The Great Outdoors

Happy New Year's Eve! It's days like this I'm reminded while Jimmy and I toil away to stay living in Southern California. With the roommates, and baby in room equaling no room for us it seems kind of crazy. But on a day like today it's worth it. It is absolutely beautiful out. There are not too many places you can wear a T shirt and flip flops on New Year's Eve! It feels like spring outside and staying indoors during weather like this should be a crime.

The whole family had lunch on the patio today. We even brought Mitzie out there, which is rare for her. Because she has a paranoid mother who keeps her indoors. When I adopted her I signed an adoption contract agreeing to keep her as an indoor cat. I'm a woman of my word. Plus there are all sorts of coyotes and things around here. I don't need to be kept up late worrying about where my cat is. The days of being kept up late worrying will come soon enough as Brynlee gets older. But once in a while we will let Mitzie out under supervision. She does enjoy it out there. She even stayed right on our patio, which is unusual. Because usually when she gets out she runs into a bush and will not come out unless Jimmy or I physically drag her out. Anyhow, we all sat outside an enjoyed this lovely weather.

But there are things to do, so we all came inside to be semi productive. Jimmy is at the store and Brynlee is sleeping. I'm trying to clean my room, but I have like outdoor ADD on days like this. I just want to go back outside. I don't want to be inside right now. I remembered a time when I was like 13 ish. My room was always a mess. Bless their hearts my parents tried, but it was just always messy. I'd clean it and it would get back to messy within probably 3 days or so. And it would continue to get worse until I was forced to clean it.

I remember one specific Saturday all my friends were going to Magic Mountain. I was not allowed to go, because I had to clean my room instead. As per usual, it looked like 3 tornadoes had gone through it. I was bummed to say the least. My Mom woke me up that Saturday morning by sitting on the edge of my bed. She told me it was too nice out to be stuck inside cleaning, and that I could go to Magic Mountain with my friends instead. I was so excited. I'm sure I eventually cleaned my room. But that is not the part of the story I remember. I remember thinking that day thinking I had the best Mom. She is pretty great. I hope I'll be like that with Brynlee when she gets older. It's important to be strict with your children. But it's also important to give a little sometimes. I love you Mom. :)

Unfortunately today I'm still being forced to clean my room. Now by my husband rather than parent. I guess some things never change! Hopefully I can get him to see the value of this beautiful weather, and how asinine it is to waste it cleaning!

Paying it Forward

I try to do something special every year for Christmas. I usually buy a toy for a child from those little giving trees in Wal-Mart or something. One time they had a tree for seniors. I loved that one! It was for elderly people who are in nursing homes. It's easy to forget that sometimes old people need Christmas presents too.

Those little giving trees in Wal-Mart seemed to have gone away though, because I haven't seen them in a few years. I felt bad this year having not donating anything. But money is tight so I just shrugged it off. But the nagging feeling continued, and I felt like I needed to do something. Anything. Giving to other people is what Christmas is all about right?

I read stories of layaway accounts at K-Marts across the country being paid off by random strangers. What a great idea! I told Jimmy for sure we are going to do that next year. Probably not with a $200 one or something, but with a smaller one. Then my mother in law told me a story about how my sister in law Nancy had her food paid for by the car ahead of her in the Jack in the Box drive thru. What a great idea! I'd never heard of this before. But what a nice simple thing to do for someone to spread the Christmas spirit. To keep it going, Donna paid for the food for a car behind her in a different Jack in the Box drive thru. I decided this was a perfect thing for me to do. Simple and easy, and hopefully not too expensive.

On Christmas Eve Brynlee and I went to McDonalds. Of course I had to pick McDonalds since it's my favorite! We ordered a small soda, and when I got to the window to pay I told the man I wanted to pay for the car behind me. He looked at my kind of curiously at first, and then told me the man's total was $14. $14?! It was one man in a car, what did he order? I almost asked how much the car behind that one's total was. :) But I paid the $14, and booked it out of there. So awkward, I didn't need the man trying to thank me or something. Totally uncomfortable! As I was bolting away as fast as my car could take me, I saw the car behind me flash his lights to say thank you. Yay! I hope he keeps the train going and paid for someone else. I love Christmas time. Because people do things like that for each other, and it makes me so happy.

We had a great Christmas. That will have to be a whole different post in itself. Brynlee was spoiled rotten. Big surprise there!

I'm off this whole week, so I decided to run a stupid errand I've been dreading. For about 19 months. I never got a copy of Brynlee's birth certificate when she was born. She was born in LA County, and the only way to get a copy of it was to either fill out a form, get it notarized and mail it in. Or, to drive to downtown LA in person and get it there. Ugh. Neither of those are very appealing. Today I bit the bullet. I dragged Carla with me, and we drove to LA to get a copy. We only got lost about 10 times. That stupid city! I HATE driving down there! I'm so not a city driver. All the traffic and people stress me out. After a trip through the ghetto ( seriously, we were lucky to get out alive), china town and echo park we made it to our destination. In a very round about way. When I tried to pay for the birth certificate (because it costs $19. To get my own child's birth certificate) they told me they don't take Visa. They only take Master Card, Discover and Amex. Discover? Is that credit card even still out there? Who doesn't take Visa? Carla had to write a check for me because I didn't have my check book. What a mess. We finally made it home, after getting lost about 10 more times on the way home. Not that any of this is surprise to me. I practically get lost in my own house. So a trip to LA wouldn't be complete without a few wrong turns!

Great to be Grateful

So, in case you couldn't tell from my previous post, I've been feeling a little sorry for myself recently. I knew life would be tricky being in school and trying to take care of a family while also trying to make ends meet. But it really is hard, and sometimes it bums me out. I'm still completely happy with my decisions to go back to school, but it is rough. And unfortunately it seems like the holiday season magnifies that. It seems like in some aspects we CANNOT catch a break, and I don't understand why. But I don't have to understand why. I need to have faith that it will get better.

So, rather than being a mope I decided to do something about it. I found this challenge in the New Era Magazine. That is a magazine the LDS church publishes for teenagers, so I often refer to it to teach my Sunday School lessons.

The challenge was to write 100 things are you are grateful for. I know 100 seems a bit overwhelming. When I told Jimmy we were going to write 100 things we were grateful for, he stared at me like I was crazy. I did this same activity with my Sunday school class, and they too looked at me like I'd grown a 3rd eye. But it's not so bad when you follow the lists below:

•Write 10 living people you are grateful for.

•Write 10 people who have died you are grateful for.

•Write 10 physical abilities you are grateful for.

•Write 10 material possessions you are grateful for.

•Write 10 things about nature you are grateful for.

•Write 10 things about today you are grateful for.

•Write 10 places on earth you are grateful for.

•Write 10 modern-day inventions you are grateful for.

•Write 10 foods you are grateful for.

•Write 10 things about the gospel you are grateful for.

For those who are not LDS you can modify the last one to be something like 10 things about your religion you are grateful for, etc. Or just come up with 10 more foods you are grateful for, because the food were really easy for me to list.

After Jimmy and I listed all our things, we shared them with each other. It was fun to see what the other person thought of. And it made me feel happy. And grateful. We are keeping our lists, and we are going to refer to them when we are feeling defeated by life. I was glad Jimmy was a trooper and did this activity with me, despite the whole having to come up with 100 things. I think it made both of us feel a lot better. I recommend it to anyone out there who is having a rough time. It really helps!

I Wish

I wish...

I could be different.

That I could be organized, and stay that way.

That I could be satisfied with what I have, and not desire more.

That when I get asked awkward questions about my religion I could answer them gracefully, and not stumble all over my words.

That I had more patience with my family. Mainly one little member who makes a mess everywhere and seems to really know how to push buttons.

That I was fearless, and not always worrying about consequences.

That I knew how to communicate better.

That I had the desire to eat healthy and work out. But right now, I just don't have it.

That I stood up for myself more, and was more honest with my feelings.

That I could prevent myself from crying at really in opportune times.

That I was happy with the way that I am, and didn't want to be different.

A Peak

I get to stare in a mirror all day long. I'm not sure how healthy it is. I pick and poke and prod. I notice things about my appearance I never noticed before. I wonder about appearances in general.

Looks are for the most part based on luck. Some are lucky enough to look a certain way. Some are not. It's like a genetic lottery. There are people who no matter what they do will never be considered "attractive" by society. And that sucks. Who gets to decide what is and isn't attractive anyhow? As I'm surrounded by all these fresh faced youth I can't help but wonder. Inevitably you hit a peak with your appearance. A point where you stop getting better looking, and it all starts going downhill. When is that peak? I think I may have passed it. That sucks too.

I notice bags that were not there before. Wrinkles that were not there before. Hmm... I guess it was my 27 years of hard living? Ha ha. When people tell me I look like I'm in my early 20's I get excited. When did that start? Me wanting to look younger as opposed to older. I had a client ask me if I live at home with my parents the other day. No offense to 27 year olds who do live with their parents, but she made me laugh. I told her I was married with a baby, and she thought I was joking. I'll take that as a compliment.

