a giant fro, and my clothes stick to me but I won't mind. I'll be on vacation after all! I'll stock up on Red Sox and Patriots souvenirs because they are a dime a dozen out there, and you can't find any in California.

We will have a wonderful time and will be refreshed and ready for life again once we get back. I'll go to Cape Cod on vacation this year.

Clingons

I started thinking the other day about relationships. Brynlee has started to cling a bit. Finally at 2 years old I have a clingy child. Hmm... a little late Brynlee.

But she has not just been clingy with anybody. She has been clingy with me. Recently it's all " Mommy, Mommy, Mommy". It seems like whenever Jimmy tries to do something for her and I'm around she wants me to do it. (and on a side note she has also become super bossy... where did this kid come from?).

But just last week Brynlee was clingy with Daddy. What the crap? Is she favorite hopping or what? Maybe this is normal. Except the cat seems to do it too. Although Mitzie has been in my fan club for a while. I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere a long the line she has become a serious Mommy's girl. She will follow me around just waiting for me to sit so she can hop on my lap. Even when their are plenty of other laps available.

Of course all this attention makes me feel good. I must be doing something right after all! I guess I know how to take care of my girls!

I'm not a huge fan of clingy Brynlee though. She started whining at me when I drop her off at day care, even when she was begging to go an hour earlier. I don't feed into it and just scurry out the door. And she started crying when I try to drop her off at Nursery as well. I usually have to distract her with a toy and then run while she is not looking. It's quite a song and dance, and I guess I've been lucky to avoid it for the past 2 years.

She is hilarious though. Brynlee keeps me laughing all the time. Like actual laughing out loud laughing. She started pulling her clothes out of her old clothes bag (the ones that don't fit anymore that we are saving for #2) and putting them in the dryer. I'm not sure what is going through her mind. Maybe she thinks she is doing laundry? But she looks to see if I'm paying attention, and then rips them out of the bag and shoves them in the dryer. What a weirdo.

She sings "Happy Birthday Sammy" whenever she sees a candle. Because Sammy's party was the first birthday party she went to, so now she thinks it's always Sammy's birthday.

Whenever she sees cake she goes "Mmm... cake! Nummy num!". I have to agree, it is quite tasty. I'm not sure where nummy num came from. But it's so cute I want to die. I'm sure the clingy stage will break soon enough. I hope it does before I have to drop her off at her first day of real school! I was thinking about that last night. When that day comes if she starts clinging and crying I won't be able to leave her there!

Catching Up

Wow almost a whole month with no blog posts! I've been MIA recently... sorry. Quite a bit has happened in the past month. I started work at Macys...and hated it. Really hated it. There was too much down time, and it was too slow for me. Maybe if I was in a different location. I was all ready to tough it out until I got a call. From my friend at Chili's.

I used to work at Chili's before I was a travel agent. I really liked it. Serving has it's ups and downs, but for the most part it's fast paced, and maximum money for minimum hours. At opportunity at Chili's had presented itself, so I had to decide to either stick it out at Macy's or go back to Chili's. I've never been a job hopper. I find a job and I stick to it for a while. My resume is surprisingly short for a 28 year old I think. But I know myself enough to know that I would not have been happy at Macy's.

So, back to Chili's I went. It's different there. Some things are the same, but a lot has changed so I'm having to get back into the swing of things. But I love it there. It's much more a job for me. I'm not good at just standing around. If I'm going to be working, I want to be working. Not waiting for the clock to tic.

I've tried really hard to never burn a job bridge before. And I think due to my short time at Macy's that bridge is burned. And it makes me sad. Not that I ever plan on wanting to go back there. But I never thought I'd end up back at Chili's either... life is funny like that.

I have a new roommate. Robbie moved out, and Chris moved in. *Sigh*. No offense to Chris, but I'm really really over the roommate thing. Once I'm done with school we should be able to do something about that. But until then here I am. Living with 3 men, a toddler and a cat. Boy do I need a vacation. An all by myself vacation! :) Just kidding... well not really.

I only have about 3 more months of school. I feel like I'm getting better. But then I'll have a set back that makes me question my whole life again. I hate those. I need to not be so dramatic and realize that I can't please everyone. But the people pleaser in me doesn't want to do that.

