Trials

I am grateful for trials. Ok I know that sounds crazy. Who likes trials? I'm not saying I like them. But I'm grateful for them.

Trials help us grow. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you want to look at it ) I am the type of person who needs trials. I'm not someone who will push myself unless I have to. I will not force myself to do and deal with unpleasant things unless I am...well forced. I'm not sure if there is anything wrong with that. It's just how I am. I've always considered myself to be on the weaker side. Not weak physically (ok yes that too) but just weak. Again, nothing wrong with that. We are all different. Some of us are weaker than others.

But I've realized something. I'm not weak. I'm just not strong unless I'm forced to be. I don't exercise my strength frequently. It takes trials to drag it out of me. I look at the things in my life I thought I would never get though. But I have. And I've grown because of that.

If life was all peaches and cream I would never know what I'm capable of. It's hard to remember this when you are in the throws of one of these tough situations. I'm not always grateful for the trial while it is happening, but I'm grateful afterwards. I love learning, and what better way to learn from personal experience?

I am grateful for opportunities to prove my strength. Even if it's to no one else by myself.

Church With a 14 Month Old

Remember the days when I used to go to church and be able to enjoy it? I would sit in peace and quiet. Listening to speakers, paying attention to lessons...or just zoning out (hey I'm not perfect here). Remember those days? No, me neither. Because it seems like it's been forever since I've had them. Well I guess 14 months to be exact.

Brynlee is in the final stretch, just 4 more months and then she can go to nursery. Yay!!!!!!! I don't think anyone is more excited about this than my husband as he usually tends to the wild baby beast during church since I'm teaching 1 of the hours.

But these next 4 months will be tough. Brynlee now runs, and runs and runs. Runs around the building, runs into places she is not supposed to go. Our church services are 3 hours if you didn't know. Yeah. That is a long time to try to corral a baby. If we keep her in the building, she screams and squeals. If we take her outside, she dashes for the street. Over and over again. Not sure what this kid's fascination with the street is, but it's scary.

So yesterday during sacrament (or the 1st hour of our church) we followed some other people with a toddler to the nursery room. No one was in there yet. But it was filled with toys and goodies and tons of tiny tot entertainment. Brynlee played in there with the other little boy for a while. I went off to teach my class and left Jimmy to deal with the tiny firecracker known as our child.

As a note to my non LDS readers, children 18 months to 3 years old go into Nursery during 2 of the 3 hours of church. There they play and do fun kid stuff, all while learning to sit in a classroom setting and behave with other kids.

As I'm trying to coral my 12/13/14 year olds into my class room (I had 15 kids this week... yes I'm serious) I saw Jimmy walking happily towards me with no baby. He told me the Nursery leader said Brynlee could stay in the Nursery with the bigger kids this week. Jimmy looked like a kid in a candy store!

They said Brynlee did really well. I figured she would, she does go to day care and all. I don't think the nursery leaders want to make this an every Sunday occurrence though. So next week we'll be back to playing chase the baby around the church building. But we got a sweet taste of what we are in for 4 months from now. I think I'll start a countdown. Only 13 more Sundays to go!

One Little Post

I'm amazed at this thing called blogging. Who would have thought that reading about other people's lives could be so life altering? In my case, I often read about people I don't even know. Yes I'm one of those people.. a blog stalker. I hate it when I hit a private blog. Curse, it's like a big door slamming in my face telling me I can't get it.

Anyhow I love reading blogs. I check the blogs I follow about 15 times a day (I'm not joking here). Tsk tsk, Some of you need to post a little more if you ask me...

I have no doubt that some of the things I've read on other people's blogs have changed me. Changed the way I think about life and the way I think about other people. I've been inspired, and so appreciate that.

However, this time it's my own blog that inspired me. One little post. How much can one little post do? A lot a guess. Since my last post I've decided to quit my job and enroll in cosmetology school. Yes I'm serious. No I'm not joking. I gave my job notice yesterday and am committed to making this happen.

I've had several different reactions to this decision. Shock, horror, astonishment, dumbfoundment ( I realize that is not a word, yet I'm using it anyhow. Good thing I'm not trying to become a writer) . Am I crazy? Yes, but we already knew that. Will we be poor? Yes, but we already are. How will we live, what will I do, is this the right decision. These questions attack me from every angle. And to be 100% honest I do not have all the answers lined up nicely just yet. But I honestly feel with all my heart that this is the right thing for me to do.

I've always loved to do hair. Ever since I can remember. Every time I meet a hair dresser I think about how I wish I could do that, and how I really missed the boat on that one.

Well, here comes another boat. I'm making it come. I have a small window of opportunity here and I'm taking it. I'm 27 years old, have been a travel agent for 4 years, have a bachelors degree in geography and want to be a hair dresser. You are never to old to chase your dreams.