I find myself feeling slightly lonely in my class. I'm used to this, being LDS and all. But it's still tough sometimes. I'm just different. I don't miss school because I'm too hung-over from the night before. I don't go smoke pot on breaks. I don't have hilarious stories to tell of what I did when I was completely wasted last weekend. Being old and LDS I do really stand alone. Like the cheese in the Farmer in the Del ( yes I think I'm funny, I'm cracking myself up right now). I don't have another choice though. I refuse to lower my standards because everyone else has. But it gets lonely and I was feeling it today.

I'm working on not passing judgment on my classmates. Just because my physical peak has passed (sob sob) doesn't mean my personality peak has. I can continue to perfect that one. And that is the quality that counts anyway! I'm grateful to have this opportunity to be a good influence on my classmates. To shower them with my wisdom, and to hopefuly lead by example.

I did a men's haircut today. My client was the nicest man ever. Seriously. Who knew people could be so nice? He really made my day. Hopefully one day I can make someone's day with my niceness. It's all part of my goal to reach my personality peak. And to stay on that one!

The Christmas Cactus

I've had some trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. It seems like as each year passes, the less excited I get. It bums me out. I guess I really am growing up. Or grown up already.

Maybe once Brynlee is old enough to actually do stuff it will be fun. As of right now she just makes a mess of everything and my OCD strikes and I freak out a little. I want to get our Christmas Tree ( no we don't have one yet, we are going this Saturday) and decorate it while she is sleeping. And then gate it off so she can't touch it. I know, I'm horrible. But she will make it a mess and I want it to be nice and pretty, the way I want it decorated. I always go around behind Jimmy and move his ornaments into better spots. I've got issues...

Something that does get my excited is my Christmas Cactus. A few years ago my Grandma sent me this Christmas Cactus. She lives far away, but always sends a Christmas present. She is such a unique gift giver. She puts a lot of thought into her presents. I don't exactly have a green thumb, so when I opened up this cactus I wasn't sure what she was thinking. It was pretty, as pretty as a cactus can be. But it was just that. A cactus. After a week or so it got these pretty little flowers all over it. A week or so later they all fell off and it was just a plain cactus again. Not sure what to do with it, I put it on my window sill. Shockingly I managed to keep it alive for a whole year. Grandma sure is wise to give me a plant that is hard to kill! Anyhow the next year, around Christmas time it started to bloom with pretty white flowers. The flowers lasted for a few weeks and then eventually fell off, leaving the plant looking just like a plain cactus again.

It did the same thing each December for the next two years. It still amazes me. How does it know to bloom during December? How is it a plant only blooms 1 time per year? So strange. This is the fourth year I've had it, and it's little buds are popping up and getting ready to bloom again. I'll post a picture when it does. But I wake up each day excited to see if it's bloomed. I LOVE that cactus. The fact that it blooms once per year makes it that much more special. It is by far one of my favorite presents I've ever received. Who would have thought I'd say that about a cactus? Every year when it blooms I think about my Grandma and it makes me smile.

A Little Fib

I pride myself on my honesty. I really try hard not to lie to people. I try to be truthful in all my dealings. But sometimes I'm faced with a situation when there is no easy answer.

I was faced with one of these recently. In order to spare hurt feelings, I told a fib. I was invited somewhere my friend was not. I knew it would hurt her feelings, so I fibbed about it. Well, long story short my fib blew up in my face and ended up hurting her feelings even more. Failure. Now I hurt her and look like a liar on top of that. Ugh.

It's not like my fib benefited me in anyway either. Honestly I was just trying to spare feelings and not build up animosity. I should have known. I did know. Lying is never the right answer. But then I'm left to wonder, what is?

I find myself struggling recently. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along with each other. I have lots of fragments in my group of friends and I don't get it. I can get along with a wet paper sack (usually), so why can't everyone else do the same? Jimmy so kindly explained to me that to want everyone to get along is to live in a fantasy land. Some personalities just go better with others, end of story. Ok I'm not stupid. I get that. But why can't everyone have my personality. The get along with everyone kind. :) Ha ha.

I've realized that I should have just told my fore mentioned friend the truth and hurt her feelings. But it still sucks for me. Because who likes to hurt someone's feelings? Not me, that is for sure. I hate being in the middle of these things, and I seem to find myself there often these days. Like a liaison between different friends and different people. But I don't want to be in the middle anymore.

A girl at school said something really nice to me the other day. She told me that I always compliment people, and that I'm really nice. Yay! Such a nice thing to say. I do try to compliment people. If I see something I like, I say it. Why not? I love getting compliments, so why not give them out? Except I told Jimmy this story and he said that I'm a people pleaser. Ouch. I can always count on him for a nice dose of reality. Which to be honest I usually need. Ok, so he is right. But is that so bad? Wanting to please people?

I think that is the key to why I find myself stuck in the middle of people who cannot get along. I'm trying to please everyone, and by doing so getting stuck in between. I'm not having too much fun there these days though. I'm brewing up some New Year's resolutions. I think one of them will to be to focus on pleasing one person for now. Me. Yeah how about that. Maybe then I'll be able to get myself out of the middle of these things.

The moral of the story is this: Fibs never work. Ever. I need to remember that next time I think of doing it. It's not worth it. And if you like something about someone, say it. It makes them feel good, and it makes you feel good too. If you are lucky they might even call you nice. ;)

The Fever

Ok so I might have it a little bit. Just a little. Or maybe a lot. It's funny I never thought I would feel this way again. But I do. I'm starting to really itch for a baby.

Pre huge life changing decision of going back to school Jimmy and I planned to try to get pregnant again the beginning of next year. But after I quit and started school that changed a little bit. Not a whole lot, but it got pushed back a little. Having a baby in the middle of school would NOT be a good idea. I'm not sure how fun being hugely pregnant would be either. So we need to try to plan this a little.

The whole planning of having a baby is comical when you think about it. Just because we got pregnancy fairly quickly before doesn't mean we will get pregnant that soon again. You really can't plan. It will happen when it's supposed to. But we will start trying mid 2012. Or so. I keep thinking how fortunate we were to conceive Brynlee so easily. It's really not fair. Not fair to those couples who have been trying for so long. I feel like we just cut in line. And will likely cut in line again.

Mid 2013 will not be the most convenient time to have a baby either. Really there is not a convenient time. But we will make it work, because that is what we feel we need to do. This past while has really been a lesson in faith. I'm having faith that I'm making the right decisions with things. I'm not sure I've ever prayed as hard as I have about the recent decisions I've had to make. But I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to. No matter how silly or illogical it seems. I've been called crazy before, and it for sure will happen again.

But right now I'm baby crazy. I look at Brynlee and I can't believe what a beautiful little girl my baby has turned into. It goes by so fast. You blink and they've turned from a baby to a toddler. I can't wait to do things better with the next one. Hopefully. I mean next time I'll have Brynlee to help me. Right? Oh that's not how it works...hmmm...

Here's to enjoying watching Brynlee grow into a wonderful little helper. And here's to enjoying the simplicity of one child. I'm sure the next one will be here before I know it, and I'll think back to how easy 1 kid was!

Missing a Day

Brynlee has not been feeling well the past few days. I hate cold and flu season. I hated it before, but with a kid in day care it's 10000 times worse. Anyhow Jimmy stayed home with her on Tuesday, but she was still not doing real great. Of course we brought her to the Dr. Would you expect anything less? When that kid looks at me sideways, to the Dr we go. I'll probably break a record for how many times we've brought her in.

Just a viral infection, and nothing we can do about it. Which is good I guess. It could have been worse. Like that time she had to be admitted to the hospital worse. Yeah... I guess I'm grateful for the common cold after all. But I stayed home with her on Wednesday, and missed my first day of school. It's weird how nuts I am about missing school. Attendance is a big deal there, and I don't want to miss anything. But, if I have to miss a day I can't think of a better reason then to take care of a sick baby.

Now I'm just behind some of the other people, but that is ok. However I do hate being behind. Our school is going to do the hair and make up for the show Hairspray at Moorpark College next month, so I'm going to see if I can do that to make up some of my hours.

Brynlee is feeling better today, and that makes me happy. I really really hate it when she is sick. I get this panicked feeling. That it's something more serious and I'm not going to catch it until it's too late. I take her temperature every 20 min like a psychopath. If I'm home with her I just stare at her, and check her while she is napping like 50 times. I might be a little bit paranoid. Hopefully that will wear off a bit. I'm sure by the next kid I'll just toss a tissue at her and call it a day!

Lastly, I'm going to end with a quote I got from a LDS talk. The talk is about children, and it really hit home for me. It says:

"Children are not what you squeeze in when you have time, they are what you were given time for."

My baby needed me, so I did what I needed to do. The world kept turning. Everyone moved right along without me. I got to spend the day with one of my favorite people (and by far the most entertaining person I know), and it was totally worth missing 1 day of school.

When Life Gives you Lemons

In lieu of me not having a job, I decided to try to do a Christmas craft fair this year to earn some extra money around the holidays. I recruited my friend Carla, and with the guidance and help of the craftiest lady I know ( aka my Mother in Law, Donna) we set out on a journey. The fair we rented a booth from had 2500 people attend last year, so we made a lot of stuff. Well, long story short due to some freak California weather it actually rained and our fair was canceled. Yes, it rains probably 20 days a year in CA and it rained on our fair day. Bummer. Big time.

So then we were stuck with about 300 pieces of inventory and a deficit of money in which we spent to buy supplies to make the aforementioned pieces. Hmm... not what I was hoping for. So we had to act fast.

