Thursday, January 6, 2011

Letting Go

This week has been a wild one. After much effort and debate, Brynlee started day care on Tuesday. Since August we have had a revolving door of people helping me take care of her while I'm working. They have all been great, but it just got exhausting. This way she has a steady schedule and lots of social interaction.

It seems to have been an easy transition for her, for me not so much. So far when I bring her there (yes I get stuck with the drop off, and Jimmy gets to pick her up...) she smiles and is happy as a clam to be around other kids. The first day I cried all the way to work, and at my desk for the first few hours of the day.

Leaving her is hard, and no matter how much I push it aside I still feel like a failure as a parent. I vowed to never put her in day care, and here she is. Even though I know it's only temporary, every morning I feel like I'm giving my baby away.

It has gotten better (no tears since the first day), but I'm wondering if it will every get easy. Probably not. For all you stay at home Moms out there, be grateful that this is a feeling you will never have to experience!

On a different topic, today Jimmy and I have been married 5 years. I can't believe how fast it's flown by. Tomorrow we are heading to San Diego for the weekend to enjoy some baby free alone time. We are going to the Wild Animal Park, and I'm so excited!


Audrey Spence said...

Man I don't know how you do it. I would cry too. I would have been bawling as I dropped her off. That's one thing I'm glad I don't have to do. We might be poor and sometimes we may have to make our house payments late and pay an extra $50 but its worth it. Oh and happy 5 yrs!

Liz Cuillard said...

Yes I sobbed the whole way to work. All 45 min. And then just kept crying at my desk until like 12 when I called the day care to see how she was doing. They told me she was doing great and it made me feel better.

Julia Everts said...

I am grateful to be a stay at home mom. I thank God everyday for the opportunity i have to stay home and raise my girls. I don't know how you do it. But i guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Just know your not a failure, in the least bit! Hang in there Liz!

racheyroy said...

I hear you Liz. It was hard to have Jocelyn watched by someone other then me or Cory. I felt bad doing it. But I know we are making the best choice for our family right now. I can't say it is ever not hard. I find myself wanting to stay and play with her every time I drop her off. Or leave early to get her. But at least I know she is safe and learning. She has also become a pretty social baby, which is fun.

Good luck, and remember you are doing what is best for you guys and she is still getting the quality time and love from you she needs. And...if you ever want to have a working mom sob fest...I am here and I totally understand.

Oh and Happy 5 years! Awesome!

Heather and Spencer said...

Even though you don't like taking Brynlee to day care, be happy knowing she is well taken care of...and that you are doing what is best for her in being able to provide for all her needs and wants (especially financially)! She doesn't love you any less for taking her to day care (in fact, she may love you just a little bit more...who wouldn't when their mom lets them play with friends every day?)