Thursday, November 29, 2012

No Use Crying Over Spilled Make Up

Most Saturdays I work during the day. Jimmy is home with Brynlee. I got home last Saturday and asked him how she was. At first he said good, then said " Oh wait actually not good. She got into your make up."


I ran in the bathroom and quickly did damage assessment. In Brynlee's defense, I knew this was coming. The other day she watched me put on my makeup and was enthralled with it. I put some clear powder on her and she was so excited. I went over the make up rules with her over and over. She can't touch the make up without me. I asked her if she is supposed to touch my make up. She gave the correct answer of No.

At this point I'm still trying to figure out exactly what she understands. She definitely understands when she is not supposed to do something. But I'm not sure she understands cause and effect yet.

After going to cosmetology school I've sadly developed a love for more expensive things. I've seen and experienced first hand that target make up and hair products just don't hold a candle to the professional stuff. This is unfortunate because I don't have a ton of money to go by these expensive things. I did however splurge on a foundation that I love love love. I love it. Did I say that? It's like magic. And feels weightless on my skin.

At first I was afraid that Brynlee had gotten into that one... and then I remembered in my infinite wisdom that I keep that foundation in my medicine cabinet, away from the rest. She did manage do dump my back up Revlon foundation all over the floor, carpet and everything else. Apparently she burned right through my bare minerals blush. And my make up brushes need some TLC. But she did not get hold of my prized possession.

I asked Jimmy if he got in trouble and he said " Oh yeah". She is old enough now in my opinion to listen. I want her to learn not to touch things because I say "No", not just because I've hidden them out of her reach. However when it comes to things such as knives, cleaning chemicals etc I'm not willing to gamble with those. So those are still out of reach.

Unfortunately my makeup had to fall on the sword for Brynlee to learn a lesson. She will have to learn lessons the hard way it looks like. She touched the stove the other day while I was cooking and burned her finger. She got a big old blister and scared me to death. Seems like I get to learn these lessons right along with her. Motherhood. It's a wild ride!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Cared For

After I had surgery last week I needed a little TLC. Wednesday Brynlee's day care was closed, and I wasn't sure what kind of shape I'd be in physically (or really mentally for that matter) and figured I'd need some reinforcements. I decided to call in the best. My Mom. Or parents rather.

It's funny how even when you are 28 you still want your Mommy to take care of you when you don't feel good. And with good reason. If your Mom is like my Mom she is the best at playing nurse. Even though it was the day before Thanksgiving and they were both super busy at work, my parents both took the day off to take care of me and Brynlee. On Wednesday morning my Dad picked us up ( because I was told I couldn't drive due to heavy pain meds) and took us to their house.

I spent the day cuddled on the couch being waited on watching lifetime movies. It was awesome. My Mom got me drinks. She got me pillows. She got me blankets. She made me a grilled cheese sandwich. All the while they both wrangled Brynlee so she would leave me alone and I could rest. It was honestly an amazing day. Which is pretty amazing all things considered. I found myself not wanting to leave this care palace. Not that Jimmy doesn't take care of me, but no one does it like my Mom.

Despite the rather depressing turn of events around Thanksgiving I had a lot to be thankful for this year. I have a wonderful group of family and friends that really banded together around me during a hard time. Jimmy basically took care of Brynlee from Friday (when we got the bad news) to Tuesday when I had the procedure done. And then he took time off work to take me to the Dr even though his department is super super busy this time of year. My parents came to the hospital to make sure I was OK and then took care of me when I needed it And paid for the procedure, since unfortunately it was not free. Donna took time off work to take care of Brynlee so I could go to the Dr. My friend Tessa got my shifts covered at my job so I wouldn't have to worry about calling in sick during a busy time. And she brought me candy and diet coke after I had the procedure (she knows the way to my heart!). Not too mention emotional support from countless other family members and friends. I am truly cared for.