We tried to have a garage sale style boutique in Carla's front yard the week after our canceled craft fair. We managed to make our money back via that, so at least we weren't in the whole anymore. But unless I wanted to give Jimmy a set of blocks that spelled "Noel" on them, we still had a problem. We hadn't made any profit!

I tried to stay positive. But it was hard when it looked like months and months and months of work would be all for nothing. I'm a firm believer of the saying " When God closes a door he opens a window". We just didn't have a window yet. And then we got one. A lady emailed Carla because she had seen our add on Craig's List. She invited us to rent a booth at a different craft fair they were having in Simi Valley. We gladly accepted, and had an extremely successful day. We actually made a profit, a pretty decent sized one. Yay! I needed it. We were also invited to participate in a different fair this weekend. This will be our last attempt to sell all of our stuff.

So things worked out. It wasn't as easy as we originally thought. We were hoping for one weekend of exhibiting, and now this last one will be our third. But I can't complain. Maybe we would not have sold anything at the fair that was rained out, and we have been more successful this way. Who knows. We can speculate all we want. But we have already made more money that we originally hoped for, so anything after this will be icing on the cake.

I'm going to switch gears a bit here. Last night was the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Why? Why do networks broadcast that every year? I guess it gets a lot of viewers, but for the life of me I can't understand who. Unless maybe it's men wanting to rationalize watching soft porn? I get the Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail. I didn't sign up for it. But yet my mailbox is stuffed with 99% naked anomalies every season. I don't read it. It takes a one way trip to my trash can. I honestly think things like that are NOT healthy for women. If you are someone who can look at those catalogs and watch those fashion shows and not have suicidal thoughts more power to you. I am not. They make me feel terrible about myself, and I don't like that. So I did not tune in last night. Nor do I ever intend to tune in to that. Perhaps that networks could air a piece about someone doing something more worth while than strutting in a high heels and a thong for the holidays. Something that actually makes people feel good about themselves. Makes them want to help others. I'm sure that would not get as many viewers, but it sure would get mine!

Feeling Thankful

On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I was given the opportunity to participate in a Cut A Thon. It's this thing my school does at the Simi Valley Senior Center where we do free haircuts and manicures.

A few classmates and I were chosen to go, and were assigned to man the manicure table. I think I probably did 13 manicures that day. We were on a wait the whole time, from 9am to 3pm. At the beginning of the day I started with a list of the manicure steps next to me. Now, I could do a manicure in my sleep! :) Luckily my nail painting seemed to get much better as the day wore on as well...because it needed it! I'm thankful for the manicuring practice, as well as the opportunity to serve. So many seniors left that day feeling happy with their new looks, and I'm grateful I got to be a part of it. I truly do love giving service, and wish I had the initiative to do it more often.

Since Wal-Mart opened at 10pm on Thanksgiving this year, It thought it would be smart to join my friend and " run in there for a few things". Yes I said those words. Ha ha, that alone shows how ignorant I am when it comes to black Thursday night/Friday shopping. When I had to practically park in a different zip code that should have been sign number 1 that I was in for a treat. But I trekked to the store anyway. They should have had a tram for goodness sake! When I entered the store, there were no aisles. Just a moving mob of people. My friend and I jumped right in, and moved along with them. Shopping basically consisted of grabbing things as we moved with the mob on by. There was no time for loitering or examining something, you just had to grab it and keep moving to avoid getting trampled. Only a few fights broke out while we were there. I guess that is not too bad? There was event security everywhere, directing people, snapping at people; ie me, because I apparently was not moving fast enough for his liking. Nice Christmas spirit!

I managed to collect a few things, and then we had to wait in line for 1 hour to by them. By this point it was 2am and I was thinking this whole idea was a mistake of epic proportions, and was desperately wishing I'd stayed tucked in bed instead. That was the first time I've gone to Wal-Mart on black Friday, and I think it might be my last. But I'm thankful that I got to take part in such an experience.

I got to spend a lot of time with Brynlee this week, and I'm thankful for that as well. She continues to amaze/aggravate/entertain and awe me with her cuteness everyday. And we had lots of fun together. I think. She might be ready to play with her friends though, because I'm sure I'm not nearly as entertaining as they are.

I'm thankful for this time of year, that allows me to reflect on what really matters in life and reminds me of all the things I've been blessed with.

I'm just feeling thankful in general. And I'm thankful to feel that way. :)

Day of Firsts

We have moved out to the senior floor at school. It's terrifying! But so much fun at the same time. We had our stations assigned to us, and I was lucky enough to get a really good one. Yay!

I did my first real updo, on my own. Ta da!

No book. No instructions. No help. Just me. And a teasing comb. :)

Thursday they also shot a commercial for our school, so they warned us on Wed that we might be in it. We were told to make sure we all look good! I'm in a prime spot, and I'm now sitting next to a girl who is really pretty and really good. So I just had a feeling...and I was right. My teacher came by and wanted them to film me dong the above updo. Oh boy. I'm not good in these situations. As the camera crew was all up in my business I tried to act natural. And probably failed miserably. This commercial will be shown on our local TV channels as well as in our movie theaters. I'm not sure if they will use my footage. I guess we'll see. I better not be sitting in a movie and see myself pop up on the screen with a big old double chin or something though!

Thursday I also had my first real client. A manicure. I. Was. Petrified. And was not doing well at all. But the lady was old and really nice. I just kept her talking so she was too distracted to see how bad her nails looked. After several coats of polish and a top coat they did not look too bad. But she gave me a $1 tip. Yay! $1 on a $6 manicure is pretty good! I have my first $1 on my fridge. I should get a frame for it.

I also went to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn. At about 10:30 I was regretting my decision big time. As I sat exhausted in the freezing cold. But it was fun! And the movie was pretty good. The whole experience just reminded me of how annoying teenagers are though. Jeez. Was I ever that bad. They are so irritating. I tried to go to bed tonight at 8pm to catch up on sleep. But now I sit awake at 1:30 am blogging soo...my schedule is all messed up. Good thing I'm off all of next week, with plenty of time to change it. :)

After Midnight

I agreed to go with my friend to a midnight showing of Breaking Dawn on Thursday/Friday. At the time it seemed like an ok idea. I do have school on Friday, but hey! I can do it! However the more I think about it, the more tired I get. I probably will not be in bed until like 3am. If I'm lucky. And will have to get up at 6:30 7ish the next day. Hmm...Yeah whose idea was this anyway? I'm too old to do stuff like this.

I got excited at the prospect. I used to go to midnight showings all the time in my yester years. And they were fun. Of course I could sleep in the next day. And didn't have a baby to wake me up. Turns out I have a test on Friday. Oh boy. I guess I'll have lots of studying time in line for the movie? Because that is part of the experience. If I could just wake up at 11:30 and hop over to the movie it wouldn't be that bad. But you have to sit in line for 3 hours before the movie starts. So you get good seats. For the movie that you could just go see at a decent hour the next day. :)

Despite my fatigue I'm sure I'll have a great time. Even if the movie isn't that good, I'll have fun in line. We can play line games. Phase 10, Uno...maybe I'll even bring Life since I cannot get ANYONE to ever play that game (Audrey, where are you when I need you?). I can't remember the last time I stayed up past midnight. Let's see how much pop this 27 year old body has left!

Sink or Swim

We are getting ready to move to the senior floor. Like in a couple of weeks. I'm going to have to start doing hair on real live people. That are not my friends. It's nerve racking!

They say we are ready. But I don't feel ready. I've always been like this. Some people in my class are really excited, and ready to dive in head first. Not me. I'd be happy to stay in the hairstyling shallow end for a while. Until I really feel comfortable with what I'm doing. But this is how I am. I was like this when I started waitressing. And I did really suck in the beginning. But then I got better. And I was like this when I got back from travel agent school. And I sucked at that too. But then I got pretty good.

I hate sucking. I hate having to be bad at something. I hate feeling inadequate. Practice makes perfect. But I don't want to practice, I just want to be perfect. Can't it work that way? No? It's funny because I can't think of a single time I actually sank when it was sink or swim time. I might have had some trouble, and might have gone under a bit but I've always come out swimming.

If it was up to me I'd probably practice for the next 5 months. So I need someone to shove me out there. I need someone to help me see what I'm capable of. Otherwise I'd never figure it out for myself. I'm grateful for this opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and see what I'm made of. Old ladies that go to Simi Valley Beauty School, here I come! :)

On a different note, I find myself alone with Brynlee a lot these days. It still amazes me how she can take a clean room and make it a complete and utter disaster in 20 seconds flat. So I've tried to come up with creative ways to keep her entertained so she doesn't constantly destroy my house.

This was Monday nights attempt:

A fort! We had a lot of fun in this thing. I also realized that I have no sheets. That is why we had to make a fort out of a fleecy blanket. Which led to some pretty crazy staticy fort hair!

We had fun in our fort, but Mitzie enjoyed it more than anyone! She was having the time of her life in there.

After we played in the fort, we watched a movie with Robbie and Garrett. Brynlee decided to enjoy a mid movie snack... some toes! Of course she had to rip off her socks to get to them, which is no problem at all.

Mmmm! She had a good time sucking on those things. At least it kept her out of trouble for a few min.

