Comparable

I had a great birthday! In my mind, a great birthday is when I get to do whatever I want all day. I don't need exotic trips (Ok I'd like them...), fancy presents or lots of attention. I just want 1 day when I get to go where I want when I want. And eat what I want when I want. I decided on my birthday I was not going to look at the nutrition facts on anything. It was so liberating!

The day after my birthday was my ward's women's conference. For those reading who are not Mormon I'll try to explain that...Ladies who live in my area get together and are offered classes and workshops we can go to. We get to pick which classes we want and they feed us. Being that I'm in a new area, I have to attend these things alone. Which can be scary sometimes, but I did it anyways. I signed up to bring a Bundt cake to the festivities ( which turned out really good, yay!) and away I went. To take some classes by myself.

I decided to go to a marriage class (because honestly, who doesn't need one of those?) and a finance class. They were both really good. Here are some key points I took from each:

Marriage class-
* Getting married is not when courtship ends, it's where it changes and begins over again. How true is that?
* To have a successful marriage, each couple can't put in 50% effort. They each need to put in 100% effort.
* The breakdown of most marriages can be traced back to when each person starting putting their own needs before spouses

Finance class-
* When we get to those pearly gates so to speak it doesn't matter how much money you had, it matters what you did with it
* Budgeting needs to be a family affair, and needs to include everyone
* Teaching your children the value of money and how to handle it is super important and creates responsible adults.

I really enjoyed my classes. I started to think about how easy it is to see what other people have and compare it to what you have. How easy it is to let someone else's good fortune lessen yours. I'm not sure why I feel the need to gauge how successful I am by comparing myself to someone else. Where did that come from? I know I'm not alone in this. These classes reminded me that it doesn't matter if your neighbor has a nicer car than you do. Or if you friend's marriage seems blissful while yours seems rocky at best ( not that mine is, just an ie here). To become a better person we need to stop looking at other people and focus ourselves. Our budget, our marriage.

These aren't really new things. But just refreshed ideas. I'm glad I went to the workshop. Even though I had a pregnant lady sit on either side of me, both due in June. Seriously? Is there anyone not due in June out there? Just kidding. I can't avoid pregnant ladies with June due dates forever. Just because I'm not one of them doesn't mean I can't enjoy them.

This Week

I've fallen of the blogging world. 20 days with no posting, yikes! Things have definitely been going on. I find myself troubled with blogs. They are like diaries, but diaries that everyone in the free world can read. Unless you make it private, and then only certain people can read it but still. They are not thoughts I'm sure I want to share with everyone. These past 20 days I've thought of things I could post about. Thoughts and emotions and struggles and worries. But I'm not going to put it all out there. I'll give the edited version instead.

Times in Arizona have gotten a little difficult for me. I find myself super homesick, and no matter of crying or reminiscing can make it better. I knew it would be different living here. I knew there would be hard times, but I didn't realize it would be this hard. I feel lost here. Like I don't fit in anywhere, and it's tough.

It's no ones fault. People are welcoming and friendly. It's just different. And I miss my family terribly. I miss my parents. Sometimes I call their answering machines when I know they are not there just to listen to their voices. I see a note that my mother in law sent and I burst into tears. I think Jimmy is not sure what to do with me at this point because the tears just keep popping up and I don't know how to stop them. I guess this is growing up but it sucks.

This week I've questioned by ability to be a wife, mother, daughter, friend. This week has been a bad one. The worst I've had in a while. For the first year ever my Mom won't be making me a birthday cake for my birthday tomorrow. For the first year ever I'm not looking forward to my birthday, and my last year in my twenties. 29 years old. How did this happen?

I was at the bank the other day and the teller was pregnant. She mentioned the fact that she was pregnant and I couldn't help it, I had to ask. She is due in June, when I would be due if I was still pregnant. I about had an emotional breakdown then and there.

Brynlee had a fit of epic proportions in the store this week. Complete with running from me down the aisles, running into the employee break room, yelling, hitting, the works. Once again it was illustrated that I have no control over my child and that I suck at being a stay at home Mom. And even worse I have no idea how to fix it.

This week was rough. But rough times come and go, and next week will be better. I find myself standing on the edge of a precipice. I can let my sorrow swallow me up. Or I can make the best of the situation I'm in. I'm in a new place with new opportunities and sometimes I forget that. Next week will be better. But I'm more than happy to see this week come to an end.

Shameless Product Push

When we moved to Arizona, we threw a lot of stuff away. When moving, you get to that point where throwing everything away and starting out brand new sounds like a great idea. Rather than clean and transport Mitzie's smelly old cat box (Yum), I tossed it and figured I'd buy a new one in AZ. That was my first order of business when we got here. Mitzie is really good at using her box, and I didn't want to give her any reason to be otherwise. Like not having a box to use for example.

