No Turning Back

I woke up early yesterday and cleared out some of my work. I got Brynlee dressed, and brought her to day care. Then I made my way over to the cosmetology school. Yesterday was the day of the cosmetology school lottery.

I was feeling pretty optimistic as I drove over there. I had plenty of time, which is good because I went to the wrong place...

But I eventually found the right place. It was about 8:10, and the lottery would start at 8:30. I walked into the room, and it was packed! My heart sank. I counted 17 people. Ok well there can be 20,so I was ok. And then more and more people just kept pouring in.

When the instructor walked in, she commented on what big group we had. Oh good. She took a count. 29 people. My mind started racing. 9 people would not get in. What if I was one of those 9? What was I going to do?

They decided to go over the program details before they did the lottery. That way if there was something that someone didn't like, they would not register and take up a spot. As they were going over details, I kept thinking about what I could do. I couldn't come up with any idea that fit right.

After they went over the syllabus, it seemed like the instructors just kept droning on and on. I was dying! Can we just get this over already? If my lottery number did not get picked, I would not need to know any of these minute details.

The instructor asked if it sounded like she was stalling. We all nodded our heads. She said she was stalling because they had decided to let us ALL in, and that someone was bringing more forms from the office.

Ok so this will be no surprise, but I might have cried a little when she said that. Curse these emotions that I have! But I was so relieved, I can't even tell you. As I said before, I have NO back up plan. There is no plan B. Just plan A. And up until that point, plan A was not looking so good. I guess I was the only one so emotionally touched, because I was the only one tearing up. Maybe everyone else does not have as much riding on this as I do.

So, I registered. They so kindly stamped a big red "No Refunds" on my receipt after I paid my first installment. Meaning, no turning back now. No mind changing, no delaying, no procrastinating. I'm all in now. Unless I want to lose my deposit...which believe me I don't.

I'm officially in Cosmetology school. I think about what led me to this and it boggles my mind. I wonder if I didn't have this blog if I would have ever had the courage to do this. Probably not. It is quite a change. But I'm hoping in will be a good one. Sept 13th is my first day. Cosmetology school, here I come!

Insomniac

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone". This is probably one of my favorite sayings. It reminds me to try to enjoy the good times, because they are usually short lived.

I'm a great sleeper. I go to bed, read for like 20 min and then I'm out. I usually don't wake up until it's time to get up the next morning. Then I wake up refreshed and ready to start the day.

I hear people talk about having trouble sleeping. I can't imagine that! Ok well now I can. For the past 5 nights I have slept like crap. It's so irritating. Last night I woke up at 2:30 to pee. Which I never do. Ever. But of course after I peed, forget it. I think I finally fell asleep at like 4am. Ugh.

Besides the need to pee, there are several factors adding to this.

It's hotter than Hades here these days! Jeez. It's been triple digits and it's horrible. You go outside and the hot air burns your lungs. Now that I'm a born again penny pincher, I try to keep our ac set at 80. Well that thing has been cranking along all night long for the past few nights.

I have less than 2 weeks at my job now. And I'm freaking out. Just a little bit. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I go to register for the Cosmetology program. I have been nervous about this day for the past few months. Every since I made this crazy decision to pursue a dream and listen to what my heart is telling me.

If too many people are applying, they do a lottery to see who will get in. I'm told they have not had to do a lottery in recent years thanks to our economy. See there is good in everything right? Bad economy equals school for me, and more job security for Jimmy. If they do have to do a lottery tomorrow, and I don't get in... well. I have NO back up plan. Yes I realize this seems stupid. But there is not a good back up plan to have for this. And thinking about it only freaks me out more and makes my head hurt. So, I'm literally putting all my eggs in this basket.

It would have been nice if they didn't make you wait until 2 weeks before the program starts to register. I mean how are you supposed to plan for these type of things? All the other schooling I've done you've been able to register for class months in advance. Then if things do not go your way you have time to figure something else out.

