All Fair

Brynlee is not much for words yet. But something she never fails to say, is "tee tee". Or kitty to those of you who speak Brynlee. Every animal is a tee tee. Dog, cat, squirrel. All tee tees.

It is pretty cute. Can one get though life by just saying "tee tee"? It seems like at this point we are going to find out...

I've been reflecting recently. I'm not sure what it is about this time of the month (ok it's called PMS) but I find myself reflecting on my life and getting frustrated with it. It doesn't seem to be moving in the direction I'd always planned.

My family of 3 plus tee tee (aka Mitzie) are still living in a room. Meanwhile people around me are buying houses.

I find myself reverting back to a child like mentality. Thinking life should be fair. You put in your time, and eventually good things come right? I mean that is only fair. BUT life is not fair. I see people who have put in much less time then I feel like I've put in cutting in line and getting things before I do. And I get frustrated.

However I guess I cut in the getting pregnant line because it only took us 2 months and some people have been trying to get pregnant for decades. But still, I have trouble pushing these ideas of "fair" out of my mind.

I'm starting to wonder if teaching our kids fairness is a good idea. After all how often in life will they really be treated fairly? Will things really work out fairly for them?

This mind set can be damaging when you get older and keep waiting for your fair share. Tic tic tic... I'm still waiting.

So I turn to a few key decisions I've made in my life and wonder how smart they were. Of course at the time they seemed like a good idea. But now, I'm not so sure. Darn it. Where is that time machine when I need it?

I should have gone to beauty school, we should have moved to a different state when we got married, I should get out of the stagnant tar pit that is my current job.

I'm not dead yet, so I can still make some of these changes. But I'm not 20 anymore either, and the idea of starting over at 1 (or all) of the above really freaks me out. A lot.

This is what makes me a terrible decision maker. Because one poor decision can keep biting you over and over again. It's no wonder why I regularly flip coins to decide what to do.

I've been taking pilates since march now and a nice layer of fat is still hanging out on my stomach. And fat's good friend cellulite is still residing on my legs. Hmm... after 5 months of pilates my body is supposed to look like Jessica Biel's. Or Jennifer Aniston's, I'll take either.

Something is not right here. It could be my nemesis fried foods. That I find myself indulging in more often these days. How much will power is one supposed to have? More I guess. So my quest continues towards a new level of fitness. I've added in some running (ugh) a few days a week too so hopefully that will help.

Wow this post has been a lot of whining. Sometimes you just have to whine. Especially during a certain week every month. I was going to go off some more about irritating people, but I'll keep that to myself. :)