Thanks X 100000000

Despite the fact that I haven't joined the party of people saying what they are thankful for this month, I do have a lot that I'm grateful for.

This year will not go down in the books as the best one in my mind unfortunately. It's been tough it a lot of ways. If I were to make a list more bad things happened than good I'd have to say. But there is one big one on that good list that overshadows the rest.

I'm so thankful to have a HEALTHY baby girl. After the several health scares we had, I can't believe how lucky I really am. Her heart has been fine since birth, despite the fetal heart arrhythmia she had. And, despite being deathly ill and in the hospital for 2 weeks ( probably the worst 2 weeks of my life) she appears to have escaped the illness with no side effects.

We are still do testing on here every few months so her progress can be monitored, but as of right now she is just perfect.

I think back to this time last year, and remember how sick I was. And how much I just wanted to die everyday. All because of a little rice grain sized life, sex and name TBD. Now, here is Brynlee 6 months old and stealing hearts everywhere we go ( including mine every day).

I'm thankful to not be pregnant and puking during the holidays, that is for sure. I plan on eating waaaay too much tonight and enjoying every bit of it.

I'm thankful for my family, and the fact that they stick by me through my crazy mood swings, temper tantrums ( there have been a few of those...) and crazy antics.

I'm thankful to live in this country. I often think about how lucky I was to be born here. You can't control where you are born. Think of all those people who live in oppressive places and dream of coming to America. And I just popped out here. I think we take that for granted sometimes. I'll pay my taxes happily if it means I can stay here.

I'm thankful that I get today off, one of just 3 holidays we have this year. I guess it's better than no holidays right?

Most of all I' thankful for Thanksgiving, a day that forces us to reflect on the positive in our lives rather than the negative. That helps us to see how much we have instead of what we are missing.

Thank you Thanksgiving, for helping me to remember how much I really have to be thankful for.

Lets eat!!!! ( I know it's only 9:30 am here but on this day I start eating early!)

Learning Experiences

I got a new calling ( for those non LDS'ers, that's like an assignment in church) a few weeks ago. I now teach the 12/13 year olds Sunday School. Did I mention there are like 15 of them? Yeah. My first reaction when they asked me to do this was "NO WAY!". But after some debating I thought I'd give it a go and see how it was.

It's not as bad as a I thought in some ways. But other ways it's harder. I so remember what it was like to be that age (ie my last post when I said I was a 14 year old trapped in a 26 year old body...). I remember the way a 13 year old thinks. I'm trying to teach these kids to make wise decisions, and that the perils of teenage Dom are only temporary. I'm sure as I'm talking the girls are thinking about boys, make up and clothes and the boys are thinking about girls and... well I'm not sure what else and I think it's better that way.

I'm trying to prevent youth from being wasted on the young, but that is the whole point of it I guess. We have our own experiences ( both good and bad) and that is what we learn from.

I started thinking about my childhood friends, and how different we all are now. Some in good ways and some in really really bad ways. Why did some of us turn out ok, and others not so much? It's mind boggling how we all start out the same way, young, innocent, bright eyed and bushy tailed. And then some go so far astray they aren't even in the same pasture anymore.

How do we prevent that? Or more so how do I prevent that with these kids? I now the answer, but it's a hard pill to swallow. I can't prevent it. I can tell them what I know, what I've learned and what I believe. The rest is up to them. I suppose this calling is preparing me for when Brynlee gets older and I can't control what she does anymore.

Which I do, all the time. I guess I'm a bit of a control freak with her. Hey you have your kid near death in the hospital for 2 weeks and see how you turn out. I'm probably going to be overprotective for the rest of my life now.

I know that is part or my problem, that I'm overprotective with these kids. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. I don't want them to make stupid decisions. I want them to learn from others mistakes. But I know I'm fighting a losing battle because they won't learn. They have to make mistakes for themselves to grow. I get what needs to happen, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!

Why Tivo, Why?

I think I'm a 14 year old trapped in a 26 year old body sometimes. I love Taylor Swift, I love most all things Twilight and I have 3 shows I watch regularly. Jeopardy, 90210 and the Vampire Diaries. You notice that one doesn't quite fit the mold there.

Anyhow, I love love love Vampire Diaries. I look forward to it all week long, and when Thursday rolls around I get so excited. It is by far my favorite show. I've even gotten Robbie and Jimmy to watch a bit of it with me ( they pretended not to like it, but I'm not so sure that is the case...)

