Light at the end of the Tunnel

It's there! I see it! Second trimester, please don't do me wrong. This week is week 14. Hallelujah. I'm not feeling 100% better yet, but I am feeling better. Thank goodness. Things were really bad there for a while! It's amazing how after child birth your body purges all those memories so you are actually willing to do it again. For me, the first trimester looked a little like this:

1. All pride in appearance goes out the door and around the corner. Seriously. I look like death, and have for quite sometime. I'm someone who usually has hair and make up done, tries to put on a decent outfit and such before I leave the house. Cut to me dragging ( literally dragging) myself to the store in my PJs ( likely at like 3pm), no bra and hair that hasn't been washed in a LONG time. Makeup, forget it.

2. I had to carry a survival kit with my everywhere. Complete with mouthwash, icy hot, a homemade barf bag and a barrage of snacks that did jack crap to make me feel better.

3. Careful meal planning must be done. Before I ate anything I carefully considered what it would look like coming back up again. I think I've puked up just about everything. Without too much detail I can tell you what comes up nicely ( like PB&J sandwiches) or what does not come up nicely ( like spaghetti...ugh). Luckily I'm not too scarred from food I've thrown up. If i never ate anything I threw up again, there would be no food for me to eat.

4. I was GROUCHY. Look out, angry woman on the loose. I still am kinda grouchy, but that's because I still don't feel normalish yet. I consider myself a pretty cheerful person usually. Well I haven't been recently. I was likely to bite someone's head off at anytime. Like when you read morning sickness remedies that say things like "open a window", or " take a walk."  Really?! That's the advice you have for me? Have the people that write things like this ever actually had morning sickness? It doesn't sound like it.

5. "Fetaling" is a new trend. At least that's what I call it. When I'm feeling awful I would say I need to go fetal. Meaning lay in the fetal position and beg for death to take me.

I'm hoping to keep feeling better and better, and be able to put the woes of the first trimester behind me!

The Difficult Toddler

Oh boy. My child. Bless her little heart. Who knew it was possible to love something so much yet be so irritated at them. Three has been tough.

In Brynlee's defense, stability has not exactly been a key component lately. And she is 3, which is the age of the hellion apparently. But she pushes my ( and usually Jimmy's buttons) like I didn't know was possible. If I say up, she says down. If I tell her left, she goes right. Some days are a battle from start to finish and I'm so tired.

Add in the fact that these past few months have been some of the most trying ever and maybe my patience isn't want is should be. I'm working on it. Jimmy always says we need people with strong personalities and minds to be leaders. At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if we see Brynlee as the president one day.

It could be due to the fact that she is so difficult that I started doing something for the first time. I started looking at pictures of her when she was a baby and got genuinely sad. I know a lot of people get sad as their kids get older. I haven't really up to this point. I've kind of just gone along with it. But now that I look at these pictures of her as a baby I remember what a good baby she actually was. How cute are these? I could just eat her up she was so cute.

Now she is a beautiful little girl who makes me crazy. But I love her so much I could just die. It's hard to imagine loving this the new baby as much as I love Brynlee. I'm hoping that since the new baby isn't due until Brynlee is almost 4 maybe she'll be a little better then? Or I'll be a little more patient then? Maybe?

I'm excited to look back on this difficult toddler phase and laugh. When we moved I packed away my bible aka What to Expect the Toddler Years. In hindsight that was a bad idea. I'm excited to break that book out and see what they have to say about a few things. I'm excited to have my own house with Brynlee. I'm hoping some stability and her own space is all she needs. 

But mostly I'm excited to see what new things this next phase of life brings for us. Especially for my difficult toddler. Who I'll try a little harder to not see so much as a "difficult" and more as "spirited".

Right at the Time

Ok so 2 blog entries in one day after I haven't blogged in like months. I little weird. I know. But I never know when I'm going to have the time or feel like blogging these days, so I'm taking advantage of this. In my defense the entry I posted earlier today I actually wrote earlier this week, I just forgot to publish it. Oops. Pregnancy brain is in full affect these days.

As I sat in the bath the other day I started thinking about cosmetology school. I can't believe it's almost been a year since I graduated! It's crazy. Looking back at it, that was such a fun time in my life. I loved it, and would love to go back for a little while. I miss all the girls there, and I miss having a clear goal to work towards.

