Monday, October 10, 2011

A Tale of Two Toilets

Jimmy and I drove to Arizona this weekend. This was our first major road trip since Brynlee was born, so I wasn't sure what we were going to get. We packed a car full of stuff and hit the road Friday night.

My bladder has not been the same since I had Brynlee. I fear for what lies ahead after the next kid, because it's not good news now. I have to pee more frequently, and the urges come on much stronger. As we were driving to Arizona, I had to pee several times. We were driving through desolate waste land, and the urge hit strong. It was another 80 miles or so until our next stop, so I rocked and bobbed until we made it to a gas station.

As a side note gas stations are not my preferred place to pee. In fact I usually avoid them at all costs. But, at this point it was the first stop there was and I was going to have to pop a squat if I didn't find a toilet ASAP. I knew as soon as I walked into the gas station it would not be good. It was dirty and dingy, and I knew I was in store for a less than stellar toilet experience.

As I entered the bathroom, I could practically see venereal diseases leaping all over me. This would definitely be 3 toilet seat cover trip. Maybe I better use 4 just in case. I'm not a germ a phobe either so that is saying something. I went to get a toilet seat cover and of course it was empty...great. What a place to run out of toilet seat covers. By this point I'm practically seeing yellow I have to pee that bad. So I start to fashion a toilet seat cover out of toilet paper. It was not going well. I ended up squatting above my sub par toilet seat cover in attempt to maintain my diseasless state. All part of the road trip experience right?

On the way home, things got worse. I again I had to pee really bad. We pulled over and stopped at a Jack in the Box in the middle of no where. I figured the Jack in the Box would look like a toilet's equivalent of the Ritz compared to the gas station. I was right, sort of. There was only one stall open, and when I went in there was a big turd stuck to the toilet bowl! Ewwww! Who just leaves a toilet like that, please tell me? The other stall was out of order. I went out to check in the men's was open. It was not. I stood doing the pee dance deliberating on what I was going to do...I was really missing the STD gas station at this point! I flushed the turd toilet a few times, hoping it would go down. Nope, it just stuck on there. Seriously? I eventually fashioned a stick out of multiple rolled toilet seat covers to dislodge the turd. It finally went down, and now that the bowl was clean I could not pee fast enough. In case you were wondering, I'd rather street pee than use an outhouse. Honestly. I can think of few things more disgusting. I can't do my business on top of everyone else's business. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

I'll remember to bring toilet seat covers with me on my next road trip. As for the Jack in the Box bathroom...let's just hope I don't have to deal with that again!

1 comment:

Audrey Spence said...

hahaha... oh man you make me laugh. I have to pee a ton now too. My problem now though is the weakness as far as if my bladder is slightly full and I'm caught off guard with a sneeze, I'm gonna pee my pants. Even if its a little. Luckily in public I have been successful in doing this amazing leg cross to keep it in. I feel like a little kid now though. Anytime I leave the house, even just for a few min at the store, I have to go potty before. I've had to come home early from a walk or jog because I had to pee. No more drinking water before! Having kids and getting older is great isn't it? :)