Friday, December 20, 2013

Domestic Diva

Earlier this week, for the first time ever I made bread. Yes bread! From scratch! As in no box or bread maker or anything. I know this doesn't seem very exciting to many of you. But for me it was a proud moment.

I decided I wanted to make bread for some Christmas gifts this year. As someone who loves bread, the fact that this was my first attempt ever at the age of almost 30 is laughable. But anything with yeast intimidates me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's so finicky. I always here about peoples bread not rising properly because they "killed the yeast". I don't have a good track record of reactions when things I bake don't turn out properly ( any long time blog followers may remember my post titled Birthday Cake Meltdown when I ended up throwing cake all over my kitchen in a fit of rage). But I was determined to hone my baking skills.

It was touch and go there. At times I questioned what was going on and had to call my friend for reassurance. But when all was said and done, Ta Da!

Isn't it pretty? And here they are all wrapped up and ready for gifting. I put chocolate chips in the dough for some, and on top for others. 

I actually set out to make six loafs. One I lost after the rising process... I didn't have enough flour down and it was a goopy sticky mess. The other two I didn't bake long enough at first so I tried to bake them for a little longer and they weren't quite right. We kept those ones. And ate them all. Despite not being perfectly baked.

All and all it was  a TON of work and my body was aching afterwards. Standing in the kitchen for like 4 hours when you are 7 months pregnant is not a great idea. And I think I used every bowl, spoon and kitchen utensil I own. But it was delicious and helped me conquer my yeast fear. Bring on the bread recipes! Actually bring them on in a few months when I'm not pregnant anymore, LOL.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Going Postal

Ah this time of year. I love it. Yet hate it at the same time. Why you ask? LINES!!!!! Everywhere I go there are lines miles long! Pre Brynlee I wasn't so bugged by a long line. I would just wait patiently. Long lines gave me time to think, ponder if you will. Now with Brynlee a long line means death.

For those of you who have not waited in a long line with a 3 year old I do not recommend it. At least not with my 3 year old. She will stay with me patiently for about 1 minute. And then she starts touching stuff, people, whatever. So, I usually try to plan accordingly. If I'm going to have to go somewhere where I know I will have to wait a while I do my best to either go while she is in school or work something out with someone who can watch her ( ie Megan, my life savor!).

However I had a package to mail, and the clock was ticking. Christmas is coming and I just wanted to get it into the mail to be sure it gets there on time.

So I braved the post office on a Friday with Brynlee in tow. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot I knew it was a bad idea. Was there anyone in the town of Queen Creek that was not at the post office at that time? I don't think so. We walked into a HUGE line. But there was a smaller one to use the self serve kiosk. I'm all about the self serve kiosks these days. So I waited in that line. While it was shorter than the other one, it was by no means short. We finally got to the kiosk only to find out that my package was in fact too large to go down the chute, and that I would have to wait in the other line. So not happening. So after waiting for no reason at all, making me late for an appointment I had we left. There might have been some pregnant woman rage involved. I might have cried ( yes I cried, what can I tell you I'm hormonal). I might have thrown my box down in my fit of rage. Not to worry, there was nothing fragile in there. Even though I was seeing red I knew I didn't want to actually damage the contents of my box!

I decided I would go the post office first thing the next day ( Saturday) without Brynlee. According to the website the post office opened at 9am on Saturdays. At 8:55 my box and I entered the doors of the post office. Luckily they have like a vestibule thing here, so we didn't have to wait outside. Not planning on being at the post office for very long, I was basically in my PJ's with no make up or bra on for that matter. Imagine my surprise when I saw 8 other people lined up. That's Ok! 8 I can handle. I took my place at the end of the line. At 9:05 I began to wonder what was going on. The actual post office was still not open. I looked at the door and saw that it said the Saturday hours were 10:30am to 1:30pm. 10:30!!???? I mentioned this to the lady behind me who told me that she had called the post office and the recording told her it opened at 9:00am. Word spread throughout the now lengthy line that it appeared they did not actually open until 10:30 despite the info on the website and phone. We could hear workers milling around in the back. One of my fellow patrons rang the door bell repeatedly until a postal worker opened it, advising us that they did not in fact open for another hour and 15 min. Mob mentality struck. Talk about some angry postal patrons!

Ugh. What was I to do? Let the post office get the best of me, again? I'd already waited 20 min at this point. However there were no chairs, no bathrooms and no water fountain ( all necessities to a pregnant lady).  The idea of going home again with my package and having to make a 3rd attempt at mailing it another time was not one I wanted to entertain. I decided to wait it out.

About 30 min later I was re thinking my decision. My back was killing me and I was doing the pee dance. As the mob grew angrier and angrier ( more people had shown up by this time) someone else decided to ring the doorbell repeatedly. When another postal worker answered, I threw myself on her mercy. Bathroom! Please let me use a bathroom! Not only did she let me use the bathroom, she actually opened up a window early to help us! And the people that were in front of me in line actually let me go first. It was a Christmas post office miracle.

I came home that day 1 package lighter. But more importantly I gained a new respect for postal workers and man kind.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Reality of Age

As the year 2013 winds down, the reality that my 20's will be coming to an end shortly hits me. Luckily for me my due date is 10 days before my 30th birthday so I'm guessing there won't be much time to mourn the loss of my youth.

Unfortunately though my body reminds me that age is creeping in on me and my once resilient body is not so resilient.

I used to be able to read in the car, no problem. Books, magazines, comic books ( yes Ashley and I spent the better part of a trip to Calico ghost town reading Archie comics when we were like 10). I always felt bad for those poor people who got car sick. Now I am one. I can barely read a magazine in the car without getting a raging head ache. It's so annoying. And boring. Especially on rides from Arizona to California where there is nothing but barren waste land to look at. I'm not sure when exactly this happened, but I hate it. I've tried the front seat, I've tried the back seat. No dice. My days of putting long car time to use have come and gone.

I used to have NO allergies. I could eat it, use it, touch it whatever. And it didn't bother me. Then earlier this year I developed the strangest allergy ever. After using the same lipstick for 10 ( yes 10!) years I'm suddenly allergic to it. They didn't add any new ingredients. I didn't change brands. Just one day my lips decided they wanted to ruin my life as far as makeup goes ( pardon the dramatics, but it really is annoying). It took me weeks and weeks to figure out what is was. I thought it was the Arizona climate. I thought it was my lotion, the water, anything. Anything but the lipstick that had been so good to me for a decade. I finally faced reality and gave up on old faithful. Red swollen burning itching lips where not worth it. I've yet to find another lipstick that I actually like. And I have NO color in my lips so if I don't wear something I look like a corpse. I think the allergy might actually be getting worse. On Thanksgiving this year I said screw it and wore my old lipstick. Just for one day. And my lips looked great if I do say so myself.  It used to take a couple of days of consecutive lipstick use for the allergy to flair. Not anymore. Now I use it one day and pay the price with swollen aching lips for the next 4 days.

It makes me wonder what will happen next. I can't sleep on the floor comfortably anymore ( even pre pregnancy I couldn't do that) but that's something I would expect with age. Strange allergies and the loss of my ability to read I was not anticipating!

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Showing Off

When I was little my family would go clothes shopping together. We would come home and my Mom and I would do a "fashion show". We would try on all of our new clothes for my Dad. He was such a good sport. He would always act super excited, and ooh and aah over everything we tried on.

In that tradition, Brynlee took it upon herself to do a fashion show for Jimmy the other day with some of her new clothes. I didn't even tell her to do it,she just did it. She's very into fashion these days. She has tried to wear her Dorothy costume pretty much everyday this week. I let her wear it on Monday,but vetoed it the other days. It's too cold here for a dress right now!

As she pulled on her new clothes and bounced happily to go show her Dad I couldn't help but remember when I was little and how happy it made me that my Dad would get so excited about my new clothes. Heck I'm sure he would still get really excited if I bought a new outfit and showed it to him. He's neat like that. I'm lucky to have such a fun Dad. So is Brynlee. 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

In the Mood

As you all probably know, I'm a crier. I always have been, and I hate it. But that is how I express my frustration, anger, sadness even happiness sometimes. I just cry. Embarrassing!

Combine with that pregnancy hormones and watch out! Water works are imminent. Like yesterday. I was driving and in a really good mood. The weather has been amazing here. This is why people live here. Now I get it. Now if we could just do something about that pesky 5 month long summer...anyhow I was feeling extremely happy. I was listening to Christmas music and "I'll be home for Christmas" by Josh Groban came one. Within 10 seconds I was sobbing. Literally sobbing in my car. As I was sobbing I speculated on how quickly my mood changed.

Unfortunately this is not uncommon. I find myself getting really angry about silly stuff. I get really fired up! And I know it's dumb, and I know I'm overreacting. But I can't help the rage. Watch out! It's funny because usually with the exception of crying I try to keep my emotions in check. I guess when I'm pregnant all bets are out the door.

Pregnancy Stats at 24 weeks:

Stretch marks: none, yet! Please let there be none

Nausea: I haven't thrown up in 19 days.19! That's like a record for me! Maybe we've turned a corner here

Cravings: grape nuts. I cannot get enough. I know it's really strange, but I LOVE them.

Insomnia: Yes! Mainly I wake up to pee and cannot fall back asleep. But, I've seen some really interesting TV specials because of this.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Kindled and Swindled

I think I've mentioned before that I have a Kindle? I know I wrote a post about how I wasn't ready for an electronic reading device a while back, but my Kindle was a gift. It's nothing too fancy. I can't put pictures on it and go on the internet with it and all that stuff. But I can do what it was actually intended for. I can read books on it.

