I Give Up

The other day I had a vision. I imagined a place where clothing actually fit me. Where things were attractive yet comfortable. When I went into a store, I tried on 1 pair of pants and they were absolutely perfect in everyway.

Then.... reality hit.

I used to like shopping for clothes. What girl doesn't? But in the past years it really seems to be more grief than it's worth. I need to learn to sew and just make all my stuff, because clothes do not fit me. I've always had issues, but now I have even more issues.

One size of pants is too small, the next size is too big. One size of shirt fits in the length, but it is too tight in the shoulders. The next size up fits in the shoulders but is more like a dress than a top. I come from the " just because you can get it on doesn't mean it fits" way of thinking.

Maybe it's me? I'll admit that I can be picky. I want what I want... is that so bad?

I'm starting to understand nudist colonies more and more. Except that would never work because I'm not a "naked" person.

I went shopping last weekend and ended up with some cute stuff. But it was really like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I tried on probably 25 pairs of pants, to end up with 2 that semi fit me. They start out fitting in the morning, but by the end of they day they've grown substantially. You get to a point where you have to just settle for something or end up wearing shorts in the rain...

I can't imagine that I'm the only person who has this problem? I know i'm not built like the average girl, but really who is? Sasquatch women need clothes too!

Speaking of sasquatch, my poor kid. I've bestowed by genes upon her apparently. She is now in the 95% percentile for height. She is freshly 5 months and has been wearing 6-9 month clothes for the past 3 weeks. Everyone who sees her thinks she is at least 6 months old.

I guess the frustration of trying to find clothes that fit will bridge the generations!

We've Come so Far

I can't believe it's only been about 5 months since Brynlee was born. It feels like it was an eternity ago.

Here she is about 1 week old:





I look back at this time, and I'll be completely honest. It was awful. I was trying to breastfeed and it wasn't working, I was more exhausted than I thought physically possible and just wanted to cry all the time. I've never felt so trapped in my life.

I think it was just the normal post partum blues, but it hit me really hard. I remember when Jimmy would leave for work everyday I would be terrified. I was like a child whose parent's were dropping them off at school. I'd cling to him and beg him not to leave me. I didn't want to be alone with the baby. Not because I'd hurt her or anything, but just because I didn't know what to do with her.

No matter how many books you read, or how many people you talk to nothing prepares for those first couple of weeks (or months) I think. It really forced me to grow up overnight, and realize that my time was no longer my own. It now belonged to at tiny 6lb 13oz crying, pooping, eating machine.

But as Brynlee got more familiar with her new surroundings, I got more familiar with her. Somewhere along the line it stopped being just sheer work and started to become fun to take care of her.

I'm not saying it's all peaches and cream now, quite the contrary. But it's so much better than it was. Poor Brynlee got to blaze the trail with me as her Mom, something I'm sure her future brothers and sisters will appreciate.

Now, she rolls over from back to front all the time. Still not quite rolling over from front to back ( I know, that is strange).

She still HATES tummy time. To the point that after a few minutes or so she works herself into such a frenzy that it takes an hour to calm her down.

She smiles and smiles and smiles. Usually. If you get her between 6:30 to 8 ish or so when it's close to bed time you might not get a smile. You might get screaming instead...

She absolutely loves her Dad. Loves him. And she is pretty fond of her Uncle Robbie too.

I do thoroughly enjoy dressing her up. Even if her flower is as big as her head. Jimmy calls this one the "peacock". No question she is a girl when she is wearing this flower, you can't miss it!



Here she is having some Uncle and me time.



She actually enjoys her baths and being changed now. Thank goodness. I thought we were never going to get there. She used to scream bloody murder any time a shred of clothing was removed from her.



Since she was born around the beginning of summer, I didn't have much time to dress her in cold weather clothes. Now I'm enjoying putting little socks and hats on her. She wasn't too fond of the hat at first. She does have quite a large head! But after the hat stretched out a bit she seems to not mind. It's a good thing because she looks too cute with one on!

Happy Campers

I know I'm weird. We are all strange in our own ways, but I prefer to be called "fun" rather than odd. But I guess when it comes down to it "odd" really probably fits better.

I'm an easily excitable person. Presents, mail, holidays, sunny weather, a good book, an episode of jeopardy. They all make me really happy.

This weekend Jimmy was supposed to go on a boy scout campout. He went and bought a few necessities to prepare for the event. When he arrived at the church buidling where everyone was meeting, none of his boys where there. After driving to thier houses (yes he did that, what a dedicated scout leader!) to see where they were. He eventually conceded to the fact that the camp would go on without him and his boys since none of them were going. He ended up just coming home.

But in his clutches was a prized possession... a tent! Who doesn't love tents? I've always thought they were so fun, to sleep in or just to hang out in.