I started thinking about my friend Brooke. I believe I first addressed her on the blog as "18 year old with no pen". Because on the first day of school she had no pen and had to bother mine. Who doesn't bring a pen on the first day of school? An 18 year old, that's who. Anyhow Brooke is actually 20 now, but was 18 at the time. She is beautiful, rich and carefree just starting out in life. And then there is me 10 years older. I've been around the block, have a family and bills and all sorts of worries. Looking at the 2 of us we were unlikely friends. But we were.

Fate put us together, as both our last names start with C. So we sat next to each other for 3 months everyday. She was so funny, she cracked up me up daily. She reminded me what it was like to just laugh all the time and be carefree. We did projects together, we ate lunch together. We even did a prom updo together which looked pretty good if I do say so myself. But I knew as my cosmetology school career ended, so would my friendship with Brooke. Outside of school we made no sense. School was our glue that held us together, and without that we just fell apart. Throw the fact that I live in another state in there and it's really tough. Besides a few random facebook messages and texts, I have no idea what she is doing now.

I think about how often this happens. With co workers, or people in classes. I remember in one of my geography classes I had a friend named Mike who was in his 50's. We sat together and did projects together. Talk about another unlikely pair. We also made no sense out of school.

It seems that some people are just a right friend at the right time.

I suck at keeping in touch. I know this. So part of this is my fault. After we fall out of touch I'm not good at getting back into it. But what was I going to do with Mike? Go hang out with him? Yeah....Totally just a friendship that made sense at school for the time being.

I should say that I do have some cosmetology friends that I actually keep in touch with. When I came into town we went to dinner and hung out. Next time I go to Simi Valley we'll do the same. But these are girls that I have more in common with. We make a little more sense, and fit together a little better.

I miss Brooke and how much fun she was. I hope she is still that much fun, and that life hasn't worn her down as happens to so many of us. I hope she is happy with what she is doing. I think I'll send her a message to check in. Just because we don't make sense as friends now doesn't mean we can't say hi once in a while.

A Few New Things

So things have been kinda crazy here.

Crazy thing 1:

I'm pregnant! Yay! 11 weeks. And boy have those been hard earned 11 weeks. Some people are meant to be pregnant I think. They are meant to be vessels in which little miracles grow and flourish. And then there is me. I am dying. Or wish I was dying.

I thought maybe with the magic pill I'd be cured of nausea and all would be well. Unfortunately, no. This time I actually ended up in the ER because I was so dehydrated. I needed 80 ccs of fluids! The fact that it's 110 degrees here does not help. The people at the ER were amazed that I continued to vomit even while they were giving me zofran in my IV. I guess that is exciting to some? Not so exciting for me unfortunately. It seems the only thing the Zofran does is make it so I can make it to the toilet before losing my lunch/dinner/breakfast/snack/anything. That is an improvement from when I was pregnant with Brynlee and would lose it in my car or bushes or anywhere really.

After dragging myself to work for weeks and weeks I finally threw in the towel. Every time I stand for more than 10 min I get really dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out. I remember this being a problem when I was pregnant with Brynlee, but I was at a desk job so it wasn't a huge deal. However standing to cut hair became an issue. I decided to take a leave from work. I feel kind of like a failure that I couldn't muscle through it. But in the end I needed to do what was best for my and the little teddy graham wreaking havoc on my life. I have a note from my Dr, but I'm not sure if Supercuts will accept that. I plan on trying to work again when I'm out of the first trimester and feeling better.

Things have gotten a little better for me since I've stopped trying to work. It's one stress I don't have to deal with right now.

I'm happy to be pregnant. I'm excited to be pregnant. But it doesn't mean that while I have my head in the toilet for the 5th time of the day, and while my whole body feels like it's revolting against me that I'm the happiest at that moment.

In Arizona you don't get an ultrasound until you are 10 weeks. In California I had them around 8 weeks. As the date of the ultrasound approached, I was terrified. The last one did not go so well. I wasn't sure if I could do all that again. As if this baby new I needed to know it was ok, not only did we see a heart beat but we saw the baby moving. He was shaking his little nub arms all over the place. I didn't need to wait for the ultrasound tech to tell me there was a heart beat because I saw the baby moving all over the place. Ah sweet relief. The Dr said my chance of miscarriage goes down to 3% now. Yay! Unfortunately I guess this is just how my body is with a viable pregnancy. Angry. It's an angry body right now. But just a few more weeks ( hopefully) and it will get better.

Brynlee has been pretty funny about it. She keeps telling me she has a baby in her tummy too. If that's the case we have BIG problems. I asked her if she wanted a little brother or sister and she said yes. I explained that she will have to share her stuff with them and they will be with us all the time. She didn't like that part of it too much. She thinks the baby will go home to "his" house every day. I have bad news for your Brynlee...

