Tuesday, July 12, 2011

All Fair

Brynlee is not much for words yet. But something she never fails to say, is "tee tee". Or kitty to those of you who speak Brynlee. Every animal is a tee tee. Dog, cat, squirrel. All tee tees.

It is pretty cute. Can one get though life by just saying "tee tee"? It seems like at this point we are going to find out...

I've been reflecting recently. I'm not sure what it is about this time of the month (ok it's called PMS) but I find myself reflecting on my life and getting frustrated with it. It doesn't seem to be moving in the direction I'd always planned.

My family of 3 plus tee tee (aka Mitzie) are still living in a room. Meanwhile people around me are buying houses.

I find myself reverting back to a child like mentality. Thinking life should be fair. You put in your time, and eventually good things come right? I mean that is only fair. BUT life is not fair. I see people who have put in much less time then I feel like I've put in cutting in line and getting things before I do. And I get frustrated.

However I guess I cut in the getting pregnant line because it only took us 2 months and some people have been trying to get pregnant for decades. But still, I have trouble pushing these ideas of "fair" out of my mind.

I'm starting to wonder if teaching our kids fairness is a good idea. After all how often in life will they really be treated fairly? Will things really work out fairly for them?

This mind set can be damaging when you get older and keep waiting for your fair share. Tic tic tic... I'm still waiting.

So I turn to a few key decisions I've made in my life and wonder how smart they were. Of course at the time they seemed like a good idea. But now, I'm not so sure. Darn it. Where is that time machine when I need it?

I should have gone to beauty school, we should have moved to a different state when we got married, I should get out of the stagnant tar pit that is my current job.

I'm not dead yet, so I can still make some of these changes. But I'm not 20 anymore either, and the idea of starting over at 1 (or all) of the above really freaks me out. A lot.

This is what makes me a terrible decision maker. Because one poor decision can keep biting you over and over again. It's no wonder why I regularly flip coins to decide what to do.

I've been taking pilates since march now and a nice layer of fat is still hanging out on my stomach. And fat's good friend cellulite is still residing on my legs. Hmm... after 5 months of pilates my body is supposed to look like Jessica Biel's. Or Jennifer Aniston's, I'll take either.

Something is not right here. It could be my nemesis fried foods. That I find myself indulging in more often these days. How much will power is one supposed to have? More I guess. So my quest continues towards a new level of fitness. I've added in some running (ugh) a few days a week too so hopefully that will help.

Wow this post has been a lot of whining. Sometimes you just have to whine. Especially during a certain week every month. I was going to go off some more about irritating people, but I'll keep that to myself. :)


Audrey Spence said...

I don't think you're ever too old to change anything as long as its a rational decision and its what is best for your family. Sometimes I wish Scott and I were better at budgeting and pushed him through school faster... he's just shy of his associates and has been out for 2 yrs now...I hate that we have debt but we made a decision to buy a house and start a family. Although it was a great time for us to buy because we didn't need a down payment at the time we struggled shifting to one income and incurred some debt. But they are all lessons learned. But I would say if there is something you really want to do and its what your family needs or would be good for you for a change, go for it! (by the way there are still homes available in my neighborhood if you get the urge to move out of state ;))

Heather and Spencer said...

As far as people around you buying houses...know that a lot of us didn't do it on our own! You shouldn't feel bad about it- your rental is a lot nicer than what I own! Not that I am not grateful to have a home, just know that things aren't always what they seem...nor were they acquired without extra help. You are right though, life isn't fair...I think you may have something there, wondering whether teaching fairness is a good idea! ;)

Julia Everts said...

You really need to be a writer. No, life isn't fair. I don't think it ever will be. Your time will come, when it's right. Going along with what Audrey was saying, there are brand new houses being built, like 3000sq ft, starting from the $160s. Austin is BEAUTIFUL! And i want a friend.

Heather and Spencer said...

Liz- ignore everyone else and stay in California! Yes, I know how expensive it is...but think. If you ever leave, it will be really hard to afford to come back! Plus, even though we dont see each other as much as I would like, I like having you here!!!