Unfortunately we don't have a back yard. Dratts! We have a front yard type thing, but I'm not sure the HOA would appreciate us camped out in the front of our house. So, we put up the tent in the living room. Yep, a 5 man tent went up in the house:



Even stranger then having a tent in the living room is that we actually slept in it, when a perfectly good bed was just feet away. Jimmy was not so enthused by this idea, but he humored me. He humors me and my antics all the time! :)

Tessa helped us put the tent up, but she didn't want to sleep in it. I can't understand why not!

We turned out all the lights, and made shadow animals on the walls and everything. Didn't have any smores on hand though. I'll have to remember that for next time.

It was almost like camping, except the cat ran circles around and in the tent all night until we had to lock her in our room with the baby.

Guess if we ever make it camping the cat will be staying home...

Worst Enemy

My last post really got me thinking. Why is it that beautiful girls think they are less than that?

It seems that there are so many pretty ladies that don't realize just how attractive they really are.

It's like we tend to be able to see others clearly, but when we look at ourselves in the mirror the reflection is distorted. I can't help but wonder why that is.

We are our own worst enemies, but how did that all start?

I think a lot of it has deep roots, seeded in traumatizing childhood events.

Years of rejection and teasing have taken their toll.

I still remember clear as day when I was about 14 hearing from a 3rd party that an older guy told the boy I liked not to like me because I was ugly. Yep, just ugly. That was about 12 years ago now, and it still upsets me.

Cruel events like that leave deep scars that never fully heal.

Why people are so mean I'll never understand. I'll just chalk it up to being young and stupid. Except that some people are still mean way past their "young" years...

Either way, it's terrible that these jerks from years passed still seem to affect us somehow.

This is going to sound lame, but I really think that everyone is pretty in their own way.

Just because someone called you ugly or fat 10 years ago doesn't make you wrong. It makes them wrong.

To quote the Backstreet Boys, "What makes you different, makes you beautiful". The older I get the more I believe that is true.

I hate the way the media is constantly splashing images of these 100 lb perfect girls that we are supposed to look like in our faces. Do we really need to look like that to be considered attractive?

Thank goodness the answer is no, otherwise there would be a lot of lonely people out there!

It's a Girl Thing

Jimmy and I spend a lot of time watching TV together. That's right I said it. I could lie to you and tell you that we hike together, train for marathons together, build things together, help the homeless together... you get the idea.

But I won't tell you that because it would be a complete fabrication. Most of our time together now is after Brynlee and is snoozing a way and we finally have a moment to take a breath and just veg out. And veg we do.

Anyhow, Jimmy has noticed a trend that seems to keep popping up on TV. You see commercials and TV shows that are based on couples. In this couple, the woman is usually fairly attractive and in good shape, and the man is... well Jim Belushi for example.

Hmmm... This type of thing surprises Jimmy every time. It really brings to light how different men and women are. As if I needed a reminder.

Women can see past someone's appearance and be attracted to them because they are a good person. Because they are funny, or treat people well. Women are wise enough to know it's what's on the inside that counts.

I think men hold this quality as well. It's just buried far, far down. Beneath their need to be physically attracted to someone. :)

I see couples where the woman is more attractive than the man all the time, and it doesn't even phase me anymore. I think it works out better that way in the long run.

If we all thought the same people were attractive, we'd all be in trouble. No one would be together and everyone would be fighting over the same person.

It would be nice if you saw a really attractive guy on TV dating a mediocre looking girl once in a while though!

I Blame the Mega Pixels

I've realized recently that I don't take pictures as well as I used to. Not that I ever have really. I'm not the most photogenic person, but more and more recently I'm finding that pictures of me are just terrible, and it takes a lot of work ( and multiple snaps) to get a good one.

Is it age? How old are you normally when your looks stop improving and start going down hill? When fatigue permanently paves bags and lines on your formerly youthful refreshed face?

Maybe.

Or is it the cursed few extra baby weight pounds? Those stupid last ones that won't come off. The ones that everyone says your are imagining, but you know they are there. Those same ones that make you feel like you feel uncomfortable in your favorite pre baby jeans.

Or, is it the camera?

I choose the latter.

With my 4 or 5 mega pixel camera, flaws were not seen so easily. They were masked by the quality of the picture.

Now, when they are coming out with these 10+ mega pixel cameras there is no place to hide. Does anyone really need to be seen in 10 mega pixels? Or want to for that matter? I surely do not. It's practically like a magnifying glass that enlarges all your flaws to be captured in time forever.

I'm all for new technology, but it seems as the quality of cameras progress, my quality of pictures digresses. The two are directly linked. I fear for the 30 mega pixel cameras of the future!