Fits

Oh my sweet child. Or not so sweet at times. Brynlee is a great baby for the most part. She plays on her own, will be held or fed by anyone and is generally happy to just hang out. She loves running errands, going to eat or anything like that. As long as she has people to look at she is a happy camper.

However, she has developed quite the baby attitude. While she is still content to sit and hang out, she needs someone to be sitting with her. Anyone really, it could be the cat for all she cares as long as it's someone. Otherwise the baby tude comes out, and she screams/squeals/fake cries until someone pays attention to her. If I ignore her temper tantrum (as I sometimes do, after making sure that she is absolutely fine and just being a pill) it escalates to an octave even higher, in that the dogs in the neighborhood start barking and wailing.

The power struggle has begun already. I knew it would happen eventually, but I am surprised at it happening this early. While Jimmy and I are not on the same page with a ton of things it seems, we are united on this. We will not have a brat child. Not happening. These baby fits are not here to stay, that is for sure.

I'm a fan of tough love, but I'm not a fan of being mean. I think there is a balance there, and that is what I strive to achieve. I can admit though that some days when my patience is thin, and the baby fit starts I wonder yet again what I got myself into. I'm so grateful that Brynlee is forgiving and is still excited to see me even if I've lost my patience and had to leave the room for a while.

Usually by the end of the day I'm counting down the minutes until it's her bed time and I can have some alone time or fun time for myself. Then I look at her sleeping and wonder how I could have been so frustrated at something so beautiful. I get disappointed in myself and vow to be more patient tomorrow. But the cycle repeats the next day and then I'm quickly reminded that she is cute for a reason. Otherwise no one would deal this crap!

Look at this face. It's impossible to stay frustrated with something so cute for long.

One More Thing

Last night, I saw my first Imax movie. Jimmy and I went to see Tron. As you can imagine I did not pick that one. I'm not really sure what Imax means exactly. Better picture quality? Louder? Of course the movie was in 3D as well, so we were stuck wearing those stupid 3D glasses that pinched my nose for 2 plus hours.

I've never seen the original Tron, but I did enjoy this one. Some of the concepts were way past my humble knowledge of computers, but the whole idea was interesting.

However, my enjoyment of the movie was constantly put on pause as I pondered on the cost of seeing this movie. $18! Per person! We had free movie tickets and gift cards, so we didn't actually pay any of that. But it really left me baffled. Had the movie been playing in regular 2D normal sound/picture, we would have seen that. But nope. Only in 3D with all these crazy bells and whistles.

In my mind, nothing short of the hot Tron man jumping off the screen and materializing before my eyes would make that movie worth the $36 we had to pay to see it.

As we watched the previews, it was one movie after another in 3D and Imax. Cartoons, nature movies, Disney movies. Are there no normal movies anymore? I don't want to see a cartoon in 3D, I want to see a cartoon in 2D and save my extra $6 or so ( and avoid a pinched nose for that matter). I remember when it used to cost $3.50 to see a movie. Now, it's $18. You can buy a movie for that much money and watch in endlessly!

But this is how things work now, and it's a shame. I used to love going to the movies, but at this rate my time of going to the movies is coming to a close. I can't pay $18 to see a movie. It's just wrong. Even if I have a gift card or free ticket, it's a principle thing. I won't do it again.

I want my 2D poor picture quality movies back!

Ode to a Man

There is a man out there who is unlike any other.

A man who offers me his Albertson's pots for pennies stickers because he knows I've been saving up and want that Dutch oven something fierce.

A man who watches Brynlee several times a week with excitement and vigor. When it comes to meal times or changing diapers, he is all to happy (freakishly so :)) to do it.

A man who I've seen lose his patience maybe a handful of times in 26 years (hey is human after all!).

A man who is commonly adored by all who meet him. His laughter is so contagious he can bring you out of the worst mood with just one chuckle. Or cackle. And he laughs, a lot.

A man who is humble, despite his many talents which include: kid/baby whispering, wood working, Microsoft Excel use, helping with math homework, helping with French homework, helping with just about any homework..., staying optimistic when life gives you lemons, smiling and most of all listening. He has to be the best listener I've ever met in my life.

The man who I so fondly refer to his none other than my Dad, aka Papasaur!

Seriously. Have you met this man? If not, you are missing out. He is phenomenal. :)

Challenge Extended

... and challenge accepted! So far, I've gotten dressed with make up and jewelry everyday this week. All 3 of them! Especially considering today I don't plan on leaving my house, that is pretty good. Not even to check my mail (hmmm.. wonder what's in there....) because it's raining and cold out.

I've also gotten back on my diet. Yes, yes I know not the best time of year to diet. Well, you gotta do what you gotta do. A plus of starting this time of year is that in the beginning when you have that just started motivation cakes/cookies/candies/Christmas goodies don't have the allure they do when you have been dieting for a while and are tired of it.

I'm going to tap into my stash of gift cards and purchase some clothes that are totally not me. As it not something I would ever in 1 million years buy. I just bought a new pair of boots this morning. I'm not really a boot person, but on Dec 28-30th(depending on how quickly they get here) I will be!


Next stop, skinny jeans. Yes skinny jeans, my former nemesis (as in I hate them). I'm going to give them a try for a couple of reasons. One, they are all you can find anymore, and I'm tired of spending 5 hours trying to find jeans. Two, they are out of my norm and that is what I'm trying to do. Break out of this rut I've landed myself in.

If there are any other skinny jean wearers out there (bless your heart you brave souls) I could use some tips on how to wear those pants. Because I have giant feet, and having a tapered ankle makes my giant feet look even bigger. The memory of being called "boat feet" in elementary school is all coming back to me...

I love the beginning of a resolution, when you feel so motivated and inspired. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

A Housewife's Ambitions

I used to laugh when I watched those Suave commercials where they show the mom with her hair in a ratty bun. Then she uses Suave and her hair is clean and shiny. The point of the commercial was that Suave was supposed to help those poor mothers out there who have let themselves go and have no time to fix it.

I remember thinking, how hard is it to keep your hair out of a bun? That itself is ironic considering from the age of 12-15 I wore my hair in a bun everyday. But that's besides the point. I had this unruly crazy curly hair, and didn't know what to do with it.

Anyhow, now I'm starting to understand those commercials. I'm blessed to be able to work from home, but to be 100% honest I don't like it. I'm not someone who can sit in the house all day and feel fulfilled. Any face book friends know there are quite a few days when I don't even bother to get dressed! I mean what's the point? If my only time outside is to check the mail, who cares? I love checking the mail now. I feel like one of those old retired people who sit all day waiting for the mail to come.

I feel my appearance slipping, and I hate it. It gives me anxiety when I think about it. I think about how I hardly every do my hair anymore, wear make up maybe 1 a week if that, and am pulling from my large supply of souvenir tee shirts to wear when I do in fact get dressed. And I only have 1 kid! What happens when the rest come?

Despite the vow I made to myself, a nice layer of extra padding still continues to reside upon my midsection. I keep telling myself it's baby weight, and that it will go away. The problem is the baby is 7 months old now. So that excuse is shot. And the fact that most days my exercise is running to my mail box ( hey in my defense my mail box is not right in front of my house, and I do run to it rather than walk because I'm excited for what awaits me inside the box) is my only form of exercise.

This is not how I envisioned myself looking as a Mom. Especially at 26 none the less. I always thought I'd be one of those "Cute Moms". The ones who wear stylish clothes, and stay in shape, etc etc.

Ok yes maybe I'm being a bit dramatic here. I'm lucky that most of my baby weight did naturally fall off with little effort. My weight is actually the same as it was pre baby, but the distribution of my weight is ALL wrong...

So things are not that bed, yet. But this is how it starts. Baby steps. If I keep going like this I'll be one of those Moms who takes their kids to school in a muumuu with curlers in their hair!

So, I'm setting a goal for this week ( we'll take 1 week at a time at this point). I'm going to get dressed, put on make up and jewelry ( oh boy, getting crazy here!) everyday. And not just get dressed in a souvenir oversized t shirt either! And, I'm going to go somewhere everyday. Not just the mailbox! I'll report in and let you know how it goes (I think I might of just lost some of my few readers at the idea of checking back to read about how my getting dressed everyday is progressing! :)) Wish my luck, day one is today!