Now if someone could just make this extra 5 ish lbs go away I would really appreciate it. If i'm not going to be pregnant I want to be back at my pre pregnancy weight. And am impatient. I want it now! The fact that it's Christmas time is like a dieting nightmare. At least after you have a baby even though you are large you still have a baby to show for it. Now I just have some baby weight and no baby. I was in Costco yesterday and had to leave immediately because there was tasty food everywhere. Alll over. Since I actually enjoy eating again now it's even harder, because I just want to eat all the time. And that is what I did on Thanksgiving. It was delicious. Some things are worth the 5lbs!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Broken Heart

These past 5 days have completely thrown my world upside down. Jimmy and I were expecting our second child. And until 6 hours ago I was pregnant. After several weeks of feeling like death (thanks to my nemesis, the first trimester)it was time to do an 8 week ultrasound.

Jimmy and I set out for the Dr on Friday feeling excited and optimistic. That all quickly faded though when we were told the baby did not have a heart beat. At first I wasn't sure what to do and the thought was not computing. I've had no bleeding, no cramping. I've been sick as a dog. Everything seemed as normal as can be. But it wasn't. My Dr sent me to a different part of the clinic to get a second ultrasound, just to be sure. Before we went to that ultrasound I had Jimmy give me a blessing.

As soon as the blessing was through I felt peace. But I also felt that the baby was no longer alive. Sure enough the second ultrasound proved that was the case. It was only the second time in 9 years that I've seen Jimmy cry. And I'm glad for that because seeing someone so strong cry made me want to rip my heart out.

So now on top of the traumatic news we were faced with a decision to make. Wait for me to miscarry naturally, or have what's called a D&C where they remove the fetus and all the other stuff associated with it.

We went home in shock and numb. My emotions were all over. First I'd cry. Then I'd be ok. Then I'd laugh. Then I'd cry again. We kept waiting for an answer on what we should do to come to us. I went to work the next day, and tried to focus on anything else. The fact that my body still thought it was carrying a viable pregnancy was like a cruel joke. I still felt tired and sick. And then I'd remember that it was all for nothing and I'd feel crushing disappointment.

We decided that I'd get one more ultrasound on Monday, just to be sure that nothing had changed. If the baby still had not grown and did not have a heart beat we would proceed with the D&C. My Dr told me that at this point in the pregnancy a miscarriage would be very painful, and very very traumatic. The idea of just waiting to miscarry made me want to vomit. Who would know when it was coming? At work? At home alone? In a store alone with Brynlee? I felt like I was standing in front of a firing squad just waiting to be shot. I couldn't take that feeling anymore.

On Monday I went and had another ultrasound. This was only my 2nd experience with this Dr, but I really like the way he handled things. He showed me what we should be seeing. He was patient with me and we watched the screen for what seemed like forever-waiting for a heart beat that never came. I brought my poor mother in law with me, and gave her a list of rules to follow. No hugging me. No complimenting me. No crying. I needed her to be strong so I could be strong. I needed her to be a Cuillard. She told me she is not a Cuillard man. Ha ha, yes Donna I know. But on Monday she acted like a Cuillard man the best she could and I'm proud of her for that.

After sobbing uncontrollably (not in front of Donna of course, because that would be un fair for me to cry and not let her cry) I pulled myself together and proceeded with the D&C prep. I started thinking of all the good things about not being pregnant... and wow there are quite a few. I'm going to take really strong medicine, and hopefully fit back into my skinny jeans. I'm going to eat hot dogs, and lunch meat and not throw it up. I'm going to sleep through the night without peeing 10 times. If I stop to think about how awful this is for too long it gets to me so I have to think on the positive side.

Tonight I had the D&C. I can't even express how thankful I am for modern medicine. One minute I'm in a room hooked up to an IV, the next minute it's all over. I didn't have to see/hear/feel anything. The pain is minimal (for now) and so is the bleeding. I already feel so much better. I'm not sick to my stomach and I feel hope for the future.

To say this was an awful experience is an understatement. I realize how common this type of thing is, and to think about that is horrifying. We are going to take a few months to heal and then will hopefully be blessed with another child soon. It's hard to want to get back in the saddle when you've been kicked of this badly. It's hard to understand why these things happen to people. But I felt the Lord's hand in this the whole way, and even though I don't understand the reasoning behind it I trust that it's for the best.

I came home tonight after the surgery and watched Brynlee sleep for the longest time. Somehow Jimmy and I were blessed with the most beautiful person on the planet. I can't even express how lucky I am to have her. We will have more children. When the time is right. Until then, I'll cherish the one that I have.