I'd feel better if they picked people based on qualifications. Seeing that the 2 program requirements are: 1. have a social security card and 2: read/speak 9th grade English, I think I've got that covered. And then some.

Or if the picked people on a first come first served basis. Then I could camp out there tonight. Nope, a lottery is what they do if there are more than 20 people applying. I'm not very good at lottery type things. Everyone cross your fingers for less than 20 people! I'll probably be the first person there. And I'm sure my stomach will sink with each new person who walks into the room.

So this combined with the hot hot hot weather has turned me into an insomniac. I find myself awake during strange hours every night. And it's really irritating!

I'm hoping if all goes well tomorrow I'll be able to sleep again. If all does not go well... then I'm not sure. I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it. That is one bridge I do not want to see!

Clean Bill

Brynlee had her last neurological check up last week. Since my days of working are dwindling down, Jimmy brought her in. She did great! They said her small motor skills are above average. And she is a healthy and happy little girl.

Whew! I'm going to say it again. Whew! We are out of the woods. With that illness anyway. Now we just have a great story to tell about the 2 month old baby who survived bacterial meningitis and escaped un scathed.

Brynlee actually lost a couple of pounds. She is always on the go. And her eating habits are horrible now. I'm not sure what happened. I was so careful in the beginning. I didn't even give her any fruit until she was 8 months old. She only had vegetables. Now, she spits out fruits and vegetables in any form. Somewhere along the line she decided she didn't need those. I've tried to hide them in different things. This kid is hard to fool though. She'll eat garlic mashed potatoes. And French fries. Do those count as veggies? No? hmm... I'm not sure what else to do at this point then. I guess I'll just keep trying!

Required Watching

Jimmy started school this week. So now, on Monday and Wednesday nights it's just Brynlee and I. Until she goes to bed, and then it's just I. :)

I set out last night to do some reading. But thought I'd channel surf a bit to make sure I wasn't missing any great TV. I wasn't. I cannot wait for fall for TV shows to start up again. Even Jeopardy! is repeats. Anyhow, I was surfing along and there it was. This movie:



Score!!! I actually own it. But yet whenever it's on TV, I have to watch it. It's like a requirement. Jimmy usually gives me a hard time about watching it over and over. But Jimmy was not home, so I was able to watch duress free. I do this with the movie Titanic too. I'm not sure why, because I didn't even like that movie that much. But whenever it's on, I have to watch it. Even if I just watched it yesterday. And I can only watch the first 1/2 because then it gets too sad.

But back to Jurassic Park. I remember the first time I saw this movie. I was in 3rd grade and going to a private school. Our class took a field trip to Universal Studios to see this movie on the big screen. I had to sit by my teacher, and had my head in my chair about 2/3rds of the time. Yes, I was the only kid who had to sit by my teacher. Hey I don't do scary very well!

But, I loved this movie. I saw it again in the theaters with my parents, and actually watched most of it. It wasn't as bad when you knew what was coming. I had Jurassic Park stickers, I had a Jurassic Park T shirt. I think I even had a Jurassic Park lunch box.

I'd always loved dinosaurs, but for some reason this movie where the dinosaurs get free and eat people cemented my love affair with them. Except with the Velociraptors because those really freaked me out. I definitely had a few nightmares about that kitchen scene.

I still love dinosaurs now. I love learning about them, and theorizing about them. I really hope one day I find out what happened to all of them. Otherwise I'm going to be really bummed out.

Of course I had to see Jurassic Park 2,3,4 ( is there a 4? I can't remember). None were even close to being as good as the first.

So, I watched last night in awe as always of this movie. In my opinion, this is Spielberg's best work. Too bad they don't make movies like this one anymore!

The Cup Cupboard

I was thinking about our engagement story the other day and it made me laugh. I think it's a pretty good one.

I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty, but I knew Jimmy was going to propose. It was not a surprise, and I knew it was coming. Thus making his job of trying to surprise me with a creative way to propose a little difficult.