Oh Baby, Baby

Brynlee just had her 6 month check up (I know she is 7 months old next week, we are a little behind).

She is growing like a weed!

Weight: 17.5 lbs, 60% percentile
Height: 27.5 inches, 90% percentile
Head Circumference: 43.2 cm, ( I think this one is 60% percentile)

She can roll all over now. Front to back, back to front. She kinda rolls where she wants to go now. She has gotten up on her hands a knees a couple of times, but is in no rush to crawl. And I'm not really in a rush for her to crawl either!

She eats just about all her baby foods now except meat. Every time I try to give her the baby food meat she looks at me like I'm trying to kill her. One time she proceeded to spit it out at Jimmy, and then puke all her other food up. I can't say I blame her, that stuff is NASTY!

She ate the paper off of a stick a bow the other day. Stupid me I gave her the bow while I was wrapping to try to keep her entertained. When she put the bow down, the whole paper backing was gone! She didn't eat the staple, but we've had our first baby eating something she shouldn't incident. I'm sure it will be the first of many, many to come.

Here she is laying on Uncle Robe while he is sleeping. What a trooper he was to let her drool all over his Iphone! :)



We tried about 10 times to take a family picture. Of course the one I liked the best of me the cat is looking at the ground, the baby is making a weird face and Jimmy's eyes are closed. *sigh*. Isn't that the way it always goes?



I love this kid!

Wild Ride

As 2010 draws near to a close, I find myself reflecting on this year and how it has changed my life. It's really crazy to think of how many things can happen in a year.

We had some bumps, but it all seems to have evened out now. So we are left with some new experiences and some fun stories to tell. Here is my 2010 in a nutshell:

1. Work was so crazy I can't believe I lived through it! Unplanned, my co worker and I both got pregnant within like 4 months of each other. So, at the end of Jan she was out for 3 months. We worked together for the end of April, but then I went out starting in the end of May. Did I mention there are only 4 people in my little division? Yeah. Having only 3 makes a huge difference. I think I literally worked until like 8pm every night... But I made good money and made Presidents Club. And, more importantly found out what I was capable of. I now consider myself a pretty seasoned travel agent!

2. My living situation was a little strange for a while this year, with puppies etc. I've never owned a dog before. They sure are cute, but good grief they are so high maintenance. They are worse than a baby (no joke). By June Mitzie was the only 4 legged animal in our house again. But at least I have some dog experience now? Yep, I was right. I'm a cat person. :)

3.Baby! Obviously the most important one. We went from a 2 people family to a 3 person family, and it's been nuts. Truly. There have been lots of good times, and a few bad. Sometimes I think back to the days when I would get off work and be able to just sit and read. Or go to a movie. *sigh*. Guess those days are gone! But for the most part I love being a Mom. Sometimes I miss my days of freedom. But then I'm apart from Brynlee for more than a few hours and I miss her like crazy. Anyhow, we are so happy to have a healthy beautiful baby girl.

4. Jimmy's car got stolen. How many people can say that? That morning, the poor guy was supposed to leave for work. Goes out to where his car should have been, and the space is just empty. Empty! Such a strange feeling. I can still picture his face when he came back in the house to tell me. He looked so confused...I was confused too. I thought maybe he forgot where he parked it or something. Nope, it was gone. But, 1 week later we got it back! In decent condition none the less. Now really how many people say that? I though for sure that car was on a 1 way trip to Mexico never to be seen in 1 piece again. It's truly a miracle!

5. I went from never having stayed in the hospital prior to 2010 to staying there for 2 and 1/2 weeks between giving birth and when Brynlee got sick. Not my favorite place. However now I could give a guided tour of Kaiser Woodland Hills!

It's hard to imagine that 2011 will top this year, but I'm looking forward to seeing what life has to throw at me. Bring it on!

Why Thank you Mr. President

No I'm not going to talk about politics. Not in this venue anyway. To be honest I'm not very educated with them anymore, and my political beliefs seem to be all over the place and don't usually coincide a majority of my readers (no need to lose some of my following!).

I am going to discuss the award I received at my company Christmas party last week though! As I said last year, I'm not much of an award winner.

Athletics have never been my strong suite. While I consider myself intelligent, I'm not intelligent enough to be recognized over others for it (there is always someone smarter than me!).

So, most of the awards I've won have been ones that everyone gets, ie those don't make anyone feel left out awards. Or attendance awards.

But this year, I made Presidents Club again. To be 100% honest, what needs to be done to make Presidents club is unclear to me. It has to do with making the company a lot of money, which they naturally appreciate. Not too many people make it, only like 30 out of 900 or so. And I, was one of those 30! I get my name on a poster that is all around the office, and I get another inscription on my trophy (yay, a trophy!!!).

They count the amount of money your bring in from Oct of one year to Oct of the next year so even more exciting is that I still made it with being out on maternity leave for 3 months! Ah success. President's club members get to go on an all expenses paid trip in June, this year we are going to the La Costa resort and spa in Carlsbad. Ok it's not a trip to Europe, but it's something.

Now, after my good news I'm going to rant a bit. I'm not going to name names as my blog is able to be seen by all. But I am so tired certain types of people I am forced to encounter daily.

I don't understand why people who have money think they are better than those who don't. I'll never understand. Even if I was rich I don't think I could ever treat anyone that poorly. Starting in 2011 the self confidence bash that has been the relationship I've had with these people is coming to an end. At this point, I CANNOT wait. They have not been all bad, but unfortunately the bad over shadows the good. All I have left at this point to say to them is don't let the door hit you on the way out!!!

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas

Yay!!!!!!! Who doesn't love Christmas time? The people I live with that's who. We'll just call them Grinch #1 and Grinch #2. Not that the Grinch Brothers can put a damper on my Christmas loving. I will not yield!

Jimmy and I put decorations up last weekend while Robbie hid in his room (probably trying to find a happy place) and it's looking mighty festive at my house. I forgot what a complete terror my cat is during Christmas time though, she is into everything already, and we haven't even gotten the tree yet.

I'm so glad Brynlee wasn't born just a few months earlier, because then she'd be crawling all over the place, wreaking havoc on my decorations just like the cat. I put something up, the cat tears it down... seems like I really do stand alone when it comes to decortions. Even Mitzie is against me.

I remember being in school, and this being the worst time of year. All those finals. It is nice not to have those anymore.

Each morning I wake up and get excited to move magnets, open doors and pin things on my advent calendars. I know, it's sad that I get excited to do that. But I do. I have so much shopping to do it freaks me out a bit if I think about it too much. One of these years I'll be smart and start in July or something. I find myself saying that every year.

I really do love presents, giving and receiving. Yep, I said it. Who doesn't love getting presents? I know we are all supposed to pretend that that part of Christmas doesn't matter to us. But it matters to me. It's nice because you can ask for stuff you wouldn't normally buy yourself. Jimmy is a pretty good gift giver though. Mainly because he doesn't really deviate from the list too much. Which isn't a bad thing. :)

Lastly, I played hangman on Sunday with my class of 13/14 year olds. I got the ball rolling by doing a nice Sunday puzzle, "Sabbath Day". I hope none of the kids stumble upon my blog, but here are some of the hang man puzzles they came up with:

1. Unicorns are cool
2. Asians love rice
3. Football is awesome
4. I love money
5. ______ is the king of the world ( insert boys name were blank is, I left it out to protect his privacy)
6.Hamsters are fluffy

Yes... that is the youth of America right there. Good grief. Safe to say I had some good laughs on Sunday.

Thanks X 100000000

Despite the fact that I haven't joined the party of people saying what they are thankful for this month, I do have a lot that I'm grateful for.

This year will not go down in the books as the best one in my mind unfortunately. It's been tough it a lot of ways. If I were to make a list more bad things happened than good I'd have to say. But there is one big one on that good list that overshadows the rest.