Friday, November 16, 2012


I was driving the other day and I started to think. I like some seriously crappy music. I mean it's really bad. But I love it. Basically if it would be fun to dance to, I'm a fan.

This love of crappy music is not new. Must I bring up the waiting in line for 12 hours in the rain to see O-Town incident? Sooo bad. But I loved them then, and if I could find their old CD I'd probably love them now.

What got my started on this was the radio. They were playing a Ke$ha song and I got all excited. I seriously seriously love Ke$ha. I can't even type her name without cringing, it's so painful. But I love her repetitive poppy music. It gets in my head and I can't get it out. I woke up at 4am to pee this morning singing that same Ke$ha's like an epidemic.

I guess my standards for music are a little low. I don't care if they can't sing, if they say the same thing 1000 times, or if they are a white blonde girl trying to rap (not to mention any names here). If it makes me feel good I like it.

Jimmy and I are always fighting to be radio commando when we are in the car together. He hates my taste in music for the most part. If there is a song I put on that he hates, he sings really loudly off key over the song. Just to be irritating. Sweet isn't he?

I'm not ashamed of my bad taste in music. I listen to it loud and proud...usually. Until someone else gets in the car and I start to wonder if they are judging me based on my love of computerized white girl rap. Maybe they are. Judge away outside world!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Live and Learn

As I start to see commercials for black Friday shopping popping up on TV, I can't help but have strong feelings. Strong feelings that there is no way on God's green earth you are going to get me to do that again.

Yes I went last year. I'm not sure why I didn't post about it. It was quite the experience. Carla and I decided to go to Wal-Mart at 11:30pm Thanksgiving night...yeah. Maybe we were on a Turkey high or something because we thought that would be a good idea. When I got to the Wal-Mart parking lot I had to park so far away they should have offered a tram to get me to the store. That was my first clue. When we got into Wal-Mart it was like a moving sea of people. You couldn't get through the aisle, unless you mowed your way through with the shopping cart. It was a claustrophobic nightmare.

All the displays were a mess. I kept finding one of something I liked, but it wasn't in the right size or color and I couldn't find the actual display where it came from. That's probably because it was eaten by a wild pack of hungry shoppers or something.

I found a few things I liked, so at about 1:30 am we decided to check out. Baaaaad idea. The lines up front were horrendous, so we saw a line that didn't seem too long ( all things considered) in the back by the guns and fishing gear. 2:00am rolls around, and we are still in line. 2:30 rolls around and we are still in line. At this point everything in my basket is so not worth this, and I'm debating just getting out of there. But then I've wasted the past 3 hours. So we keep on waiting. Finally we see what the hold up is. Bless his heart there is only 1 cashier on the register and he looks like he is 100 years old. It was way past his bedtime for sure. It might as well have been father time up there for how slow he was going.

After we actually bought our stuff we had to walk alllll the way back to our cars. I think I finaly got into bed at 4am. I vowed to not do that again. It was a good story to tell, but that's about it. So this year while all the black Friday shoppers are out there getting good deals, I'll be snug in my bed. And I wouldn't want it any other way!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Conversations with Jimmy

One of the things I love about my husband is that he constantly makes me laugh. Sometimes not on purpose, but he is hilarious. Case in point, a conversation we had the other day:

Jimmy: I'm tired of this cat (referring to my beloved Mitzie- apple of my eye, owner of my heart)

Me: Why?

Jimmy: All she does is take, take, take

Me: Well, she's a cat. What did you expect her to do? Wear a 3 piece suit and get a job?

Jimmy: Yes...

Oh boy. Well, even I can admit that Mitzie has been slightly irritating of late. She keeps playing in the blinds behind our bed at say, 5:00am. It makes me want to make a kitty fur coat when she does that. But otherwise I love her. I guess Jimmy just has high expectations for our animals?

Jimmy is nuts about our bed. Every night before he gets into bed he has to open the covers, and repeatedly "wipe" off the sheet with his hand. In order to get the dust off I guess. Or to just be crazy if you ask me. It's like an OCD habit. He hates it when I lay on his pillow, because I drool (ok yes, I'm a drooler! I can't help it) and usually get some sort of make up on it.