Turns out that Kindles are really convenient. Almost too convenient. I go onto Amazon, find a book I want to read and with one click of my mouse  ( literally, one click) the book pops up on my Kindle like magic. It's crazy! And, the books are all reviewed so I know if I'm buying crap or not as well as being less expensive than regular books. All and all, my Kindle is pretty awesome. There is just one thing that rubs me wrong...

Some authors will not let you share books! It makes me so mad! If I bought the book, I should be able to lend it to whomever I want. I bought it after all. But nooooo. It seems most authors don't let you lend it at all. ie Nicholas Sparks. Why Nicholas, why? It makes me not want to buy his books out of spite. Or to go buy the paper back and lend it to everyone I see. Pass it around everywhere!

 The few authors I've found that let you lend their books are relatively unknown. And they only let you lend their books for 2 weeks. But I'm fine with that, 2 weeks is plenty of time. Part of what I love about reading is reading a really good book, and then having someone else read it too. Now, unless I pass my Kindle all over the place I can't do that anymore.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Control Freak

Somehow I married a control freak. Just kidding, he's not that bad. But he does like to be in control of things. His whole family is like can imagine how family get togethers go. Not really the go with the flow kind of people, LOL.

But seriously somehow I spawned a control freak. Or maybe it's a toddler thing? She wants to do everything, she wants to pick everything. She wants to do it "all by herself". If I had a dollar every time I heard that phrase, I'd have enough money to hire a nanny! Just kidding, I wouldn't hire a nanny. But I would have a ton of money.

She has started to give me grief about her clothes now. I get things out to get her dressed and nooooo she doesn't want to wear that. She wants to wear a ridiculous outfit that doesn't match in color or the weather. A battle ensues. I guess I could let her dress herself, but I don't want to. I don't want her to look crazy! So maybe I'm a bit of a control freak too.

One of our biggest battles is over nails.Yes, nail polish. I know, what a stupid thing to fight over right? Well, we DUKE it out every time we do nails. To the point where I stopped doing nails with her. First, she wants to do it. Surprise. If it was clear, maybe. But the idea of my 3 year old armed with bright pink nail polish is just scary. So, we came to an agreement that I would paint her nails and she could pick the color. And put dots on. Every time I paint her nails with her colors she picked she decides oh no. She wants different colors. I tell her too bad she picked the other colors. She takes this well.

In case you are wondering she has her own 3 year old appropriate nail polish. She is allowed to do her nails with that nail polish, at the appropriate time. However, after repeatedly painting on things that were not her nails with said nail polish ( ie my TV!!!!!) I had to take it away from her.

She went through a growth spurt and suddenly none of her clothes fit her. We went clothes shopping the other day and saw the cutest pair of shoes ever. She would not get them. I even had her try them on. Nope, not going to wear them. Such a stinker. She instead had her heart set on hot pink cowgirl boots. I, thinking that they were not the most versatile of shoe said no. We battled about that for a little while, and I gave in. I guess she knows what's up because she looks so freaking cute in them I could eat her up. Every time she puts them on I just want to squeeze her. Maybe I need to let her be in control more often. But not when it comes to hot pink nail polish!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Miracle of Life

So, pregnancy. 22 weeks, here we are. I wish I could experience pregnancy in someone else's body for a day. Like maybe that pregnant lady I see jogging all the time. I wonder what pregnancy is like for her. Must be pretty good if she can go jogging and be so happy about it.

I on the other hand go up and down my stairs a few times and whew! I'm exhausted! Stairs really are something else. I try to go down them a little slower since my fall last week. But still. They wear me out! Is this normal? According to my Dr, for some people yes. Ok then. Hmm...

I've tried a change in diet. I've tried a change in vitamins. I've tried a change in wardrobe. Unfortunately none of those things make me want to jog.

For Jimmy's birthday last Friday we went out to dinner, just the two of us. We ate steak, and it was delicious. Jimmy ate shrimp...I'm not such a fan. And, we kept our bill to $25. For 2 people! That's pretty good if I say so myself. Unfortunately later on that night I threw up my portion of that dinner. *sigh* there goes $12.50...

As I prayed to the porcelain God for literally like the 500th time in this pregnancy I couldn't help but wonder two things. One, why didn't I keep track of how many times I've thrown up? I think I could break a record at this point! And two, am I ever going to stop? We are over half way through with this blissful nine months so I'm starting to think no.

Oh baby. What a miracle it is that I can feel you kicking away and moving all over. Having the time of your little life in there. And while it feels like you are slowly killing me, I love you. And am glad that you are having fun, even though I most certainly am not. Ah the miracle of life!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Feline Love

I was thinking the other night about cats. I'm not sure why...when I can't sleep at night my mind travels to weird things I guess. But I started thinking about how some people don't like cats. A lot of people it seems. I just don't get it.

I've always been a cat person. I've always been drawn to cats rather than dogs. Maybe because even at a young age I knew that I needed a low maintenance pet. I like dogs too, don't get me wrong. I like animals really. But I'm kind of a lazy pet owner, and I need a lazy pet right a long with me. So, what better than a cat?

I think I have the easiest cat on the planet. It's like at Petsmart when our eyes met that day in September back in 2009 it was destiny. As far as pets go, I don't think there is much not to like.

Of course like any pet there is some training involved. Mitzie gets squirted when she tries to scratch on anything she is not supposed to. She gets squirted when she gets on the table or counter. She has always been good about using her cat box. That's all you need to train a cat really, a squirt bottle. I tried to squirt a dog to train him once, didn't work too well. I think the dog actually liked it.

I love dogs too...well trained ones. I just don't want to be the one to have to do the training. They are worse than kids to train! Give me an old tired trained dog any day of the week and I'd be happy to take it. But the barking and the peeing and the chewing and the getting into everything. Oh boy. It makes me tired just typing it.

My cat does have a cattitude... she's a little sassy. I mean she is a Cuillard after all. Everyone in this house has some sort of sass, believe me.

Long story short when it comes to cats I feel like you get a pretty good amount out of them vs what you have to put into them. Feed them once in a while. Clean their cat box every couple of days (or everyday if you are me because I'm anal about it). Squirt them if you see them doing something naughty. In return I get a soft ball of love that follows me around, cuddles with me and makes me feel happier than an animal probably should. Not a bad deal in my mind.

So, to those people out there that don't like cats, besides being allergic I'm curious as to why. Have you ever actually owned a cat before? A bad cat experience? Do tell.

Friday, November 1, 2013

A Summary

It's been a while!

We had some visitors a few weeks ago, yay for Mom and Dad! It was great to have them here. We went to Tombstone and the pumpkin patch and had lots of fun. I'm ready for them to come back.

The Red Sox won the world series! Again!Woo Hoo! But now baseball is over and I always get kind of sad this time of year. I'm stuck with football. Football on all the time. 

Baby girl number 2 is doing well, despite a fall down the stairs I had. Yes, word to the wise: don't fall down the stairs when you are pregnant. Luckily I fell on my back. My back felt like someone beat me with a baseball bat, but I went to my Dr and everything looked fine with the baby. 

Halloween was really fun this year! Brynlee dressed up as Rapunzel, and she looked pretty cute if I do say so myself. On Halloween she went trick or treating for like 20 min and said her head hurt. She came home and helped pass out candy until she fell asleep at 7:30pm. Which for her is like 3 hours before she normally goes to bed. She woke up at 10pm and was up alllll night long. Crazy kid. We had so many trick or treaters we ran out of candy at like 7:45. That's even after I poured some of Brynlee's trick or treating candy in the bucket to give away ( like we need all that candy around here!). I loved seeing all the kids dressed up. My favorite was like a 1 and 1/2 year old dressed up as Nemo. She was so cute I wanted to die. 

I absolutely LOVE having my own home. In ways I never thought I could. It's scary and overwhelming and expensive but so so worth it. 

It's finally cool here. Like I get cold now. After the longest and most miserable summer of my life I never thought this day would come. It's beautiful. Now I get why people live here. I can go out walking and go to the park and it's wonderful. 

Thanksgiving is coming, yay! Poor Thanksgiving never gets any play. People just skip right from Halloween to Christmas and I don't get it. I'm putting up my Thanksgiving decorations today, not that anyone will probably see them because visitors are far and few between these days. But I like them. And I can already taste Thanksgiving dinner...mmmm!

Friday, October 18, 2013

The Pajama Trap

I'm treading in un chartered waters for me. I'm a stay at home Mom, who is also pregnant. This is a first. I tried my hand at being a stay at home Mom earlier this year and it was tough for me. It still is.I miss getting out of my house and talking with people. The big difference is earlier this year I felt better than I do now.

So here I am pregnant and staying at home. I find myself falling into a familiar trap. Pajamas. Who doesn't love pajamas? And who doesn't feel soooo comfortable in pajamas? Why not just stay in them all day, right? Yes unfortunately I find myself doing this semi frequently. While physically I feel my most comfortable, emotionally I feel like crap. Because I feel like a sloppy bum and I don't like it. Some days I do get dressed just to do stuff around the house. As I'm doing laundry or cleaning or organizing I find myself thinking about how uncomfortable I am. Tight clothes on a growing body. Pants cutting into my gut. Ugh. Why do I make myself uncomfortable just to stay in my house?

I'm wondering, do other stay at home Moms struggle with this? Before I was pregnant this wasn't really a huge problem like it is now. I still found the will to get dressed and do my hair and makeup. I'm just so uncomfortable now most the time it seems like a lot of hassle to be seen by Brynlee and Mitzie. They both try to wedge their way into the bathroom when I'm getting sick so I'm just about positive they don't mind the PJs. Probably not too much judgement from them.

