The Pajama Trap

I'm treading in un chartered waters for me. I'm a stay at home Mom, who is also pregnant. This is a first. I tried my hand at being a stay at home Mom earlier this year and it was tough for me. It still is.I miss getting out of my house and talking with people. The big difference is earlier this year I felt better than I do now.

So here I am pregnant and staying at home. I find myself falling into a familiar trap. Pajamas. Who doesn't love pajamas? And who doesn't feel soooo comfortable in pajamas? Why not just stay in them all day, right? Yes unfortunately I find myself doing this semi frequently. While physically I feel my most comfortable, emotionally I feel like crap. Because I feel like a sloppy bum and I don't like it. Some days I do get dressed just to do stuff around the house. As I'm doing laundry or cleaning or organizing I find myself thinking about how uncomfortable I am. Tight clothes on a growing body. Pants cutting into my gut. Ugh. Why do I make myself uncomfortable just to stay in my house?

I'm wondering, do other stay at home Moms struggle with this? Before I was pregnant this wasn't really a huge problem like it is now. I still found the will to get dressed and do my hair and makeup. I'm just so uncomfortable now most the time it seems like a lot of hassle to be seen by Brynlee and Mitzie. They both try to wedge their way into the bathroom when I'm getting sick so I'm just about positive they don't mind the PJs. Probably not too much judgement from them.

Maybe I need to get more attractive pjs? Ones that don't make me feel sloppy or messy. I'm wearing maternity clothes now so I'm not going to find any clothes that are more comfortable than that I don't think. And lets be real after the baby comes then it's bum clothes, spit up and undone hair for like 3 months! I'm not sure it's going to get better anytime soon!

A Mother's Intuition

We're having another girl! 

And my mothers intuition told me it was a boy. That same thing happened with Brynlee. I guess I'm lacking in the mother's intuition dept. I should have known it was a girl seeing as it has it out for my life just like Brynlee did. 

I'm really excited to have two little girls though. Sisters! Yay! I always always wanted a sister, and now Brynlee will have one. 

Jimmy and I will start the name battle now I suppose. We've thrown around a few names, but as with the last one I'm sure this will end up being a clash of will. At least now we know the sex so we can really start throwing names out there.

The baby looked good. Measured the right size and all was well. I'm so paranoid about that now. I feel like that miscarriage did me in, and I just keep waiting for something to go wrong. I couldn't sleep at all the night before the ultra sound because I was worried they'd look at the baby and it would be missing an arm or something. Growing a child is so scary!

19 week stats:

1.cravings?

 cheese and pumpernickel bread. So weird, I know.  But I love that bread! I could eat a whole loaf

2. heartburn?

Yes! Ugh! I didn't get that with Brynlee until like a month before I was due. Now I have it already. I hate it!

3. nauseous?

Unfortunately yes still at times. I haven't thrown up since last week, but I still have periods throughout the day where I don't feel very good. I'm so ready for this phase to be over, if it ever ends

4.stretch marks?

Not yet...

5. other body issues?

Oh too many to list. And some I don't want to get into on here. The joys of pregnancy. Has it been 40 weeks yet? LOL

New Things

We are settling into our house. It's kind of strange, it just being the three of us. We haven't lived without someone for so long, I almost forgot what it's like.

I can walk around in my underwear if I want. And I do. Often. I can put things where I want them to be, and do laundry when I want. It's pretty amazing.

I'm trying my hand as a stay at home Mom, in my own house. I hope it works because that is the plan for a while. I'm shocked at how much of a mess we make, Brynlee and I. I'll go ahead and pass the buck and say that one of us makes much more of a mess than the other. It feels like I'm constantly picking up and cleaning stuff. Yet it's still always a mess. There is always laundry to do and always laundry to fold. It's never ending. And this is with 1 kid. I can only imagine how it is with more.

I tried a new pancake recipe this morning I found on pinterest. One word. Pintrocity! After I'd had all the ingredients, it was more of a dough ball than batter. Hmm...what went wrong? I re read the recipe, and it looks like I added everything it said to. So I improvised and added milk until it was the right consistency. Than I tried to cook these pancakes on my new electric griddle. I smelled something odd, and when I went to flip the pancake it was black as the night sky. I've never seen anything like it. I make pancakes semi often. So I know about how long they take. I tried to cook the pancakes on the stove in a pan, and had the same result. Eventually I gave up and just made toast. Turns out the author of the recipe forgot to add 1 cup of buttermilk to the ingredients list. Oops. Why they were burning like that I'm not sure. I think I'll just stick to bisquick.