Crazy thing 2:

We are buying a house. Yes buying. A house of our own. In which we will live on our own. Just our little family. It's so odd. I can't believe it's actually happening to be honest. We've lived with someone else since 2008. That's a long time! I'm excited yet nervous. What if we all get bored of each other without other people around?

After not using my own stuff for almost a year, it will be nice to have it back. I hope everything survived the move. I bubble wrapped and bubble wrapped but I'm sure there will be some casualties. The thing I'm most worried about is my decorations, oddly enough. All homemade stuff that is not expensive, but it's years and years of memories. I told Jimmy that if my decorations are ruined I'll cry. He told me that I cry anyways. Touche Jimmy, touche. But I will be super bummed.

We are moving on Sep 14th, so that means fall decorations will be going up! You know how I roll, Sep 1st means fall time. Even if it is 110 degrees here still ( which it likely will be, ugh)!

To my Faithful Followers

Don't leave me! I'll be back soon, I promise. And when I come back there's going to be lots of exciting stuff!

Warm

I'm finding out new things in this Arizona heat. Like 118 degrees to be exact. Yes, that is hot. Now I think it's funny when Californians get amped up over 102. Here are some observations I've made:

1. Leaving a diaper bag with crayons in it in the car is not a good idea. It gets so hot that the crayons actually melted. Yes, melted.

2. Despite the soaring temps, you can still wear pants here. And boots for that matter. Every building I go into is kept at like 72 degrees. It's just really hot when I get into my car.

3. If you are swimming in the pool, leave your sandals in the shade. Leaving them in the sun and then trying to put them on is not a good idea.

4. How great is modern technology? God bless air conditioning, and anyone who makes it happen. I try to imagine people riding a horse or something in this weather. NO THANKS!

5. I think I'm going to be more tan here in Arizona than I've ever been in California. That is because when we are home we live at the pool. There is nothing much else to do to get out of the house. Fear not, we both wear plenty of sun screen.

6. I can move really fast! When it's time to get out of the car and go into the store/house/wherever it's like every man for himself. As soon as that air conditioning turns off I straight up run to whatever our destination is. Usually dragging ( literally ) Brynlee along as we sprint for relief.

Ok so it's pretty miserable here right now. But we are making it!

The Death of a Romantic

I was at work yesterday, working on a client. She was a pleasant lady with some serious 80's hair, but sweet none the less. My boss, a few stations over from me was working on a younger guy. I was eavesdropping on their conversation (as I'm prone to doing) and her the guy tell her that he and his fiance were taking engagement pictures later that day.

My first reaction was thank goodness I didn't end up with him, no pressure to do a good haircut or anything! My boss asked him where they were going on their honeymoon.

The guy replied, " Everyday is a honeymoon with her.".

Upon hearing this, I literally rolled my eyes and made a gagging sound ( Rude, I know. It just came out!). My client however oohed and ahhed and squealed about how romantic that was. I kept my opinion in check as much as possible, but couldn't help to wonder.

How long have these people been together? A week? A month? Honestly. I feel like no one who has been together any length of time would say that. I hate it when newly together people act like they have nothing that no one on this planet has ever had. That they are different than everyone else, when in fact they are like everyone else was at the BEGINNING of their relationships.

Then an even more disturbing thought hit me. When did I become so cynical? I think I used to be a romantic. Apparently I'm not anymore gauging by my reaction to this cheesy display of affection. Hmm. When did this happen? And why did this happen?

I'm married to my best friend. We have had good times. We've had hard times. Sometimes he so irritating the fact that I'm stuck with him for all eternity seems like a cruel joke. But my love for him is as strong as it was the first time I said those words to him. However our love is different now. Life, struggles, kid have come into the picture and now we are like old war buddies as well as two married people.

Is that what has turned me into a cynic? I'm not sure. Obviously at some point I grew up and realized that real relationships were not all roses and sunshine. Fun times and love notes. Everyday together is not going to be a honeymoon. In my mind at least. But that's OK. If it was sunshine all the time we would never appreciate the good times and not have a reason to work and grow as a couple.

Good luck to this young guy getting married. Maybe he was joking with his comment... although he didn't seem like it. Maybe everyday will be a honeymoon for them, great for them if it is. As for me ( and I think the rest of us?) we'll keep struggling, growing and learning together.