Maybe I need to get more attractive pjs? Ones that don't make me feel sloppy or messy. I'm wearing maternity clothes now so I'm not going to find any clothes that are more comfortable than that I don't think. And lets be real after the baby comes then it's bum clothes, spit up and undone hair for like 3 months! I'm not sure it's going to get better anytime soon!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Mother's Intuition

We're having another girl! 

And my mothers intuition told me it was a boy. That same thing happened with Brynlee. I guess I'm lacking in the mother's intuition dept. I should have known it was a girl seeing as it has it out for my life just like Brynlee did. 

I'm really excited to have two little girls though. Sisters! Yay! I always always wanted a sister, and now Brynlee will have one. 

Jimmy and I will start the name battle now I suppose. We've thrown around a few names, but as with the last one I'm sure this will end up being a clash of will. At least now we know the sex so we can really start throwing names out there.

The baby looked good. Measured the right size and all was well. I'm so paranoid about that now. I feel like that miscarriage did me in, and I just keep waiting for something to go wrong. I couldn't sleep at all the night before the ultra sound because I was worried they'd look at the baby and it would be missing an arm or something. Growing a child is so scary!

19 week stats:

 cheese and pumpernickel bread. So weird, I know.  But I love that bread! I could eat a whole loaf

2. heartburn?
Yes! Ugh! I didn't get that with Brynlee until like a month before I was due. Now I have it already. I hate it!

3. nauseous?
Unfortunately yes still at times. I haven't thrown up since last week, but I still have periods throughout the day where I don't feel very good. I'm so ready for this phase to be over, if it ever ends

4.stretch marks?
Not yet...

5. other body issues?
Oh too many to list. And some I don't want to get into on here. The joys of pregnancy. Has it been 40 weeks yet? LOL

Friday, October 11, 2013

New Things

We are settling into our house. It's kind of strange, it just being the three of us. We haven't lived without someone for so long, I almost forgot what it's like.

I can walk around in my underwear if I want. And I do. Often. I can put things where I want them to be, and do laundry when I want. It's pretty amazing.

I'm trying my hand as a stay at home Mom, in my own house. I hope it works because that is the plan for a while. I'm shocked at how much of a mess we make, Brynlee and I. I'll go ahead and pass the buck and say that one of us makes much more of a mess than the other. It feels like I'm constantly picking up and cleaning stuff. Yet it's still always a mess. There is always laundry to do and always laundry to fold. It's never ending. And this is with 1 kid. I can only imagine how it is with more.

I tried a new pancake recipe this morning I found on pinterest. One word. Pintrocity! After I'd had all the ingredients, it was more of a dough ball than batter. Hmm...what went wrong? I re read the recipe, and it looks like I added everything it said to. So I improvised and added milk until it was the right consistency. Than I tried to cook these pancakes on my new electric griddle. I smelled something odd, and when I went to flip the pancake it was black as the night sky. I've never seen anything like it. I make pancakes semi often. So I know about how long they take. I tried to cook the pancakes on the stove in a pan, and had the same result. Eventually I gave up and just made toast. Turns out the author of the recipe forgot to add 1 cup of buttermilk to the ingredients list. Oops. Why they were burning like that I'm not sure. I think I'll just stick to bisquick.

I tried shopping at a new store yesterday, called Sprouts. They don't have those in California, and I've heard great things so Brynlee and I gave it a go. It's a healthy store, with a bunch of fresh organic and hormone free stuff. So far the bread is my favorite thing. I think we've almost eaten a whole loaf of pumpernickel bread since yesterday. I'm not sure I'll every buy bread at a normal grocery store again.

I've been enjoying trying new things, some better than others!

Monday, October 7, 2013

On the Move

I have internet now! Yay! I haven't had it since we moved, so my poor blog has been neglected yet again.

The move was, well a move. Don't move in Arizona in September when you are pregnant if you can avoid it. It was not the most fun day. But, I felt pretty decent and was able to do a lot and am grateful for that. We are moved into our house, and it still seems unreal that it's mine, all mine!

Moving was eventful. At the end of the day, with my car packed to the brim it was time to transport Mitzie. She is decent in the car, and actually usually hops right into her cat carrier. I drove with her from California so I figured driving 15 min to the new house would be no big deal. I had no where to put her but on Brynlee's car seat as the rest of the car was packed full ( Brynlee was thankfully not with me as my friend Megan took her for the day, bless her heart!). As I was driving I hear Mitzie start meowing loudly. I looked back and saw that she had fallen off the car seat and her carrier was now sitting vertically between my seat and the back seat. Mitzie was less than pleased about this. At a red light I tried to reach around with one arm and pull her out. As I'm doing this my foot must have slipped off the brake because I ROLLED into the car in front of me! Seriously. Who else would that happen to? Long story short the lady who I rolled into let me off the hook because I go to church with her ( see it pays to be Mormon. LOL) and she had pity on me. Mitzie howling in the back I'm sure helped my cause.

I'm 18 weeks pregnant. I'm pretty sure I'm feeling the baby move. We find out next week what gender it is. I'm thinking boy. I'm thinking a giant big boy because I'm huge. Seriously. I feel like a cow. I know I'm getting fat for a good reason. Call me superficial, but I really have a hard time watching the scale going up, up up. And feeling my clothes get tight, tight tight. In case you are reading this thinking that I'm exaggerating, or over reacting take a look at this picture. The girl to the right of me. She is due 10 days after me. 10 days! And she doesn't even look pregnant. And there I am looking like I'm 3 months ahead of her.

I've been told it's " all belly". But I can't help but wonder how much bigger this belly is going to get. I'm not even 1/2 way there yet. I'm expecting to go there next week and to be told that it's actually twins and that they missed one before!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Light at the end of the Tunnel

It's there! I see it! Second trimester, please don't do me wrong. This week is week 14. Hallelujah. I'm not feeling 100% better yet, but I am feeling better. Thank goodness. Things were really bad there for a while! It's amazing how after child birth your body purges all those memories so you are actually willing to do it again. For me, the first trimester looked a little like this:

1. All pride in appearance goes out the door and around the corner. Seriously. I look like death, and have for quite sometime. I'm someone who usually has hair and make up done, tries to put on a decent outfit and such before I leave the house. Cut to me dragging ( literally dragging) myself to the store in my PJs ( likely at like 3pm), no bra and hair that hasn't been washed in a LONG time. Makeup, forget it.

2. I had to carry a survival kit with my everywhere. Complete with mouthwash, icy hot, a homemade barf bag and a barrage of snacks that did jack crap to make me feel better.

3. Careful meal planning must be done. Before I ate anything I carefully considered what it would look like coming back up again. I think I've puked up just about everything. Without too much detail I can tell you what comes up nicely ( like PB&J sandwiches) or what does not come up nicely ( like spaghetti...ugh). Luckily I'm not too scarred from food I've thrown up. If i never ate anything I threw up again, there would be no food for me to eat.

4. I was GROUCHY. Look out, angry woman on the loose. I still am kinda grouchy, but that's because I still don't feel normalish yet. I consider myself a pretty cheerful person usually. Well I haven't been recently. I was likely to bite someone's head off at anytime. Like when you read morning sickness remedies that say things like "open a window", or " take a walk."  Really?! That's the advice you have for me? Have the people that write things like this ever actually had morning sickness? It doesn't sound like it.

5. "Fetaling" is a new trend. At least that's what I call it. When I'm feeling awful I would say I need to go fetal. Meaning lay in the fetal position and beg for death to take me.

I'm hoping to keep feeling better and better, and be able to put the woes of the first trimester behind me!

Monday, August 26, 2013

The Difficult Toddler

Oh boy. My child. Bless her little heart. Who knew it was possible to love something so much yet be so irritated at them. Three has been tough.

In Brynlee's defense, stability has not exactly been a key component lately. And she is 3, which is the age of the hellion apparently. But she pushes my ( and usually Jimmy's buttons) like I didn't know was possible. If I say up, she says down. If I tell her left, she goes right. Some days are a battle from start to finish and I'm so tired.

Add in the fact that these past few months have been some of the most trying ever and maybe my patience isn't want is should be. I'm working on it. Jimmy always says we need people with strong personalities and minds to be leaders. At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if we see Brynlee as the president one day.

It could be due to the fact that she is so difficult that I started doing something for the first time. I started looking at pictures of her when she was a baby and got genuinely sad. I know a lot of people get sad as their kids get older. I haven't really up to this point. I've kind of just gone along with it. But now that I look at these pictures of her as a baby I remember what a good baby she actually was. How cute are these? I could just eat her up she was so cute.

Now she is a beautiful little girl who makes me crazy. But I love her so much I could just die. It's hard to imagine loving this the new baby as much as I love Brynlee. I'm hoping that since the new baby isn't due until Brynlee is almost 4 maybe she'll be a little better then? Or I'll be a little more patient then? Maybe?

I'm excited to look back on this difficult toddler phase and laugh. When we moved I packed away my bible aka What to Expect the Toddler Years. In hindsight that was a bad idea. I'm excited to break that book out and see what they have to say about a few things. I'm excited to have my own house with Brynlee. I'm hoping some stability and her own space is all she needs. 

But mostly I'm excited to see what new things this next phase of life brings for us. Especially for my difficult toddler. Who I'll try a little harder to not see so much as a "difficult" and more as "spirited".

