Time for Change

Sooo we are moving. Soon. End of this month to be exact. Just across Simi Valley for now, but early next year we are really moving. To Arizona. The big out of state move. It's very bitter sweet for me.

I'm not great with big changes like this. I keep thinking about all the things I'm going to miss and I end up just wanting to hide in my bed. Our families are here. Our friends are here. Our lives are here. But we can't stay here anymore.

We've tried to make it work in California for almost 7 years now. 7 years of up and down, scrimping and saving and barely getting by. We kept hoping opportunities would open up for us here, and that we'd be able to stay in our hometown. But we can't wait anymore. How long is one family supposed to live in a room for goodness sakes? Or with 30 something male roommates.

We came to the Arizona decision by making a list of pros and cons. Jimmy's brother is out there and he has offered to let us live with them for a while. Which is amazing and such a blessing. Jimmy can transfer his job out there, making California money in Arizona. It's not that long of a car ride from Simi Valley. The big con...it's hot. Really really really hot. That is probably the main one. I hate heat. My first summer in AZ is going to be a miserable one, I'm already well aware of that. Somehow people live out there and like it though. I guess you just don't do anything that requires you leaving the house during the day. Like vampires almost. I like Twilight just as much as the next person!

Lately I've been sitting in my house and trying to take in all the memories here. We've been here for 4 years. We brought both Mitzie and Brynlee home in this house. I love it here. But it's time for us to move on. Our family is changing and this living situation can't accommodate us anymore the way it used to be able to. The guys will be staying here, so while we are still in CA I'll be able to come back and visit. If I want. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that right at first. It will make me too sad.

As school is coming to a close Brynlee and I will have a new schedule. She started pre school this year, so I don't want to pull her out of that. So she will go to school Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hopefully on those days I can work lunch time shifts to be home with the family during the evenings. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'll have her home with me. I'm excited, and kind of nervous. It's going to be a lot of time together. I hope I can entertain her! I'll have to get creative about it, like all those fun stay at home Moms do!

So here is to some changes. Hopefully for the better!

I Remember

This day is special to me. This day makes me sad. But it makes me happy as well. And so amazingly proud to be an American.

I can't believe it's been 11 years since the September 11 attacks. In a way it feels like yesterday. I remember where I was when I found out it happened. I remember what I was wearing. I remember how I felt. I remember not really understanding what was going on. Until the endless media coverage gave me a first hand look.

I had no idea what the Twin Towers were. And no idea how many people worked in them. Or how much that day would affect our country as it has these past 11 years. Once I understood the severity of the situation I remember feeling depressed. And helpless that I couldn't do anything to help anyone. And scared that I would be next, that my school would be attacked, that my family would be attacked. I felt relieved that I didn't directly know anyone affected.

The weeks that followed were full of emotions for me. I wore red, white and blue. I participated in candle light vigils and I donated what meager money I could being 17 and working part time. I wrote letters to teenagers whose family had been affected to let them know that they were not alone.

September 11th has become like the Titanic, Pearl Harbor or the Holocaust to me. Whenever there is a TV special on any one of those things I have to watch. I'm fascinated. It's almost as if if gather enough info about these things I can understand why they had to happen. And it makes me feel better.

However September 11th is the only one of those I lived through. So it hits a little closer to home. I can't seem to make it through a TV show about it without crying. The same way I can't listen to the song " I'm Proud to be an American" without crying.

One of the many TV specials I've watched recently followed a few survivors from Sept 11th. It told of how they survived, and how they have gone on to live their lives. One survivor in particular is still working and living in NYC. One of his current co workers made a comment to him about how he is always in such a good mood. He told him that unless a plane is flying into your office building, you are having a good day.

I keep thinking about that. And how true it is. Each day is a blessing and a gift.

Some of the images will never leave my head. The first tower actually collapsing when no one ever thought it would. The sound of bodies hitting the ground as helpless people jumped to their deaths rather than be burned alive. The fear and disbelief on the faces of those who managed to make it out. The wreckage of the plane that didn't make it to it's intended destination because of the brave passengers on board.

But I also remember firemen from all over the country answering the call and going to help out. The rescue efforts that continued days and days after the attack, in attempt to give family members some sort of closure. The way we banded together as a country. I remember September 11th and the heroes that came from it. And will be forever grateful for their courage and example.

Senioritis

I'm graduating in about 1 month. It's nuts! This year flew by, and I knew it would. I was terrified I wouldn't want to graduate. Because I, unlike the 19 year olds I go to school with know what is waiting for us after school. Hard work, tough reality and a bad economy. Not an ideal time to start a new career. Well I do feel terrified. But I'm excited too.

I've come a long way in 1 year. I still have a long way to go, but I'm continuing to improve and that is all I can ask for. I love the girls I go to school with, but I'm getting tired of being there allll day long. My class definitely has a case of senioritis. It's like once the end is close, a switch flips and all anyone wants to do is sit around all day. We moved seats and I'm now in the waaaaay back. It has pros and cons. Pros being that I really could sit around all day and no one would probably notice. Cons being that my elderly clients have to trek a long way to the shampoo bowl. I always joke with them and ask them if they wore their walking shoes because we are going to get some exercise!

