Friday, August 14, 2009

Still Aiming to Please

So my inner makeover has sort of stalled. I was doing pretty well for a while, but like usual I've lapsed back into my old ways.

The other day I had a rather serious conversation with someone. I don't want to get into details with this being a public venue and all but this person has a pretty strong personality and can be somewhat intimidating at times.

I was sharing some bad news with this person (in their mind, good news in mine!). After I dropped my bad news bomb I found myself saying things to this person to ease the tension. It's like I developed a sudden case of turrets and was just saying things to this person that were completely untrue.

I walked away thinking "I don't mean 1/2 of what I just said in there!" Why, why did I do that? It's this need I have to please. I see someone who doesn’t like what I’m telling them and suddenly I'm saying stuff that is a complete fabrication to make them feel better.

What's worse is I've found that this need to please only rears its head in certain places and with certain people. Ask Jimmy and he will tell you that I'm NOT much of a people pleaser with him. But it seems that with people who have strong personalities and are somewhat domineering that I just crumble and start speaking fallacies. Yes Jimmy has a very strong personality, but with him I'm comfortable enough to not feel the need to constantly please.

So when I'm cornered with one of those strong dominating people I haven't got a chance. I feel like a wounded wildebeest running from a hungry lion in the serengeti. I'm toast!

I think I need to start reading my self help book again...

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