Some other troublesome instances of note within the past week:

-Came home to find Brynlee coloring all over the floor, book case and her face with a pink highlighter. Jimmy was supposed to be on baby duty for that one... Luckily the highlighter came off the floor and the bookcase really well. It took a while to get it off her face.

-Found Brynlee wondering around the house with a big old pair of scissors...yikes! Not sure where she found those.

-Went to check the mail and walked in the room to find Brynlee naked trying to shove her diaper in the diaper genie. She did have Pajamas on at one point, but who knows where those ended up.

*sigh*. She keeps me on my toes, that is for sure!

Large and in Charge

We were at Target today scouting out some new shoes for Brynlee. My wonderful Mom has offered to purchase Brynlee her next pair of Stride Rites. So we will go to the mall for those next weekend, but Jimmy and I went today to scope out some church shoes and maybe some slippers.

We were in the shoe section and Brynlee was running a muck as per usual. Another couple came in with a little girl who looked to be around Brynlee's age. This little girl was very well behaved, and sat quietly while her parents tried shoes on her.

I saw them reach for a size 4 shoe and figured that this little girl must be quite a bit younger than Brynlee. Considering Brynlee wore a size 4 shoe about 7 months ago...

I asked them how old their daughter was and they said she was 20 months. Hmm... I held the size 7 ( yes size 7) shoes we were picking out for Brynlee in my hand and looked at them. The lady asked me how old Brynlee was and I almost lied and told her Brynlee was like 3 to make it seem like my child is a normal size. But that would make her behavior seem even worse. So I told her that Brynlee was 17 months old and took her curious stare like a champ.

Maybe Brynlee's size isn't leveling out after all. :)

Brynlee's size is not the only large thing about her. She has a large personality as well. With a large baby temper. And large need to explore, help, investigate and do things independently of any help. She is a firecracker. My day care lady tells me she has a " fun personality". I'm sure that is what she calls it to my face. Once I leave the room I bet the word "fun" is substituted for something else. :)

But Brynlee also gives large hugs, really large sloppy kisses and large smiles whenever you hide from her and pop out of places. She has a large heart, and always shares large portions of her food with you. She just expects you to share with her when you have something tasty. As mentioned on my previous post.

The Scavenger

Brynlee is pretty funny. I think kids at this age are funny for a reason. It's all part of the divine plan to make you actually keep your kid. :)

Just kidding...well sort of. Depends on the day.

Anyhow, Brynlee is such a riot right now. She copies everything anyone does. Which is good and bad. It just means I need to watch what I do! She loves to eat. But not so much her own food. She wants everyone else's instead. She will eat her food, and then cry to get out of her chair. As soon as you let her out, she will come over and beg for your food. Which we all give to her because she is so cute. She is like a little puppy or something.

She will share her food to. I find goldfish crackers on all the chairs around the house because she is trying to feed them to Mitzie... Mitzie is not amused. At least Brynlee has the right idea. But sharing can lead to issues.

When I brought her to day care the other day she marched right in there ( she does actually march in there, like she owns the place) went up to another kid's tray and took some food right off. She shoved it in her mouth and said "mmmm". Oh boy. What have I created here?

When I went to pick her up from day care she did the same thing. Joan ( my daycare lady) told me that at lunch time she will say she is done. So they let her out of her chair. The next thing you know all the kids are screaming because Brynlee is going around eating all thier food. Oops. My bad. I guess I shouldn't have taught her to eat of other people's plates? Because now she wants to eat off of everyone's plates!

She is such a helper. Anything I'm doing she has to be right in the thick of it, helping ( usually not really being so helpful, but she is trying). She helps me change laundry from the washer to the dryer, she helps me make sure all the doors are closed around the house. If I give her something and tell her to throw it away she usually does it. Sometimes she gets distracted on the way to the trashcan.

Shoes and socks still come off at first chance. Despite the cold weather, because it has been really chilly here recently. I'll have pants and socks and a sweater on and she will be barefoot because she WILL NOT leave anything on her feet. Crazy kid. She is a nutty as ever!

Motivate Me

I had grandiose ideas about how my life would change when I started school. I'd have more free time. Time to work out, catch up on correspondence and clean. Well... I do have more time. But, it doesn't mean that any of the aforementioned get done.

I wake up each morning thinking about all the things I'm going to do when I get home from school. And I usually get home from school, scrounge up some dinner and then just veg out until I fall asleep watching TV at 8:30pm. I'm not so productive these days.

I'm not sure where my motivation went, but let me tell you. It's not here. It's like I used it all up, and now there is nothing left. Laundry needs to be folded, homework needs to be done and all I want to do is just sit. And sit some more. I'm worn out!

Having a toddler is exhausting. My respect goes out to the stay at home moms with toddlers. I'm not sure how you survive it everyday. Or how your toddler survives it for that matter. Brynlee goes non stop and it seems like I turn around and suddenly a horrific mess appears. I blink my eyes and she is running with scissors she stole from who knows where. She is getting taller there fore able to reach things she couldn't before. The things on my table are now in the very center, and all the stuff on the counters is pushed back as far as possible. And she still manages to get to it.

I find myself picking my battles more and more often. If she is getting into something that won't make too much of a mess, I just let her go at it. I don't have the energy to keep up any more. I am TIRED.

It seems like I go through waves like this and my motivation to do anything besides lay around leaves me. It will be back eventually. I'm just not sure my house will survive until that time!

Common Misconceptions

I've always wanted a career that had nice perks for me. And my friends. I thought I hit this with the travel agent thing. But being a travel agent has surprisingly few perks. And for my friends, even less perks. Besides my knowledge of airline policies and how to work the system, I didn't have much else to offer.

Being a hairdresser will surely be different. I've been excited to see people practically salivate when I tell them I'm going to beauty school. I guess with this economy everyone is trying to save a buck or two. And hair can get expensive, so having a friend in the business would be handy.

However, people seem to forget that I don't know what I'm doing yet. Just because I've gone to school for 1.5 months does not mean I'm skilled enough to tackle all hurtles hair has to offer. I think I have at least 10 people waiting for me to gain some knowledge so I can do their hair for them. And the amount of people willing to let me "practice" on them is almost funny! It's perfect though, because I need the practice. Believe me!

About 2 weeks ago my friend Chloe called me excited to color her hair brown. She has been blond with a partial weave for a while, and was looking for something more cost effective. Which I totally agree with because the amount of money she was spending on highlights was comical. Anyhow, she wants me to color her hair for her. That night. With some hesitation I told her we had not covered that chapter in my class yet and I didn't know anything about hair dye. She was eager and excited though so we headed to Target and just got a box. She HATES red hair, so we went with a ashy brown. No my personal preference, but hey different strokes for different folks right?

Except this stroke was not so good. Because by the time we were done she had some dark hair. But it was also green. Yes it was green brown hair. I was flabbergasted. After doing some googling, it turns out that when going from blond to brown if red is absent hair will turn green. Good to know! Somehow my friend Tessa got involved. Tessa has an aunt who does hair, so with her coaching Tessa thought it would be a good idea to go to the beauty supply store and buy some professional hair color to fix it. At this point I removed myself from any liability. Have you ( with the exception of actual hair dressers) ever looked at the hair color in the beauty supply store? It's like it's in Greek! Numbers and letters and things you have to mix together. I tried to read the hair color chapter in my book, and that might as well have been in German too.

So I agreed to go to the supply store, and help try to fix Chloe's hair but stated for the record if things went awry it was not my fault. We bought what we thought were the right products and went home to try to fix poor Chloe. After coloring Chloe's hair the second time things went from bad to worse.... she now had red roots with green hair. What? What the heck happened!? We were all sorts of confused. Despite Chloe being ready for the Holiday season early, things were not good. I called my friend Stephanie who is a hair dresser to see if we could fix this. I guess there is something worse than green hair after all. Stephanie walked us though the steps of what we should do to get Chloe back to a normal color. She said, " You guys aren't using a level 20 developer are you?". Nope we weren't. We were using a level 30. I guess you are supposed to use a level 10 developer when going from light hair to dark hair. Who knew? Not us, that is for sure. I told Stephanie this and we had a good laugh. At least we found out why crazy things were happening on Chloe's head. The third attempt at coloring was the charm, and Chloe looks beauteous with her brown hair.

Now we are actually covering hair color in my class. I can't help but feel like I have a little more experience than some of the other girls. You live and learn. Hopefully I won't make that mistake again. And at least now if someone wants fun festive Christmas hair I know how to give it to them! :)

The Kid in Me

I get concerned sometimes. I worry that being surrounded by 18 year olds all day everyday will have a negative effect on me. It's funny how when you are adults a decade between friends is no biggie. But, when I was 14 these girls were 5....yeah. I could have been babysitting them! If I think about it too much I want to put my guard up a little. Can I really become good friends with someone who was born in the 90's for goodness sake? Who never watched My Little Pony's, or never had *NSYNC posters on their walls? I guess age is not a big deal, but I feel weird. Almost motherly towards these girls.

Then again, I'm not so sure their 18 years has matured past my 27. Somewhere along the line I become really competitive with things. I'm going to blame living in the house of Cuillard, aka the most competitive family on the planet. Because I never used to be like this. Refer to the lack of natural ability post before. I'm alright with admitting that when it came to winning things, I didn't do that a ton.