I'm so thankful to have a HEALTHY baby girl. After the several health scares we had, I can't believe how lucky I really am. Her heart has been fine since birth, despite the fetal heart arrhythmia she had. And, despite being deathly ill and in the hospital for 2 weeks ( probably the worst 2 weeks of my life) she appears to have escaped the illness with no side effects.

We are still do testing on here every few months so her progress can be monitored, but as of right now she is just perfect.

I think back to this time last year, and remember how sick I was. And how much I just wanted to die everyday. All because of a little rice grain sized life, sex and name TBD. Now, here is Brynlee 6 months old and stealing hearts everywhere we go ( including mine every day).

I'm thankful to not be pregnant and puking during the holidays, that is for sure. I plan on eating waaaay too much tonight and enjoying every bit of it.

I'm thankful for my family, and the fact that they stick by me through my crazy mood swings, temper tantrums ( there have been a few of those...) and crazy antics.

I'm thankful to live in this country. I often think about how lucky I was to be born here. You can't control where you are born. Think of all those people who live in oppressive places and dream of coming to America. And I just popped out here. I think we take that for granted sometimes. I'll pay my taxes happily if it means I can stay here.

I'm thankful that I get today off, one of just 3 holidays we have this year. I guess it's better than no holidays right?

Most of all I' thankful for Thanksgiving, a day that forces us to reflect on the positive in our lives rather than the negative. That helps us to see how much we have instead of what we are missing.

Thank you Thanksgiving, for helping me to remember how much I really have to be thankful for.

Lets eat!!!! ( I know it's only 9:30 am here but on this day I start eating early!)

Learning Experiences

I got a new calling ( for those non LDS'ers, that's like an assignment in church) a few weeks ago. I now teach the 12/13 year olds Sunday School. Did I mention there are like 15 of them? Yeah. My first reaction when they asked me to do this was "NO WAY!". But after some debating I thought I'd give it a go and see how it was.

It's not as bad as a I thought in some ways. But other ways it's harder. I so remember what it was like to be that age (ie my last post when I said I was a 14 year old trapped in a 26 year old body...). I remember the way a 13 year old thinks. I'm trying to teach these kids to make wise decisions, and that the perils of teenage Dom are only temporary. I'm sure as I'm talking the girls are thinking about boys, make up and clothes and the boys are thinking about girls and... well I'm not sure what else and I think it's better that way.

I'm trying to prevent youth from being wasted on the young, but that is the whole point of it I guess. We have our own experiences ( both good and bad) and that is what we learn from.

I started thinking about my childhood friends, and how different we all are now. Some in good ways and some in really really bad ways. Why did some of us turn out ok, and others not so much? It's mind boggling how we all start out the same way, young, innocent, bright eyed and bushy tailed. And then some go so far astray they aren't even in the same pasture anymore.

How do we prevent that? Or more so how do I prevent that with these kids? I now the answer, but it's a hard pill to swallow. I can't prevent it. I can tell them what I know, what I've learned and what I believe. The rest is up to them. I suppose this calling is preparing me for when Brynlee gets older and I can't control what she does anymore.

Which I do, all the time. I guess I'm a bit of a control freak with her. Hey you have your kid near death in the hospital for 2 weeks and see how you turn out. I'm probably going to be overprotective for the rest of my life now.

I know that is part or my problem, that I'm overprotective with these kids. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. I don't want them to make stupid decisions. I want them to learn from others mistakes. But I know I'm fighting a losing battle because they won't learn. They have to make mistakes for themselves to grow. I get what needs to happen, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!

Why Tivo, Why?

I think I'm a 14 year old trapped in a 26 year old body sometimes. I love Taylor Swift, I love most all things Twilight and I have 3 shows I watch regularly. Jeopardy, 90210 and the Vampire Diaries. You notice that one doesn't quite fit the mold there.

Anyhow, I love love love Vampire Diaries. I look forward to it all week long, and when Thursday rolls around I get so excited. It is by far my favorite show. I've even gotten Robbie and Jimmy to watch a bit of it with me ( they pretended not to like it, but I'm not so sure that is the case...)

Tivo/DVR is a fairly new idea to me, we never had anything like that when I was growing up. If you wanted to watch a show, you watched it live time, commercials and all. After being spoiled by my DVR now, I don't watch much of anything live time.

There have been 3 instances when the DVR has stabbed me in the back by not recording a show properly. Chunks of the show go missing, or the show didn't record all together. Guess what show all three instances have happened on? Yep, you guessed it. Vampire Diaries.

I HATE sitting down giddy with excitement to watch my show only to turn it on and have 3/4 of it be missing. It fills me with a rage most people don't have for in animate objects.

Why, why is it always on my show? Jimmy records like 20 shows ( no joke). He is always recording something. Do you think the DVR has ever screwed him over? Or Robbie for that matter? Nope, just me. I thought maybe it was the channel, but we record other stuff off that channel and have not had any issues. It feels like that DVR is out to get me. So far the score is DVR:3, Me:0...

Lesson learned, I'm watching that show live time from now on! No one call me or ask me to do something on Thursday nights at 8pm, I'm busy!

Cute Cuillard Cousins

While I'm an only child, I'm lucky enough to have some really amazing cousins! I love them all...well the ones I've met anyway. :)

I guess they are the closest thing I have to siblings. Unfortunately none of them live or ever have lived within 3,000 miles, so I don't get to see them very often.

Brynlee is lucky enough to have cousins all around, some right in this very city! Here are Brynlee and Eldon on Halloween. How cute are these two?





I usually like to dress up, but before I knew it Halloween was here and I had no costume. Oh well, at least Brynlee looked cute. She is all anyone cares about these days anyway! :)

Sometimes I Run, Sometimes I Hide

I like to think of myself as wise and mature. Aged to 26 years of perfection, I've over come the demons of my past and can look forward to the opportunities of tomorrow. At least in my head that's they way it goes.

Truth? Not so much. I've come a long way from the uncertain and scared adolescent that I once was, but I've got a long way to go. Nothing cements that more than times like this.

For those long time followers of my blog ( thank you! :) ), you might remember my post about marine man. I saw Marine man a few years back at my company Christmas party. My husband, always the joiner opted not to come with me. So I brought my friend Ashley. There, I saw one of my co workers sons. A rather attractive Marine son. Being that I was with my girlfriend and had no man in sight he told his Mom about how pretty he thought I was. She told him I was married and that was the end of that.

Well, this week I went into the office an extra day. I almost put on make up, but decided I didn't feel like it. Guess who came into my office to visit his Mom? Yep, Marine man. Curse. When will I learn that I should not leave the house without make up on? I ran (literally) and hid when I saw him come in. I stayed in the bathroom until he left.

As I was camped out in the bathroom I started to really think. "Why am I in here again?" Oh yes, because this attractive man was fooled into thinking that I was breathtaking with the help of a some dim lighting and a couple of cocktails. I'd hate to spoil that image for him. I know, I know. I'm married, I shouldn't care right? Wrong. I'm still a person, and I like to feel pretty. I'm sure if I'd come out of the bathroom that I would have taken his breath away alright, but for all the wrong reasons.

Does anyone else do this type of thing? Sadly, this is not my first offense. In fact, you could say I'm a serial hider.

I was in Target one time and I heard "the voice". You know the one, the voice of the person who broke your heart in more ways than imaginable. The person who you dreamed about for years and years only to end up bruised and beaten at the end. What a waste of my time that guy was. What I wouldn't pay to get those years back.

Anyhow, I heard that unmistaken able voice on the next aisle over. I thought about marching over there and telling him what a complete jerk he was and showing him what he had missed out on. Then I remembered I was deathly ill, had a nest on my head where my hair had formerly been and had snot leaking out of my nose. Hmmmm... where can I hide? And hide I did. Until he was out of the store.

I love that scene in the Wedding Planner when Jennifer Lopez sees her ex at the flower place and gets on the ground and tries to crawl away. That is so me.

I'm hoping I'll get to a point when I don't feel like I have to hide in situations like this anymore. I'm getting better. Now I just hide if I have no make up on, or if my hair is a mess. I guess I should really just expect to see someone I know and stop going out in public looking like I just rolled out of bed. Maybe that will be one of my many New Year's resolutions!