Tivo/DVR is a fairly new idea to me, we never had anything like that when I was growing up. If you wanted to watch a show, you watched it live time, commercials and all. After being spoiled by my DVR now, I don't watch much of anything live time.

There have been 3 instances when the DVR has stabbed me in the back by not recording a show properly. Chunks of the show go missing, or the show didn't record all together. Guess what show all three instances have happened on? Yep, you guessed it. Vampire Diaries.

I HATE sitting down giddy with excitement to watch my show only to turn it on and have 3/4 of it be missing. It fills me with a rage most people don't have for in animate objects.

Why, why is it always on my show? Jimmy records like 20 shows ( no joke). He is always recording something. Do you think the DVR has ever screwed him over? Or Robbie for that matter? Nope, just me. I thought maybe it was the channel, but we record other stuff off that channel and have not had any issues. It feels like that DVR is out to get me. So far the score is DVR:3, Me:0...

Lesson learned, I'm watching that show live time from now on! No one call me or ask me to do something on Thursday nights at 8pm, I'm busy!

Cute Cuillard Cousins

While I'm an only child, I'm lucky enough to have some really amazing cousins! I love them all...well the ones I've met anyway. :)

I guess they are the closest thing I have to siblings. Unfortunately none of them live or ever have lived within 3,000 miles, so I don't get to see them very often.

Brynlee is lucky enough to have cousins all around, some right in this very city! Here are Brynlee and Eldon on Halloween. How cute are these two?





I usually like to dress up, but before I knew it Halloween was here and I had no costume. Oh well, at least Brynlee looked cute. She is all anyone cares about these days anyway! :)

Sometimes I Run, Sometimes I Hide

I like to think of myself as wise and mature. Aged to 26 years of perfection, I've over come the demons of my past and can look forward to the opportunities of tomorrow. At least in my head that's they way it goes.

Truth? Not so much. I've come a long way from the uncertain and scared adolescent that I once was, but I've got a long way to go. Nothing cements that more than times like this.

For those long time followers of my blog ( thank you! :) ), you might remember my post about marine man. I saw Marine man a few years back at my company Christmas party. My husband, always the joiner opted not to come with me. So I brought my friend Ashley. There, I saw one of my co workers sons. A rather attractive Marine son. Being that I was with my girlfriend and had no man in sight he told his Mom about how pretty he thought I was. She told him I was married and that was the end of that.

Well, this week I went into the office an extra day. I almost put on make up, but decided I didn't feel like it. Guess who came into my office to visit his Mom? Yep, Marine man. Curse. When will I learn that I should not leave the house without make up on? I ran (literally) and hid when I saw him come in. I stayed in the bathroom until he left.

As I was camped out in the bathroom I started to really think. "Why am I in here again?" Oh yes, because this attractive man was fooled into thinking that I was breathtaking with the help of a some dim lighting and a couple of cocktails. I'd hate to spoil that image for him. I know, I know. I'm married, I shouldn't care right? Wrong. I'm still a person, and I like to feel pretty. I'm sure if I'd come out of the bathroom that I would have taken his breath away alright, but for all the wrong reasons.

Does anyone else do this type of thing? Sadly, this is not my first offense. In fact, you could say I'm a serial hider.

I was in Target one time and I heard "the voice". You know the one, the voice of the person who broke your heart in more ways than imaginable. The person who you dreamed about for years and years only to end up bruised and beaten at the end. What a waste of my time that guy was. What I wouldn't pay to get those years back.

Anyhow, I heard that unmistaken able voice on the next aisle over. I thought about marching over there and telling him what a complete jerk he was and showing him what he had missed out on. Then I remembered I was deathly ill, had a nest on my head where my hair had formerly been and had snot leaking out of my nose. Hmmmm... where can I hide? And hide I did. Until he was out of the store.

I love that scene in the Wedding Planner when Jennifer Lopez sees her ex at the flower place and gets on the ground and tries to crawl away. That is so me.

I'm hoping I'll get to a point when I don't feel like I have to hide in situations like this anymore. I'm getting better. Now I just hide if I have no make up on, or if my hair is a mess. I guess I should really just expect to see someone I know and stop going out in public looking like I just rolled out of bed. Maybe that will be one of my many New Year's resolutions!