But when I'm at school I NEED to do better than everyone else. I need to finish my haircuts faster, get better test scores, receive more praise for my perm wrapping. It's really an ugly trait. We have these awards ceremonies at my school where the teachers nominate students for...well awards! Since we are considered "freshmen" we can't get these awards yet. We will be eligible when we move out to the senior floor. But yesterday we had the opportunity to sit through the awards. I was practically salivating. Every time an award was handed out I thought to myself " I want that one, no I want that one, ok I want that one too". I immediately started hatching a grand plan on how I would woo my teachers into nominating me.

Maybe I'm attention starved? Who knows. I do think it has to do with the idea of being lost in a class of 28 people. I don't want to just be a nameless face among my many peers. I want to stand out. Since I don't have clothes to do that, maybe I'm looking to academic success to set me apart.

When it comes to my class, who is the more mature one?. I'm sure the 18 year olds are not giving their peers frantic glances when one of them is finishing a blow dry faster. And they probably don't post their A+ tests on their fridge either.

On a new topic, the Rangers made it to the World Series! They were not my first pick to play there, but their were my second so yay! Lets go Rangers! :)

Well Kept Company

Soooo, have I mentioned school at all? Oh yes, I have. About 400 times. And it's only been 1 month. Well, when you spend as much time there as I do it's no wonder.

I guess I could talk about how Brynlee has decided to remove her shoes, every time I put them on her. She has always taken them off, but now it's just exhausting. We ran errands tonight, 4 different stores. Had to put her shoes back on 5 different times....good thing her shoes are Velcro!

Anyhow, so school. On the first day they kept telling us to stay positive. Have a good attitude. I was so jazzed that day I didn't understand why anyone would have a bad attitude. Well people do. Have some bad attitudes that is. We have some serious complainers in there. It's funny how contagious complaining is. It's like once you start, it just rolls out. I don't want to get caught in that. I want to stay positive as much as I can.

So, I try not to surround myself with these people. And anytime someone complains to me about something, I counter with a positive about the same thing. I will keep a good attitude. As much as possible. School can be very frustrating, and I get that. But complaining won't solve anything. It's funny that I'm sitting here complaining about complainers. Ah the irony. :)

I find myself doing this not just in school anymore though. Whenever somone says something negative I try to counter with something positive. It's probably really really annoying. Maybe that is why I have to harass people into being my friends (refer to last post). :)

The gossip continues to worsen, so anytime someone says something bad about someone I try to counter that with something good about them too. This is equally annoying I'm sure. Pretty soon I'll have no negative remarks to counter because no one will be talking to me. Then I will have to harass them into being friendly ( again, refer to last post).

On and end note, I'm going to recap the text message conversation I had with a random stranger last night:

Stranger: Can you bring chicken salad on Saturday?
Me: Who is this?
Stranger: 26 cent
Me: I think you have the wrong number
Stranger: This is not Eden?
Me: No, but good luck with the chicken salad
Stranger: thanks

1 hour later....

Stranger: Can you bring chicken salad on Saturday?
Me. Still the wrong number
Stranger: Darn, sorry

That made me laugh and I'm not sure why. Maybe I should have offered to bring the chicken salad. It was a local number and obviously this person really wanted it!

Expect to not Accept

I think I'm pretty good at reading people. I can usually tell when someone is upset, or angry. Or annoyed. There are some people in my class who are pretty quiet. Not un friendly, but just shy. Timid maybe. They probably want to be left alone. I've realized I don't do that. I just pepper them with questions, probably obnoxiously so until they come out of their shell. And they usually do. They might try to one word answer me, and that will de rail me. For a while. And then I'll be back at them the next day. Until they fold and become friendly with me. It's like forced friendship.. the best kind! ;)

I don't know why I do this. It's like I want to be friends with everyone, and that idea that someone may not be friends with me is un acceptable. We got yet another complaint from our HOA. Our whole house is pretty sure we know who is doing the complaning. One man in particular seems to have a grudge against us. He is the grouchiest crochetiest old man. There is no reason for him to not like us, but he just gives us dirty looks all the time. And marches by our house, probably inspecting things to see if there is anything else he can complain about.

Because I'm crazy, it has been my mission since day one to break this old man. I smile at him, he frowns at me. I say "hi" to him, and he literally ignores me. I walk by his house all bubbly and friendly smiling at him while he shoots me looks of death. I will not yield. Other members in my house have different ideas on how to break this old man. Let me tell you, they do not involve smiling at him! But I'm determined to get him to like us. I refuse to accept that he just hates us ( because really, at this point it's probably gotten to hate status).

I know I should probably just leave these people be. Trying to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you can be exhausting. Let me tell you. But I can't let it go. It's the people pleaser coming out in full force.

I'm the same way when people do not get along. Or are in a fight. Even if I'm not involved what so ever I rack my brain at night thinking of ways they can be friends again. I just want everyone to get along with each other. Can't we all just be friends? Everything is so much nicer when we all get along. Is that so wrong?

I sat next to the nerdiest kid in science in 10th grade. Man, poor kid just kept to himself and did not talk to anyone. Well, that was not acceptable. I badgered him until he finally started to talk to me. He was an awesome guy! Really, he was an amazing person. See I never would have know that if I hadn't harassed it out of him!

I'm sure plenty of people think I'm super annoying. And that's ok. As long as they want to be friends with me in spite of that. :)

Time to Get Crazy

School was fun today. Some days are more fun than others, and I'm not sure why. But today was a fun day. We learned how to use curling irons. " Yea right" I thought. I'm a curling iron pro! I've only used them about 10000000 times in my life. Well, silly me I should have known. There is a correct way to use a curling iron. And I guess I've been using it wrong for 27 years. :) Ha ha there is a " correct" way to do everything in this profession. But I like curling irons, so it was fun to practice and fun to learn.

We are getting to that phase. The phase where we are going to start doing things to each other's hair. If we want to. If we decide to. You can usually pick a cosmetology school student out of a crowd easily. Just look at their multi colored/ crazy styled head! Of course I don't have to do anything. But what is the fun in that? On our second day of school we took pictures to go on our name badges. We must have done that then so we would look semi normal in our pictures! Because there is some eccentric hair styles going on with some of the seniors now.

No length is going. That is for sure. I've been growing my hair out for 1 year ( yes it's been a year) and it's barely past my shoulders. Ugh! So no cutting! But maybe something else. I haven't decided just yet...but what is the fun of being in school if you can't do something crazy with your hair. I'm thinking about a coon tail. Yes that is right. This girl in my class has one and I love it. She had blond hair, and she took a chunk of hair at the bottom of her head and dyed brown stripes on it. Like a coon tail.:) Below is not the girl in my class, but here is an example of a rather thick coon tail. Please disregard the absurdly placed bow and the hacked of top layer of hair.

It's so cute! Except mine would be a curly coon tail...so not sure how great that would look. I've never seen a raccoon with a curly tail before. There is probably a reason for that.

I'll keep thinking on it. But I have to do something. I'll be sure to post pictures when I do!

A Tale of Two Toilets

Jimmy and I drove to Arizona this weekend. This was our first major road trip since Brynlee was born, so I wasn't sure what we were going to get. We packed a car full of stuff and hit the road Friday night.

My bladder has not been the same since I had Brynlee. I fear for what lies ahead after the next kid, because it's not good news now. I have to pee more frequently, and the urges come on much stronger. As we were driving to Arizona, I had to pee several times. We were driving through desolate waste land, and the urge hit strong. It was another 80 miles or so until our next stop, so I rocked and bobbed until we made it to a gas station.

As a side note gas stations are not my preferred place to pee. In fact I usually avoid them at all costs. But, at this point it was the first stop there was and I was going to have to pop a squat if I didn't find a toilet ASAP. I knew as soon as I walked into the gas station it would not be good. It was dirty and dingy, and I knew I was in store for a less than stellar toilet experience.

As I entered the bathroom, I could practically see venereal diseases leaping all over me. This would definitely be 3 toilet seat cover trip. Maybe I better use 4 just in case. I'm not a germ a phobe either so that is saying something. I went to get a toilet seat cover and of course it was empty...great. What a place to run out of toilet seat covers. By this point I'm practically seeing yellow I have to pee that bad. So I start to fashion a toilet seat cover out of toilet paper. It was not going well. I ended up squatting above my sub par toilet seat cover in attempt to maintain my diseasless state. All part of the road trip experience right?

On the way home, things got worse. I again I had to pee really bad. We pulled over and stopped at a Jack in the Box in the middle of no where. I figured the Jack in the Box would look like a toilet's equivalent of the Ritz compared to the gas station. I was right, sort of. There was only one stall open, and when I went in there was a big turd stuck to the toilet bowl! Ewwww! Who just leaves a toilet like that, please tell me? The other stall was out of order. I went out to check in the men's was open. It was not. I stood doing the pee dance deliberating on what I was going to do...I was really missing the STD gas station at this point! I flushed the turd toilet a few times, hoping it would go down. Nope, it just stuck on there. Seriously? I eventually fashioned a stick out of multiple rolled toilet seat covers to dislodge the turd. It finally went down, and now that the bowl was clean I could not pee fast enough. In case you were wondering, I'd rather street pee than use an outhouse. Honestly. I can think of few things more disgusting. I can't do my business on top of everyone else's business. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

I'll remember to bring toilet seat covers with me on my next road trip. As for the Jack in the Box bathroom...let's just hope I don't have to deal with that again!