I Dream of Places

With it being November and all everyone seems to be talking about how thankful they are. Always one to march to the beat of my own drum, I'm going to complain a bit. :)

I became a travel agent for a couple of reasons, one main one being I want to travel. It seemed that this was a good occupation for that. However, I've not gone anywhere. Last year, I had the opportunity to take a free trip to Tokyo. Yes, free! As you can imagine, I jumped at this. I had my passport expedited, and was ready to go. Except I got pregnant. And the baby had a fetal heart arrhythmia. So my Dr said no way was I to be jet setting around. Ok, bye Tokyo!

Then I made President's Club at work, and won a free stay at the Hotel del Coronado. I've always wanted to stay there! But the trip was for Jun 2nd. 1 week after Brynlee was born. Ok, Bye Hotel Del Coronado!

I wouldn't trade my child for anything in the world. It is frustrating that just as my job was starting to pay off travel wise I couldn't take advantage of any of these opportunities though.

It's to the point now were I'm thinking travel is just not in the cards for me. I'm going to live and die being one of those people who has never left this continent. One of those people who always dreamed of going places and just never quite made it there.

I realize I'm only 26, and have plenty of traveling years ahead of me. But now that we have started our family, I can't help but think that my ideal traveling time is behind me. The fact that Jimmy and I have completely different traveling styles doesn't help.

I want to go to Paris so bad I literally do dream about it. Quite frequently actually. I'm borderline obsessed with the Eiffel Tower. I even have a lamp shaped like it for goodness sake. It's to the point now that I think if I ever do get there I'll probably break down sobbing because I actually made it.

It seems everyone else is able to travel somehow, despite financial problems and family responsibilities. I must be missing something here. Is there an " I want to go to Europe" hotline that I'm in the dark about? How is it all these people make these trips happen, and I can't seem to do it. I book trips for a living! If someone should be able to make it happen, it should be me.

One of my biggest fears is getting older, and realizing that there were a ton of places I wanted to go and now it's too late. A time when I have to stop saying "I'll go there some day" because I've reached the end but never actually went.

30 Years Wiser

I'm not usually a mushy person. I'm an emotional person, but I'm not an over the top proclaiming my love type of person.

But sometimes it's warranted.

Today is Jimmy's 30th birthday! I can't believe it. I remember when he was turning 25secretly thinking he was so old! I was glad I wasn't that old yet...the maturity of a 21 year old coming out there.

Anyhow, I can't believe how much he has grown and changed since I've known him. All for the better if you ask me. He looks better each year too. You get to a point in life where your looks start going down hill rather than improving each year. I think he is the exception to that.

He was always teased for looking young, and now it's coming in handy. When we are in our 50's I'll look like a cougar and he'll probably finally look 30!

Here are some things I love about my 30 year old:

1.I love that he pretends he cares about things, even though he doesn't. He humors me if you will. He will be the first to admit that he doesn't have a ton of emotion (except anger...), but for my sake he listens to my stories and pretends he cares because he know is it means a lot to me.

2. He is AMAZING with our daughter. I could not ask for a better father for my kid. He loves her to death, and it's obvious that she loves him. He is not a stand by and watch dad, he is a hands on parent. From changing, to feeding, to bathing to clothing he does it all happily. When she was in the hospital, he was the one holding her when they did the spinal tap because I couldn't handle it. He takes her to get all her shots. He is soft enough to be tender with her, but strong enough to be there for her when I'm not.

3. Ever eager to serve, he helps anyone who asks. Special Olympics, service projects, gardeners that are working in our complex. He helps old ladies cross the street, and gives Jehovah Witnesses water bottles while politely declining their reading material. I could list times all day long where he was willing to go out of his way to help someone.

4. He is honest to a fault. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow. I used to see this as being rude, and sometimes still do. ;) But it's a necessary one. Lying to me, and lying to himself doesn't get him anywhere and he knows this.

5. He held my hair back and waited for me with mouthwash for 5 months while I puked all day long. He put up with my crying spells, and rage full fits for 9 months. When I was in labor with Brynlee he helped me up to pee all night long because I was strapped to so many monitors it was hard to do it myself.

6. When our garbage disposal got a hole in it the other day, he cleaned out under the sink. You can imagine how pleasant that was, old food spewed all over the place. But he did it without complaint and now under our sink looks sparkling and new

7. Lastly, he is super hot! And just gets better looking each year. I'm excited to show him off at the retirement home when we get there.

Love you Hun, Happy Birthday!

I Give Up

The other day I had a vision. I imagined a place where clothing actually fit me. Where things were attractive yet comfortable. When I went into a store, I tried on 1 pair of pants and they were absolutely perfect in everyway.

Then.... reality hit.

I used to like shopping for clothes. What girl doesn't? But in the past years it really seems to be more grief than it's worth. I need to learn to sew and just make all my stuff, because clothes do not fit me. I've always had issues, but now I have even more issues.

One size of pants is too small, the next size is too big. One size of shirt fits in the length, but it is too tight in the shoulders. The next size up fits in the shoulders but is more like a dress than a top. I come from the " just because you can get it on doesn't mean it fits" way of thinking.

Maybe it's me? I'll admit that I can be picky. I want what I want... is that so bad?

I'm starting to understand nudist colonies more and more. Except that would never work because I'm not a "naked" person.

I went shopping last weekend and ended up with some cute stuff. But it was really like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I tried on probably 25 pairs of pants, to end up with 2 that semi fit me. They start out fitting in the morning, but by the end of they day they've grown substantially. You get to a point where you have to just settle for something or end up wearing shorts in the rain...

I can't imagine that I'm the only person who has this problem? I know i'm not built like the average girl, but really who is? Sasquatch women need clothes too!

Speaking of sasquatch, my poor kid. I've bestowed by genes upon her apparently. She is now in the 95% percentile for height. She is freshly 5 months and has been wearing 6-9 month clothes for the past 3 weeks. Everyone who sees her thinks she is at least 6 months old.

I guess the frustration of trying to find clothes that fit will bridge the generations!

We've Come so Far

I can't believe it's only been about 5 months since Brynlee was born. It feels like it was an eternity ago.

Here she is about 1 week old:





I look back at this time, and I'll be completely honest. It was awful. I was trying to breastfeed and it wasn't working, I was more exhausted than I thought physically possible and just wanted to cry all the time. I've never felt so trapped in my life.

I think it was just the normal post partum blues, but it hit me really hard. I remember when Jimmy would leave for work everyday I would be terrified. I was like a child whose parent's were dropping them off at school. I'd cling to him and beg him not to leave me. I didn't want to be alone with the baby. Not because I'd hurt her or anything, but just because I didn't know what to do with her.

No matter how many books you read, or how many people you talk to nothing prepares for those first couple of weeks (or months) I think. It really forced me to grow up overnight, and realize that my time was no longer my own. It now belonged to at tiny 6lb 13oz crying, pooping, eating machine.

But as Brynlee got more familiar with her new surroundings, I got more familiar with her. Somewhere along the line it stopped being just sheer work and started to become fun to take care of her.

I'm not saying it's all peaches and cream now, quite the contrary. But it's so much better than it was. Poor Brynlee got to blaze the trail with me as her Mom, something I'm sure her future brothers and sisters will appreciate.

Now, she rolls over from back to front all the time. Still not quite rolling over from front to back ( I know, that is strange).

She still HATES tummy time. To the point that after a few minutes or so she works herself into such a frenzy that it takes an hour to calm her down.

She smiles and smiles and smiles. Usually. If you get her between 6:30 to 8 ish or so when it's close to bed time you might not get a smile. You might get screaming instead...

She absolutely loves her Dad. Loves him. And she is pretty fond of her Uncle Robbie too.

I do thoroughly enjoy dressing her up. Even if her flower is as big as her head. Jimmy calls this one the "peacock". No question she is a girl when she is wearing this flower, you can't miss it!



Here she is having some Uncle and me time.



She actually enjoys her baths and being changed now. Thank goodness. I thought we were never going to get there. She used to scream bloody murder any time a shred of clothing was removed from her.