Friday, August 23, 2013

Right at the Time

Ok so 2 blog entries in one day after I haven't blogged in like months. I little weird. I know. But I never know when I'm going to have the time or feel like blogging these days, so I'm taking advantage of this. In my defense the entry I posted earlier today I actually wrote earlier this week, I just forgot to publish it. Oops. Pregnancy brain is in full affect these days.

As I sat in the bath the other day I started thinking about cosmetology school. I can't believe it's almost been a year since I graduated! It's crazy. Looking back at it, that was such a fun time in my life. I loved it, and would love to go back for a little while. I miss all the girls there, and I miss having a clear goal to work towards.

I started thinking about my friend Brooke. I believe I first addressed her on the blog as "18 year old with no pen". Because on the first day of school she had no pen and had to bother mine. Who doesn't bring a pen on the first day of school? An 18 year old, that's who. Anyhow Brooke is actually 20 now, but was 18 at the time. She is beautiful, rich and carefree just starting out in life. And then there is me 10 years older. I've been around the block, have a family and bills and all sorts of worries. Looking at the 2 of us we were unlikely friends. But we were.

Fate put us together, as both our last names start with C. So we sat next to each other for 3 months everyday. She was so funny, she cracked up me up daily. She reminded me what it was like to just laugh all the time and be carefree. We did projects together, we ate lunch together. We even did a prom updo together which looked pretty good if I do say so myself. But I knew as my cosmetology school career ended, so would my friendship with Brooke. Outside of school we made no sense. School was our glue that held us together, and without that we just fell apart. Throw the fact that I live in another state in there and it's really tough. Besides a few random facebook messages and texts, I have no idea what she is doing now.

I think about how often this happens. With co workers, or people in classes. I remember in one of my geography classes I had a friend named Mike who was in his 50's. We sat together and did projects together. Talk about another unlikely pair. We also made no sense out of school.

It seems that some people are just a right friend at the right time.

I suck at keeping in touch. I know this. So part of this is my fault. After we fall out of touch I'm not good at getting back into it. But what was I going to do with Mike? Go hang out with him? Yeah....Totally just a friendship that made sense at school for the time being.

I should say that I do have some cosmetology friends that I actually keep in touch with. When I came into town we went to dinner and hung out. Next time I go to Simi Valley we'll do the same. But these are girls that I have more in common with. We make a little more sense, and fit together a little better.

I miss Brooke and how much fun she was. I hope she is still that much fun, and that life hasn't worn her down as happens to so many of us. I hope she is happy with what she is doing. I think I'll send her a message to check in. Just because we don't make sense as friends now doesn't mean we can't say hi once in a while.

A Few New Things

So things have been kinda crazy here.

Crazy thing 1:

I'm pregnant! Yay! 11 weeks. And boy have those been hard earned 11 weeks. Some people are meant to be pregnant I think. They are meant to be vessels in which little miracles grow and flourish. And then there is me. I am dying. Or wish I was dying.

I thought maybe with the magic pill I'd be cured of nausea and all would be well. Unfortunately, no. This time I actually ended up in the ER because I was so dehydrated. I needed 80 ccs of fluids! The fact that it's 110 degrees here does not help. The people at the ER were amazed that I continued to vomit even while they were giving me zofran in my IV. I guess that is exciting to some? Not so exciting for me unfortunately. It seems the only thing the Zofran does is make it so I can make it to the toilet before losing my lunch/dinner/breakfast/snack/anything. That is an improvement from when I was pregnant with Brynlee and would lose it in my car or bushes or anywhere really.

After dragging myself to work for weeks and weeks I finally threw in the towel. Every time I stand for more than 10 min I get really dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out. I remember this being a problem when I was pregnant with Brynlee, but I was at a desk job so it wasn't a huge deal. However standing to cut hair became an issue. I decided to take a leave from work. I feel kind of like a failure that I couldn't muscle through it. But in the end I needed to do what was best for my and the little teddy graham wreaking havoc on my life. I have a note from my Dr, but I'm not sure if Supercuts will accept that. I plan on trying to work again when I'm out of the first trimester and feeling better.

Things have gotten a little better for me since I've stopped trying to work. It's one stress I don't have to deal with right now.

I'm happy to be pregnant. I'm excited to be pregnant. But it doesn't mean that while I have my head in the toilet for the 5th time of the day, and while my whole body feels like it's revolting against me that I'm the happiest at that moment.

In Arizona you don't get an ultrasound until you are 10 weeks. In California I had them around 8 weeks. As the date of the ultrasound approached, I was terrified. The last one did not go so well. I wasn't sure if I could do all that again. As if this baby new I needed to know it was ok, not only did we see a heart beat but we saw the baby moving. He was shaking his little nub arms all over the place. I didn't need to wait for the ultrasound tech to tell me there was a heart beat because I saw the baby moving all over the place. Ah sweet relief. The Dr said my chance of miscarriage goes down to 3% now. Yay! Unfortunately I guess this is just how my body is with a viable pregnancy. Angry. It's an angry body right now. But just a few more weeks ( hopefully) and it will get better.

Brynlee has been pretty funny about it. She keeps telling me she has a baby in her tummy too. If that's the case we have BIG problems. I asked her if she wanted a little brother or sister and she said yes. I explained that she will have to share her stuff with them and they will be with us all the time. She didn't like that part of it too much. She thinks the baby will go home to "his" house every day. I have bad news for your Brynlee...

Crazy thing 2:

We are buying a house. Yes buying. A house of our own. In which we will live on our own. Just our little family. It's so odd. I can't believe it's actually happening to be honest. We've lived with someone else since 2008. That's a long time! I'm excited yet nervous. What if we all get bored of each other without other people around?

After not using my own stuff for almost a year, it will be nice to have it back. I hope everything survived the move. I bubble wrapped and bubble wrapped but I'm sure there will be some casualties. The thing I'm most worried about is my decorations, oddly enough. All homemade stuff that is not expensive, but it's years and years of memories. I told Jimmy that if my decorations are ruined I'll cry. He told me that I cry anyways. Touche Jimmy, touche. But I will be super bummed.

We are moving on Sep 14th, so that means fall decorations will be going up! You know how I roll, Sep 1st means fall time. Even if it is 110 degrees here still ( which it likely will be, ugh)!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

To my Faithful Followers

Don't leave me! I'll be back soon, I promise. And when I come back there's going to be lots of exciting stuff!

Sunday, June 30, 2013


I'm finding out new things in this Arizona heat. Like 118 degrees to be exact. Yes, that is hot. Now I think it's funny when Californians get amped up over 102. Here are some observations I've made:

1. Leaving a diaper bag with crayons in it in the car is not a good idea. It gets so hot that the crayons actually melted. Yes, melted.

2. Despite the soaring temps, you can still wear pants here. And boots for that matter. Every building I go into is kept at like 72 degrees. It's just really hot when I get into my car.

3. If you are swimming in the pool, leave your sandals in the shade. Leaving them in the sun and then trying to put them on is not a good idea.

4. How great is modern technology? God bless air conditioning, and anyone who makes it happen. I try to imagine people riding a horse or something in this weather. NO THANKS!

5. I think I'm going to be more tan here in Arizona than I've ever been in California. That is because when we are home we live at the pool. There is nothing much else to do to get out of the house. Fear not, we both wear plenty of sun screen.

6. I can move really fast! When it's time to get out of the car and go into the store/house/wherever it's like every man for himself. As soon as that air conditioning turns off I straight up run to whatever our destination is. Usually dragging ( literally ) Brynlee along as we sprint for relief.

Ok so it's pretty miserable here right now. But we are making it!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

The Death of a Romantic

I was at work yesterday, working on a client. She was a pleasant lady with some serious 80's hair, but sweet none the less. My boss, a few stations over from me was working on a younger guy. I was eavesdropping on their conversation (as I'm prone to doing) and her the guy tell her that he and his fiance were taking engagement pictures later that day.

My first reaction was thank goodness I didn't end up with him, no pressure to do a good haircut or anything! My boss asked him where they were going on their honeymoon.

The guy replied, " Everyday is a honeymoon with her.".

Upon hearing this, I literally rolled my eyes and made a gagging sound ( Rude, I know. It just came out!). My client however oohed and ahhed and squealed about how romantic that was. I kept my opinion in check as much as possible, but couldn't help to wonder.

How long have these people been together? A week? A month? Honestly. I feel like no one who has been together any length of time would say that. I hate it when newly together people act like they have nothing that no one on this planet has ever had. That they are different than everyone else, when in fact they are like everyone else was at the BEGINNING of their relationships.

Then an even more disturbing thought hit me. When did I become so cynical? I think I used to be a romantic. Apparently I'm not anymore gauging by my reaction to this cheesy display of affection. Hmm. When did this happen? And why did this happen?

I'm married to my best friend. We have had good times. We've had hard times. Sometimes he so irritating the fact that I'm stuck with him for all eternity seems like a cruel joke. But my love for him is as strong as it was the first time I said those words to him. However our love is different now. Life, struggles, kid have come into the picture and now we are like old war buddies as well as two married people.

Is that what has turned me into a cynic? I'm not sure. Obviously at some point I grew up and realized that real relationships were not all roses and sunshine. Fun times and love notes. Everyday together is not going to be a honeymoon. In my mind at least. But that's OK. If it was sunshine all the time we would never appreciate the good times and not have a reason to work and grow as a couple.

Good luck to this young guy getting married. Maybe he was joking with his comment... although he didn't seem like it. Maybe everyday will be a honeymoon for them, great for them if it is. As for me ( and I think the rest of us?) we'll keep struggling, growing and learning together.