A for Effort

In my quest to be the wife I've never been, I try to cook dinner every night. Yep, Jimmy has never had that. Ever! Even when we were newlyweds. My favorite thing to do for dinner is the "you're on your own" game, where I'll rummage for some food for me. And Jimmy can find his own food. This is not Jimmy's favorite game. As he usually ends up with a bowl of cereal for dinner when we play.

So, for the past month I've been trying avidly to make dinner every night, and have it ready or almost ready when Jimmy gets home. I'm not the best cook. I'm not sure why either, because I have all the tools:

1. I like to eat
2. I can read, therefore can read recipes
3. I like to eat
4. I like to eat

But alas, some of my meals are sub par. At least I can admit that. I consider myself fairly creative, but when it comes to cooking I just don't know what to make. I'm sure my pickiness in what food I will eat does not help with the monotony of our menu. I own about 10 cookbooks. I keep buying them, thinking that is the issue here. But I've realized that if a recipe calls for more than like 5 ingredients I mentally check out and move on to the next page. Hoping to find an easier recipe to make. Jimmy never complains about my wacky meals. Or boring meals. I think he is happy to not be eating cold cereal for dinner anymore!

School is going OK. Yes just OK today. When it comes to natural ability, I don't have a lot to be honest. So it's funny that I keep thinking I'm going to be great at these things right off the bat. I usually suck at first, and get disappointed in myself. Where did this mind frame come from? I have no idea.

We have moved on to wet hairstyling in my class. Monday was one of my lower days. At one point I got so frustrated I had to put my comb down and walk away for a while. Even more frustrating/embarrassing is that all my emotions seem to come out through my eyeballs so it took quite a bit of effort to keep from bursting out in tears in the middle of my class. *sigh*. I'm trying. Trying to be better at not being very good at things. Trying to be at peace with the fact that I have to work at stuff to master it. I must have missed the line where " natural ability" got handed out as a trait in the pre existence. I was probably too busy standing in the " un natural love of bread" line or something. :)

Tomorrow in class we will be putting curlers in each other's hair. I might have to take a picture of how mine turns out... it's going to be something. I'm not sure which is worse, trying to curler my already crazy curly hair ( and it's supposed to rain tomorrow as well, humidity will add an extra bit of fun). Or trying to curler my partners mile long hair. Both sound like a challenge to me! My partner's hair will probably not come out perfectly, but at least I'll get an A for effort. You can't say I don't try!

My Picks

I'm going to bore some of my readers with some baseball jargon for a bit. But baseball is winding down and now is when things really get exciting.

After a meltdown of epic proportions, the Red Sox did not make it to the playoffs. This is the problem with investing your energy into something like this. It's totally out of your control, and it's really disappointing when it doesn't go your way. Like now. It's a strange feeling. Yesterday I was bummed all day, and I realized this is why. Because the media is mercilessly going on and on and on about the Red Sox meltdown. This is nothing new to Red Sox fans, but it doesn't make it suck any less. I guess there is always next year.

However, there are some other good teams in the post season. So now I will re direct my rooting for a few other teams. Below are my picks, based solely on who I want to win. These pick are not based on skills, or luck or talent. They are based on what I want to happen, and what I think would be fair in some cases. Let's see how close I get:

Rays vs Rangers: Such a conundrum on this one, because I like both teams. But I'll go with the Rays

Yankees vs Tigers: Is this even a question? Tigers, all the way. Tigers times 1 million. All I needed was a Yankee victory Tuesday night to give the Red Sox a chance to make it in the post season. And those stupid Yankees couldn't even do that. The one time in my life I want them to win, and the lose when they are leading 7-0 in the 8th inning. I feel like they did it just to spite me...I HATE that team!

Brewers vs Diamondbacks: I like both these teams too. But I'll go Brewers because they have never even won a post season division game. Ever! They deserve a turn to shine.

Cardinals vs Phillies: I don't like either one of these teams. But I like the Phillies even less, so I'll go Cardinals.

There they are! Now that everyone has probably stopped reading this post.

I had my 2nd test today in school. It was 89 questions, and I got 105% again! Woot woot! There were only like 3 of us that did that out of 28. I really studied really hard. Maybe it's because I'm more mature now, but I'm applying myself in my schooling like no other.

After I first quit my job I was worried that my decision would not make me happy. That I would still be un happy, but be poor too. So far, that is not the case. For the first time in a long time I go to bed looking forward to the next day. Looking forward to getting up and going to school. My biggest daily stress is what to eat for lunch, and how to try to make dinner with Brynlee wreaking havoc all around me. It's a wonderful feeling.

I'm so happy with my decision. And so glad I have a supportive husband who encouraged me to do this. I'm finding that since I'm happier in my day to day life I'm more patient with people. And my relationships are better with people. I took a chance, and so far so good. Yay!

The First of Many

We did our first hair cuts last week! On doll heads that is...

Remember when I said I have this habit of thinking that I'm going to be a natural and great at everything? Then when I try it and I suck I'm confused. Yeah.

My first hair cut went really well. It was a blunt cut, which is really easy in the realm of hair cuts. Then we had to do a 45 degree cut, which I had some trouble with but it wasn't too bad. On Friday we had to do a 90 degree hair cut, and disaster struck. Man it was bad. I was not the only one with a butchered doll head. But good grief. I can see why we practice cutting on doll heads! It was my first time, so I'm sure I'll get better. But as usual, I found myself disappointed in my performance. In my head I was going to be a natural at this because I like it. I really need to throw that way of thinking out the window.

I fixed up my poor butchered doll, so she doesn't look so bad now. But lets just say it will be a while before I start cutting any human hair, believe you me.

We had our first test last week too. I studied really really heard. I had Jimmy quiz me over and over again. And it paid off, because I got a 105%. Yep, 105%! I got all the questions right, and even earned some extra points! Wooo hooo! I'm sticking my test on my fridge. Yes I'm serious.

Some cracks are starting to show up in the friendship armor of my class. 27 girls all closed in together had to equal trouble. Nothing really bad yet, but gossip is starting to go around and you can tell there are some people that are starting to irritate others. It's going to be a looong few months of us all being stuck together if things continue this way. I'm doing my best to stay out of it. I'm 27, like I need to get wrapped up in he said she said drama.

I got to go to a wedding last night on the Queen Mary. It was soooo much fun. I loved it there! It looks like the Titanic right? And I'm obsessed with the Titanic. I want to go back there and just walk around the ship all day. It's supposed to be haunted, and I can see why. It was kinda creepy in certain areas.

Brynlee finally says "Mama" with some regularity now. It makes me really happy. I'm enjoying the extra time I get to spend with her these days. Most of the time. The other times she is in time out because she is being naughty and not listening. She is fearless. She must get that from her Dad. She is stubborn too...I hope she grows out of that. Otherwise we are going to have some serious trouble with her when she gets older. She is pretty funny though. She can now show you "1" when you ask her how old she is. And she can show you where her mouth, nose and ears are. If you ask her enough times she will show you where her belly button is too.

She has got teeth coming in like crazy. All over her mouth. I figured that would happen because up until 1 month ago she only had 2 teeth. Now they are all coming! But that opens up her eating choices because she can actually chew things now. Although her favorite things are still cookies, and anything anyone else is eating :)

Life at School

Being back in school continues to be strange. I'm sure that will wear off eventually, but as of right now it's odd. My school is set up in 2 parts: The freshmen classroom, where we freshmen spend most of our time. And the salon floor, where the seniors all are. The salon floor is also where the clients that come to the beauty school get their hair cut. In order to walk to the freshmen room, you need to walk through the salon floor. On the first day of school as our class walked to the room no less than 20 seniors ( I'm not exaggerating here) commented on how large our class was. I remember getting a little irritated by it. Ok, I know we are a large class. Great observation. I'm beginning to understand why they were so amazed that there are so many of us. Because our class room is pandemonium. And chaos. And just a huge mess. I can see why the school normally only takes 20 new students max. With one teacher, and 29 of us it's a little rough. We all have huge kits, and books and bags and stuff is just all over. Yesterday we had to actually practice brushing on our doll heads. On a side note here, I'm constantly amazed at how there is a "correct" way to do just about everything when it comes to hair. IE brushing. Who knew? Anyhow, doll heads and people where everywhere. I'm sort of a hypocrit in that I'm a huge mess, but I don't like messes. If that makes any sense. I can be messy, but I don't like it when other people are. And other people's stuff all over my space really really irritates me. So yesterday was a tough day for me. I don't wish that the school decided not to accept all of us. Because I could be one of those people not accepted. I'd rather being crammed into a room and learning than not be learning at all. But I wouldn't mind a little space either. I'm getting used to inhaling my lunch in 30 min as well. I've learned to bring something that doesn't need to be heated. Because waiting for a microwave, and heating up food cuts down on valuable eating/relaxing time. I've learned that by the time I load up my baby, purse, book bag, lunch and kit all in my car it tacks on an extra 5 min to my commute time. I feel like a pack mule. Or a nomad. Or a homeless person. I've also learned that despite all this, I'm really enjoying school. Today we had to partner up and practice brushing, shampooing and scalp treatments. My parter worked on my hair today, and I'm going to work on her hair on monday. So, from 11 am to 4pm I got to be pampered. With the exception of my 30 min lunch. Not a bad way to spend the day! My partner has straight hair. I asked her if she'd ever blown out curly hair and she said no. Oh boy. I knew I had a treat in store for her! I bet she was cursing the day she chose me as a partner. At least my hair isn't that long. She actually did a really good job, all things considered. I was hoping once I stopped working I would be less tired. Nope! Still just as tired. Perhaps even more so. Which is odd to me considering I used to work 10 hour days and then have to commute on top of that sometimes. One last fun tidbit about my day. I was taking a break with two girls, and they asked me if I was Mormon. I was flabbergasted! I wasn't even wearing my " I am Mormon" name tag! Totally just kidding on that...but honestly I was really surprised. I asked them how they knew I was. They said they were both less active Mormons, and they could just tell. Still not totally convinced, I pressed them further. I mean we've been in school for 4 days, how do you look at someone and just pick that sort of thing out? They said I had that "glow". And I dressed modestly, never swore and was really nice. :) I took that all as a compliment. I'm still pretty impressed by their observation. But more than that, I'm proud of it.