It's going to be one wild ride. I cried last night, for a really long time. Not that me crying is unusual. But this is the first time I've cried about this. Because I am sad. I'm sad to leave my job and the love/hate relationship I have with it. I think about all the experiences my job and I have gone though together and it makes me want to cry all over again. I think about not seeing my co workers all the time and it makes me so sad my heart physically aches. I'm not good with change. And this is a big one. And not an easy one. But I feel it's the right one. I'm the type of person who usually follows my head rather than my heart. Not this time. Let's hope my heart knows what it is doing. :)

All Fair

Brynlee is not much for words yet. But something she never fails to say, is "tee tee". Or kitty to those of you who speak Brynlee. Every animal is a tee tee. Dog, cat, squirrel. All tee tees.

It is pretty cute. Can one get though life by just saying "tee tee"? It seems like at this point we are going to find out...

I've been reflecting recently. I'm not sure what it is about this time of the month (ok it's called PMS) but I find myself reflecting on my life and getting frustrated with it. It doesn't seem to be moving in the direction I'd always planned.

My family of 3 plus tee tee (aka Mitzie) are still living in a room. Meanwhile people around me are buying houses.

I find myself reverting back to a child like mentality. Thinking life should be fair. You put in your time, and eventually good things come right? I mean that is only fair. BUT life is not fair. I see people who have put in much less time then I feel like I've put in cutting in line and getting things before I do. And I get frustrated.

However I guess I cut in the getting pregnant line because it only took us 2 months and some people have been trying to get pregnant for decades. But still, I have trouble pushing these ideas of "fair" out of my mind.

I'm starting to wonder if teaching our kids fairness is a good idea. After all how often in life will they really be treated fairly? Will things really work out fairly for them?

This mind set can be damaging when you get older and keep waiting for your fair share. Tic tic tic... I'm still waiting.

So I turn to a few key decisions I've made in my life and wonder how smart they were. Of course at the time they seemed like a good idea. But now, I'm not so sure. Darn it. Where is that time machine when I need it?

I should have gone to beauty school, we should have moved to a different state when we got married, I should get out of the stagnant tar pit that is my current job.

I'm not dead yet, so I can still make some of these changes. But I'm not 20 anymore either, and the idea of starting over at 1 (or all) of the above really freaks me out. A lot.

This is what makes me a terrible decision maker. Because one poor decision can keep biting you over and over again. It's no wonder why I regularly flip coins to decide what to do.

I've been taking pilates since march now and a nice layer of fat is still hanging out on my stomach. And fat's good friend cellulite is still residing on my legs. Hmm... after 5 months of pilates my body is supposed to look like Jessica Biel's. Or Jennifer Aniston's, I'll take either.

Something is not right here. It could be my nemesis fried foods. That I find myself indulging in more often these days. How much will power is one supposed to have? More I guess. So my quest continues towards a new level of fitness. I've added in some running (ugh) a few days a week too so hopefully that will help.

Wow this post has been a lot of whining. Sometimes you just have to whine. Especially during a certain week every month. I was going to go off some more about irritating people, but I'll keep that to myself. :)

Irritants

I think I'm becoming bitter and cynical in my older age. I find things annoy me a lot more than they used to. And I find myself irritated a lot more as well.

Example 1:
My HOA. Can I just say that I hate them? Because I really do. I can't remember if I've ever blogged about their antics before but they are extremely irritating. If your trash cans are not brought in by a certain time, you get a warning. If you trash cans are out too early, you get a warning. My neighbor was having shoulder surgery the day before trash day, so he put his cans out before he left for the hospital. I came home and saw a nasty note on his trash can saying he had them out 1 hour too early. I ripped it off so he didn't have to come home to find that there.

Apparently if the screen door on your patio is not up to a certain quality, you get a complaint letter. Yes I'm serious. Last year Laker broke the bottom of our screen door so it's just flapping in the wind. In attempt to patch it up, Jimmy tried to duct tape the screen to the frame. It didn't work. And I'll admit it does not look wonderful and could use some attention. However, one of my neighbors apparently walked by my house, went and got their camera, came out and took a picture of my screen and then sent it in to the management company. I think these people might have too much time on their hands. I'm considering writing a large note, and taping it to my screen door inviting this person to come introduce themselves the next time they walk by. I'd like to meet them. And could give them some charities they could spend their time helping rather then anonymously tattling on neighbors.

I think I'll dress up really trashy and attend the next HOA meeting. I bet they would really appreciate that. Maybe I'll just get super involved and walk to the members houses with my camera and make sure everything is up to par.

Something else that has been really irritating me recently is people. Men in particular I find do this often. Maybe I'm alone in this, so you can let me know.

Example 2:
I HATE it when you are at a gathering and someone asks you how you are or how work is or whatever. When you proceed to brief them on this, they get a glazed over look in their eyes and look as if they could not care less. Like them sitting ther listening to you is the hugest inconvenience ever. Like they would rather be anywhere else but sitting there talking to you. It's not that I'm rambling on for 30 min, believe me. I'm not that much of a chit chatter. Maybe my life is really just that boring. But hey, you asked! Don't ask if you don't want to know! It drives me crazy. Believe me, I'm not itching to tell you. I'm a fairly private person ( with the exception of this blog) so we can chat about your life if you want. I promise I'll at least pretend to be interested.