I went over to his house one day. He used to live with Robbie and Breanne, and they were on vacation. Wow Robbie just can't get rid of us. Or we can't get rid of him, depending on how you want to look at it.

I've known Jimmy since 2004, and he has lived with Robbie for about 5 of those 7 years. Not that that is pertinent to this story though...

Anyhow Robbie and Breanne were out of town on their anniversary trip, so Jimmy was home alone. I went over to his house after work one day for a little while. I had to get up early and did not plan on staying over there too long.

As I was about to leave, Jimmy asked me to get him a cup for a drink of water. He was in the kitchen, just like I was. Why couldn't he get his own water? I opened the cupboard, pulled out a cup and handed it to him. He looked at me like I was nuts. He then asked me if he could have a smaller cup. I was so irritated! I had to get home and I had to pee. I remember wondering why his large cup was not good enough. So I opened up the cupboard and went to pull out a smaller cup.

And then I saw it. There was a ring in a ring box, sitting there all open and pretty. I had completely missed it the first time I opened the cupboard. If you know me, that is not really very surprising. I turned to look at Jimmy and he was on one knee. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He took the ring and tried to put it on the wrong hand. Boys are so funny. I guess they don't practice putting rings on girls when they are kids like we girls practice putting them on huh?

And that was it. We were engaged, and Jimmy did manage to surprise me. During our ring ceremony, he dropped the wedding ring he was trying to put on me. So funny. We got a good picture of that.

There were no flowers, or songs or crowds. But I love our engagement story. It's so us. Me not seeing the ring at first because I'm so aloof. And him not putting the ring on the right hand. We are a mess! But I can't think of anyone I'd rather be a mess with. :)

The Time to Fall

It's almost September!!!!! I cannot wait for fall. I'm even more jazzed about it this year than most years. September first, the fall decorations are coming out! I don't care if it is 102 degrees still. As it tends to be in CA.

Fall is by far my favorite season. I used to like Summer. Back before I turned into an adult and got a job. Now it just means higher electricity bills. Yay! Not. I do like that it means I don't have to match socks. Because once summer hits I wear socks like 2 times and that is it. My feet cannot be restricted in such hot weather!

I'm already planning out our family themed Halloween costume. We are going to take Brynlee trick or treating this year. I'm super excited.

This year we are going to go to a big pumpkin patch, where Brynlee can go on a hay ride and run around. Maybe even hit up a petting zoo! I'm already trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my Christmas tree, since that tiny terror that runs my house will be all over it I'm sure.

Jimmy and I did some more child proofing this weekend. I should have filmed the look of dismay on Brynlee's face as she tried to open some of her favorite cupboards to wreak havoc in. Only to find she could not open them. :) Ha ha!

My big life changing is coming closer and closer. Less than 1 month away actually. I thought of having to buy school supplies the other day and it made me really happy. I know that sounds crazy. Then I thought about not knowing anyone at school. And everyone probably being 18 and here I am 27 and married with a baby. It might be hard to connect with my new classmates a little bit. Maybe I'll hit it off with some of the instructors.

Unfortunately I find myself doing something with this that I always tend to do. I keep thinking that every problem in my life will be fixed once I quit my job and start school. I'll have tons of free time, and Brynlee will be less crazy and I'll be happier. I'm not sure why I always do this. But it sets me up for failure because inevitably school will not fix all my problems. In fact it will create several new ones. Several new pretty big ones! But I hope I'm not wrong about being happier. Because right now I'm having a kind of tough time.

I've been on a pilates hiatus. I skipped once. Then I skipped again. Then I skipped twice more. Yeah. Have I mentioned this class was pre paid? I might as well just flush money down the toilet. I skipped the one class, but then I wanted more. See, "if you give a mouse a cookie...". I haven't gone for 2 weeks now, and I'm sure my teacher thinks I probably died or something. Tonight I'm going, no question. Pilates or bust!