Friday, May 31, 2013

A Day Without a Bink

Monday was the day. No more binky. I'd been preparing Brynlee for a while, so it wouldn't be a complete shock to her. I told her we were going to send her binky to a baby who needed it. She asked who this baby was. Surprise. There is a reason they mark the "inquisitive" box at school every day for her mood. I should of figured she'd want to know the name of this baby. And request a picture.

So I took to the internet and printed out a picture of a baby boy who I named Jared. I told her Jared was going to get her binky because he needed it. She told me that when she saw Jared she was going to tell him no, she was keeping her binky. Needless to say she never told fictitious Jared that he could in fact not have her pacifier. 

We put it in an envelope and "mailed" it to baby Jared. She seemed fine at first. But then when it was nap time she asked for her bink. Clearly she did not really get the whole mailing it away thing. It was a rough nap. But she eventually fell asleep. Bedtime was rough as well. Actually it still is. She eventually goes to sleep, but at like 10:30pm. Seriously. We put her in bed at 8:00pm and fight with her for a good 2-3 hours. This is not entirely new. She freely hops out of her crib now, so she pops out of bed all the time. But with nothing to pacify her she hops out until a lot later. We are tired. It's like our evenings are the only time we have with each other and now Brynlee is staying up later than us.

But, she has been pacifier free since Monday. To think I have a potty trained child who doesn't have a pacifier is so exciting. Yay!!

Work has been better. I've actually had several people ask for my card! Granted they were all women, because I still suck at men's haircuts. But I'm getting better. Or sucking less, you might say. :)

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Summertime Blues

Hello, Summer! I convinced myself that the weather here in Arizona was not that hot. That it's not that bad. Then we went to California for a week. Hmmm....

Simi Valley was about 75 degrees.
Gilbert was about 100 degrees, and rising.

Yeah. It's hot here. And we've only just begun, and it's not even really "hot" here yet. We we drove to Simi and got out of the car it was like I was reborn. I'd forgotten how nice the weather is there in May! Being a California native I fear I will be a weather snob forever now. Because you can't beat Southern California weather.

We had lots of fun visiting family and friends. We packed a ton of stuff in including a trip to Disneyland and a birthday party for Brynlee.

I can't believe Brynlee is 3! Time really does fly! 3 is a big age for her. At school, if you are 3 and potty trained you get to move up to the "big kid" room and play in this thing they call the village. The village is this huge indoor jungle gym with slides, ball pits, the works. Since day one Brynlee has been wanting to play in the village. Now she gets to. Yay!

This week, the pacifier will go. I hate that pacifier. I hate against my better judgement I let her keep it when she was sleeping long after I planned. I wanted it gone by 2! Now she is super attached to it. It's going to be a long week as far as sleeping is concerned.

Work for me is hit or miss. Some days I feel confident. I feel like I do a good job, like my haircuts look good and like I'm doing what I'm meant to do. Other days I feel like I suck and should just quit now. I had my first redo the other day. Meaning one of my clients had to come back and get their hair "fixed". We all get them, but it sucks. I had really hard hair to cut, and I'm new so I have to cut myself some slack. But with such shaky confidence I'm trying to not let that get into my head and freak me out.

Even though summer is miserable here, and will last until October if I'm lucky there are some good things.

We get lots of pool time. It's fun to go swimming, for now anyway.
I love the smell of fresh cut grass in the summer.
I love taking  nap with the ac on listening to a baseball game.
I love BBQ's, hot dog anyone?
I love laying in the sun after being in the pool and drying off.

It's all about perspective. I talk to a ton of different people at my job, from all over. We get a lot of ASU students. It's so funny the ones from places where it gets really cold or where it rains a lot love it here. They love the dry heat and they love Arizona. If I make it though my first summer I'm sure I'll learn to love it to.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

On the Other Foot

Sometimes I think about things I used to think. Like how 5 years ago I thought a certain way, and now it's completely different. Or really like 1 year ago I thought a certain way and now it's completely different. It's crazy! What I wouldn't give to get in a time machine and talk some sense into my 14 year old self. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

What got me started on this is I was thinking about hair. Yes, shocking I know. But now that hair is front and center in my life I think about it a lot. I used to be a serial cutter. Of hair that is. I loved getting my hair cut. To me, there was nothing like leaving the salon with a new hair do. Or that first time you wash your hair after a hair cut and you realize how much hair is actually missing. I love it. I think that is part of the reason I wanted to do hair. I used to look forward to getting my hair done weeks in advance. It was like Disneyland to me. I literally could not sleep the night before I had an appointment.

One type of person I never understood was those long haired people. Those people who freak out when they get 1/2 an inch cut off their head. Really? No one will notice that 1/2 an inch is missing. However now the shoe is on the other foot. And I'm one of those people. I've been growing my hair out for 2 and 1/2 years. It's been a slow process. It's not nearly as long as I thought it would be by now. My hair grows so slow it's like a joke. Well it's good in that I don't have to get my roots done that often. But to say my hair grows at a snails pace is an understatement.

So to me 1/2 an inch of hair is like a months work! I've become one of those people, terrified of cutting my hair. But I've always thought (and still think) healthy looking shorter hair is better than long ratty hair. Right? Right! So, I got a little hair cut. Not a big one. Just a little one. And I love it. So this is what healthy hair feels like again? Hair without fried off ends? Ahhh. It looks so much better. And feels so much better. It's like a whole new head of hair! I'm going to try not to be so afraid of cutting my hair in the future.

I've had the stomach flu from hell the past few days. Kill me, now. Yes there were plenty of times I was longing for the comfort of the grave. I'm feeling better now, just really weak. That's what happens when you don't eat for 24 hours and lose every fluid in your body I suppose. I had to call in sick to work, which sucked. It's so not like me. I'm a pretty good at multitasking  but trying to cut hair and puke at the same time won't work I think. Luckily I have the best boss ever and she is really understanding. I keep thinking of that quote from The Devil Wears Prada where Emily says "I'm only one stomach flu away from reaching my goal weight." If life gives you lemons right? Bathing suit season, here we come! LOL

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day One

I'm officially a working girl. And it's terrifying. Really, it is. I love hair, don't get me wrong. But now that I'm actually doing this an old nemesis of mine is rearing it's ugly head.

Confidence. Or lack there of. I went to a week of training before I started cutting hair at my job. My instructor in my training kept telling me the same thing. " You know what to do, just do it. Be confident.". Yeah. Easier said than done. You'd think with such fear that I've had a horrible experience in the past, and that is why I'm so nervous. Nope. Just nervous because it's new and scary. If I cut off too much hair, I can't fix it. I can't put it back on. It's just gone. So I get scared. I can only imagine how tattoo artists feel! Talk about permanent!

Yesterday was day one. I survived. I had to ask for help, quite a bit. But I made it. There is no doubt that I'm no. I'm sure customers can sense it as soon as they sit down in my chair. But most of them were really nice and patient with me. I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. It's not my favorite place to be. But it will get better. I know, I know. The grass is always greener right? First I'm complaining about not having a job, now I'm complaining about my job being scary. I just hope the scariness wears off sooner rather than later!

I'm on a Zumba kick. I actually enjoy working out. I know that sounds crazy. But I really do, when I'm doing Zumba. Ask me to run and I'd rather get a root canal. But for me Zumba is the key. Last week I only went twice because I was in training and I really missed it. Up until recently I had no idea what Zumba really was. In case you are wondering, here is a clip below. Mind you I look nothing like these people when I do it. When I do it there is a lot more flailing about, and missed steps. But I'm exhausted and dripping sweat by the end.

Watch this video and imagine doing this for an hour. Yeah, it's tough. If you are like me and hate working out but love to dance, I highly recommend trying it out.

During my Zumba class today I had Brynlee so I put her in the gym day care. About 20 min into my class the day care worker came into the studio looking for me. Brynlee had pooped in her underwear. Great Brynlee, impeccable time as ever to revert to old habits. I guess a 20 min workout is better than no workout at all? We'll try again tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Keeping the Faith

Well, I lost it a little there. I lost faith that by saying no to working on Sundays I would be rewarded. Sometimes I'd be driving and think about calling Supercuts back and telling them " Ok! I'll work one Sunday a month. Just one!" One Sunday a month won't kill me right?

Luckily for me I didn't have to get to that point. The same Supercuts that told me that they could not hire me because I couldn't work on Sunday called me. And offered me the job. After telling me the week before that they could not hire me. Yeah. I don't get it either, I'm just grateful for it. My first day is on Thursday. I have feelings of excitement intertwined with sheer terror. This is it. The big time. Here I go, it's time to jump in.

I've added my video to my website. And while it still needs some work, I'll let you my loyal blog followers take a peek if you feel like it. I'd love any feedback, as long as it's nice. Or constructive criticism, as long as that is nice too.

FYI to beat you to the punch, I know that my pictures are really not the best. Meaning the cluttered kitchen in the background does not add to the ambience. Stupid me I never take pictures of the hair I do, so when it was time to put a portfolio together I had to throw a bunch of make shift pictures together. I'm planning on doing my niece's hair and taking pictures of her not in front of a kitchen sink really soon.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Worst Critic

You've probably gathered by now that I've struggled with self esteem issues in the past. While it's better now, sometimes they still creep up. I wonder if anyone has not struggled with self esteem issues at one point or another? Whoever you are out there, you are one lucky person!

I saw this video on Facebook and it made me cry. Surprise I know. I'm emotional, what can I say. Especially about stuff like this.