This morning as he is leaving for work I shimmied my way over to his side of the bed. I'm not sure why, but his side of the bed is so much better than mine! Anyhow I lay on his pillow and start to drift off back to sleep. Until he wakes me up asking in a whispery irritated voice " what are you doing?". "Sleeping" I mumble. "Well you better not drool on my pillow" he says. Ha ha. He makes me laugh. I did drool on his pillow. Just a little bit. Oops. I'll have to wash is pillow case for him so he doesn't have a freak out.

I haven't been feeling well recently and he has made me breakfast the past 3 days. And gets me medicine, and takes care of Brynlee so I can rest. He is pretty awesome. And pretty hilarious. It's good to know that years from now when we are old and gray and can only sit around and talk that he'll keep me laughing.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


Well...for the first time ( and likely one of the only times, but we will see) I actually voted Republican. Yes, I did. I voted for Mitt, and he lost. Bummer. Big big bummer. I really thought he was going to win. I'm not sure why, but I did.

In a sense he did since he won the popular vote. But that does not somehow get you the presidency...I guess I didn't pay enough attention in government to understand how that works.

I think he would have made an awesome president. Maybe he'll run again next time? Who knows, 4 years seems a long time away right now. So now what do we do? Wait and see what Obama does next I suppose. I do not doubt that he is doing what he thinks is right and the best for this country. Unfortunately I don't really agree with a lot of his thinking. And since he is president and I'm not I guess I'm stuck.

I'm seeing a ton of anger on my facebook news feed. It's sad it all has to be this way. The Obama voters had just as much right to vote for him as I had to vote for Romney. Once again, the LDS has church as released a statement that makes me really proud. It's times like these that I know I'm in the right place with the right faith. This was released yesterday by the leaders of our church-

"We congratulate President Obama on winning a second term as President of the United States.

After a long campaign, this is now a time for Americans to come together. It is a long tradition among Latter-day Saints to pray for our national leaders in our personal prayers and in our congregations. We invite Americans everywhere, whatever their political persuasion, to pray for the President, for his administration and the new Congress as they lead us through difficult and turbulent times. May our national leaders reflect the best in wisdom and judgment as they fulfill the great trust afforded to them by the American people.

We also commend Governor Romney for engaging at the highest level of our democratic process which, by its nature, demands so much of those who offer themselves for public service. We wish him and his family every success in their future endeavors."

I love this country and will continue to hope and pray that President Obama receives the guidance and wisdom he needs to lead us in the right direction. When live gives you lemons, you make lemonade right?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Voting Day

Today's the day! I like politics, but I don't like the affect it has on people. I'm super glad this election will all be over soon, and I'm very curious to see the outcome. Being that I'm LDS, most of my friends are Republicans so all I see all over the place is Romney support. So in my mind, Romney will for sure win and Obama doesn't stand a chance of being re elected. Silly me I forget that everything doesn't revolve around what I see. It seems that the race is quite close, and that makes it interesting.

Unfortunately for me, I'm somewhere between a democrat and a republican, so I've never really felt passionately for any candidate. None of them have represented my feelings closely enough for me to have a real strong feeling. We'll see what the end of today brings.

Last election day was quite a debacle for me. I've moved several times, and wasn't sure where my voting place was. I tried two places before work, neither of which I was registered to vote at. At work I called to find out where I was supposed to go. After I got off I set off to the polls again. Unfortunately at this point it was like 7:45pm and Obama was already being declared the winner. As I entered the polling place the workers shot daggers at me through their eyes. But I was not to be derailed! I was going to cast my vote, even if it really didn't matter at that point. It mattered to me.

This time around I'll have to wait until this evening. And I've done absolutely no research on anything. Yep... I suck! I was hoping Jimmy left his sample ballot at home so I could make some educated decisions real quick, but he took it with him. My sample ballot goes to a house I lived at 6 years ago. Oops. I never did change my voting address. I suck again. So now I'm stuck looking up stuff online to try to avoid just picking names I happen to like.

Jimmy called me a "slacker" this morning. He is absolutely correct. I slacked big time. But I'm still excited for voting day. I have a good feeling about this one. I feel like good things are to come for this country and can't wait to see!