Monday, April 12, 2010

Little Things

I've got just about 6 weeks left to go until baby (name still TBD) is here. Mixed with the sheer fear and anxiety, I'm getting really excited. Ok so things are not quite in order my future or house or anything. It's actually quite the opposite. Lots of disorder and unknowns.

But I'm not going to let that put a damper on the fact that in just a few weeks I'll be a Mom!

I got a sample newborn diaper in the mail, and I just keep staring at it. I have some little clothes and stuff, but for some reason looking at that tiny diaper really hit home.

It's so small; I can't imagine it actually fits on a person. It would fit my cat at this point. I love that diaper. I don't know why. I keep getting it out of my baby drawer and it makes me smile every time I pull it out.

I think I've shown it to Jimmy 1000 times. Maybe I should carry it with me in my purse and look at it when I'm feeling frustrated/angry/annoyed. It's like an instant mood boost!

If I stop and think about how great most people have been to me lately, its mind boggling. So many people have offered to help me with baby stuff.

Whether it be to listen to my problems to help ease stress, offer advice or just offer really generous gifts. I spoke to my Aunt this weekend and she is going to do something so amazing for me it makes me tear up just thinking about it!

I really am blessed in so many ways. It's easy to let the bad over shadow the good in times like this. Just because a few aspects of my life are not quite where I'd like them to be I shouldn't let that overpower all the good stuff I've got going on.

On that note, my cat. Oh my cat and her paws of destruction. She has started doing some strange things in the past few weeks. I'd love to hire a cat behavior specialist and get a peek into her mind.

She has started to climb (yes literally climb) into the blinds in my bedroom. She does this to make noise so I will feed her in the morning. I'm less than thrilled at this as you can imagine, and she gets a good hearty squirt every time this happens. She knows she gets fed when I wake up. We've done this routine for the past 9 months now. I will not cave. Nope. That is one thing about me. She can make all the ruckus she wants. Instead of feeding her that early, I will wait to feed her out of spite (aren't I a nice cat mom?). But it is strange that it just started all of the sudden.

I've feared the day that she will try to get up on my bathroom counter. Jimmy and I live under the philosophy of "why put something away when you have to get it out again the next day?", so our bathroom counter is just full of stuff. Lots of stuff that would be fun for a cat to knock over. But she hasn't tried to get up there. Yet. She is certainly big enough now. I think she just doesn't realize it.

But she will stand on her hind legs and use her front paws to try to pull anything off the counter within reach. Then she bats it around the bathroom until I grab it away from her.

Maybe she is going through cat teenage years? Any other cat owners experience this type of thing? She is lucky she is so cute. I think I'm going to be saying that phrase a lot as I enter this next phase of my life.

Man do I love that cat though. Really. I just love her to pieces. It must be my maternal instinct kicking in. But I love her like my furry baby that she is. People say that will go away once my actual baby comes along. I can't imagine it though. I have enough love to go around for both babies!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Avoidance Theory

When I was in 3rd grade I had an idea.

Maybe if I hid all my homework in my toy box, it would go away and I wouldn't have to do it.

Well, I tried that. Imagine my shock when my homework didn't magically disappear, and I instead got incompletes on those assignments.

Yet somehow I never did learn from that experience. Even though it didn't work, and it never ever works, I still do it. I'm not sure why that is. But in my head if I avoid something it will go away.

There are so many issues I'm tap dancing around right now it's laughable. Really. I went home last night bound and determined to relieve some of the stress in my life. I made a list of things I'm worried/stressed about. The sheer size of the list in fact stressed me out more. I decided to go to bed instead. Avoidance.

I wonder if I wasn't pregnant would I still feel like this? I think I might. I'm not sure.

Jimmy and I have been working hard at having FHE (family home evening). For those who don't know what that is it's basically we a night were we are supposed to get together, have a spiritual lesson, perhaps do something fun and bond as a family.

Although with Jimmy's work schedule, this has not been easy. I'm thinking I might have to start having FHE with my cat. She doesn't participate very well though. Her attention span is worse than mine, and that is saying something. Maybe she can be in charge of the songs?

I find myself doing a lot of self evaluating recently, especially when it comes to my religion. I feel like I’m constantly falling short, and to be honest I am. I can admit that. But I can also admit that I don’t like feeling this way, and that I know what needs to be done to fix it. So this is one issue I’m done avoiding!