To just complain. Yep, that's what I'm going to do. I'm not the most prideful of people, so I have no shame in admitting that having a 1 month old sucks sometimes.
Like right now, for example.
Brynlee is crying uncontrollably for no reason at all. I'm thinking colic has arrived? How else do you explain this complete melt down she has been having for the past 2 hours? I just KNEW that she would be colicky, I could feel it coming on. And here we are.
Maybe it's good that I'm the only one home right now to hear this. Although I'm sure our neighbors are well aware. Probably most of Wood Ranch too.
There have been numerous occasions where Jimmy and I look at each other and think, "after doing this once, why does anyone decide to have more than 1 kid?". Now is one of those times where it's looking like Brynlee will be an only child.
I realize everyone has struggles in life. We were fortunate not to struggle to get pregnant, but between the pregnancy from hell, and the baby devil screaming at the top of her lungs I'm thinking this is what I get. Easy to conceive, the rest of it not so easy.
I'm lucky enough to have a lot of people in my life willing to help me through the time of the newborn. However honestly I'm not sure how much of a help it is. Someone comes over and takes care of Brynlee when I'm at my whits end and instead of feeling better, I feel worse.
I feel like a failure as a mother, because I've lost my patience and because I needed help from someone else when plenty of other people take care of their newborns and other kids as well just fine.
I realize this post is quite a change from my last one. Maybe it's the hormones (there are still hormones running wild right? Because that's what I'm blaming my mood on), maybe it's the fact that I'm tired and have been dealing with a fussy child most of the day. Maybe it's the fact that I miss my job and how much easier life was pre baby. Who knows?
I've learned a ton of stuff with this whole baby experience. And the one thing I keep thinking over and over again is how much I admire other mothers. Especially single ones. I have a co worker whose husband is deployed and she is taking care of a newborn, a 5 year old and a 10 year old all by herself. And working full time. I've decided she is superwoman. When I start to feel sorry for myself ( like right now) I think about her and realize how much harder it could be. So maybe a little crying isn't that bad...I just hope I have ear drums left when it's all over!
Waiting for James to arrive!
3 years ago