I think this video is so spot on. It's like we see the worst versions of ourselves, but that is not what everyone else sees. I had an experience with this yesterday. I've created a hair website. On it, I wanted to do a tutorial video about curly hair. I hate myself on camera. After Jimmy was done recording me, I remembered why. I look awful. I was feeling discouraged and really not excited to put the video on the internet. Jimmy and I watched it together and each time I'd point out something I didn't like he'd counter with what he did. Maybe he has rose colored glasses on because he is my husband. But I suddenly felt like I was someone in this Dove video bringing myself down. Looking to my flaws first thinking that everyone else would do the same thing.

The moral of this story is that we are our own worst critics. I know, a revelation right. But this video just goes to prove it. I love this campaign that Dove has going on. It makes me want to buy more Dove products to support them, because their advertising makes people feel beautiful, not bad about themselves. If their whole campaign is a gimmick to get me to buy their stuff, it works!

Friday, April 12, 2013


I've been admitting somethings to myself recently.

1. In my phone experience, nothing compares to the Iphone. Desperate to be different, I stood strong against Iphones until October of last year. I had a droid, which I though was just fine. Well, it wasn't fine. Not compared to what my phone can do now. After I graduated cosmetology school I decided I'd finally take the plunge and see what everyone was talking about. I see now. I use my phone all day long. I love it. I listen to my music on it, I copy and paste on it. I read group text messages between 10 different people and am not confused. I make lists, I use it to navigate every day driving out here. It's amazing. Apple, you sure know your stuff.

2. In reference to my blog post about holding true to my not working on Sundays. In the movie version of this story I would be instantly rewarded. I would've been offered the job anyway, despite the Sunday thing and all would be well. I was not. I did not get that job because I won't work on Sunday. I was interviewed at another location this week. I did not get that job because I'm only willing to work part time. I remain jobless. Yet still faithful. But a little frustrated because I want to work. I'm desperate to work. Which leads me to number 3.

3. I cannot stay home all day. It makes me crazy, and not in a good way. I enrolled Brynlee in a daycare program taking yet another leap of faith that I would be working soon. As of right now she goes 2 days a week for 6 hours. Even with her not being home all the time I'm still home. And I'm tired of being home. I need a job, a something. I'm getting ready to go volunteer somewhere just to have something to do.

4. I thought I was pretty sympathetic towards people who have trouble conceiving children. Well now I have a whole new kind of sympathy, because I've become one. 3 months of trying, and no baby. I know what your are thinking. 3 months is not long. Well for someone whose never had to try past 2 months it is. For someone who is coming off a medical procedure that I'm hoping didn't ruin my child bearing for life it's terrifying. I hope they didn't suck out an ovary or something when they did the D&C. Just kidding, I know that's not possible. But I can personally attest to the fact that taking a pregnancy test every month and not seeing two little blue lines is devastating. The shoe is definitely on the other foot. And it's a crappy foot. I liked it better when I got pregnant right away. That way I could complain about being pregnant instead of now when I just complain about not being pregnant. :) At this rate I'm hoping to not have children 4 years apart for goodness sake.

So in short I'm jobless and baby less with a really great phone. That sounds pretty funny, even I have to admit.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Last to Know

I read a lot of magazines. I try to stay up to date on beauty things, but I just discovered something that I feel like I'm the last to know about. I must have been living under a rock or something. Coconut oil! It's amazing!

It started out when we moved to Arizona. It's super dry here and my old face lotion was not cutting it. I switched to a different face cream and started getting a weird rash on my lip. It's so strange...I don't understand why it's just on my top lip. Skin is so odd. Anyhow it hurt really bad and didn't look even a little bit cute so I Googled home remedies. One of them was to use coconut oil. My dear friend Megan, who is all up to date on the newest and healthiest things of course was already aware of the magic of coconut oil. I've seen her use it at her house. She told me to get it from Costco so off I went.

It's in a big old tub, and kinda weird looking. But it smells great and works really well. I put it on my lip all day and the next day it was healed. I've actually switched to coconut oil for all my moisture needs. I use it on my face, my body even my hair. A couple of nights a week Jimmy and I will load it on the bottom of our feet and put socks on for a while, like a foot treatment. If you Google coconut oil you will see all the uses for it. So far I'm just using it for cosmetic purposes. But I'll get to cooking with it at some point, but I love how it makes my skin feel.

Unfortunately this morning I woke up with strange lip rash again. I guess it wasn't my face cream after all. Hmmm...I think it might be a certain type of chap stick I used. I hope it's not stress related or I'm in trouble. I find myself a little stressed out these days as things are not going the way I planned and I don't like that. Doesn't the universe know it's supposed to do what I say?

Thursday, April 4, 2013


When we first moved to Arizona I had a list of things I set out to accomplish. One of them being potty training Brynlee. Before we moved her potty usage was spotty at best. She would go days and days with no potty usage. Then she'd use it in the morning but not for the rest of the day.

Day 1 of potty training, I put her in big girl underwear and tried to let her tell me when she had to go. She peed in her underwear like 6 times that day. Fail. Day 2 I took a different approach. I set a timer and literally every 45 min I put her on the potty. That worked better. By the end of the week she pretty much had the hang of peeing in the potty. I'd still put her in a pull up when we went to church or over to someone's house. By week 2 I had her in underwear most of the time, including church and going out. I still put her in a diaper for naps and bed time. Then we phased to diapers just at bed time.

But darned if that kid would not poop in the potty. She pooped in her underwear every.single.time. Let me tell you, I'm tired of cleaning poop out of underwear. She pooped in her underwear in at restaurant, 2 min after I took her to the potty to pee. Yes, I was not pleased. I told her if she pooped in the potty she would get a big ice cream! So that little sneak pooped one little nugget in the potty, got her ice cream and proceeded to do a huge poop in her underwear. *Sigh*.

Cut to now, almost 2 months after moving here. Still pooping in her underwear. I've tried candy, stickers, gum, everything. I thought I was destined to have her poop in her underwear for ever. Until I figured out what really makes her tick. Baths. I told her if she poops or pees in her underwear she doesn't get a nice bath. She can get a bath with no soap or toys or no bath at all. This kid loves her bath. She pooped in her underwear yesterday. I knew she had to go today. All of the sudden she disappeared. She always does this when she poops in her underwear, she hides. But this time I found her on the potty...pooping. It's a miracle. I gave her the biggest, most bubble filled bath ever tonight. I'm not sure if it will stick, but this is the first time that she has actually gone poop on the potty by herself without me sticking her on it and forcing her to sit.

Still in a diaper at bed time. But I'm ok with that. I hope that I can now say I have a potty trained kid. Woo Hoo! Best part about it, I did it myself. No one else. Just me. No day care help or anything. Such satisfaction. Maybe I'm not so terrible at this after all.

Sorry this post was literally all about poop, but I'm super excited!

On the job front...still waiting to hear back. Not a great sign if you ask me!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Taking a Leap

I find that having faith is easier to preach than to practice. I went on part 2 of my job interview on Saturday ( which is at Supercuts by the way, I don't think I mentioned that). I was told to bring a model and do a haircut. Yikes! Scary! I was petrified. Of what, I'm not sure. Failure I guess. I don't like people watching me do things, I get embarrassed and feel stupid. But on Saturday I built the bullet and did it. It turned out really well! The supervisor was really impressed and said I did a great job. Yay!

But then not yay. I put on my application that I cannot work Sundays. I told her in my first interview on Wednesday that I can't work Sundays. She told me she would try to work around it. But on Saturday she told me that her boss would not let her hire me if I couldn't work Sundays. Ugh. For my readers that are not LDS, it is against my religion to work on Sundays. We are counseled to not work on Sunday and not make others work on Sunday. We don't go to the store, out to dinner, to sporting events, etc. Obviously if someone has a heart attack on a Sunday they would go to the hospital. I try to go by the saying "If the Ox is in the mire". Sometimes people working on Sundays is unavoidable, but I try to avoid it. Really try.

Unfortunately for me this "We can't hire you unless you work on Sundays" bit is not new. Working in one form or another in retail for most of my life I've come up against this before. And I've never worked Sundays. And I've never not gotten a job I interviewed for because I could not work Sundays. Threats were made, yes. But when all was said and done it worked out. So I told the supervisor at Supercuts that I would think about it and call her. As soon as I got in the car I knew what my answer had to be. In my heart I knew I could not work on Sundays. I haven't done it in 16 years, and I'm not going to start now. In my head I thought differently. Jobs are hard to come by these days. And I really want this one. It's just about everything I'm looking for now.

Ah decisions. How important is it for me to not work on Sundays? Surely working one Sunday a month will not damn me eternally. But if I concede this one thing. This one value, what's next? If I give an inch will they take a mile? I had to have faith. Faith that if I do not get this job because of the Sunday things that something better will open up. That the Lord will provide me with something else. Or maybe I'm not meant to work right now. I'm not sure. I called my supervisor and told her that I could not bend on Sundays. I could not yield, or compromise. It was a hard call to make (as the people pleaser inside me was crying out in protest!) I find out tomorrow if they are going to hire me regardless of the Sunday issue.

I'm sure some people out there reading this think I'm crazy. There are plenty of Mormon people who do work on Sundays. But I'm not one of them. In a religion full of rules, I think not working or going out on Sundays is one of the easier ones to keep!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Different Hats

When I was in college I remember hearing that people change their major 7 times or something like that. Well, I believe it. I've worn many different hats over the years. I started college as a history major, changed to a journalism major, changed to a geography major and stayed there. Until I decided to turn my life upside down and go back to school to become a cosmetologist that is. I've been around a few times.