I find my husband doing this sometimes and it makes me want to throw my shoe at him. He'll ask me how my day was, and then zone out. Don't ask if you don't want to know! I'll find someone else to talk to who actually cares how my day was. NO skin of my back.

Ok there is my rant, I'm done for now. Until the next thing comes along that irritates me. Then I'll be back. :)

I'll end on a positive note, as I don't want to end on a negative one. Brynlee is getting better and better at walking to the point where she can actually sneak up on me. And I don't hear her toddling along. I love when I'm in the kitchen cooking and all of the sudden I feel little hands on my legs. I turn around and there she is looking up at me. I smile at her and she smiles back, and it is so darn cute I could die. I love feeling those little hands on the backs of my legs. It helps to make all the other annoying things people do go away!

Gathering at the Water table

Until a few months ago, I'd never heard of these things called water tables. My boss bought Brynlee one for her b day, and up until just recently we've been having fairly mild weather. For southern CA anyway. Well that all came to an abrupt stop. It is hot hot hot here now!

Whew! So I'm constantly finding myself trying to entertain Brynlee without going to the park or for walks (sorry Brynlee, I love you but I'm not pushing you in a stroller in this heat...).

So this weekend we broke out the water table. Despite the freezing cold hose water ( that felt oh so refreshing in the midday heat) Brynlee did not hesitate to dig in!



I had to keep hosing down the pavement so it didn't burn our feet off! And I'd hose it down and it would try in like 2 min. Ah summertime!





It was still pretty hot so at one point we just sat her down in the water table. She seemed to enjoy that just as much.



We took her swimming again as well. But, she only lasts in the pool for about 20 min. After that she starts trying to wiggle her way out of her baby floaty. And then if you hold her she tries to wiggle her way away from you. This kid has a death wish or something.

I think we'll have to get a baby pool and stick it on our patio so she can just run around in there without my worrying about her dying kamikaze style.

Brynlee has developed some fun habits recently. Toddlers really are patience testers. Brynlee thinks it's fun to dumpster dive and dig things out of our trash can. She then proceeds to carry them around the house and drop trash all over. As if I needed help making a mess out of my house! And my trash can even has a lid. I've now used masking tape to tape it shut.

Brynlee has decided that diaper changes are too time consuming now. She used to lie semi still. Now she flips all over from the second I put her down. You should see some of the diaper jobs I've done in my attempt to slap it on here before she wiggles away. It's comical. And when she does more than just pee.... don't even get my started on how fun that is.

We've had a few temper tantrums and the baby attitude is definitely coming out more often now. But she does live in a house of attitude ( even down to my very opinionated cat) so I guess I can't blame her!

America the Beautiful

My favorite holiday is looming around the corner. Christmas! Yay! Just kidding... my favorite holiday is actually 4th of July. I know kind of strange. There are no presents or turkeys involved in this one. But I love it, and always have.

I love American history, especially Revolutionary war history. I love the story of the signing of the declaration of Independence. I think about how brave all those men were and it's mind boggling. Out numbered, out skilled, out financed and just about out everything else. Yet farmers with pitchforks fought to the death and won us all our freedom. Nothing like a good underdog story! And in my mind the Revolutionary war was the ultimate one.

I've said this before, but walking the freedom trail in Boston was one of the best things I've ever done. Exhausting yes. But worth every minute of it. The city is so packed with history. There are so many of the same buildings there that Paul Revere saw 235 years ago!

Anyhow as this holiday weekend approaches and I plan out my red/white/blue outfit I can't help but think about how lucky I am to live here.

I can't listen to that song "Proud to be an American" without tearing up. Because I really am so proud.

In celebration of 4th of July, I'm going to list my 6 favorite things about this country and the people who live in it:

1. Mc Donald’s (just kidding. Well not really...)

2. Diverse people. I love that we are a land full of all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds. I think if we all stopped hating each other we could really
learn something

3. Diverse landscape. From deserts to swamps to forests to beaches. We have it all here! You can live in just about any climate you want right here in USA.

4. We fight for what we believe in and will not be silenced. This is what I think when people get so passionate about politics and controversial issues. Opinions are good to have, at least we care about something!

5. We ban together in the face of diversity. I can't believe Sept 11 was almost 10 years ago. I remember it like it was last week. But what I remember most was watching people help scour the wreckage, donate money and burn candles at midnight vigils. I remember feeling like someone had personally attacked me, even though I was 3,000 miles away and didn't know a single person lost. Because we as Americans are like a team. You mess with 1 of us, you got us all. It's good to know that you can depend on your fellow Americans when tragedy strikes.

6. We have men and women in the armed forces that are willing to sacrifice themselves for our safety. Who put the needs of their country and their countrymen first. Who lay their lives down for what they believe in.

Happy almost 235th birthday America. Here is to ringing in many more together!