Since she was born around the beginning of summer, I didn't have much time to dress her in cold weather clothes. Now I'm enjoying putting little socks and hats on her. She wasn't too fond of the hat at first. She does have quite a large head! But after the hat stretched out a bit she seems to not mind. It's a good thing because she looks too cute with one on!

Happy Campers

I know I'm weird. We are all strange in our own ways, but I prefer to be called "fun" rather than odd. But I guess when it comes down to it "odd" really probably fits better.

I'm an easily excitable person. Presents, mail, holidays, sunny weather, a good book, an episode of jeopardy. They all make me really happy.

This weekend Jimmy was supposed to go on a boy scout campout. He went and bought a few necessities to prepare for the event. When he arrived at the church buidling where everyone was meeting, none of his boys where there. After driving to thier houses (yes he did that, what a dedicated scout leader!) to see where they were. He eventually conceded to the fact that the camp would go on without him and his boys since none of them were going. He ended up just coming home.

But in his clutches was a prized possession... a tent! Who doesn't love tents? I've always thought they were so fun, to sleep in or just to hang out in.

Unfortunately we don't have a back yard. Dratts! We have a front yard type thing, but I'm not sure the HOA would appreciate us camped out in the front of our house. So, we put up the tent in the living room. Yep, a 5 man tent went up in the house:



Even stranger then having a tent in the living room is that we actually slept in it, when a perfectly good bed was just feet away. Jimmy was not so enthused by this idea, but he humored me. He humors me and my antics all the time! :)

Tessa helped us put the tent up, but she didn't want to sleep in it. I can't understand why not!

We turned out all the lights, and made shadow animals on the walls and everything. Didn't have any smores on hand though. I'll have to remember that for next time.

It was almost like camping, except the cat ran circles around and in the tent all night until we had to lock her in our room with the baby.

Guess if we ever make it camping the cat will be staying home...

Worst Enemy

My last post really got me thinking. Why is it that beautiful girls think they are less than that?

It seems that there are so many pretty ladies that don't realize just how attractive they really are.

It's like we tend to be able to see others clearly, but when we look at ourselves in the mirror the reflection is distorted. I can't help but wonder why that is.

We are our own worst enemies, but how did that all start?

I think a lot of it has deep roots, seeded in traumatizing childhood events.

Years of rejection and teasing have taken their toll.

I still remember clear as day when I was about 14 hearing from a 3rd party that an older guy told the boy I liked not to like me because I was ugly. Yep, just ugly. That was about 12 years ago now, and it still upsets me.

Cruel events like that leave deep scars that never fully heal.

Why people are so mean I'll never understand. I'll just chalk it up to being young and stupid. Except that some people are still mean way past their "young" years...

Either way, it's terrible that these jerks from years passed still seem to affect us somehow.

This is going to sound lame, but I really think that everyone is pretty in their own way.

Just because someone called you ugly or fat 10 years ago doesn't make you wrong. It makes them wrong.

To quote the Backstreet Boys, "What makes you different, makes you beautiful". The older I get the more I believe that is true.

I hate the way the media is constantly splashing images of these 100 lb perfect girls that we are supposed to look like in our faces. Do we really need to look like that to be considered attractive?

Thank goodness the answer is no, otherwise there would be a lot of lonely people out there!

It's a Girl Thing

Jimmy and I spend a lot of time watching TV together. That's right I said it. I could lie to you and tell you that we hike together, train for marathons together, build things together, help the homeless together... you get the idea.

But I won't tell you that because it would be a complete fabrication. Most of our time together now is after Brynlee and is snoozing a way and we finally have a moment to take a breath and just veg out. And veg we do.

Anyhow, Jimmy has noticed a trend that seems to keep popping up on TV. You see commercials and TV shows that are based on couples. In this couple, the woman is usually fairly attractive and in good shape, and the man is... well Jim Belushi for example.

Hmmm... This type of thing surprises Jimmy every time. It really brings to light how different men and women are. As if I needed a reminder.

Women can see past someone's appearance and be attracted to them because they are a good person. Because they are funny, or treat people well. Women are wise enough to know it's what's on the inside that counts.

I think men hold this quality as well. It's just buried far, far down. Beneath their need to be physically attracted to someone. :)

I see couples where the woman is more attractive than the man all the time, and it doesn't even phase me anymore. I think it works out better that way in the long run.

If we all thought the same people were attractive, we'd all be in trouble. No one would be together and everyone would be fighting over the same person.

It would be nice if you saw a really attractive guy on TV dating a mediocre looking girl once in a while though!

I Blame the Mega Pixels

I've realized recently that I don't take pictures as well as I used to. Not that I ever have really. I'm not the most photogenic person, but more and more recently I'm finding that pictures of me are just terrible, and it takes a lot of work ( and multiple snaps) to get a good one.

Is it age? How old are you normally when your looks stop improving and start going down hill? When fatigue permanently paves bags and lines on your formerly youthful refreshed face?

Maybe.

Or is it the cursed few extra baby weight pounds? Those stupid last ones that won't come off. The ones that everyone says your are imagining, but you know they are there. Those same ones that make you feel like you feel uncomfortable in your favorite pre baby jeans.

Or, is it the camera?

I choose the latter.

With my 4 or 5 mega pixel camera, flaws were not seen so easily. They were masked by the quality of the picture.

Now, when they are coming out with these 10+ mega pixel cameras there is no place to hide. Does anyone really need to be seen in 10 mega pixels? Or want to for that matter? I surely do not. It's practically like a magnifying glass that enlarges all your flaws to be captured in time forever.

I'm all for new technology, but it seems as the quality of cameras progress, my quality of pictures digresses. The two are directly linked. I fear for the 30 mega pixel cameras of the future!

My Girls

How cute are these 2? Here they are helping me cook... or really just watching me cook. Brynlee isn't quite old enough and Mitzie has no thumbs so they aren't really much help at this point.




Brynlee's strange sleeping positions continue. I guess this is just a baby thing.



And well, Mitzie's sleeping positions are just as strange. She also enjoy's her daddy and me cuddle time.





Brynlee is just like one of the boys, enjoying the start of football season( don't ask about the sheet, it's a long story)



But she enjoys cuddling with her Mom just as much!



I love these two girls. And people thought my cat would get the boot once the baby came, hah!

Ok, so Maybe Not!

I've taken too many dance/exercise classes over the years to count... jazz, yoga, pilates, martial arts, step aerobics etc. For some reason, before the class starts I decide that I'm going to be amazing at these classes. Then the inevitable always happens, I suck.

I guess that is what being a beginner is all about, right? Still, it's always a let down when I find myself sucking because in my head I was going to be great! This was going to be my true natural talent.

I started my Hip Hop class last night, and this was no different. Safe to say I'm white. I think I figured because I like hip hop music, I'd be good at hip hop dancing. Isn't that the way it works? Guess not. Still, I had a blast, even if I looked very, very bad. There was a time I'd never even try this for fear of looking stupid, but I'm past that now. At least everyone else looked stupid right along with me.

When I walked in and saw a 40 something short white lady with a blond pony tail on top of her head claiming to be my teacher I almost died. I should know by now not to judge a book by it's cover. This lady can move! She does things with her body that still mystify me.

I was also surprised at how much of a work out I got. I'm sure the fact that I had a baby 4 months ago and am horribly out of shape has nothing to do with it...

Either way, I had a good time and can't wait until next Thursday night!

Balance

My life seems jam packed these days. I think about how much time I had pre baby and it's almost laughable. Now it seems like my days go like this:

work, work, work, eat, work, baby, baby, baby, sleep (repeat)

Whew! Safe to say I'm beat at the end of the day. I'm not sure how full time workers do this with more than one kid and keep their sanity.However just when I start to feel sorry for myself I start to think about how blessed I am.

I participate in a program where I'm supposed to write to a person going through chemo once a week. So far it's been quite rewarding. Yet recently with all that is going on I've been slacking on my writing. I write maybe once every 2 weeks... and days just keep zooming by.

