Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Tough Things

This has not been a good few weeks for pregnant people I think. My best friend Carla has been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for the past 5 years. After 2 rounds of IUI, and 2 rounds of IVF she was pregnant with twins. A few weeks ago she found out that one of the twins heart stopped. On Friday she found out that the other twins heart stopped as well. Ugh.

Yesterday I took her to get a D&C, thinking that this feels oddly familiar. I've recovered quite well from losing my baby, if I do say so myself. I try not to dwell on it and actually find myself happy. Happier than I've been in a few months. But once in a while my mind wanders and I realize that I should be like 12 weeks pregnant right now, and am not.

I see people that had babies around the time when I had Brynlee all having more babies and being pregnant again. It feels like we are in a race and I'm now falling behind. I know that is a strange way to think of it. People share stories about how they had 6 miscarriages. I know they are trying to make me feel better, but I'm not sure that helps. Because then I think " Wow, what if Brynlee is the only child we have.". It wouldn't be the end of the world. But in my mind we would always have more.

Carla had her procedure done at the fertility clinic she has been getting treated at for months. As I sat with her yesterday surrounded by people all desperate to just have one child I realized how lucky I really am. How lucky so many people are that they don't have to deal with the devastation of trying to have children and not being able to. How lucky I am to be able to try to get pregnant again soon, and not have it cost me $13,000. I am truly blessed. And so are all you super fertile people out there. So when your kids act up and drive you crazy, think of how lucky you are to have them at all. Because there are so many people desperately hoping to be driven crazy by kids one day.


Audrey Spence said...

It's funny we were just talking about this with one of the ladies I visit teach. She said the day she had been told years ago she would never be able to have children her visiting teachers had come and one of them just found out she was pregnant with her 5th and it was unplanned and she actually really didn't even want it. She said after that she couldn't have visiting teachers for a long time. It was too hard for her. I sometimes feel like I'm behind and I have 2! Things definitely didn't pan out on the time frame I wanted but I'm sure it was Heavenly Father's plan. Especially since I had the lovely cyst and all that crap before I could get pregnant with Charlotte. And when I got pregnant with Jackson the numbers sure didn't add up. I had 3 cycles in 5 months and my luteal phases were 9-10 days. Hardly long enough to even let a fertilized egg settle in. And yet it still happened. I'm just thankful it did. Now there is a chance I might be having more female issues (last cycle 50 days!) and I'm praying its not another cyst. I don't know if I can do that process again. And I don't know how it could affect me and having more kids. These two could be it but I never know. I feel so bad for Carla. That is really really hard. I remember being there. I hated family functions with Scott's family because everyone was pregnant and I had been trying for over a year and hadn't even had a cycle at that point. Sadly its just not meant for some people. We have 3 families in our ward where that has been the case. They can't have kids but they've adopted and have 3 kids they rescued from the foster system. I really admire them and they're great parents. I hope things work out for you guys. Our neighbor across the street has had multiple miscarriages but also have 4 boys under age 7. So you just never know how things will work out. Just keep your head up and hopefully things will work out. I can't imagine what its like to be in that position. You're both in my prayers! :)

Heather and Spencer said...

Thanks for the reminder...there are definitely days I need to remember that!