Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Whirlwind

Ok so I'm a bit emotional. Who knew? It doesn't take a lot to make the tears flow, I've always been a weeper. But throw pregnancy in the mix and I just cry or want to cry all the time. Literally I'll be driving home from work and just feel like crying. For no reason at all, just feel like crying.

A couple of weeks ago I found myself watching that stupid lifetime movie " Christmas Shoes" by myself and balling my eyes out. Not just tearing up, but like having an emotional break down. Robbie came down stairs and wasn't quite sure what to do with me I think.

Then I find myself getting angry. And mean. I've been saying some really mean things to people recently! It just comes out. After I've said it I think about it and realize " what the heck, I don't say stuff like that to people". But here I am saying downright rude things to people.

I'm not going to dwell on my Dr's visit from hell yesterday, but lets just say I left Kaiser so pissed off I wanted to burn that place down. Literally. I will NEVER EVER go to that Dr. again. And for his sake lets hope I don't ever run into him again. Just thinking about it now gets my blood pumping and makes me want to hit something.

I guess this is all part of this journey they call pregnancy then? What a journey it has been so far...

I'm honestly petrified that our child will like Jimmy more. I know I shouldn't think like that. But I do. Mitzie likes him more and she isn't even ashamed of it. I feed her, I buy her stuff, I pay attention to her. I have pictures of her all over my desk at work like she is my child for goodness sake.

And when Jimmy and I are sitting on the couch, whose lap does she jump onto? Not mine. Curse. He even yells at her! Maybe it's the tough love she likes. Or maybe it's because he is a boy.

But she follows him around the house like a lost puppy (or kitten in this case), and basically comes to me when he is not around. The other morning she was sitting with me until she heard his voice. She went running over to him and couldn't get off of me fast enough. Great. I'm a second fiddle playing cat parent!

On a positve note we should find out the sex of the baby next week. If it's cooperative. At first I was thinking it's a boy, but now I'm thinking maybe it's a girl...then I realize I have absolutely no idea. I guess some people just know, but I'm not that intuitive apparently. Guess we'll have to see. It will be nice to know what kind of stuff I can start buying though.

The one and only good thing that came out of my appointment yesterday was a good strong baby heart beat. Whew! I’m still getting sick unfortunately (oh I can add bushes by my office to my list of places I’ve marked by the way) so I figured everything was ok. But it’s good to have it confirmed. And my uterus is growing quite nicely. At least I can do that right!