Since I'm working again I've been busy. Really busy. I'm trying to clear of my plate a bit. Or maybe reorganize my plate. I need to be sure to use my time wisely now otherwise it slips away and I don't have any of it.

Brynlee has been...fun. She is 2, that is for sure. I remember a lady telling me once that you couldn't pay her to relive the toddler years with her kids. At the time I thought she was being dramatic. Turns out no, she wasn't. My patience is constantly being tested. Sometimes I pass the test. Sometimes I need to count to 3 and take deep soothing breaths. Brynlee is cute as a button, but full of attitude and sass. It's exhausting. As if everything else I'm doing wasn't exhausting enough. I need to keep the big picture in mind. This is all just temporary, and will be gone before I know it. I just hope I make it to then!

Busy Bee

Albertsons. Target. Supercuts. Limon. Cardio Barre. Gold's Gym. 24 Hour Fitness. TGIFridays. Bare Minerals. Babies R Us. Starbucks. Coffee Bean. Salon Centric. Kohls. Petco. Costco. Macy's. EVERY salon in Simi Valley. These are just a few of the places I've tried to get a job at. It is rough out there. Super rough.

I had no idea until I literally started to pound the pavement and applied to everywhere I could find. And heard nothing back from anybody. Once in a while I would get a thanks but no thanks email. From Target for example. When you have a ton of experience and a college degree and Target is rejecting you it's a bad day. Believe me.

I actually got an interview with Macy's a few weeks ago. An interview?! That is the most promising thing I'd had so far. I'm going to toot my own horn and say that I've never interviewed for a job and not gotten it. Never.

So, I interviewed at Macy's. I was in full form. We laughed, we agreed. I really thought my interviewer and myself made a connection. I didn't want to start counting my chickens before they hatched, but I did. I started counting. I waited and waited to hear from them. And then I finally received an email. That said thanks, but no thanks.

To say that I was crushed is an understatement. I was mortified. What went wrong? I didn't understand. After a lot of crying, and pondering on my life and it's current path I picked myself up and kept applying. And applying. Still nothing promising. Talk about feeling rejected.

And then on Friday I got a call. From Macy's. Asking if I wanted to come in and interview for a different position. A better position. I went. And I got it. Yay!! My hopes were not so high this time. I thought the interview went well, but I thought that about the first one so I really wasn't sure. So far my first few days have been filled with computer training. In a room by myself. Not so much fun, I'm not going to lie. But I'm so happy to be working there I don't even care. I'm so happy to be working in general.

I was so focused on getting a job that I didn't stop to think about how I would feel after being in school all day and then working at night. Well I'll tell you how I feel. Tired. I am tired. It's going to take some getting used to.

This unfortunately means not so much Brynlee time. Which is a bummer, and I'm adjusting to that too. But I have to think long term goals. I'm going to school to have a career I can plan around my kids. In order to go to school I need to work to pay for it. So, here I am. This will all be worth it a few months from now.

But as of right now, I am one busy bee!

Some People Change

I've always been a afraid of confrontation. In fact I tend to be non confrontational to a fault. I'll do just about anything to avoid an incident. I hate it. It gets really frustrating for me, and I'm not sure what to do about it sometimes. I'm not sure what I'm so scared of. That people will not like me? That I'll say something I regret? That people will say I'm mean?

I realized something today. So what. So what if all those things happen? Sometimes you just need to have a confrontation. Today, I decided to act on it.

At school we all have areas we are supposed to clean. At the end of the day we break into clean up groups and sweep/wipe/empty/mop... it's never ending. You would be amazed at how dirty a cosmetology school gets. Anyhow, there are 4 people in my group. But only 3 people clean. Everyday, only 3 of this. The fourth person seems to think they do not have to participate in the clean up I guess. My encounters with this 4th person have not been great. She is not my favorite.

So, after about of month of only 3 of us cleaning, I decided it was time 4th person helped out. Usually I'll avoid situations like this and just stay quiet. But enough is enough. So I went to 4th person and asked her to help. She was happy to help... which I thought was weird. I'm sure 4th person went and talked a bunch of crap behind my back afterwards. She is 18 after all. But whatever. Really, who cares?

I felt empowered by my experience. Maybe next time I'll hit that confrontation head on. Or maybe not. But for today, I changed. And it was a nice change.