I received an up date about my lady the other day. Her fiancée suddenly died! Oh boy, I felt horrible. Really horrible. This poor poor woman is going through this life threatening illness desperately trying to survive. Then, the person who has been there for her through all of it passes away.

And here I am not writing as often as I committed to because I'm busy and because I lose track of the days.

I can't disclose any info about her, but from what I've seen of her through her letter to me and from the program admin she is a truly amazing person. If anyone wanted to send some prayers her way I'm sure she would appreciate it. She is really hurting right now, and I have not been much help.

I have renewed my commitment to be diligent in my writing.

But this whole experience made me really start to think. I need to find some balance in my life. I feel like I'm spreading myself to thin, and something has got to give. I'm still pretty new to this whole raising kids thing, but there has to be a way to work and have kids and stay sane. Right? Moms out there ( in particular working Moms, no offense to you stay at home Moms..) how do you do it all? And still have time for you in the end?

I'm grateful for my child, and I'm grateful that I have the ability to work at a job that I enjoy usually (although recently it seems that my enjoyment of my job is going down, down, down...). I'm grateful that I have a home, even if it needs cleaning.

I just need to figure out how to juggle all these things without heavey medication! (no I have not resorted to medication yet, but I feel it's not far off) :)

Faith Restored

If last weekend's Costco trip made me start to lose my faith about people, this weekends trip to Ralph's was enough to restore it.

I want to Ralph's Saturday night at 8pm ish realizing we needed some essentials before Sunday. I didn't stop to get a cart because I didn't think I needed one. Well of coure I kept grabbing stuff and before you know it I'm juggling 8 things. I had them all stacked under my chin and ended up looking like Gus from Cinderella when he is trying to carry too many cheese squares.

Anyhow, I scurried to the register (because at this point my stack was getting quite heavy) and saw a huge line. Great. I guess I wasn't the only one out for a late night grocery run.

I got in line behind this older man with a cart full of stuff. The man looked and me and offered to get me a cart. I told him I was fine. So then he offered to share is shopping cart with me. He started clearing room in his cart for my stuff and everything. At this point, how could I say no?

Not only did he let me put my stuff in his cart, he let me go in front of him too. What a nice guy! Such a contrast to last weeks viewing of people pushing each other out of the way for Chex Mix.

I finally got my camera hooked up, so now I actually have some pictures!

Below is how Brynlee sleeps every night. Is this just a Brynlee thing or what? Do all babies do this? She has to put her arms up like field goal posts. Sometimes she sleeps with her legs sprawled all over too. That is a sleep sack she is in if you are wondering what the heck she is wearing. It's a blanket that she can't kick off. I love these things! It helps reduce SIDS too because she can't suffocate on it.




Have you ever seen such a beautiful sight? Look at all those books. Ah. Nothing greater than a nice stack full of un read books ready to be conquered! Thanks Mom! :)



My cat is so strange. Below is how she lays all the time. She looks like a dragon or something...




Again sleeping with the arms up. What a wierdo. Everytime Robbie sees her sleeping like this it cracks him up.



Lastly, with her Dad all dolled up in her pretty dress from Uncle Scott and Aunt Kaye. She sure looks cute if you ask me!

Attention Readers

I need some help here. I find myself constantly reading these dark twisted action packed books. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I love a good James Patterson thriller as much as the next person. But I just finished reading "Mockingjay", the final book in the Hunger Games series and I'm so depressed.

Did I mention I finished that book 3 days ago?

Yeah. Not that it ended terribly, but to me it didn't end well enough and now I'm left with this sad empty feeling. So, I really need a break from these dark and dreary people killing each other books. I could use a nice girly book.

Anyone have any recommendations? I find myself constantly buying girly books and having them be crap. So I'm hesitant to throw $13 or so away on a book that will depress me even more with it's ho hum characters and sappy un realistic plot.

I'm open to suggestions!

Out the Window

I seem to have picked up a terrible habit recently. I'm starting to take more pride in Brynee's appearance than my own. I realize I rush through getting myself ready, half heartedly throwing some clothes together and depending on the day putting some make up on.

I sprint through my routine so I can pick out a cute outfit for her complete with matching hair bow and perhaps feet accessories depending on the weather. A cute outfit that she proceeds to get some sort of bodily fluid on in about 5 min flat. Jimmy tried to dress her the other day, hair bow and all. How many men do you know that take the time to pick out a hair bow for their baby? Anyway, I waited until he wasn't looking and fixed her bow (because of course it wasn’t at the right spot on her head and not on the right side.) and changed her outfit to a "better" one.

Hmm... Something is wrong with this picture.

I've found Brynlee seems to be a lot more fun to dress than I am these days. I'm still holding strong to that notion that I will not buy any new clothes until I'm back to my old size. Safe to say there are no new clothes in my closet. At this point I just prefer putting effort into dressing my child rather than myself.

While my worry over my appearance has gone out the window a bit, I'm not to the point where I sit in my pj's all day not showered and hair a complete mess. Not yet anyway. And it would be easy to do since I work from home and don't really see anyone but my baby and cat. I don’t think it matters to them too much what I’m wearing.

If I give into the temptation to not get dressed everyday I'm just one step closer to being one of those ladies who goes out in public in a mumu and curlers. I must resist!

Mob Mentality

I think I've seen Americans at their worst. Or close to their worst. I usually dread going shopping on Saturdays just because it's nuts. Now that I'm back to being a full time working woman, going in the middle of the day on a Tuesday is a luxury I no longer have.

So yesterday I trekked to Costco with Brynlee in tow. I met up with a couple of people there to get some shopping done. I think anyone who has been to Costco on a Saturday knows how ugly it can get.

It was ugly indeed. It seemed to get uglier as we made our way to the back of the store where the food was. And where the bite sized pieces of gold otherwise known as samples are handed out.

Either everyone who enters Costco hasn't eaten in 2 weeks or, we've got issues. I'm assuming the latter.

Grown adults pushing each other out of the way to get a bite of some sort of hummus dip to my left, two women fighting over the last rib sample to my right. An old man, literally ramming the lady in front of him with his cart to get a sample of an ice cream bar. Good grief.

What is wrong with us? Is this what we have come to as a society? I'm not one to make notes about people's physical state, but I'll just say that none of these people looked like they were going without meals. Quite the opposite in fact. It's like mob mentality was raging in Costco and it was all I could do to get out of there in once piece.

I felt like Rachel in the episode of Friends where they go to try to find Monica's wedding dress amongst a bunch of gown hungry bridezillas. Rachel ends up hiding in the middle of a clothing rack blowing a whistle....

There are people in third world countries who are lucky to get a "sample" size of food a day. And here we are physically hurting each other over some slices of goat cheese. Jeesh.

The way these people were acting I'm surprised they didn't grab Brynlee and throw her on a spicket to be enjoyed with BBQ sauce! I think it will be a loooong time before I go to Costco in the middle of a Saturday again.

I Wish I was a Little Bit Taller

That is a phrase I've never had to say. It looks like Brynlee will never have to say it either...

She is officially 3 months old! Jimmy being the wonderful husband that he is took her to her check up and to get her shots since I had to go to work. Her 2 month shots were delayed a bit because she was in the hoptial when she turned 2 months.

Jimmy said she did great. Here are her stats:

Weight: 12lbs 4oz, 50th percentile
Height: 25 and 1/2 inches! 90th percentile
HC: 39.4 cm (not sure what percentile that one is, but her head sure seems big!)

I knew she was tall, but jeez. No wonder her 3 month onsies are too short for her already. She keeps busting the snaps when I pick her up.

She is developing quite a personality now and it's super fun. I'm really beginning to enjoy being a mom. Not that it wasn't fun before, but now it's even more fun :)

Here she is with her new dolly. Her Nana and G-Pa gave it to her for her 3 month birthday.



Happy 3 months Brynlee Rose! It sure was better than her 2 month birthday, that is for sure!

Piece of Humble Pie

I was having one of those days today where I just felt sorry for myself. Sometimes I look at my life and think it's just not quite where I'd like it to be, and it's frustrating.

