Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Ache

Somewhere along the way I blinked and turned 28. Ok not quite 28 yet but pretty soon. When did this all happen? I'm not sure. It's crazy though. Every once in a while I see a picture of an old friend and it hits me that things are so different then they used to be. Most of my good friends have moved away, and I don't even have time for the few that live here.

There are people that I used to spend 90% of my time with and now we speak on occasion. It makes me sad. Of course it was really sad when they first left. And then you kind of get used to functioning without them. But then I'll think of them and a wave of achiness hits me. It's like my heart drops and I realize things will never be the way they were before. Because I am different. And they are different too. And we have new responsibilities now.

Seeing all my classmates being 18 makes me think of when I was 18. And when my friends were my life. Now my family is my life. And that is ok. It seems like that is the natural course. But when the ache hits it still hurts. I'm grateful for the new opportunities I have to make friends at school. I have a few good ones there and it's nice to have them. But it's not the same as someone who you grew up with and who saw you through thick and thin and everything in between.

So I'm going to give a shout out to them right now:

Megan- Ligan for life! We went through a lot and were such brats together. That is part of being a teenager I guess. I was thinking about how we would spend Friday nights at your house talking to boys on AOL and it made me laugh really hard. We thought we were so cool. Oh boy. We used to play the same 3 songs on the piano all the time because I didn't know anything else. Canton Chinese food is still one of my favorite places, and sweet and sour chicken does not taste quite as good without you. I miss the mischief we used to get in together.

Audrey- You are so weird. And I am so weird. And together our weirdness fits. I watch all the things Chloe posts on FB and they so remind me of you. She definitely has your sense of humor! I miss doing crazy things with you like blocking of streets with cones. And laughing so hard I thought I was going to die. And ditching class to take road trips to Fillmore and shopping in Mexican markets. I miss the fun we used to have together, and the good mood you could instantly put me in.

Ashley- You were my first real best friend. And my favorite next door neighbor. I remember roller skating with you, and how you would not cross the street if any car was coming in either direction no matter how far away it was. We played restaurant in your bathroom because to us that was the most ideal place to play. I remember crying with you when boys broke our hearts and walking up to Mann plaza over and over again because we had nothing better to do. I used to come over and raid your clothes closet before school because I had nothing to wear. I hear Beat It by Michael Jackson and I miss you so badly it hurts.

Debbie- Dance lady. I loved going to dances with you. And I still do. Dancing with you at Ashlee's wedding last month was so much fun. I really needed that. I cried with you as boy after boy broke your heart. I remember crying with you because life sucked sometimes and there was nothing we could do about. When I needed you, you were there for me. You've always been loyal no matter what. You are one of my favorite road trip partners. You say things that no one else will say. Ever. But you are bold, and that is you. I miss your beautiful voice and wearing crazy outfits with you at the grocery store.

I miss you girls!

1 comment:

Audrey Spence said...

I feel ya... especially since I don't really have friends up here. Just family. And we have some good memories and lots and lots and lots of is hard sometimes but I'm glad I have so many fond memories to think back on. Now I just need to get some money so I can come visit more!