Recycled Air

After working in an office for 4 years you'd think I'd be used to cold and flu season. Used to one person coming to work sick (and yes, many times it was me) and spreading their germy love all over the office. Ugh. But it was never as bad as it is now.

At school, we are all closed in together. And we all sit really close to each other. We share everything, including illness. One person gets it, then the next. And then the next before it just works it's way down the line. It's like survival of the fittest, and only the strongest survive. Unfortunately that is not me. Perhaps it's due to my steady diet of junk food and diet coke? Or my complete lack of in activity. I do take a vitamin. That doesn't counteract all the bad stuff? Hmm... either way I'm sick. Again.

I've never been sick so often in my life as I have been this past winter, and now summer. I'm sure having Brynlee in day care and bringing home all sorts of goodies does not help. But here we go. Unfortunately for me in recent years every time I get sick it turns into a sinus infection. I probably have some giant brain tumor or something blocking my sinus passage. Either way, I'm usually not better without a trip to the Dr in which some sort of antibiotic is prescribed.

It's not a ton of fun. In this case I hope Brynlee doesn't get it. The only thing worse than being sick is your baby being sick right along with you!

Ny Quil, Day Quil, sinus rinse and kleenex here I come! :(

Dare to be Different

I started thinking the other day about how funny life is. You spend your whole adolescence trying to blend in. Trying to look like everyone else, and trying to not stand out. And then a switch flips and if you are me suddenly you don't want to blend in anymore.

I got a hair cut on Monday. I'm really really trying to grow it out, but it needed a trim. I got it cut at school (yay for school!) and my teacher asked me to straighten it. She used me as a demo in front of other students. As she was cutting on my hair, she commented on how pretty it is straight. She even said I should wear it straight more often. I really like this teacher. But this rubbed me wrong. I told her that I liked my curly hair. And I do.

It only took 28 years, countless hours of grief and pain and heat and straightening systems to get me to this point. But here I am. What's funny is I don't think anyone else likes my hair better curly than straight. Not even Jimmy. He says I tricked him by dating him with straight hair, and then breaking out the curly hair afterwards. He is totally right. It was all part of my plan. Hook a guy with my straight hair and then bear the bad news that it costs $500 every six months to make my hair that way. Men who like curly hair are really far and few between. Trust me. I know. I've only encountered a handful. Too bad Jimmy, you are stuck with me now! Ha!

I'm going to even say that I think I look better with straight hair. But, God did not give me straight hair. He gave me curly hair, and I'm embracing it. Chia Head, Puff, Fro... all these names haunt me. Names I was called in my youth when I was so desperate to fit in and look like everyone else. But those days are gone. I like my curly hair because it's different. It makes me different. It makes me stand out. And I don't even have to try.

I read a magazine article a while ago. I cannot remember the magazine, but it was an interview with 4 black women. They were all talking about beauty stuff and one said that everyone always tried to get her to relax her hair. To make her hair more manageable. Well, she wouldn't do it. She said she had no reason to. If no one else liked it, who cares. It's her hair and that is how it grows out of her head.

I really liked that. We are always so busy trying to fit the mold of what we are told we should look like. Why? Who says? Big hair, small hair, big hips small hips, big thighs small thighs. Tall, short, thick, thin. They can all be beautiful in their own way.

I like my haircut. My teacher did a good job. But I like my curly hair even more. And I like that uniqueness radiates out of my head best of all.

2 Years Old and Wiser Too

Happy Birthday Brynlee!

Ta Da!

Homemade cupcake toppers-not by me. But by my very crafty friend Carla.

Below see my homemade 2! As cute as this turned out, it probably will not happen again. That 2 took me almost two Laker games to make! Ugh. Way to much work. You better believe I pointed that out to everyone who came through the door!

I made a picture timeline for each of Brynlee's 2 years-

I made tissue paper Poms and spent way way too much time trying to hang them. Way too much time. In fact they are still hanging becuase I can't bear to take them down! My friend Chloe was at my house for like 6 hours friday night helping me clean and decorate. I owe her big time.

Of course no birthday is complete without some balloons.

And after the party trying out her new bike

Umm, Jimmy I think you might be over the weight limit for that...

It was a very long but very fun day. Now I get to dress Brynlee in new clothes everyday and it makes me really happy. Happier then when I get to dress myself in new clothes. Funny how that works.