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

My parents read to me every night before I went to bed when I was little. Maybe that is where my love affair with books began. I loved Dr Seuss books. I think my favorite was " Are you My Mother?". I tried reading that to Brynlee the other day. While she was less than enthused, I just kept cracking up. Still, 25 years later that book makes me laugh. Or "Fox in Sox". I remember asking my Dad to read that book to my every night for like a month straight.

I still remember these books, and they bring a smile to my face when I think about them. But there was one book in particular that still has a profound affect on me today.




If you haven't read it, I insist you go to the library right now. While this is obviously a children's book the message it brings is for people of all ages.

We (or maybe just me?) are never really satisfied. Example- I had a day off from work, I want another one now. I skipped my pilates class, now I want to skip again. I ate Mc Donald's for lunch yesterday, now I want it again tomorrow. I can never just take a treat for what it is. A special, one time thing. I get a cookie, and I want some milk to go with it.

I find this in my job all the time. You do something for someone once, and then they expect you to do it again, and then some. I guess this is just human nature. And that is part of our journey here. To appreciate what we have, and not always be asking for more.

I'm realizing this more and more with Brynlee as well. It's strange trying to mold someone's personality. In her case though, she doesn't understand why she can't have the whole cooking, the milk, the house etc. I mean she is pretty cute. Isn't that all she needs to do to get what she wants? Be cute? No, it's not? Oh boy, I guess she has some more learning to do.

I quote this book all the time. I'm sure people who have not read it think I'm crazy. Maybe I should carry copies around and give them to people who have no idea what I'm talking about. Not that it will change anything. I've read the book a dozen times and I still always want more!

Inherited Traits

Sometimes I ponder on how children are made. Ok not the actual process...dirty minds out there. But how a bunch of genes come together and out pops a kid! It's nuts. A little of me, a little of Jimmy and you get Brynlee.

She has Jimmy's eyes. And I love that. He has amazing eyes. I'm excited she got those.

But she has this of mine-





Yep. That is some curly hair! Jimmy's hair is straight, straight straight. So we were not sure which way she would go. I guess she came over to the curly side of things. Oh boy. I HATED my hair when I was younger. All I wanted was to look like everyone else. And everyone else seemed to have straight hair. But now I kind of like my curly hair. It sets me a apart from others. And after all, to quote BSB "what makes you different makes you beautiful" right? Right!

This, she got from her dad-



The crazy sleeping continues. All that room, and she ends up wedged in the corner.

This is probably from me-



She leaves her stuff everywhere! I MIGHT do that... I thought this was funny though. She set her shoes up just like this.



I love watching her grow, and become more like a person. When you tell her "night night" she blows you kisses. And she will actually sort of fetch stuff. We are still working on the whole putting stuff back idea. Since she is my child, that will be a life long battle since I don't put things away very well either.

Dance Party

I've waited for this time, for a long time. Brynlee and I started having dance parties, and I love them. When she was born I remember thinking we would do this together.

Thanks to her Cuillard genes she has some pretty sweet moves...oh boy. She dances like a nut. But so do I, so it's ok. :) If I start clapping along with the music she will clap with me. Then she will start rocking out. It is about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I think she prefers hip hop to dance to. Then again who doesn't?

I love these times. The times when we can just have fun together. When I'm not rushing to go somewhere and we are not in a time crunch. Times when we can just be. I don't feel like I have too many of those, and it's frustrating. I'm hoping my up coming life changes will give me more. We'll have to see.

As we were dancing and cleaning on Saturday (ok I was cleaning, Brynlee was un doing my cleaning) I remember thinking this is it. This is why people have children. Times like these. Not that I don't always know why people have children...what with the baby attitude and the teething and the getting up at 7am everyday.

Brynlee is at a tough age right now, but it's a fun age. She has started throwing tantrums and is quite the little tyrant. If she doesn't get what she wants, we all pay. Even the neighbors pay I'm sure!