I Dream of Places

With it being November and all everyone seems to be talking about how thankful they are. Always one to march to the beat of my own drum, I'm going to complain a bit. :)

I became a travel agent for a couple of reasons, one main one being I want to travel. It seemed that this was a good occupation for that. However, I've not gone anywhere. Last year, I had the opportunity to take a free trip to Tokyo. Yes, free! As you can imagine, I jumped at this. I had my passport expedited, and was ready to go. Except I got pregnant. And the baby had a fetal heart arrhythmia. So my Dr said no way was I to be jet setting around. Ok, bye Tokyo!

Then I made President's Club at work, and won a free stay at the Hotel del Coronado. I've always wanted to stay there! But the trip was for Jun 2nd. 1 week after Brynlee was born. Ok, Bye Hotel Del Coronado!

I wouldn't trade my child for anything in the world. It is frustrating that just as my job was starting to pay off travel wise I couldn't take advantage of any of these opportunities though.

It's to the point now were I'm thinking travel is just not in the cards for me. I'm going to live and die being one of those people who has never left this continent. One of those people who always dreamed of going places and just never quite made it there.

I realize I'm only 26, and have plenty of traveling years ahead of me. But now that we have started our family, I can't help but think that my ideal traveling time is behind me. The fact that Jimmy and I have completely different traveling styles doesn't help.

I want to go to Paris so bad I literally do dream about it. Quite frequently actually. I'm borderline obsessed with the Eiffel Tower. I even have a lamp shaped like it for goodness sake. It's to the point now that I think if I ever do get there I'll probably break down sobbing because I actually made it.

It seems everyone else is able to travel somehow, despite financial problems and family responsibilities. I must be missing something here. Is there an " I want to go to Europe" hotline that I'm in the dark about? How is it all these people make these trips happen, and I can't seem to do it. I book trips for a living! If someone should be able to make it happen, it should be me.

One of my biggest fears is getting older, and realizing that there were a ton of places I wanted to go and now it's too late. A time when I have to stop saying "I'll go there some day" because I've reached the end but never actually went.

30 Years Wiser

I'm not usually a mushy person. I'm an emotional person, but I'm not an over the top proclaiming my love type of person.

But sometimes it's warranted.

Today is Jimmy's 30th birthday! I can't believe it. I remember when he was turning 25secretly thinking he was so old! I was glad I wasn't that old yet...the maturity of a 21 year old coming out there.

Anyhow, I can't believe how much he has grown and changed since I've known him. All for the better if you ask me. He looks better each year too. You get to a point in life where your looks start going down hill rather than improving each year. I think he is the exception to that.

He was always teased for looking young, and now it's coming in handy. When we are in our 50's I'll look like a cougar and he'll probably finally look 30!

Here are some things I love about my 30 year old:

1.I love that he pretends he cares about things, even though he doesn't. He humors me if you will. He will be the first to admit that he doesn't have a ton of emotion (except anger...), but for my sake he listens to my stories and pretends he cares because he know is it means a lot to me.

2. He is AMAZING with our daughter. I could not ask for a better father for my kid. He loves her to death, and it's obvious that she loves him. He is not a stand by and watch dad, he is a hands on parent. From changing, to feeding, to bathing to clothing he does it all happily. When she was in the hospital, he was the one holding her when they did the spinal tap because I couldn't handle it. He takes her to get all her shots. He is soft enough to be tender with her, but strong enough to be there for her when I'm not.

3. Ever eager to serve, he helps anyone who asks. Special Olympics, service projects, gardeners that are working in our complex. He helps old ladies cross the street, and gives Jehovah Witnesses water bottles while politely declining their reading material. I could list times all day long where he was willing to go out of his way to help someone.

4. He is honest to a fault. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow. I used to see this as being rude, and sometimes still do. ;) But it's a necessary one. Lying to me, and lying to himself doesn't get him anywhere and he knows this.

5. He held my hair back and waited for me with mouthwash for 5 months while I puked all day long. He put up with my crying spells, and rage full fits for 9 months. When I was in labor with Brynlee he helped me up to pee all night long because I was strapped to so many monitors it was hard to do it myself.

6. When our garbage disposal got a hole in it the other day, he cleaned out under the sink. You can imagine how pleasant that was, old food spewed all over the place. But he did it without complaint and now under our sink looks sparkling and new

7. Lastly, he is super hot! And just gets better looking each year. I'm excited to show him off at the retirement home when we get there.

Love you Hun, Happy Birthday!