I headed to Wal-Mart, which seems to be a daily thing for me. I have a super Target and super Wal-Mart each 1 mile from my house. And they are across the street from eachother. Dangerous. Very dangerous. The Wal-Mart even has a hair salon and a home loan center for goodness sake. Talk about super. Anyhow as I was perusing the cat box aisle I was confronted with 50 different types of cat boxes. The last one we had was not my favorite. It had a hood on it which was nice to shield the lovely presents Mitzie leaves from viewing. But otherwise it was not real great.

As I was walking up and down the aisle a lady came up to me and asked if she could make a recommendation. This struck me as a little odd. I don't think that would happen in California. Glad for the help, she told me about this cat box system that she uses:



It was a little pricey, but she sold me on it. I bought it and brought it home. I told Jimmy how much it was and he shot me a look of death (this is a regular occurrence). Well 1 month later and that littler box is a genius. I wish I could find that nice lady from Wal-Mart and tell her how much I love this thing. I know it's strange to love a cat box. But it DOES NOT SMELL. I know, I know, how can that be? Magic, that's how. I've had a lot of cat boxes and this is by far the best,10 times over. It's a little more expensive to maintain than traditional cat boxes, but not by much and so so worth it.

I recommend this 100% to anyone who has indoor cats. If you don't, then sorry this blog post was probably really boring. But I'll wrap up on a observation I've made. People here in Arizona are so much nicer than those in California! I know that is a very generalized statement. But from the lady who recommended the best cat box ever, to the patient drivers who never get mad at me for not knowing where I'm going ever. They are just nicer. And it's nice to be around!

Frills and Bows, Oh No!

I have an acquaintance that has a daughter in dance classes. I'm not sure how old her daughter is (under 5 for sure). I'm not close to this person. But via the wonders of modern technology I was able to see some pictures of a recent dance competition. My jaw hit the floor when I saw the costumes...if you want to call them that. More like hooker outfits in super small sizes. It got me thinking. Would I let Brynlee participate in something like that? Umm no. Not a chance.

I was in dance classes when I was younger, and I loved them. I get that dance performances require a certain amount of stage make up, flashy outfits, etc. But for example something like this:




What is this? When did it become appropriate to dress little girls up and parade them on stage in things that women usually save for the bedroom? I wonder if it's the Mormon in me coming out. It's well known that we dress more conservative than most other people. But I don't think it's that. I think even if I wasn't LDS I wouldn't be comfortable letting my daughter wear something like this.

I worked at a street fair for my school a while ago and a dance group of little girls where performing. They were not in clothing quite like the above, but they looked more like the dancers in late night rap videos than children. Provocative dance moves, booty rolls a plenty...where are the cute little girls doing ballet in tutus?

I always say whatever floats your boat. People have the right to raise their children how they see fit. But I can't see what kind of positive message sexing up children sends. I just don't get it, I never have.

I'm planning on looking into dance classes for Brynlee soon. I hope I can find something that doesn't expect me to dress my toddler in lingerie!

Unchartered Waters

Greetings from sunny Arizona! Today was rainy with a high of 55 degrees...hmmm. I guess it does actually get cold here. Who knew?

The drive here went way better than I ever could have imagined. My wonderful friend Tessa drove out here with me, to help with Brynlee and Mitzie. I don't know what I would have done with her! We kept Mitzie in her carrier for the first 2 hours or so of the ride because she was pretty quiet. Every time we would go over a bump she would meow and remind me that she was still alive. We decided to let her out of the carrier. I did a test run of this earlier last week. I drove around town with her out of the carrier to see what she would do. She sat on the seat next to me and just kind of howled. On Saturday when we let her out of the carrier she went for the first warm lap she could find...Brynlee's! Brynlee was so happy to actually have Mitzie pay attention to her. Brynlee was even petting Mitzie against her fur, and Mitzie stayed put. Talk about desperation.

We are unpacking like crazy trying to put things together and get organized. This is by far my favorite part of moving. Not the actual packing part, but when things start to come together and become livable. Today it took me 45 min to get dressed because I couldn't find my clothes, it will be nice to not have to do that again tomorrow.

As of right now, I don't have a job. Well not a paying one. My current job is staying at home Mom. I've never had this job before. I'm going to look into some preschools for Brynlee out here, but not for a little bit. Jimmy will be working from home until his office gets a set up for him. So, all three of us will be home together all day long every day. I hope we don't all get sick of each other!

