I get to stare in a mirror all day long. I'm not sure how healthy it is. I pick and poke and prod. I notice things about my appearance I never noticed before. I wonder about appearances in general.
Looks are for the most part based on luck. Some are lucky enough to look a certain way. Some are not. It's like a genetic lottery. There are people who no matter what they do will never be considered "attractive" by society. And that sucks. Who gets to decide what is and isn't attractive anyhow? As I'm surrounded by all these fresh faced youth I can't help but wonder. Inevitably you hit a peak with your appearance. A point where you stop getting better looking, and it all starts going downhill. When is that peak? I think I may have passed it. That sucks too.
I notice bags that were not there before. Wrinkles that were not there before. Hmm... I guess it was my 27 years of hard living? Ha ha. When people tell me I look like I'm in my early 20's I get excited. When did that start? Me wanting to look younger as opposed to older. I had a client ask me if I live at home with my parents the other day. No offense to 27 year olds who do live with their parents, but she made me laugh. I told her I was married with a baby, and she thought I was joking. I'll take that as a compliment.
I find myself feeling slightly lonely in my class. I'm used to this, being LDS and all. But it's still tough sometimes. I'm just different. I don't miss school because I'm too hung-over from the night before. I don't go smoke pot on breaks. I don't have hilarious stories to tell of what I did when I was completely wasted last weekend. Being old and LDS I do really stand alone. Like the cheese in the Farmer in the Del ( yes I think I'm funny, I'm cracking myself up right now). I don't have another choice though. I refuse to lower my standards because everyone else has. But it gets lonely and I was feeling it today.
I'm working on not passing judgment on my classmates. Just because my physical peak has passed (sob sob) doesn't mean my personality peak has. I can continue to perfect that one. And that is the quality that counts anyway! I'm grateful to have this opportunity to be a good influence on my classmates. To shower them with my wisdom, and to hopefuly lead by example.
I did a men's haircut today. My client was the nicest man ever. Seriously. Who knew people could be so nice? He really made my day. Hopefully one day I can make someone's day with my niceness. It's all part of my goal to reach my personality peak. And to stay on that one!
Waiting for James to arrive!
2 years ago