I tried shopping at a new store yesterday, called Sprouts. They don't have those in California, and I've heard great things so Brynlee and I gave it a go. It's a healthy store, with a bunch of fresh organic and hormone free stuff. So far the bread is my favorite thing. I think we've almost eaten a whole loaf of pumpernickel bread since yesterday. I'm not sure I'll every buy bread at a normal grocery store again.

I've been enjoying trying new things, some better than others!

On the Move

I have internet now! Yay! I haven't had it since we moved, so my poor blog has been neglected yet again.

The move was, well a move. Don't move in Arizona in September when you are pregnant if you can avoid it. It was not the most fun day. But, I felt pretty decent and was able to do a lot and am grateful for that. We are moved into our house, and it still seems unreal that it's mine, all mine!

Moving was eventful. At the end of the day, with my car packed to the brim it was time to transport Mitzie. She is decent in the car, and actually usually hops right into her cat carrier. I drove with her from California so I figured driving 15 min to the new house would be no big deal. I had no where to put her but on Brynlee's car seat as the rest of the car was packed full ( Brynlee was thankfully not with me as my friend Megan took her for the day, bless her heart!). As I was driving I hear Mitzie start meowing loudly. I looked back and saw that she had fallen off the car seat and her carrier was now sitting vertically between my seat and the back seat. Mitzie was less than pleased about this. At a red light I tried to reach around with one arm and pull her out. As I'm doing this my foot must have slipped off the brake because I ROLLED into the car in front of me! Seriously. Who else would that happen to? Long story short the lady who I rolled into let me off the hook because I go to church with her ( see it pays to be Mormon. LOL) and she had pity on me. Mitzie howling in the back I'm sure helped my cause.

I'm 18 weeks pregnant. I'm pretty sure I'm feeling the baby move. We find out next week what gender it is. I'm thinking boy. I'm thinking a giant big boy because I'm huge. Seriously. I feel like a cow. I know I'm getting fat for a good reason. Call me superficial, but I really have a hard time watching the scale going up, up up. And feeling my clothes get tight, tight tight. In case you are reading this thinking that I'm exaggerating, or over reacting take a look at this picture. The girl to the right of me. She is due 10 days after me. 10 days! And she doesn't even look pregnant. And there I am looking like I'm 3 months ahead of her.

I've been told it's " all belly". But I can't help but wonder how much bigger this belly is going to get. I'm not even 1/2 way there yet. I'm expecting to go there next week and to be told that it's actually twins and that they missed one before!

Light at the end of the Tunnel

It's there! I see it! Second trimester, please don't do me wrong. This week is week 14. Hallelujah. I'm not feeling 100% better yet, but I am feeling better. Thank goodness. Things were really bad there for a while! It's amazing how after child birth your body purges all those memories so you are actually willing to do it again. For me, the first trimester looked a little like this:

1. All pride in appearance goes out the door and around the corner. Seriously. I look like death, and have for quite sometime. I'm someone who usually has hair and make up done, tries to put on a decent outfit and such before I leave the house. Cut to me dragging ( literally dragging) myself to the store in my PJs ( likely at like 3pm), no bra and hair that hasn't been washed in a LONG time. Makeup, forget it.

2. I had to carry a survival kit with my everywhere. Complete with mouthwash, icy hot, a homemade barf bag and a barrage of snacks that did jack crap to make me feel better.

3. Careful meal planning must be done. Before I ate anything I carefully considered what it would look like coming back up again. I think I've puked up just about everything. Without too much detail I can tell you what comes up nicely ( like PB&J sandwiches) or what does not come up nicely ( like spaghetti...ugh). Luckily I'm not too scarred from food I've thrown up. If i never ate anything I threw up again, there would be no food for me to eat.

4. I was GROUCHY. Look out, angry woman on the loose. I still am kinda grouchy, but that's because I still don't feel normalish yet. I consider myself a pretty cheerful person usually. Well I haven't been recently. I was likely to bite someone's head off at anytime. Like when you read morning sickness remedies that say things like "open a window", or " take a walk."  Really?! That's the advice you have for me? Have the people that write things like this ever actually had morning sickness? It doesn't sound like it.

5. "Fetaling" is a new trend. At least that's what I call it. When I'm feeling awful I would say I need to go fetal. Meaning lay in the fetal position and beg for death to take me.