Who Says

Who says you can't turn back time? Well, I've got news. I found a time machine. It's called Cosmetology School.

Let me back up a bit. My last day at work was bitter sweet. I don't think it's really set in yet that I'm done there. It just feels like maybe I'm on a vacation or something. While I was super excited to start my new journey, it was sad to say goodbye to such good friends. Seeing as my office is not exactly down the street, I don't anticipate being able to make it there too often.

It's strange to not be on a computer all day long. It's strange to hear about a tropical storm, and not have to care. That sounds really bad. I do care about the people affected by it. But it no longer directly affects me, ie makes my life miserable.

As of right now, life is good with no job. We'll see if I still feel that way next month when I have no money. :)

My first day of school was nerve racking. But I'm friendly so I made a few new friends right away. One thing I've noticed about places like this is the lack of friendly people. The senior girls all give the new girls dirty looks and whisper about them. Really? We aren't past that already? I just smiled at everyone. They give me a dirty look, I just smile back. Two wrongs don't make a right.

We can't eat or drink in class. We can't even look at our phones. We get 1 15 min break and 1 30 min break. On the 15 min break we can't leave the campus. The first day was exciting, but a bit rough. I'm not used to having my time all mapped out for me like that anymore. I'm used to being able to snack when I want, drink when I want and make a phone call if I need to.

We had to write down our birthdays, and the girl next to me was born in 1993. She is 18, and 9 years younger than me. It's a bit odd.

But, there are plenty of older people ( meaning over 25) too. And everyone in my class has been really nice. And we got our kits today and there is so much fun stuff in there I just want to tear into it. We even got some really creepy doll heads with real human hair to practice on. I had to bring those home, and they will stay safely tucked into a box where I can't see them because they freak me out.

I get out of school at 4pm, which means I get to pick up Brynlee. For the first time in her life she gets really really excited to see me. I love it. I love picking her up, and when she squeals and runs over to me I could just die it makes me so happy.

I decided to take a break from pilates. Just for one session. I'm a little burnt out on it so opted to do something else. I'm taking a dance class called " Get Your Grove On". We basically just shake our butts for 1 hour. It was surprisingly challenging, and so much fun.

That was Tuesday. It was quite a humbling day. To go from a cosmetology school where I know nothing to a dance class where I know even less. But it was a rewarding day.

Despite the elementary school treatment, I love school so far. I understand why they have to treat us like we are 10. I'm sure someone along the way did something stupid and broke rules and now the rest of us have to suffer. If anything this will really limit my snacking and diet coke intake!

Tomorrow is the first day I get to wear my uniform. Black scrub pants, maroon shirt. Everyday. For the next year. Everyday. That is really going to take some getting used to. But at least I'll be comfortable. And I won't have to worry about what I'm going to wear the next day!

Now Introducing...

Things are changing rapidly now. My plan that I've been dwelling on for 40 days is finally coming into action. I think 40 days is too long to plan stuff. It's to the point now where none of it seems real.

Like at this time next week I'll be sitting in a class room. Jobless. It's crazy! But oh so exciting.

Part of this new plan was having Garrett, aka Bronco move in with us. Bronco is Robbie's good friend who was going to move in to the other room up stairs when we originally rented our condo. Well, Bronco is here! So now I live with 3 men... thank goodness Brynlee is a girl. And I have Mitzie too. So I guess we are even, 3 to 3. But my two cohorts don't really talk much.

The situation is kind of funny. It reminds me of the show Full House or something. 3 Men, a baby and a cat. And me. Bronco is fun to live with so far. Mitzie loves him and he loves her. She moseys up to his room and cuddles with him. I guess she is tired of being displaced by Brynlee.

Anyhow, I'm sure Bronco will make an appearance now and then in my blog. Since I live with him and all. Lives are bound to be intertwined.

Borders is just about done in Simi Valley. I went last night and picked through what they had left. It takes their books being 60% off to be a normal price! Perhaps this is why they are no longer with us. Books are so hard for me to buy. Once in a while I get a good one (ie Something Borrowed, LOVED it!). But usually if I just buy a book without a recommendation it's crap. Apparently I really can't judge a book buy it's cover. :)

No Turning Back

I woke up early yesterday and cleared out some of my work. I got Brynlee dressed, and brought her to day care. Then I made my way over to the cosmetology school. Yesterday was the day of the cosmetology school lottery.

I was feeling pretty optimistic as I drove over there. I had plenty of time, which is good because I went to the wrong place...

But I eventually found the right place. It was about 8:10, and the lottery would start at 8:30. I walked into the room, and it was packed! My heart sank. I counted 17 people. Ok well there can be 20,so I was ok. And then more and more people just kept pouring in.

When the instructor walked in, she commented on what big group we had. Oh good. She took a count. 29 people. My mind started racing. 9 people would not get in. What if I was one of those 9? What was I going to do?

They decided to go over the program details before they did the lottery. That way if there was something that someone didn't like, they would not register and take up a spot. As they were going over details, I kept thinking about what I could do. I couldn't come up with any idea that fit right.

After they went over the syllabus, it seemed like the instructors just kept droning on and on. I was dying! Can we just get this over already? If my lottery number did not get picked, I would not need to know any of these minute details.

The instructor asked if it sounded like she was stalling. We all nodded our heads. She said she was stalling because they had decided to let us ALL in, and that someone was bringing more forms from the office.

Ok so this will be no surprise, but I might have cried a little when she said that. Curse these emotions that I have! But I was so relieved, I can't even tell you. As I said before, I have NO back up plan. There is no plan B. Just plan A. And up until that point, plan A was not looking so good. I guess I was the only one so emotionally touched, because I was the only one tearing up. Maybe everyone else does not have as much riding on this as I do.

So, I registered. They so kindly stamped a big red "No Refunds" on my receipt after I paid my first installment. Meaning, no turning back now. No mind changing, no delaying, no procrastinating. I'm all in now. Unless I want to lose my deposit...which believe me I don't.

I'm officially in Cosmetology school. I think about what led me to this and it boggles my mind. I wonder if I didn't have this blog if I would have ever had the courage to do this. Probably not. It is quite a change. But I'm hoping in will be a good one. Sept 13th is my first day. Cosmetology school, here I come!

Insomniac

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone". This is probably one of my favorite sayings. It reminds me to try to enjoy the good times, because they are usually short lived.

I'm a great sleeper. I go to bed, read for like 20 min and then I'm out. I usually don't wake up until it's time to get up the next morning. Then I wake up refreshed and ready to start the day.

I hear people talk about having trouble sleeping. I can't imagine that! Ok well now I can. For the past 5 nights I have slept like crap. It's so irritating. Last night I woke up at 2:30 to pee. Which I never do. Ever. But of course after I peed, forget it. I think I finally fell asleep at like 4am. Ugh.

Besides the need to pee, there are several factors adding to this.

It's hotter than Hades here these days! Jeez. It's been triple digits and it's horrible. You go outside and the hot air burns your lungs. Now that I'm a born again penny pincher, I try to keep our ac set at 80. Well that thing has been cranking along all night long for the past few nights.

I have less than 2 weeks at my job now. And I'm freaking out. Just a little bit. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I go to register for the Cosmetology program. I have been nervous about this day for the past few months. Every since I made this crazy decision to pursue a dream and listen to what my heart is telling me.

If too many people are applying, they do a lottery to see who will get in. I'm told they have not had to do a lottery in recent years thanks to our economy. See there is good in everything right? Bad economy equals school for me, and more job security for Jimmy. If they do have to do a lottery tomorrow, and I don't get in... well. I have NO back up plan. Yes I realize this seems stupid. But there is not a good back up plan to have for this. And thinking about it only freaks me out more and makes my head hurt. So, I'm literally putting all my eggs in this basket.

It would have been nice if they didn't make you wait until 2 weeks before the program starts to register. I mean how are you supposed to plan for these type of things? All the other schooling I've done you've been able to register for class months in advance. Then if things do not go your way you have time to figure something else out.