All these things have aspects that I love. I loved history. I still love history. But it's not very practical. What can you do with a history degree? Become a historian? Be one of those people who comment on historical documentaries. I love geography. But what can you do with a geography degree? I knew there was an issue with it. But I thought love would conqure all and I'd figure it out. I did not need my degree in geography to become a travel agent, but it helped me get hired and get my foot in the door. We all know I love hair, so I won't get into that. But while I was a journalism major I was part of the Moorpark College newspaper staff. It's was stressful and exhilarating all at the same time. I loved to write. I still love to write ( which leads to the blog, ta da!). Journalism allowed me to pair two of my favorite passions, writing and sports. My journalism career did not last long as I realized it was too fast paced, last minute and cutthroat for me.

My Mom found this old article on the computer and emailed it to me. Looking at it now, I see it has some issues. But not to bad for a 19 year old girl right? So, without further hesitation here is a blast from my past. Here is an article I wrote while working on the newspaper when I covered a baseball game. Here is also probably where I lose all my readers because I'm sure none of you really care about baseball. But this went on to be published for all the school to see! That is pretty exciting, even if you don't think baseball is. :)

Elizabeth Tileston
Staff writer

The Moorpark Raiders baseball team suffered a heartbreaking loss to their county rivals, the Ventura College Pirates, on March 20, dropping their record to 4-11, 2-6 in Western States Conference play.

The first inning started out rocky for the Raiders' pitcher Bobby Martinez, who gave up several hits, including one to Ventura's David Groener, driving in two runs. The Pirates jumped to an early three run lead. However, the Raiders were able to cut the lead to two in the bottom of the first when Robb Rico had a base hit, stole second and was brought home by Brian Grant.

Ventura answered back in the second when Martinez walked Groener with one out and gave up a double to Jordan Arroyo to bring Groener home, making the score 4-1 Ventura. Martinez was able to retire the next two batters and prevent Ventura from scoring again until the fifth. Moorpark chipped away at the Pirates' lead when Mike Moscatello hit a solo home run in the bottom of the second, but Ventura's pitcher Nathan Rendell was able to hold on when Moorpark ended the inning with a double play.

Martinez retired the Pirates quickly in the third, and Moorpark's offense erupted by lacing together several base hits by John Arishon, Casey Gordon, Tyler Carr and Mike Moscatello, scoring another run for the raiders.

Neither team scored again until the top of the fifth when Ventura had three base hits, and Jared Martin was brought home by Rob Jacobsen to make the score 5-3 Ventura.

In the bottom of the eighth, the Raiders came up with two runs when Fred Rico reached base on an error by Groener and was brought home when Robb Rico hit a triple off the wall. Robb Rico scored on a wild pitch by Rendell to tie the game at 5-5.
The ninth inning was hard for pitcher Andrew Berkovich, who came in to relieve Martinez in the sixth. Berkovich had held Ventura to five runs, but started off the ninth with a walk to Groener. Arroyo laid down a perfect bunt, forcing Berkovich to field the ball on the run. The resulting throw was high, enabling Groener to score from first and allowing Ventura to retake the lead and win 6-5.

Despite the loss, Head Coach Mario Porto is proud of the way his team performed. "We hit the ball and played well defensively," said Porto. "We just came out on the short end of it. These things happen. It was nothing to hang our heads about."

Three days later, the Raiders defeated seven-time Western State Conference champion Cuesta College in a 13-10 slugfest, putting their record at 5-11, 3-6 in conference play.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Worth the Shot

I'm not outspoken. I'm not aggressive. I'm not a go getter. I'm not a boat rocker. But sometimes you just have to fight! I called Kaiser a few weeks ago to make my monthly payment on my lovely D&C bill. Still no word from my them about my grievance, surprise surprise. The man I spoke with told me I had a credit on my account. After a lot of untangling, it turns out Kaiser decided to credit my account $500! Bringing the cost of the D&C down to around what I was originally told. Wooo Hoo! $500, can you believe it? I was so excited. I fought, and I won! It's hard taking on big companies like that. I'm sure they get 1000 grievance forms a day. But someone somewhere read mine and agreed with me. Thanks to my lovely parents I'm now Kaiser bill free. Ah. It feels great. Long story short, sometimes it's worth taking a shot.

I decided to sign up for a Zumba class. This is my yearly "summer's coming quickly and I'm all flabby. I should do something about it" thing. I've realized I always start a new exercise regimen in like Feb or March. And by June it's out the window. Exercise in the winter? Forget it. Anyhow tonight I had Zumba. I knew it would be a workout, but I didn't realize it would be a WORKOUT. Whew! I was dying. It's bad when you are checking the clock 10 min into the class. Out of shape much? Yeah. I looked ridiculous. The teacher told me it would feel like I have 2 left feet at first. She was not kidding. You'd think with all the dance classes I've taken I wouldn't suck so bad. Nope, you'd be wrong. But I had fun. Every time I caught myself in the mirror I wanted to laugh because I looked awful. Then that quote going around Facebook popped into my head. Something like " even if you are moving slow, you are still lapping the people sitting on the couch".

I had a job interview today. I think it went well. It's not exactly what I want, but it's a good starting point for me. I'll find out if I got the job on Saturday, so fingers are crossed. Here's to a week of taking shots. I hope they all pan out!

Sunday, March 24, 2013


I had a great birthday! In my mind, a great birthday is when I get to do whatever I want all day. I don't need exotic trips (Ok I'd like them...), fancy presents or lots of attention. I just want 1 day when I get to go where I want when I want. And eat what I want when I want. I decided on my birthday I was not going to look at the nutrition facts on anything. It was so liberating!

The day after my birthday was my ward's women's conference. For those reading who are not Mormon I'll try to explain that...Ladies who live in my area get together and are offered classes and workshops we can go to. We get to pick which classes we want and they feed us. Being that I'm in a new area, I have to attend these things alone. Which can be scary sometimes, but I did it anyways. I signed up to bring a Bundt cake to the festivities ( which turned out really good, yay!) and away I went. To take some classes by myself.

I decided to go to a marriage class (because honestly, who doesn't need one of those?) and a finance class. They were both really good. Here are some key points I took from each:

Marriage class-
* Getting married is not when courtship ends, it's where it changes and begins over again. How true is that?
* To have a successful marriage, each couple can't put in 50% effort. They each need to put in 100% effort.
* The breakdown of most marriages can be traced back to when each person starting putting their own needs before spouses

Finance class-
* When we get to those pearly gates so to speak it doesn't matter how much money you had, it matters what you did with it
* Budgeting needs to be a family affair, and needs to include everyone
* Teaching your children the value of money and how to handle it is super important and creates responsible adults.

I really enjoyed my classes. I started to think about how easy it is to see what other people have and compare it to what you have. How easy it is to let someone else's good fortune lessen yours. I'm not sure why I feel the need to gauge how successful I am by comparing myself to someone else. Where did that come from? I know I'm not alone in this. These classes reminded me that it doesn't matter if your neighbor has a nicer car than you do. Or if you friend's marriage seems blissful while yours seems rocky at best ( not that mine is, just an ie here). To become a better person we need to stop looking at other people and focus ourselves. Our budget, our marriage.

These aren't really new things. But just refreshed ideas. I'm glad I went to the workshop. Even though I had a pregnant lady sit on either side of me, both due in June. Seriously? Is there anyone not due in June out there? Just kidding. I can't avoid pregnant ladies with June due dates forever. Just because I'm not one of them doesn't mean I can't enjoy them.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

This Week

I've fallen of the blogging world. 20 days with no posting, yikes! Things have definitely been going on. I find myself troubled with blogs. They are like diaries, but diaries that everyone in the free world can read. Unless you make it private, and then only certain people can read it but still. They are not thoughts I'm sure I want to share with everyone. These past 20 days I've thought of things I could post about. Thoughts and emotions and struggles and worries. But I'm not going to put it all out there. I'll give the edited version instead.

Times in Arizona have gotten a little difficult for me. I find myself super homesick, and no matter of crying or reminiscing can make it better. I knew it would be different living here. I knew there would be hard times, but I didn't realize it would be this hard. I feel lost here. Like I don't fit in anywhere, and it's tough.

It's no ones fault. People are welcoming and friendly. It's just different. And I miss my family terribly. I miss my parents. Sometimes I call their answering machines when I know they are not there just to listen to their voices. I see a note that my mother in law sent and I burst into tears. I think Jimmy is not sure what to do with me at this point because the tears just keep popping up and I don't know how to stop them. I guess this is growing up but it sucks.

This week I've questioned by ability to be a wife, mother, daughter, friend. This week has been a bad one. The worst I've had in a while. For the first year ever my Mom won't be making me a birthday cake for my birthday tomorrow. For the first year ever I'm not looking forward to my birthday, and my last year in my twenties. 29 years old. How did this happen?

I was at the bank the other day and the teller was pregnant. She mentioned the fact that she was pregnant and I couldn't help it, I had to ask. She is due in June, when I would be due if I was still pregnant. I about had an emotional breakdown then and there.

Brynlee had a fit of epic proportions in the store this week. Complete with running from me down the aisles, running into the employee break room, yelling, hitting, the works. Once again it was illustrated that I have no control over my child and that I suck at being a stay at home Mom. And even worse I have no idea how to fix it.