I'm hoping to keep feeling better and better, and be able to put the woes of the first trimester behind me!

The Difficult Toddler

Oh boy. My child. Bless her little heart. Who knew it was possible to love something so much yet be so irritated at them. Three has been tough.

In Brynlee's defense, stability has not exactly been a key component lately. And she is 3, which is the age of the hellion apparently. But she pushes my ( and usually Jimmy's buttons) like I didn't know was possible. If I say up, she says down. If I tell her left, she goes right. Some days are a battle from start to finish and I'm so tired.

Add in the fact that these past few months have been some of the most trying ever and maybe my patience isn't want is should be. I'm working on it. Jimmy always says we need people with strong personalities and minds to be leaders. At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if we see Brynlee as the president one day.

It could be due to the fact that she is so difficult that I started doing something for the first time. I started looking at pictures of her when she was a baby and got genuinely sad. I know a lot of people get sad as their kids get older. I haven't really up to this point. I've kind of just gone along with it. But now that I look at these pictures of her as a baby I remember what a good baby she actually was. How cute are these? I could just eat her up she was so cute.

Now she is a beautiful little girl who makes me crazy. But I love her so much I could just die. It's hard to imagine loving this the new baby as much as I love Brynlee. I'm hoping that since the new baby isn't due until Brynlee is almost 4 maybe she'll be a little better then? Or I'll be a little more patient then? Maybe?

I'm excited to look back on this difficult toddler phase and laugh. When we moved I packed away my bible aka What to Expect the Toddler Years. In hindsight that was a bad idea. I'm excited to break that book out and see what they have to say about a few things. I'm excited to have my own house with Brynlee. I'm hoping some stability and her own space is all she needs. 

But mostly I'm excited to see what new things this next phase of life brings for us. Especially for my difficult toddler. Who I'll try a little harder to not see so much as a "difficult" and more as "spirited".

Right at the Time

Ok so 2 blog entries in one day after I haven't blogged in like months. I little weird. I know. But I never know when I'm going to have the time or feel like blogging these days, so I'm taking advantage of this. In my defense the entry I posted earlier today I actually wrote earlier this week, I just forgot to publish it. Oops. Pregnancy brain is in full affect these days.

As I sat in the bath the other day I started thinking about cosmetology school. I can't believe it's almost been a year since I graduated! It's crazy. Looking back at it, that was such a fun time in my life. I loved it, and would love to go back for a little while. I miss all the girls there, and I miss having a clear goal to work towards.

I started thinking about my friend Brooke. I believe I first addressed her on the blog as "18 year old with no pen". Because on the first day of school she had no pen and had to bother mine. Who doesn't bring a pen on the first day of school? An 18 year old, that's who. Anyhow Brooke is actually 20 now, but was 18 at the time. She is beautiful, rich and carefree just starting out in life. And then there is me 10 years older. I've been around the block, have a family and bills and all sorts of worries. Looking at the 2 of us we were unlikely friends. But we were.

Fate put us together, as both our last names start with C. So we sat next to each other for 3 months everyday. She was so funny, she cracked up me up daily. She reminded me what it was like to just laugh all the time and be carefree. We did projects together, we ate lunch together. We even did a prom updo together which looked pretty good if I do say so myself. But I knew as my cosmetology school career ended, so would my friendship with Brooke. Outside of school we made no sense. School was our glue that held us together, and without that we just fell apart. Throw the fact that I live in another state in there and it's really tough. Besides a few random facebook messages and texts, I have no idea what she is doing now.

I think about how often this happens. With co workers, or people in classes. I remember in one of my geography classes I had a friend named Mike who was in his 50's. We sat together and did projects together. Talk about another unlikely pair. We also made no sense out of school.

It seems that some people are just a right friend at the right time.

I suck at keeping in touch. I know this. So part of this is my fault. After we fall out of touch I'm not good at getting back into it. But what was I going to do with Mike? Go hang out with him? Yeah....Totally just a friendship that made sense at school for the time being.

I should say that I do have some cosmetology friends that I actually keep in touch with. When I came into town we went to dinner and hung out. Next time I go to Simi Valley we'll do the same. But these are girls that I have more in common with. We make a little more sense, and fit together a little better.

I miss Brooke and how much fun she was. I hope she is still that much fun, and that life hasn't worn her down as happens to so many of us. I hope she is happy with what she is doing. I think I'll send her a message to check in. Just because we don't make sense as friends now doesn't mean we can't say hi once in a while.