So, I though that I'd invite some friends over to play the game of Life. I love that game! In that game you can make a ton of money and just cruise along, picking up kids and winning Nobel peace prizes as you go. However, I appear to be in the minority though because I can never ever get anyone to play with me. Anyhow, after some convincing we set it up.

It was the worst game of Life I've ever played! I made the lowest salary the entire time, had no kids and had a crappy house as well. I think if you didn't automatically get married I'd probably have ended up alone! I didn't think it was possible for your actual life to be better than your life in the game, but mine sure is. It made me think about the complaining I've been doing and realize things could be much worse. I'm feeling better now and am back to appreciating what I have.

Who knew losing at a game could make you feel so much better? :)

What a Difference

I was thinking about how much my life has changed since Brynlee made her appearance. I knew it was going to be different, but I don't think you really know how different until you are living it.

I used to think the three greatest inventions were:

1.debit/credit cards
2.cell phones
3.cars

Now I think they are:

1. Epidurals
2. pacifiers/ disposable diapers ( there is a tie for 2nd place in my mind)
3. baby swings


How did women raise children back before all this stuff? It boggles my mind. Guess I wasn't meant to live in the 1800's or something.

For 2 nights in a row, Brynlee has slept through the night. On Monday night she went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 7am. Last night, she went to bed at 8pm and slept until 7am. I'm not going to get too excited about this yet, because it really seems to good to be true.

She is also now eating way more at one time. Thus I think the sleeping through the night. I'm not sure how her little tummy holds it all, but she started eating about 8oz before bed! Who knows. I think I'll just appreciate it while it lasts though.

Tomorrow I officially go back to work. I'm going to be honest and say that I'm really excited. I know, it's kind of strange. I'm nervous too, but I'm excited as well. I feel more productive when I'm working. Despite the fact that baby rearing is definitely a full time job. When I'm working at least I have a pay check to show for it!

FREEDOM!!!

We are free at last! Whew. It's strange to be here and have all the family in one house. Me, Jimmy, Brynlee, Robbie, Mitzie. We are all here!

Brynlee had a hearing test today, and she passed! Such a relief. We still need to pass the neurological exam to be out of the woods, but atleast we are 1/2 way there.

Bringing Brynlee home was like bringing a newborn home all over again. Except this newborn was a lot more alert and weighs a lot more...11 lbs 2 oz!! Good greif. Tank Baby indeed. I'm not sure how far back babies can remember, but I don't think it's 2 weeks. So it was like Brynlee was seeing the outside world all over again. She was in awe!

They made me take a wheelchair all the way down from my room to my car too. So stupid! I didn't just give birth, and my baby is 2 months old! We are capable of walking down to the car. But it's their policy. So they are wheeling me along and everyone we pass is telling me "congratulations" and stuff. Thanks I guess? I look at my seemingly giant child ( she is getting close to double her birth weight now) and think if I had to give birth to a baby this big I would have died. Literally. Bless those people who push out those 10 and 11 lb babies!

Being the even more paranoid mom that I am, I decided not to get Brynlee her vaccines right away. I just didn't feel right about it. So we re scheduled those for a few weeks from now, once her little body has had some time to recoup.

Funny that a little while ago I couldn't stand being in my house. All it took was a 2 week hospital stay to get me saying "There is no place like home!"

2 Months

Last week, Brynlee officially turned 2 months old! Funny how she had her 2 month birthday right across the hall from where she was actually born. Well I guess that is not so funny...

Anyhow I cannot believe how much she has grown. I guess I don't notice it too much because I see her every day, but when I look at pictures of her from a month ago it's crazy.

She is now 10 lbs 8 oz! I think she is the only baby in history to actually gain weight in the hospital. But she certainly has. Jimmy and I call her "Tank Baby" because she is really starting to chunk up. Tessa thinks we are giving her a complex, but I'll stop calling her tank once she is old enough to know what I'm saying. :)

She is about 24 inches now I think. They measured her when they admitted her to the hospital, but I was too distracted then to see exactly what she was.

Just in the past few weeks her personality has really changed. She doesn't need to be held quite so much anymore. She likes to lay down and do her baby aerobics. She flings her arms and legs all around for about 45 min after every meal now. Maybe calling her a "tank" has given her a complex and she is trying to work off her food? Who knows.

She is really smiling now! And it melts my heart every time. She has especially paid notice to all the pediatricians who come in and out of the hospital room. She is starting her flirtation with doctors at a young age ( it's never too early to train them right?).

I've packed up all my newborn clothes for next time. If there is a next time, and if next time is a girl. It kind of bummed me out! So many cute little outfits she can't fit into anymore.

I am really enjoying her at this age though. She doesn't seem so fragile anymore. And she is much better at entertaining herself (who knew staring at an IV machine for hours on end could be so exciting?). She also entertains me in the process.

Lastly, I'm going to jinx myself here I just know it. But I'm going to brag a bit about what a good night time sleeper she is. She will sleep in her crib for like 6 hours before waking up to eat. Then I feed her and stick her back in her crib even if she is not asleep, she will go back to bed. Usually. Most of the time. We have our rough nights now and then, but for the most part I don't even need to rock her!

My friend has a 6 month old baby who still wakes up to eat at night every 2 hours! And she is even on formula. Just thinking about that makes me yawn!

Witness!

Jimmy and I received witness subpoenas in the mail today! I never thought I'd be so excited to receive something like that. But they've called us to be witnesses in the case against the man who stole Jimmy's car.

I guess it's not very Christ like of me, but I really want him to rot in jail for a LONG time!

All the grief and worry he caused us...ugh. And it's not like he and his trashy friends left the car undamaged either. There are cigarette burns and stains all over the seats. Really, how hard is it to put a cigarette out in an ashtray? And every possession Jimmy had in there is gone. So it will be nice to see this guy face to face as they lock him up.

Except I have a problem. Work. Ah yes, my ride on the maternity leave express is coming to an end. Now not only do I have to worry about getting a date off, but I have to worry about a sitter for Brynlee as well. So there is a good chance if I don't have to I might not go to the hearing. They don't really need both Jimmy and I there right? It sure would be fun though. Unlike the last time I had to go to the courthouse to serve jury duty and was never picked.

Brynlee is still doing well in the hospital. I, on the other hand am not. I've started talking and singing to inanimate objects in the hospital room. The nurses come in to check up on us and I ask them to sit and stay a while because I'm so desperate. People are not meant to be kept in a room for hours and hours on end. By the end of the day I have some serious brain pain. Safe to stay I'm starting to go a little nuts.

Poor Brynlee is starting to go nuts too I think. She hasn't seen the outside world for almost 2 weeks. And she is chained via IV to this one corner of the room as well. Bless her heart she has been a trooper, but the lack of stimulation is wearing on her.

For anyone who is curious, trying to entertain a 2 month old in a crappy hospital room for lengthy periods of time is not pleasant. But at least she is getting better, and we are counting down until we can put this all behind us. 3 and 1/2 days to go!!!

This month has not been a great one for us all things considered. It's usually one of my favorites, but this year I'm happy to say " Peace out July!".

It's a Good Thing

I always tease Jimmy about being the "tin man". He seems to show little emotion about things most of the time. Except on occasion some anger. I'm not sure how he does it, but it seems to run in his family soo... I guess it's a Cuillard thing? It's not that he doesn't feel things, he has just mastered the art of keeping it in check. Me, not so much.

Anyhow, I've never been so happy to have a husband who has his emotions under control. Since they constantly have to keep poking at my poor baby, I'm constantly in emotional distress. Whether they are moving her IV, or drawing her blood. After almost a week of it all I'm so done.

We've kind of gotten a routine now that Jimmy is present for all these un pleasantries so he can hold Brynlee, and then he calls me when they are all done. I mean me being in there sobbing doesn't really help anyone, right?

Jimmy was at work for the second spinal tap they had to do, so I tried to step up. I was sobbing so hard before they even started that the Dr said it would probably be best for me to wait in the hall. You don't have to tell me twice! You know it's pretty bad when the Dr is kicking you out...

So I went out in the hall and sat next to the security guard balling my eyes out. It was a bonding experience, he is now my favorite security guard.

