This has not been a good few weeks for pregnant people I think. My best friend Carla has been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for the past 5 years. After 2 rounds of IUI, and 2 rounds of IVF she was pregnant with twins. A few weeks ago she found out that one of the twins heart stopped. On Friday she found out that the other twins heart stopped as well. Ugh.
Yesterday I took her to get a D&C, thinking that this feels oddly familiar. I've recovered quite well from losing my baby, if I do say so myself. I try not to dwell on it and actually find myself happy. Happier than I've been in a few months. But once in a while my mind wanders and I realize that I should be like 12 weeks pregnant right now, and am not.
I see people that had babies around the time when I had Brynlee all having more babies and being pregnant again. It feels like we are in a race and I'm now falling behind. I know that is a strange way to think of it. People share stories about how they had 6 miscarriages. I know they are trying to make me feel better, but I'm not sure that helps. Because then I think " Wow, what if Brynlee is the only child we have.". It wouldn't be the end of the world. But in my mind we would always have more.
Carla had her procedure done at the fertility clinic she has been getting treated at for months. As I sat with her yesterday surrounded by people all desperate to just have one child I realized how lucky I really am. How lucky so many people are that they don't have to deal with the devastation of trying to have children and not being able to. How lucky I am to be able to try to get pregnant again soon, and not have it cost me $13,000. I am truly blessed. And so are all you super fertile people out there. So when your kids act up and drive you crazy, think of how lucky you are to have them at all. Because there are so many people desperately hoping to be driven crazy by kids one day.
Waiting for James to arrive!
2 years ago