I love my school. There are some bad things about it, for sure. I only paid $5k to go there as opposed to other schools which are up around $20k. And it shows. The budget at my school is not great, and we are packed like sardines in there with minimal staff and minimal supplies. But everyone does their best and I feel so blessed to be able to follow this dream of mine. I'm a lucky lady, and I'm working hard on not forgetting it!

A Day at Work

I've been working at Chili's for a little while now. I've got the swing of it again and am feeling pretty good. It's funny when I told my Mom that I got a job there she told me I was a lot older then when I worked there before.

Jeez thanks Mom! However... she is right. When I have school and work by the end of the day I want to crawl to the couch my feet hurt so bad. Serving is hard work! But it's kind of like a forced work out for me. I definitely run around and sweat (eww, I know but it gets really hot) enough. It's like 4 hours of paid cardio. I don't remember my body aching like this when I was serving before though.

I've traded my desk job for two very physically demanding activities. Which is good. I like to be moving around. And I like to be semi active. I'm not going to go run a triathlon or anything (ha ha) but I don't like sitting around all day.

I've realized I've developed another trait this time around as a waitress. My attitude is a little...well I've got one. If someone at a table gives me an attitude, they get one back. My favorite is when I ask a table how they are doing and they tell me " hungry". Oh man! That is hilarious! I've never heard that before. I figured you were full, and that is why you are out to eat! So stupid.

But for the most part I really like my job. And I'm making better money that I every have at Chili's as well, so I'm happy with my decision to leave Macy's. At least that is one decision I can be sure about!

Looking Forward

Recently I find myself keeping track of days. As each day of August ends, we come closer. And closer. To...drum roll please.... Fall!!!! Yay!!!! I LOVE fall. It is by far my favorite time of year. I cannot wait. In fact I'm trying to will fall here early by doing fallish type things.

I bought nail polish from the Essie Fall Collection the other day. And I had a cup of apple cider. And I brought out my fall body wash, pumpkin spice. In my mind, Sept 1st is fall time. Summer decorations come down, and fall decorations go up.

Unfortunately the weather does not seem to agree with me. Usually September is our highest electric bill, because usually it's 100000 degrees outside. *sigh*. I'm so over summer it's not even funny.

I remember as a kid loving summer. But then I grew up and reality hit. All summer means now is having to get in a 110 degree car after school/work. And lots of sweating, ick. And a super high electric bill. I admire adults who love summer. I'm not one of them.

But fall is just as good as it always was. It means cool weather, Holidays on the horizon, pumpkin pie, warm drinks, pretty colored leaves (ok not here, but in other places). To say I'm looking forward to fall is an understatement. I'm ready to make a paper chain and take of a link for each day until it gets here!

Flower Power

Last night Brynlee was a flower girl in a wedding. To be 100% honest I've sort of been dreading it. For selfish reasons. Jimmy was a groomsman in the wedding as well, and I knew it would require a ton of effort on my part to try to corral Brynlee into behaving. This was not a church gym wedding. This was a formal event, with a sit down dinner and everything.

It went pretty well. Brynlee made it down the aisle, and actually threw some flowers. Woo Hoo! That was really my main goal. The reception was a little rough. She does not sit still very well, or for very long. So to try to get her to sit still for a lengthy period of time was hard.

The rehearsal dinner was on Friday night and trying to get her to sit still for that was really hard, so by the time last night rolled around my patience were thin at best.

But she was so cute I could barely stand it. And then the dancing started. And she was the life of the party. At 10pm I had to literally pull her off the dance floor. Turns out she is quite the dancing queen, and stole the heart of just about everyone at the wedding. Unfortunately for me, every time I would go up to her she would run because she thought I was trying to take her home. So I did not get to dance with her as much as I hoped. Or really get any pictures of her.


Besides a few tough moments, like during the ceremony when I had to take Brynlee out because she would not be quiet and the whole audience could hear her yelling " Daddy!!!" As I'm dragging her out there it was a good experience. It might be her only chance to be a flower girl, so I'm glad we did it.

Today

There are many days where I wonder if going to cosmetology school was a mistake. I question my abilities, my judgment and my sanity. I hope that this whole thing was not just me chasing some crazy fantasy and taking my family along for the ride. That would suck for everyone involved.

But today is not one of those days. Today, this was the right choice. I did my first major hair service on my own at my house. I did a highlight re touch with lowlights as well. I had no help, no one watching me and nothing but my own knowledge to get me through. And her hair turned out phenomenal. She is really happy with it, and I'm really happy with it. We are just happy. It's a great feeling.

I can do this. I wonder when I'll stop being surprise when something like this turns out really well. Every time I do highlights there are several times during the process when I think "disaster!". It's just really hard to visualize it all coming together for me. Until the end when it actually does come together. And then I wonder why I was freaking out so much.

Today was a good day. Here's to many more!