The Phantom

The weather is warming up, and this means several things:

1. I get hot and sweaty, therefore not very happy. I HATE sweating... yes I'm a girl about it.
2. My electric bill reaches new heights. Joy. Last year we broke a new record in the month of September. I'm hoping to not repeat that.
3. No more colds!

Turns out the 3rd one is not so true. On Thursday I started not feeling real great at school. Not terrible, but not very good. By lunch time I had chills and a pounding head. I didn't want to freak anyone at school out, so I decided to go home. It's a good thing I did, I had a fever of 102! Yikes! I haven't had a fever in a long time. I felt like death was knocking on my door. I felt terrible! I'm sure I probably picked it up at school, people are sick there all the time and we are all right up in each others space.

Jimmy was the perfect nurse. I'm so glad he was home last night. He took care of Brynlee, brought be medicine and made me dinner. He made me a can of chicken noodle soup, but didn't add any water to it. Oops. Hey at least he tried right? Ha ha, men are so funny. I slept and slept and slept. I didn't want to get anyone else sick, so I stayed home from school today too. And slept and slept and slept. By 3pm I felt fine. So strange. Like a phantom fever. I'm glad it went as quickly as it came.

I'm even more glad that I had someone to take care of me. Hopefully no one else catches the phantom fever, it was unpleasant for sure!

I Do It

I hear this phrase about 10 times a day. And on weekends about 200 times a day. Ok Little Miss Independent, you do it. Except I do it so much better than you, and definitely do it much faster than you. I might say " I'll help you". To which I get " I'll elp you!". Ok. Whatever way you need to think of it that is fine.

Yes. I have a 2 year old now. And it seems most day is non stop battle. A cute battle though. And sometimes a funny battle.

The Birthday post will be up soon...

Super Mom

Since Brynlee's birthday is around the corner I've been planning a b day party for her. Nothing too fancy. But you can't turn 2 without having a party! I was chatting with my friend the other day who is a stay at home Mom. She was showing me the stuff she is planning for her son's birthday party. She is super Mom. Literally. She is also a stay at home Mom, so I guess I can't compare.

But she has a garden ( in which she manages to keep things alive), she sews, she coupons she play groups. She does everything I wish I could basically. She is super organized and super on the ball. The stuff she is planning for her son's birthday is nuts. Crazy nuts.

This is not a post where I ramble on and on about feeling sorry for myself. But it's times like this when I think "Oh boy". Sorry Brynlee, I guess you pulled the short straw getting stuck with me. Because my flowers are dying slowly but surely, I clip coupons and then lose them, I just about lose everything due to my lack of organization, and am lazy when it comes to things like birthday party planning. If my friend is Super Mom then the name Space Mom (because I'm more often than not out to lunch these days) or Messy Mom (because my house like my car like my room like my mind is one giant mess) applies to me.

Well not with this party. Not this time. Limited by financial issues but nevertheless determined, I'm actually working diligently on Brynlee's party. I'm making decorations, I'm planning things out. I'm trying to be organized. Yes miracles do happen. Don't expect this party to look like something out of Martha Stewart magazine or anything. But I'm hoping a few personal touches will bring things together. I don't have a lot of space, and I don't have a lot of creativity with this kind of thing. But I'm trying. And it's actually pretty fun.

IF I ever actually become a stay at home Mom, I wonder if I'll ever get it together. Probably not. A zebra will never change his stripes after all. But maybe I'll be a little more on it. Maybe.

One small step for moms in school, one huge step for me!

Getting Down on the Farm

May is going to be a crazy month for us. I have something going on every saturday from now until June! We decided to celebrate Brynlee's birthday a little early by going to Underwood Family Farms yesterday.

Brynlee loves animals. A girl after my own heart. There are lots of fun things to do a this farm:

Wearing her new shades on the way there-

Posing with Dad-

Loving on some goats in the petting zoo-

Driving some tractors-

First pony ride! She loved it!

Relaxing by the Sandbox-

There is nothing like an ice cream cone to finish the day off-

Somewhere along the line I blinked and my baby turned into a little girl. I can't believe she is going to be 2. It's nuts. Sometimes I think the best part of being a Mom is to be able to be there front row while someone grows and matures. Happy early Birthday Brynlee Rose!