This week was rough. But rough times come and go, and next week will be better. I find myself standing on the edge of a precipice. I can let my sorrow swallow me up. Or I can make the best of the situation I'm in. I'm in a new place with new opportunities and sometimes I forget that. Next week will be better. But I'm more than happy to see this week come to an end.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Shameless Product Push

When we moved to Arizona, we threw a lot of stuff away. When moving, you get to that point where throwing everything away and starting out brand new sounds like a great idea. Rather than clean and transport Mitzie's smelly old cat box (Yum), I tossed it and figured I'd buy a new one in AZ. That was my first order of business when we got here. Mitzie is really good at using her box, and I didn't want to give her any reason to be otherwise. Like not having a box to use for example.

I headed to Wal-Mart, which seems to be a daily thing for me. I have a super Target and super Wal-Mart each 1 mile from my house. And they are across the street from eachother. Dangerous. Very dangerous. The Wal-Mart even has a hair salon and a home loan center for goodness sake. Talk about super. Anyhow as I was perusing the cat box aisle I was confronted with 50 different types of cat boxes. The last one we had was not my favorite. It had a hood on it which was nice to shield the lovely presents Mitzie leaves from viewing. But otherwise it was not real great.

As I was walking up and down the aisle a lady came up to me and asked if she could make a recommendation. This struck me as a little odd. I don't think that would happen in California. Glad for the help, she told me about this cat box system that she uses:

It was a little pricey, but she sold me on it. I bought it and brought it home. I told Jimmy how much it was and he shot me a look of death (this is a regular occurrence). Well 1 month later and that littler box is a genius. I wish I could find that nice lady from Wal-Mart and tell her how much I love this thing. I know it's strange to love a cat box. But it DOES NOT SMELL. I know, I know, how can that be? Magic, that's how. I've had a lot of cat boxes and this is by far the best,10 times over. It's a little more expensive to maintain than traditional cat boxes, but not by much and so so worth it.

I recommend this 100% to anyone who has indoor cats. If you don't, then sorry this blog post was probably really boring. But I'll wrap up on a observation I've made. People here in Arizona are so much nicer than those in California! I know that is a very generalized statement. But from the lady who recommended the best cat box ever, to the patient drivers who never get mad at me for not knowing where I'm going ever. They are just nicer. And it's nice to be around!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Frills and Bows, Oh No!

I have an acquaintance that has a daughter in dance classes. I'm not sure how old her daughter is (under 5 for sure). I'm not close to this person. But via the wonders of modern technology I was able to see some pictures of a recent dance competition. My jaw hit the floor when I saw the costumes...if you want to call them that. More like hooker outfits in super small sizes. It got me thinking. Would I let Brynlee participate in something like that? Umm no. Not a chance.

I was in dance classes when I was younger, and I loved them. I get that dance performances require a certain amount of stage make up, flashy outfits, etc. But for example something like this:

What is this? When did it become appropriate to dress little girls up and parade them on stage in things that women usually save for the bedroom? I wonder if it's the Mormon in me coming out. It's well known that we dress more conservative than most other people. But I don't think it's that. I think even if I wasn't LDS I wouldn't be comfortable letting my daughter wear something like this.

I worked at a street fair for my school a while ago and a dance group of little girls where performing. They were not in clothing quite like the above, but they looked more like the dancers in late night rap videos than children. Provocative dance moves, booty rolls a plenty...where are the cute little girls doing ballet in tutus?

I always say whatever floats your boat. People have the right to raise their children how they see fit. But I can't see what kind of positive message sexing up children sends. I just don't get it, I never have.

I'm planning on looking into dance classes for Brynlee soon. I hope I can find something that doesn't expect me to dress my toddler in lingerie!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Unchartered Waters

Greetings from sunny Arizona! Today was rainy with a high of 55 degrees...hmmm. I guess it does actually get cold here. Who knew?

The drive here went way better than I ever could have imagined. My wonderful friend Tessa drove out here with me, to help with Brynlee and Mitzie. I don't know what I would have done with her! We kept Mitzie in her carrier for the first 2 hours or so of the ride because she was pretty quiet. Every time we would go over a bump she would meow and remind me that she was still alive. We decided to let her out of the carrier. I did a test run of this earlier last week. I drove around town with her out of the carrier to see what she would do. She sat on the seat next to me and just kind of howled. On Saturday when we let her out of the carrier she went for the first warm lap she could find...Brynlee's! Brynlee was so happy to actually have Mitzie pay attention to her. Brynlee was even petting Mitzie against her fur, and Mitzie stayed put. Talk about desperation.

We are unpacking like crazy trying to put things together and get organized. This is by far my favorite part of moving. Not the actual packing part, but when things start to come together and become livable. Today it took me 45 min to get dressed because I couldn't find my clothes, it will be nice to not have to do that again tomorrow.

As of right now, I don't have a job. Well not a paying one. My current job is staying at home Mom. I've never had this job before. I'm going to look into some preschools for Brynlee out here, but not for a little bit. Jimmy will be working from home until his office gets a set up for him. So, all three of us will be home together all day long every day. I hope we don't all get sick of each other!

It's fun experiencing new things and being in a new place. I haven't been here long enough to get too home sick because it still feels like I'm here on vacation. Just on vacation with all my stuff. :)

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Big Move

As we approach the middle of this week I'm filled with a round of emotions. Anxiety, excitement, sadness... more anxiety. On Saturday we are moving to Arizona. I've never lived outside of California before. I haven't lived outside of Simi Valley since I was 6. And now I'm crossing state lines into a land unknown to me.

I really am excited to embark on this new journey. This will be good for our family. We haven't had a fresh start since we've been married, and I'm looking forward to it. But leaving family and friends behind is really hard. I'm living in a state of denial right now. It's a coping mechanism I have, and it's in full effect. I worry that I won't make any friends, and I'll hate it there and be lonely. Or that I'll cook to death in the summer months ( just thinking about it makes me start to sweat, I'm not kidding)

As my days of being a Simi Valley resident wind down, I think about all the memories I have here. This will always be my home. I'm already looking forward to my first trip back to Simi to appreciate all that it has to offer. I think living here for so long I've come to take it for granted.

I'm not so excited about the actual moving part of this journey. A long car ride with a baby and a cat does not sound super fun. I'm sure I'll have some good blogging stories after that ride. If I make it out alive. Hopefully Mitzie doesn't end up on the side of the road with a sign that says "free". Or Brynlee for that matter.

I'll leave you all with my Arizona Anthem. The next time I blog, I'll be blogging from the Grand Canyon State!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Test Day

As my state board test rapidly approached I felt all sorts of emotions. Dread, nerves, excitement. Sometimes I'd feel like I was going to pass just fine, then I'd feel like there was no way I was going to pass.

To say I put a lot of time into studying and effort into this is a huge understatement. I paid a private tutor, I spent hours and hours going over the material. Yesterday was the big day.

So of course that means that Tuesday night I woke up with a nice case of food poisoning! I spent all day Wednesday in a ball begging for mercy. Great! On Wednesday night I started feeling a little better. I didn't sleep at all on Tuesday night because I was dying, and on Wednesday night I was too nervous to really fall asleep and stay asleep.

(On a side note, I used to be the best sleeper. I always felt bad for those people who had to take medication to sleep, or had sleep issues. Now I am one of those people. By the time I finally fall asleep I can never stay asleep and it sucks really bad.)

Luckily for me, 3 other girls from my class had the same test date so I wasn't alone. We had to be to the testing facility by 6:45am. We had to do our practical part first, which is where you have to perform procedures in front of an instructor. There were about 32 people there total, 8 groups of 4. Each group of 8 was in a separate room together and had 1 instructor. I walked into my room and saw that my instructor was not all about warm and fuzzies. She was stone faced and didn't smile one time. I was a big ball of nerves, fatigue and pressure. I kept dropping my comb, dropping my clips. Just dropping things. It was almost comical. A couple of the procedures I didn't even get to finish. Luckily I wasn't the only one, but still. I left that part of the test not feeling real great.

The next part of the test was the written part. You'd be surprised what cosmetologists have to know! Chemistry, anatomy, skin diseases and disorders, nail disorders. Those are just some of the subjects. It's a ton of material to study, and I did my best. There are different versions of the test, and you are not sure which one you will get. So you literally have to just study everything. I had a ton of nail questions on my test, which is not my best subject at all. I left that part of the test thinking there was no way on earth I passed. I'd be lucky to pass 1 portion. I called Jimmy and started crying, not sure what else to do.

The worst part about all of this is then you have to wait 2 hours for them to tell you your results. So we all just waited, and waited and waited. Maybe the waiting is not the worst part of the experience. Because the way they tell you if you passed is pretty awful to. All 32 people went back into a room. A man walked in with a stack of papers and said he was going to call the people with licenses first. And he just starts randomly calling names. He called the first few names. I was willing him to call mine. Praying, using Jedi mind tricks, anything. He kept calling names that were not mine. And calling them. Girls got up all around me to get their licenses, excited and giddy. I just sat there with my stomach in a knot. Until he did call my name. Yay!!!!!!

I passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might have started crying then a little bit too. I'm a crier, it's just who I am. Especially when I've had no sleep and when there was so much weighing on me passing this test.

Before I took the test I kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal if I didn't pass. I could just re take it. But it would've been a big deal. When all is said and done I spent $500 on that test and study materials. I worked my but off for 13 months in school, and our family made huge sacrifices so I could do that. All of the blood, sweat and tears was resting on this one five hour test. But I passed.

All four of us did. It was the best possible outcome and a perfect ending to the most nerve racking day of my life. I went to bed last night at 7:30pm ( no joke) and slept until 8am this morning. I put my license right in front of me, so it was the first thing I saw this morning. And it was a beautiful sight.

In case you are wondering, yes we were advised to wear all black. State Board is not a place you want to stand out, so wore black to just blend into the crowd.