I'd feel better if they picked people based on qualifications. Seeing that the 2 program requirements are: 1. have a social security card and 2: read/speak 9th grade English, I think I've got that covered. And then some.

Or if the picked people on a first come first served basis. Then I could camp out there tonight. Nope, a lottery is what they do if there are more than 20 people applying. I'm not very good at lottery type things. Everyone cross your fingers for less than 20 people! I'll probably be the first person there. And I'm sure my stomach will sink with each new person who walks into the room.

So this combined with the hot hot hot weather has turned me into an insomniac. I find myself awake during strange hours every night. And it's really irritating!

I'm hoping if all goes well tomorrow I'll be able to sleep again. If all does not go well... then I'm not sure. I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it. That is one bridge I do not want to see!

Clean Bill

Brynlee had her last neurological check up last week. Since my days of working are dwindling down, Jimmy brought her in. She did great! They said her small motor skills are above average. And she is a healthy and happy little girl.

Whew! I'm going to say it again. Whew! We are out of the woods. With that illness anyway. Now we just have a great story to tell about the 2 month old baby who survived bacterial meningitis and escaped un scathed.

Brynlee actually lost a couple of pounds. She is always on the go. And her eating habits are horrible now. I'm not sure what happened. I was so careful in the beginning. I didn't even give her any fruit until she was 8 months old. She only had vegetables. Now, she spits out fruits and vegetables in any form. Somewhere along the line she decided she didn't need those. I've tried to hide them in different things. This kid is hard to fool though. She'll eat garlic mashed potatoes. And French fries. Do those count as veggies? No? hmm... I'm not sure what else to do at this point then. I guess I'll just keep trying!

Required Watching

Jimmy started school this week. So now, on Monday and Wednesday nights it's just Brynlee and I. Until she goes to bed, and then it's just I. :)

I set out last night to do some reading. But thought I'd channel surf a bit to make sure I wasn't missing any great TV. I wasn't. I cannot wait for fall for TV shows to start up again. Even Jeopardy! is repeats. Anyhow, I was surfing along and there it was. This movie:



Score!!! I actually own it. But yet whenever it's on TV, I have to watch it. It's like a requirement. Jimmy usually gives me a hard time about watching it over and over. But Jimmy was not home, so I was able to watch duress free. I do this with the movie Titanic too. I'm not sure why, because I didn't even like that movie that much. But whenever it's on, I have to watch it. Even if I just watched it yesterday. And I can only watch the first 1/2 because then it gets too sad.

But back to Jurassic Park. I remember the first time I saw this movie. I was in 3rd grade and going to a private school. Our class took a field trip to Universal Studios to see this movie on the big screen. I had to sit by my teacher, and had my head in my chair about 2/3rds of the time. Yes, I was the only kid who had to sit by my teacher. Hey I don't do scary very well!

But, I loved this movie. I saw it again in the theaters with my parents, and actually watched most of it. It wasn't as bad when you knew what was coming. I had Jurassic Park stickers, I had a Jurassic Park T shirt. I think I even had a Jurassic Park lunch box.

I'd always loved dinosaurs, but for some reason this movie where the dinosaurs get free and eat people cemented my love affair with them. Except with the Velociraptors because those really freaked me out. I definitely had a few nightmares about that kitchen scene.

I still love dinosaurs now. I love learning about them, and theorizing about them. I really hope one day I find out what happened to all of them. Otherwise I'm going to be really bummed out.

Of course I had to see Jurassic Park 2,3,4 ( is there a 4? I can't remember). None were even close to being as good as the first.

So, I watched last night in awe as always of this movie. In my opinion, this is Spielberg's best work. Too bad they don't make movies like this one anymore!

The Cup Cupboard

I was thinking about our engagement story the other day and it made me laugh. I think it's a pretty good one.

I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty, but I knew Jimmy was going to propose. It was not a surprise, and I knew it was coming. Thus making his job of trying to surprise me with a creative way to propose a little difficult.

I went over to his house one day. He used to live with Robbie and Breanne, and they were on vacation. Wow Robbie just can't get rid of us. Or we can't get rid of him, depending on how you want to look at it.

I've known Jimmy since 2004, and he has lived with Robbie for about 5 of those 7 years. Not that that is pertinent to this story though...

Anyhow Robbie and Breanne were out of town on their anniversary trip, so Jimmy was home alone. I went over to his house after work one day for a little while. I had to get up early and did not plan on staying over there too long.

As I was about to leave, Jimmy asked me to get him a cup for a drink of water. He was in the kitchen, just like I was. Why couldn't he get his own water? I opened the cupboard, pulled out a cup and handed it to him. He looked at me like I was nuts. He then asked me if he could have a smaller cup. I was so irritated! I had to get home and I had to pee. I remember wondering why his large cup was not good enough. So I opened up the cupboard and went to pull out a smaller cup.

And then I saw it. There was a ring in a ring box, sitting there all open and pretty. I had completely missed it the first time I opened the cupboard. If you know me, that is not really very surprising. I turned to look at Jimmy and he was on one knee. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He took the ring and tried to put it on the wrong hand. Boys are so funny. I guess they don't practice putting rings on girls when they are kids like we girls practice putting them on huh?

And that was it. We were engaged, and Jimmy did manage to surprise me. During our ring ceremony, he dropped the wedding ring he was trying to put on me. So funny. We got a good picture of that.

There were no flowers, or songs or crowds. But I love our engagement story. It's so us. Me not seeing the ring at first because I'm so aloof. And him not putting the ring on the right hand. We are a mess! But I can't think of anyone I'd rather be a mess with. :)

The Time to Fall

It's almost September!!!!! I cannot wait for fall. I'm even more jazzed about it this year than most years. September first, the fall decorations are coming out! I don't care if it is 102 degrees still. As it tends to be in CA.

Fall is by far my favorite season. I used to like Summer. Back before I turned into an adult and got a job. Now it just means higher electricity bills. Yay! Not. I do like that it means I don't have to match socks. Because once summer hits I wear socks like 2 times and that is it. My feet cannot be restricted in such hot weather!

I'm already planning out our family themed Halloween costume. We are going to take Brynlee trick or treating this year. I'm super excited.

This year we are going to go to a big pumpkin patch, where Brynlee can go on a hay ride and run around. Maybe even hit up a petting zoo! I'm already trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my Christmas tree, since that tiny terror that runs my house will be all over it I'm sure.

Jimmy and I did some more child proofing this weekend. I should have filmed the look of dismay on Brynlee's face as she tried to open some of her favorite cupboards to wreak havoc in. Only to find she could not open them. :) Ha ha!

My big life changing is coming closer and closer. Less than 1 month away actually. I thought of having to buy school supplies the other day and it made me really happy. I know that sounds crazy. Then I thought about not knowing anyone at school. And everyone probably being 18 and here I am 27 and married with a baby. It might be hard to connect with my new classmates a little bit. Maybe I'll hit it off with some of the instructors.

Unfortunately I find myself doing something with this that I always tend to do. I keep thinking that every problem in my life will be fixed once I quit my job and start school. I'll have tons of free time, and Brynlee will be less crazy and I'll be happier. I'm not sure why I always do this. But it sets me up for failure because inevitably school will not fix all my problems. In fact it will create several new ones. Several new pretty big ones! But I hope I'm not wrong about being happier. Because right now I'm having a kind of tough time.

I've been on a pilates hiatus. I skipped once. Then I skipped again. Then I skipped twice more. Yeah. Have I mentioned this class was pre paid? I might as well just flush money down the toilet. I skipped the one class, but then I wanted more. See, "if you give a mouse a cookie...". I haven't gone for 2 weeks now, and I'm sure my teacher thinks I probably died or something. Tonight I'm going, no question. Pilates or bust!

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

My parents read to me every night before I went to bed when I was little. Maybe that is where my love affair with books began. I loved Dr Seuss books. I think my favorite was " Are you My Mother?". I tried reading that to Brynlee the other day. While she was less than enthused, I just kept cracking up. Still, 25 years later that book makes me laugh. Or "Fox in Sox". I remember asking my Dad to read that book to my every night for like a month straight.

I still remember these books, and they bring a smile to my face when I think about them. But there was one book in particular that still has a profound affect on me today.




If you haven't read it, I insist you go to the library right now. While this is obviously a children's book the message it brings is for people of all ages.

We (or maybe just me?) are never really satisfied. Example- I had a day off from work, I want another one now. I skipped my pilates class, now I want to skip again. I ate Mc Donald's for lunch yesterday, now I want it again tomorrow. I can never just take a treat for what it is. A special, one time thing. I get a cookie, and I want some milk to go with it.

I find this in my job all the time. You do something for someone once, and then they expect you to do it again, and then some. I guess this is just human nature. And that is part of our journey here. To appreciate what we have, and not always be asking for more.

I'm realizing this more and more with Brynlee as well. It's strange trying to mold someone's personality. In her case though, she doesn't understand why she can't have the whole cooking, the milk, the house etc. I mean she is pretty cute. Isn't that all she needs to do to get what she wants? Be cute? No, it's not? Oh boy, I guess she has some more learning to do.

I quote this book all the time. I'm sure people who have not read it think I'm crazy. Maybe I should carry copies around and give them to people who have no idea what I'm talking about. Not that it will change anything. I've read the book a dozen times and I still always want more!