It's fun experiencing new things and being in a new place. I haven't been here long enough to get too home sick because it still feels like I'm here on vacation. Just on vacation with all my stuff. :)

The Big Move

As we approach the middle of this week I'm filled with a round of emotions. Anxiety, excitement, sadness... more anxiety. On Saturday we are moving to Arizona. I've never lived outside of California before. I haven't lived outside of Simi Valley since I was 6. And now I'm crossing state lines into a land unknown to me.

I really am excited to embark on this new journey. This will be good for our family. We haven't had a fresh start since we've been married, and I'm looking forward to it. But leaving family and friends behind is really hard. I'm living in a state of denial right now. It's a coping mechanism I have, and it's in full effect. I worry that I won't make any friends, and I'll hate it there and be lonely. Or that I'll cook to death in the summer months ( just thinking about it makes me start to sweat, I'm not kidding)

As my days of being a Simi Valley resident wind down, I think about all the memories I have here. This will always be my home. I'm already looking forward to my first trip back to Simi to appreciate all that it has to offer. I think living here for so long I've come to take it for granted.

I'm not so excited about the actual moving part of this journey. A long car ride with a baby and a cat does not sound super fun. I'm sure I'll have some good blogging stories after that ride. If I make it out alive. Hopefully Mitzie doesn't end up on the side of the road with a sign that says "free". Or Brynlee for that matter.

I'll leave you all with my Arizona Anthem. The next time I blog, I'll be blogging from the Grand Canyon State!

Test Day

As my state board test rapidly approached I felt all sorts of emotions. Dread, nerves, excitement. Sometimes I'd feel like I was going to pass just fine, then I'd feel like there was no way I was going to pass.

To say I put a lot of time into studying and effort into this is a huge understatement. I paid a private tutor, I spent hours and hours going over the material. Yesterday was the big day.

So of course that means that Tuesday night I woke up with a nice case of food poisoning! I spent all day Wednesday in a ball begging for mercy. Great! On Wednesday night I started feeling a little better. I didn't sleep at all on Tuesday night because I was dying, and on Wednesday night I was too nervous to really fall asleep and stay asleep.

(On a side note, I used to be the best sleeper. I always felt bad for those people who had to take medication to sleep, or had sleep issues. Now I am one of those people. By the time I finally fall asleep I can never stay asleep and it sucks really bad.)

Luckily for me, 3 other girls from my class had the same test date so I wasn't alone. We had to be to the testing facility by 6:45am. We had to do our practical part first, which is where you have to perform procedures in front of an instructor. There were about 32 people there total, 8 groups of 4. Each group of 8 was in a separate room together and had 1 instructor. I walked into my room and saw that my instructor was not all about warm and fuzzies. She was stone faced and didn't smile one time. I was a big ball of nerves, fatigue and pressure. I kept dropping my comb, dropping my clips. Just dropping things. It was almost comical. A couple of the procedures I didn't even get to finish. Luckily I wasn't the only one, but still. I left that part of the test not feeling real great.

The next part of the test was the written part. You'd be surprised what cosmetologists have to know! Chemistry, anatomy, skin diseases and disorders, nail disorders. Those are just some of the subjects. It's a ton of material to study, and I did my best. There are different versions of the test, and you are not sure which one you will get. So you literally have to just study everything. I had a ton of nail questions on my test, which is not my best subject at all. I left that part of the test thinking there was no way on earth I passed. I'd be lucky to pass 1 portion. I called Jimmy and started crying, not sure what else to do.

The worst part about all of this is then you have to wait 2 hours for them to tell you your results. So we all just waited, and waited and waited. Maybe the waiting is not the worst part of the experience. Because the way they tell you if you passed is pretty awful to. All 32 people went back into a room. A man walked in with a stack of papers and said he was going to call the people with licenses first. And he just starts randomly calling names. He called the first few names. I was willing him to call mine. Praying, using Jedi mind tricks, anything. He kept calling names that were not mine. And calling them. Girls got up all around me to get their licenses, excited and giddy. I just sat there with my stomach in a knot. Until he did call my name. Yay!!!!!!

I passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I might have started crying then a little bit too. I'm a crier, it's just who I am. Especially when I've had no sleep and when there was so much weighing on me passing this test.

Before I took the test I kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal if I didn't pass. I could just re take it. But it would've been a big deal. When all is said and done I spent $500 on that test and study materials. I worked my but off for 13 months in school, and our family made huge sacrifices so I could do that. All of the blood, sweat and tears was resting on this one five hour test. But I passed.

All four of us did. It was the best possible outcome and a perfect ending to the most nerve racking day of my life. I went to bed last night at 7:30pm ( no joke) and slept until 8am this morning. I put my license right in front of me, so it was the first thing I saw this morning. And it was a beautiful sight.

In case you are wondering, yes we were advised to wear all black. State Board is not a place you want to stand out, so wore black to just blend into the crowd.