Thursday, April 21, 2011

Birds of Feather

As I was driving today, I saw a flock of birds flying together. Maybe I'm in a weird mood, but it shocked me for a second. Why do they do that? For protection? From what... all the other flying objects that might threaten them? Bad news birds, if a plane is coming at you, line or no line you are toast.

I started to wonder, are they friends? And they like to fly together and that is why they do that? Or are they family maybe? Do animals have the ability to become friends with each other? I’d like to think so. My mind started going and going...

I think about strange stuff like that. I wonder if Brynlee will too. The older she gets, the more I think she looks like me. That makes me kind of sad. I know that is strange and probably a bit messed up. I figured she would look like me, but there are things about my appearance that I have struggled with for a long time, and I don't want her to have to go through the same thing I have (please let her have straight hair, please let her have straight hair...)

At day care today when I dropped her off a little blond boy came up to hug her. Here she is with these boys again. Anyway I asked him if Brynlee was his friend. And he said yes. I asked him if he thought Brynlee was pretty and he said yes. Good job 2 year old, that is the correct answer.

I started to think about what would happen if when Brynlee is a teenager someone makes her feel as ugly as some people made me feel growing up. I think they better watch out, that's what. I may seem nice and pleasant at first, but believe me. You don't want to mess. Future suitors of my daughter, watch out.

When Brynlee was sick in the hospital I worried people would be afraid of her. Treat her like she was a leper, like there was something wrong with her. That she would pass her illness on to them. Turns out we only had one incident of that. That person is not one of my favorite people. Just thinking about him gets me angry all over again. He will probably forever be on my "bad" list. And it’s a pretty short list since I get along with just about everybody.

It's hard to tell what kind of temperament Brynlee will have at this age, but she reminds me of me some ways there too. When she pulls herself to a stand, she is afraid to get down. She wants you to help her. If you don't help her, she screams at you until you do. She is cautious with things.

I'm cautious. A little too cautious I think. I'm not a risk taker and I'm not a dare devil. Which is ok. But I wish I wasn't so scared to do things sometimes. I was never a fearless child, and am definitely not a fearless adult.

I'm not too worried about Brynlee being overcautious as I'm sure her dad will force that trait out of her. I really hope we eventually have a boy. Otherwise Brynlee is in trouble. Jimmy has big dreams for a strong brooding child...

I've realized a few mistakes we've made as parents. I guess you learn from experience right? First, I never made/taught Brynlee how to hold her own bottle. So, now at 11 months old when we are close to a time when I'd like there to be no bottles at all, I still have to hold it for her. Second, I guess feeding her snacks on the floor was not a good idea. Sure our floor is pretty clean. But now she tries to eat ANYTHING of the floor she finds. Lint, paper, pennies, dirt. Hmm... We didn't think that one through to well.

I picture our kids up in Heaven in pre existence. I picture them drawing straws to see who would get stuck coming down here first to train us as parents. Brynlee obviously pulling the short straw because here she is, dealing with us and all our inexperience and uncertanties. The trade off is that she will get all the new toys and clothes while the other kids will be stuck with hand me downs.

I wonder if she will grow up and be amazed looking at a flock of birds flying together like I am. Or if she will think I'm nuts for being so entranced at some pigeons. We'll just have to wait and see about that one!

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