I found myself thinking about something that I didn't do 10 years ago. A decade ago I made a choice, and this weekend I started to wonder if it was the right one.
Let me back track a little...
On Saturday I helped my friend Sydney do her little brother's girlfriend's hair for Prom. We did her friends hair too. Doing hair for special events when you are at the stage in the game that we are is... stressful. You can practice and practice on your doll head, but when it comes down to it different hair reacts differently and something that looked wonderful on my doll head Maria might not look so great on a real head.
Trying to do hair in a timely manner for a special event is nerve wracking. I'm glad there were two of us. Because what we were originally trying to do did not work out. When you see it's not working, you get hit with wave of heat. I start sweating, and my stomach drops. My mind starts racing on what I can do instead as this cute little doe eyed 17 year old stares at me anxiously. We had to tweak a couple of things, but when all was said and done it looked awesome! No I don't have any pictures. Yes I know that is stupid to do. Not take pictures.
As I watched other people take pictures of these girls I started to think. Think back to when I was that age and how I decided to not go to my prom. It was simple. I had no date. I had no prospects of a date. And I didn't want to spend that kind of money and effort on something to go stag. So I decided not to go. I don't regret not going alone. I regret that I didn't meet Jimmy a few years earlier. I asked him if we could go back in time so he could take me to my Prom. He said yes. Isn't he sweet?
I realized yesterday that even if Jimmy and I had know each other in 2002, he left for his Mission in April and Prom was in May. So we wouldn't have been able to go anyway. Darn. Guess I don't need that time machine after all.
Maybe I should go cruise the High Schools and see if I can find any senior boys who need a last minute prom date. It would be fun to get all dressed up, and I could probably do my own hair. But it would also be illegal. And I'm married so it would probably be awkward as well. Probably not such a good idea.
Regrets are a funny thing. If I went back and changed things, who knows what else I would have changed. Each experience has been a learning one, no matter how bad it sucked at the time. Perhaps it's for the best that I didn't go to my Prom. The only time I've danced all dolled up in a pretty dress with someone I love was at my wedding. And it was perfect. Maybe it's better that way.
On Wednesday I had a great day. Things were looking up! Then yesterday happened. Bad. Bad day. I don't feel like rehashing the days events again, but I had two very unpleasant clients, one unpleasant teacher, one very burned finger (don't touch a 400 degree curling iron, it's hot FYI) no tips and kid that threw up. And a cat that threw up. And a visit from Aunt Flo. Yikes! Talk about a snow ball effect!
For once though Jimmy was actually home when Brynlee blew chunks. Thanks goodness! So much easier to deal with when you have another set of hands. Her nose has been running pretty bad for... well that last 3 months basically. We had this problem last year. She has baby allergies I'm told. So for the first 5 months of the year she is just a snot fountain. Anyway nasal drip plus her crazy gag reflex equals random bouts of vomit. She seemed fine afterwards and seemed fine this morning so I sent her to school.
And I sent myself home. Yep. I'm taking a break. I'm ditching. Already I feel so much better. Sometimes you just need a break to get your bearings straight. Don't get me wrong, I still love school. Mostly. But yesterday shook my confidence to the core and made me feel like an idiot for even trying to do what I'm doing. So today I'm going to relax and breathe deeply. I'm going to enjoy this nice weather, my nice book and the fact that until 4:30 pm I have absolutely nothing I have to do. Ahhh. These are my favorite days.
I'm a pretty optimistic person. Or at least I try to be. But one week a month ( I'll let you guess which one) I'm not optimistic. I'm irritated. And I'm angry. This phenomenon is strange. I don't remember being like this before I had Brynlee. And if I was like this it was not to this degree. Maybe after I have the next child ( no, unlike everyone else on the planet I'm not pregnant) I'll go back to normal! But as of right now... watch out!
Or maybe it just happens to be during this week irritating things come out of the wood work?
Case in point one- parenting advice from the peanut gallery.
I love (not) when people who have never had a two year old try to tell me what I'm doing wrong with mine. I'm not sure where people get off doing this. It makes no sense to me. Parenting is such a personal thing. I'm open to advice. Usually. When I want it I ask for it. I have no problem asking for help. But when people who have no idea what it's like just offer it up it bugs. Sometimes this most un welcome advice comes from people who have never even had kids. Oh, but they read about them in child development classes. Great. I read about Greece in my Geography class. Apparently I'm a scholar on all things Greek now. Good to know.
Case in point 2- My skill... or lack there of.
I did a volunteer even on Friday night for Thousand Oaks High School. We had to do hair and make up for a Prom Fashion Show. The theme was Avant Garde. It was really fun! But every time I finished a hair style on someone that I thought was pretty good I'd look at someone else's and realize how amateurish mine looked. I really do have a long way to go. And it's discouraging sometimes. I'm getting better, but it's a slow process and I'm impatient with it.
Case in point 3- Job hunting... Ugh
I've never had such trouble finding a job. Not even my first job wasn't this hard to come by. It seems people like to give the run around these days. I apply and they tell me they will call me. I keep calling, and they tell me they will call me. What does that mean exactly? Because you are not calling me. If the position has already been filled just tell me. I can take it. Then I won't have to waste my time making my bi weekly round of phone calls.
Case in point 4- The Red Sox
Oh boy. I knew this season was going to be tough, but it really is tough. I didn't think a team could suck so bad. It's going to be a long 6 months of baseball if this keeps up. Maybe I should become a baseball manager. I'm sure I could do a better job than Bobby Valentine. Really Mitzie could probably do a better job at this point.
