Thursday, February 12, 2009

A Compromise, but is it a Good One?

Lack of things to do at work has left my mind to wander today. I started thinking about marriage and compromising. The two seem to be completely intertwined.

As I've said before, Jimmy and I are fairly different in the way we think and the things we like to do. So, we learned early on that always doing stuff together wasn't going to work. We just like to do different things. We are going on your 4th year of marriage, and are past the stage of needing to be together every waking moment. In fact, I'm not sure we were ever there. We are independent people, and that luckily is one thing we have in common.

We've reached this unspoken agreement that if I want to go somewhere and Jimmy doesn't I go and he stays home. If Jimmy wants to do something that I don't, he does it and I do something else. So we are compromising. But instead of compromising to do stuff together, we've compromised to just do what we want even if it's without the other person.

Jimmy does seem more willing than I am to do things he doesn't want to do. He's watched Sex and the City with me countless times when there was most definitely something else he wanted to do. But I wouldn't say him doing what I want is a normal occurence.

So it's not that we never do anything together, because we do. We just do stuff apart quite regularly. While this way of thinking/doing seems to work for us, it seems to back fire at times.

I know there are occasions where Jimmy really wants me to go to his friends house with him, and I don't because watching them play video games is not my idea of a fun night. But I think he would really like it if I were there. I know this bothers him sometimes because the reverse of the situation (if I'm going somewhere and I really want him to go and he won't) bothers me once in a while.

In the end I'm left to wonder how other couples get around stuff like this. Do they just drag each other all over the place?

We tried that. It didn't go very well. I always tell Jimmy that I'd rather him not go somewhere then come and be in a bad mood. I know he feels the same way about me.

So what can we do? We will never be one of those couples who can't function being apart for more than an hour, because that is not who we are.

But since we seem to be the only couple I know that thinks like this, our compromise is either genious or insane. I'm just not sure which one!


Scott and Audrey said...

So I haven't been on here in forever it seems and man Liz, you make me laugh. Some of the other posts had me practically crying especially my birthday one... anyway, it's kinda funny how your post before talked about girls night and stuff. I do miss that myself. Basically my best friend is my husband which is great because we get along so well and we do everything together but sometimes it's nice to have some time with the girls. I miss the girls. Like maybe if I had more girls around me I could have an important question answered for me while I'm at work. My favorite blue ink gel pen just ran out. I have black ones just like it but I don't really like black ink. I have these nice fat blue ink pens but they're ball point... I have to make a sacrafice on one side or the other... what do I do? I need help....

Jennifer Knight said...

I think whatever works for your marriage and you guys are both cool with is what you should do, regardless of what seems normal or what other people think of it. I travel all over (like coast to coast) and take the kids with me and my husband doesn't care. He doesn't like to travel. Of course, he would rather have us home with him all the time but he knows I feel like a caged bird that way. If he is going to play video games with his brothers I just stay home with the kids. No biggie. But there are certain things that are really important to me that I do want him to go to - for instance I'm already talking to him about going with me to my 20 year high school reunion next year. He didn't go to the 10th and that was fine but I really want to "show him off" even if no one is impressed but me! :-) So I guess I don't make a big deal out of us being together at most things, but I save it for the really big ones. Luckily for us we've found what works for us even if it is different from some of our friends or family who are joined at the hip.

I hope that made sense... I've got a sick kid draped all over me.

Jody C. said...

I find you have to do what is best for you and Jimmy! what works for you wont work for Craig and I. heck Craig would love to stay home all the time! I just learned to keep happiness in our marriage i don't make a big deal out of it any more. If i want to go and he doesn't then I go. it also depends on where we go...if i need help with groceries it would be nice for him to go and help out! Happy medium it what it is