Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm Going to Take a Second...

To just complain. Yep, that's what I'm going to do. I'm not the most prideful of people, so I have no shame in admitting that having a 1 month old sucks sometimes.

Like right now, for example.

Brynlee is crying uncontrollably for no reason at all. I'm thinking colic has arrived? How else do you explain this complete melt down she has been having for the past 2 hours? I just KNEW that she would be colicky, I could feel it coming on. And here we are.

Maybe it's good that I'm the only one home right now to hear this. Although I'm sure our neighbors are well aware. Probably most of Wood Ranch too.

There have been numerous occasions where Jimmy and I look at each other and think, "after doing this once, why does anyone decide to have more than 1 kid?". Now is one of those times where it's looking like Brynlee will be an only child.

I realize everyone has struggles in life. We were fortunate not to struggle to get pregnant, but between the pregnancy from hell, and the baby devil screaming at the top of her lungs I'm thinking this is what I get. Easy to conceive, the rest of it not so easy.

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of people in my life willing to help me through the time of the newborn. However honestly I'm not sure how much of a help it is. Someone comes over and takes care of Brynlee when I'm at my whits end and instead of feeling better, I feel worse.

I feel like a failure as a mother, because I've lost my patience and because I needed help from someone else when plenty of other people take care of their newborns and other kids as well just fine.

I realize this post is quite a change from my last one. Maybe it's the hormones (there are still hormones running wild right? Because that's what I'm blaming my mood on), maybe it's the fact that I'm tired and have been dealing with a fussy child most of the day. Maybe it's the fact that I miss my job and how much easier life was pre baby. Who knows?

I've learned a ton of stuff with this whole baby experience. And the one thing I keep thinking over and over again is how much I admire other mothers. Especially single ones. I have a co worker whose husband is deployed and she is taking care of a newborn, a 5 year old and a 10 year old all by herself. And working full time. I've decided she is superwoman. When I start to feel sorry for myself ( like right now) I think about her and realize how much harder it could be. So maybe a little crying isn't that bad...I just hope I have ear drums left when it's all over!


Heather and Spencer said...

Totally not a failure as a mother!!! Sometimes it is you being a great mom admitting you need the help!!! I still do it! I have called Spencer and told him he needs to come home before I loose it! Did I ever send you the info about The Happiest Baby on the Block? Seriously. Best thing ever. Helped so much on those days when Ry cried uncontrollably! Bring Brynlee over soon! Or let me know when you need time to yourself, I can come play with her, hold her while she is screaming, or if you just want to take a long hot bath and not have to worry about her! I will try to remember and call you tomorrow and see if you need anything!

Audrey Spence said...

I tell Scott I'd love to be pregnant right now. I can handle the pregnancy and the delivery... piece of cake... it's the having to raise the baby that's the hard part. I am so relieved right now cuz Charlotte went down for her nap. All morning she has been so fussy and will not let me leave her side. I can't even stand in the kitchen to do dishes. At one point I went in my room and sat behind my bed to just breathe for a min before Charlotte came looking for me. It's not easy but it'll be worth it... wait til she follows you around. Then there's no escaping. I've had some rough days recently with Charlotte and its especially hard on the days where Scott has to work late so we can afford to pay our bills and have enough food. But just know... I'm here if you need to vent! I'm almost always sitting home during the day with Charlotte so please call me! It gets lonely talking to my dog and Charlotte all day!