While my day care was closed a few weeks ago I had my friend come watch Brynlee so I could work. I think she thought she was in for a fun and easy day... she learned otherwise quickly. Exhausting doesn't even cover what this little girl can be sometimes. By the end of the day my friend was ready to fall over, and now fully understands why I'm usually in bed by 9pm.

But she is oh so rewarding. She has learned to blow kisses now, and it's so cute I could just die. Still not too many words. "ah-da" is her favorite thing to say. When we walk and get to a step she is so funny. She will grab my hand, inch her way to the step and then stop. She then swings up her baby leg as far as it can go onto the step, and grunts as I help her up. She is a hoot.

I'm grateful for our dance party time this weekend. And can't wait to have many more!

Trials

I am grateful for trials. Ok I know that sounds crazy. Who likes trials? I'm not saying I like them. But I'm grateful for them.

Trials help us grow. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you want to look at it ) I am the type of person who needs trials. I'm not someone who will push myself unless I have to. I will not force myself to do and deal with unpleasant things unless I am...well forced. I'm not sure if there is anything wrong with that. It's just how I am. I've always considered myself to be on the weaker side. Not weak physically (ok yes that too) but just weak. Again, nothing wrong with that. We are all different. Some of us are weaker than others.

But I've realized something. I'm not weak. I'm just not strong unless I'm forced to be. I don't exercise my strength frequently. It takes trials to drag it out of me. I look at the things in my life I thought I would never get though. But I have. And I've grown because of that.

If life was all peaches and cream I would never know what I'm capable of. It's hard to remember this when you are in the throws of one of these tough situations. I'm not always grateful for the trial while it is happening, but I'm grateful afterwards. I love learning, and what better way to learn from personal experience?

I am grateful for opportunities to prove my strength. Even if it's to no one else by myself.

Church With a 14 Month Old

Remember the days when I used to go to church and be able to enjoy it? I would sit in peace and quiet. Listening to speakers, paying attention to lessons...or just zoning out (hey I'm not perfect here). Remember those days? No, me neither. Because it seems like it's been forever since I've had them. Well I guess 14 months to be exact.

Brynlee is in the final stretch, just 4 more months and then she can go to nursery. Yay!!!!!!! I don't think anyone is more excited about this than my husband as he usually tends to the wild baby beast during church since I'm teaching 1 of the hours.

But these next 4 months will be tough. Brynlee now runs, and runs and runs. Runs around the building, runs into places she is not supposed to go. Our church services are 3 hours if you didn't know. Yeah. That is a long time to try to corral a baby. If we keep her in the building, she screams and squeals. If we take her outside, she dashes for the street. Over and over again. Not sure what this kid's fascination with the street is, but it's scary.

So yesterday during sacrament (or the 1st hour of our church) we followed some other people with a toddler to the nursery room. No one was in there yet. But it was filled with toys and goodies and tons of tiny tot entertainment. Brynlee played in there with the other little boy for a while. I went off to teach my class and left Jimmy to deal with the tiny firecracker known as our child.

As a note to my non LDS readers, children 18 months to 3 years old go into Nursery during 2 of the 3 hours of church. There they play and do fun kid stuff, all while learning to sit in a classroom setting and behave with other kids.

As I'm trying to coral my 12/13/14 year olds into my class room (I had 15 kids this week... yes I'm serious) I saw Jimmy walking happily towards me with no baby. He told me the Nursery leader said Brynlee could stay in the Nursery with the bigger kids this week. Jimmy looked like a kid in a candy store!

They said Brynlee did really well. I figured she would, she does go to day care and all. I don't think the nursery leaders want to make this an every Sunday occurrence though. So next week we'll be back to playing chase the baby around the church building. But we got a sweet taste of what we are in for 4 months from now. I think I'll start a countdown. Only 13 more Sundays to go!