She should be done with the spinal taps now though, thank goodness. I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. Everyone keeps telling me that she won't remember this. However I'll be traumatized for life and so will everyone else who has been involved thus far. I guess Brynlee is the lucky one as far as that is concerned!

With regards to the traveling IV, it's now in her foot. So, we've had head, arm and foot. They said this vein is a really good one though, so hopefully it can just stay there and not have to be moved again. If it does, it's Jimmy to the rescue again!

Glimmer

After what seems like a week of endless bad news, we finally got a glimmer of good news. The police found Jimmy's car! Still in tact none the less. I guess three drug dealers were driving it, around Simi. All this time I though it was in Mexico for sure, and it was here like 3 miles away.

The car passed by an officer and he thought the passengers looked suspicous. The officer ran the plates and found out the car was stolen. Turns out there were several arrest warrants out for these guys! Every possession we had in there was gone, but the car is in great condition. Minus a cigarette stench and some dirt. And probably a few venereal diseases as well. Jimmy is going to get it detailed on Monday. Black Beauty lives on!

Brynlee is doing well. I think she is bored of the hospital. Who can blame her? Bad news is, we aren't even 1/2 way done in there yet. Ugh. Her IV looks like it might be leaking, so they might need to do a new one tomorrow. I can't wait to bring that poor baby home and have people stop poking her. I still cry every time, which doesn't help the situation.

But other than that she is good. Still no fever. I hold my breath every time they take her temperature, paranoid that she will have a fever and is relapsing. I'm going to be a psychotic Mom when this is all said and done. I'm going to wear a utility belt of Lysol, disinfecting wipes and purel and make anyone who comes within 2 feet of her scrub down. That's if I decide to let her out of the house before she is in college. Still not quite sure about that one yet...

The Worst

Well. I think I've officially had the worst day of my life. Really probably the worst week.

I'm sure word has spread by now, but Brynlee is in the hospital. On Monday she started acting really fussy and threw up. I was concerned, but thought maybe she just had an upset tummy. She continued to look worse and worse though, and by 1pm I was sure this was no tummy ache. I took her temp and it was normal.

Tessa agreed with me that something was not right with her. We brought her over to Donna's house, where Donna confirmed that we were not imagining things. After fighting with Kaiser about her need to be seen that day, Jimmy and I brought her to the Dr. At 4pm she had a fever of 102.7, and looked absolutely horrible. The Dr. advised us to bring her to the hospital and get her admitted so they could run some tests. There tests consisted of a urine test, a blood test and a spinal tap. Safe to say I've never cried so hard in my life.

Jimmy had to hold her as I sobbed and sobbed in the waiting room praying for this to be over. After several attempts at putting in an IV they finally got it to go in her head.

They confirmed that she has bacterial spinal meningitis. This was really not the diagnosis I was hoping for. More sobbing uncontrollably ensued. However her fever has broken, and thanks to the wisdom of my pediatrician they started her on the antibiotics for the illness the night she was admitted just in case, before they confirmed she had it.

Anyone who googles spinal meningitis in infants will easily see what a devastating illness it can turn out to be if not treated immediately. However the second spinal tap (yes, they had to do another one which ensued more sobbing on my part) has confirmed that the antibiotics have stopped the bacteria, and are doing their job.

For anyone who has Kaiser, my pediatrician Dr. Bean is phenomenal. I'm convinced that his extra caution with Brynlee saved her life. He could have easily sent us home with some Tylenol, but he took the conservative route and had her tested for everything. And it's a good thing he did.

I keep replaying this whole past weekend in my head, and questions surround me. Where did she get this bacteria from? And did I get her to the Dr in time to avoid the long term affects?

As of right now she looks back to normal. She can still hear (she always jumps when someone slams the hospital door) and is tracking people around the room as well. A few weeks after we leave the hospital we'll take her back to get her hearing tested. Then around 3 months they'll run some more tests to make sure she isn't mentally handicapped. I guess I'll be on edge until then.

She will be in the hospital for 9 more days (2 weeks total) on antibiotics to make sure every bit of the bacteria is out of her system.

Ugh. While the hospital is not my favorite place to be, considering what could have happened I'm glad to be there. To think a few hours was the difference between my child's life and death makes me sick to my stomach.

The moral of this story is, Moms out there, do not think you are being over cautious. When I called Kaiser on Monday to try to get Brynlee in that day, all I had to go on was strange behavior and one case of vomit. The advise nurse on the phone tried to tell me in not so many words that I was over reacting. But I knew something was not right. If I'd listened to that nurse, I'm not sure where we would be. I don't want to think about it. Trust your gut and don't let anyone make you feel stupid for wanting to be overprotective of your child. Better safe that sorry!

As I'm home from the hospital intermittently I'll post updates on Brynlee's progress. If everything keeps going as planned she will be good as new in 9 days.

Maybe it's Maternal

I'm not sure why, but these days it REALLY, REALLY bothers me when I see people who know better making bad decisions. I'm not sure why. I guess it used to bother me before, but not to the degree that it bothers me now. I have enough to worry about without losing sleep over other people's transgressions. But here I am.

I think it may be the new maternal instinct in me now. I see people doing stupid things and I want to stop them. That simple. But it's really none of my business. I know that I shouldn't care, but that doesn't make it any better. I do still care. I just feel stupid for doing so.

So, now I'm left wondering how do I release these feelings? I hate having them, and they are not doing anyone any good. But they won't go away, it's really annoying. If I tell the person who I'm fretting about, I feel intrusive, bossy and nosy. But if I don't tell them I'm stuck where I am now. It's like a lose lose situation it seems.

I feel like one of the curses in my life will always be caring too much. I dwell on things, and care about things I shouldn't and it's sooo irritating. In my psychology class my personality was categorized as a "Blue". Someone who is sensitive, emotional, etc. It really does fit me to a tee. Except I don't want to be a "Blue" anymore. I'm tired of it. I think I'd like to try being a "Red" for a while. Not quite sure how to do that though. Maybe that will be my goal for the day tomorrow, to be more "Red" like.

As for Jimmy's car...no updates. Surprise!

When Life Gives you Lemons

Well. I'm not sure where to start with this one. Yesterday was a fun day in our house. I started off early, with Jimmy leaving to go to work and realizing that is car was not parked where it should be.

Yep, someone STOLE his car. Right out of the parking space it was in right by our house. Our house in Wood Ranch with a security guard that patrols around all night. We haven't even had the car for 1 year yet! It still feels like a bad dream, that I keep expecting to wake up from.

All we can really do is laugh at this point ( it's either that or sob uncontrollably...). Jimmy took my car to work, and I called the police and filed a police report as well as called our insurance company. No word from the Police. I'm thinking that car is either in Mexico, or lying somewhere stripped of everything.

Either way not good for us. We are waiting for the Insurance company to come up with an offer for us, which we will then have to give to the dealership to pay off the loan. No, we don't have gap insurance (really, why would we ever think we would need that?), so that means we will be paying the gap. However large or small it may be. As well as the $500 deductible. Did I mention we have a newborn barracuda baby, sucking us dry? Yeah. Good thing I go back to work soon!

Despite the fact that I've been on this Earth 26 years, and consider myself pretty well rounded with most things I'll never ever understand how someone could do this. It's hard for me to imagine that people do this type of thing and think it's ok. It really boggles my mind. I guess I'm one of those few who still operate under the assumption that everyone is generally good, just a few people have some problem areas. I guess this person's is grand theft auto?

Jimmy now needs a new car. He really did love his old one, but maybe we can use this as an opportunity to get him an even better one, for a better price. And we do have a pretty funny story to tell (I'm thinking it will be funny a bit down the road. Right now it just kind of sucks).

We've definitely learned a valuable lesson though. It doesn't matter where you live, or how safe you think you are. When Brynlee and I go on walks I leave my front door unlocked all the time! Won't be doing that anymore. There have been nights were we've left our garage door open all night ( with access to our entire house). Yikes. I guess it could be a lot worse when you think about it like that.

I'm sure there will be several more posts as the saga of the car unfurls, I'll keep you all posted!

RIP Black Beauty, you will be missed
2007-July 16, 2010