I think I'm going through what they call a rough spot. A rough spot on a rough week. I'm sure next week everything will seem better. Next week everything will fall back into perspective. Next week I'll be normal again. But as of right now I think a diet coke, some chocolate and a bubble bath are in order!
Despite my better judgment I called the vet on Sunday. Jimmy said I should just assume that Lucky made it, but I'm dumb and didn't listen. The vet said they had to put Lucky down. The break in his leg was too high, and they couldn't repair it. It made me really sad. But at least he went more peacefully than he would have if he had been eaten alive!
I'd made the movie version of this situation up in my head, where the bunny makes it and all is well. Of course reality doesn't work like that. But it's good that I know now if I ever find an injured animal that I have somewhere to take it.
This past weekend was the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking. You know what that means... lots of Titanic specials! Woo Hoo! I recorded all of them. Jimmy is thrilled. Ha ha. I LOVE Titanic stuff, and looking at my DVR list and seeing tons of stuff lined up to watch makes me super happy.
We had a fantasy hair and makeup contest at school on Monday. We were split into groups and outside judges were brought in. I ended up being the model for my group (how I get dragged into doing these things I'll never understand). We didn't win. But I worked it down the runway and earned a prime score for my performance so I did my part. It was a fun thing to do and be a part of.
I did my first perm today. The fact that I've made it this long without doing a perm is mind boggling! I was the last one in my class to have not gotten one. Everyone dreads them because they are a ton of work. But I actually liked it. It was nice to see the whole process come together. My client was really nice too, so that helps since you spend like 4 hours with them. That is a long time to spend with a grouchy person.
Brynlee went poop in the potty tonight. Yay! This is her second time doing that. Her potty training is... coming along. I guess. I'm not sure what is going through that kids mind. Sometimes she wants to go in her potty, sometimes she doesn't. I don't think she is quite ready yet but she is getting there. I can't believe she is going to be 2 next month. It's crazy! She is such a little girl now. The baby is gone. Except I still call her baby. And probably always will. I still call my cat "baby kitty" and she is 3. That's like 15 in cat years!
I've always been an animal lover. Sure I love some animals more than others. But I seriously considered becoming a vet or animal keeper. Those commercials come on TV with all the abused animals and I have to change the channel, I can't even deal!
Today I went to run an errand. I was walking up my walk way to come home and I saw a strange sight. A cat was walking towards me carrying a bunny in it's mouth! It had the bunny by it's neck scruff... it took me a minute to figure it out it was so odd. It was a small cat too, only a little bit larger than the bunny itself. So I went after the cat and kept telling it to "drop it". It eventually did, right by my back patio. The cat scampered off into a bush and just waited there.
Unfortunately the bunny was not getting up! It tried and tried, but it was hurt and it couldn't make it up. I wasn't sure what to do. I called Jimmy out to help me. We ran over some options.
1. Leave the bunny and let mother nature run it's course
2. Call animal control and have them put it down ( that is what they would do, right?)
3. Try to put it down ourselves... ugh. No thanks.
I wanted to cry. I wished I'd never seen any of it, because now I was involved and there was not a good option.
Jimmy had the idea of trying to put it into a cage to see if it would get better in a few days. Thanks to the days of the dog, we actually still have a kennel! What are the odds? So very carefully with gloved hands Jimmy picked up the bunny and placed him in. We put him in the garage and gave him some food and water.
But all was not well. The bunny, which I named Lucky, did not look so good. Thanks to the wonders of facebook (who says that website is good for nothing?) I was given the idea to try to find an animal rescue. I actually found a vet that helps wild animals for free, and lady to rehab Lucky when he is done. If it is in fact a broken leg. If it's a broken back they will put him down :(.
It felt weird leaving him at the vet. I hope he's not too scared. They said I can call tomorrow and check in on him. I'm not sure I want to. If I call and he has to get put down I'm going to be really bummed. But at least even that would be better than getting eaten to death! He has been lucky so far, hopefully it will continue!
... and sometimes it does feel like I'm living on a prayer. I'm officially 1/2 way done with my schooling. I cannot believe how fast it went by. Well, actually I can. I knew it would. I've always liked school. It's the after school part that is the hard part. When I decided to take this giant leap I wasn't sure what I expected the outcome to be. Unfortunately I'm still not. Blind faith I think they call it? Yeah. I'm not so good at that. I like to have a plan of attack. When I don't have a plan, I get freaked out. But sometimes in life we can't always have a plan.
I love the fact that Heavenly Father tests us on things we need work on. Love in a sort of frustrating way. I need work on having faith. So I feel like things are constantly put in my path which require faith. Usually it all works out, and I'm glad I had the faith to just do it. But then the next thing pops up that requires faith and I'm nervous and un easy all over again. Ugh. Will I ever learn? Probably not. Otherwise I wouldn't need to be here.
I have NO idea what I expect to have happen after school. All I know is that Jimmy and I prayed and fasted and prayed and fasted about the decision of me going back to school and this is the answer we got. Did it make a ton of sense? No, most definitely not. Was I called crazy to my face? Yes. And I'm sure plenty of other times behind my back (curse you gossipers!). But I did what I felt I should do. So here I am. Granted I still have 800 more hours to figure it out. But I won't lie and say I'm not nervous.
I am a wife, mother, daughter, friend and Latter Day Saint. I love baseball, baking, reading and sunshine. I believe there is good in everyone and that assuming other wise is detrimental to our society. I hate it when my feet get dirty and when my milk gets warm. I am strange, quirky and caring. I am me.