Like Mother...

We had our first big ultrasound yesterday.

The baby thought it would be funny to try to swim away from the ultrasound lady.

My mom told me that I used to do that. Whenever the doctor was trying to find me I'd move around and hide from him. So after chasing down my baby for a bit, the ultrasound tech was able to get a good view of most things. She wasn't able to get a good look at the bottom of the spine though, and my stubborn child decided that after playing tag with the ultrasound tech that it would just hang out in one spot.

They had me pee, they had me walk around, and they had me fold my legs up to my chest in a ball in order to coax the baby out of that spot. Nope, baby was not moving. They had me go eat something and come back 30 min later, and sure enough baby was in the same exact spot.

The ultrasound tech had me rolling around on the ultrasound table, and was even poking at me with the ultrasound wand. The baby would not be moved. They think they got enough shots to hopefully piece together what they need; otherwise I'll have to go back and hope the baby will be more cooperative.

However before the baby decided to camp out in one spot despite our best efforts to move it, they were able to get a good look at its reproductive parts.

It's a girl!!!! And what a mule she is already. We are in for a wild ride, that’s for sure!

Whirlwind

Ok so I'm a bit emotional. Who knew? It doesn't take a lot to make the tears flow, I've always been a weeper. But throw pregnancy in the mix and I just cry or want to cry all the time. Literally I'll be driving home from work and just feel like crying. For no reason at all, just feel like crying.

A couple of weeks ago I found myself watching that stupid lifetime movie " Christmas Shoes" by myself and balling my eyes out. Not just tearing up, but like having an emotional break down. Robbie came down stairs and wasn't quite sure what to do with me I think.

Then I find myself getting angry. And mean. I've been saying some really mean things to people recently! It just comes out. After I've said it I think about it and realize " what the heck, I don't say stuff like that to people". But here I am saying downright rude things to people.

I'm not going to dwell on my Dr's visit from hell yesterday, but lets just say I left Kaiser so pissed off I wanted to burn that place down. Literally. I will NEVER EVER go to that Dr. again. And for his sake lets hope I don't ever run into him again. Just thinking about it now gets my blood pumping and makes me want to hit something.

I guess this is all part of this journey they call pregnancy then? What a journey it has been so far...

I'm honestly petrified that our child will like Jimmy more. I know I shouldn't think like that. But I do. Mitzie likes him more and she isn't even ashamed of it. I feed her, I buy her stuff, I pay attention to her. I have pictures of her all over my desk at work like she is my child for goodness sake.

And when Jimmy and I are sitting on the couch, whose lap does she jump onto? Not mine. Curse. He even yells at her! Maybe it's the tough love she likes. Or maybe it's because he is a boy.

But she follows him around the house like a lost puppy (or kitten in this case), and basically comes to me when he is not around. The other morning she was sitting with me until she heard his voice. She went running over to him and couldn't get off of me fast enough. Great. I'm a second fiddle playing cat parent!

On a positve note we should find out the sex of the baby next week. If it's cooperative. At first I was thinking it's a boy, but now I'm thinking maybe it's a girl...then I realize I have absolutely no idea. I guess some people just know, but I'm not that intuitive apparently. Guess we'll have to see. It will be nice to know what kind of stuff I can start buying though.

The one and only good thing that came out of my appointment yesterday was a good strong baby heart beat. Whew! I’m still getting sick unfortunately (oh I can add bushes by my office to my list of places I’ve marked by the way) so I figured everything was ok. But it’s good to have it confirmed. And my uterus is growing quite nicely. At least I can do that right!

O Christmas Tree

We got our Christmas tree last night. We always get a real one, even though they are expensive and a pain in the butt. I love them! No matter how nice your fake tree is, it doesn't smell the same and it doesn't look the same. Although fake trees don't leave needles everywhere and pack up nice in a box when you are done with them. But I'm a real tree kind of girl!

At 6 months old I thought maybe Mitzie would have calmed down a bit. Well, not so much. I knew she was going to have a hay day with the tree. As long as she doesn't knock it over and break too many ornaments I'm ok.

So far we have 1 broken ornament and a disgruntled tree skirt (she keeps trying to borough under it for some reason...). And we finished with the tree last night at like 10pm. So it has been less than 12 hours before damage was done.

I tried wrapping presents the other night, and she was pretty good. Except for when I started tying bows on stuff. As soon as she saw the ribbon she got crazed kitten eyes and started pouncing on everything. I think I'll have to wait to put my presents under the tree until the last minute this year or they won't stay wrapped for very long.

Ah the joys of being a cat mom around the Holidays! I can't wait to see her on Christmas morning when we are actually unwrapping stuff. All those bows and boxes and balls of paper everywhere.

She will be in kitty heaven for sure. I was going to get her a present, but the left over present scraps might be all she needs!

It's Been a Long Time!

Wow over 1 month with no posts! I used to blog everyday, and now... not so much.

Anyhow things are chugging along here. I'm about 17 weeks along or so. Most of my pants do not fit (well comfortably anyhow) it's been a struggle everyday to find something to wear. I dread it. I used to get excited to pick out my clothes, now not so much.

Unfortunately my sickness has not disappeared completely. It still rears it's ugly head 3 times a week or so, but it's sooooo much better than it was. I thank my lucky stars everyday I make it without driving the porcelain bus. We should be able to find out the sex next week, if the baby is cooperative. However it's not been the most cooperative so far, so I'm not holding my breath for that one!

I am way way behind on my Christmas shopping. So much so that I wake up stressing about it in the middle of the night sometimes. No, I'm not kidding about that. Then I start stressing about other things. I haven't had good nights sleep in a long time. I guess maybe my body is preparing for having to wake up to a screaming baby all the time.

After many years, tons of money and a lot of really hard work Jimmy graduated from CSUN! I'm so proud of him, I know how hard he worked for this.

We had our company Christmas Party last weekend. I drug my poor husband with me, he was a good sport and had a decent time I think. My Christmas party is not just dinner with some dancing, it's dinner, 3 hours of speeches, awards and other stuff. And then if you aren't worn out from all that there is dancing. So he was not thrilled to go, but came along with a smile anyhow.

This year I won an award! I made President's Club which means I made the company lots of money I got a little trophy, and went up on stage in front of everyone! It was so exciting. I never won anything in school, so I'm super super proud of my 1 and only trophy, I show everyone who comes into my house. I'm sure most people look at it and think “big deal!". But to someone who never wins at anything, it is! :)

It's Real

So, we had our first ultrasound Monday. Whenever I've heard of an ultrasound, they rub some stuff on your stomach and use their little machine to look for things.

Well, they did the other kind of ultrasound (ladies, you know what I'm talking about).

Why am I constantly being surprised with these types of exams? Guess this one was really my fault, they said ultrasound and I just assumed...

Sure enough the little leg stirrups popped out of this table too...like magic! Anyhow I guess I better get used to stuff like that. Doesn't make it any more pleasant though!

At least Jimmy was with me this time so I didn't feel quite so violated. But I couldn't believe what we saw! Little legs, little arms, big head (well big compared to the other parts!). It was like a real little person in there!

Ok so it really looked like a 1 inch peanut with limbs but still. I had no idea we'd be able to see all that stuff. It really hit me when I saw a little heart beat...it's crazy! The Dr. said I should be feeling much better around week 11. I really hope this is one of those times when the Dr is right! At week 11 and 1 day if things are not good I’m calling him!

I can now add Rite Aid parking lot, Rite Aid flower bed and Rite Aid bathroom to my list of conquests…

On another topic the other night I had to stay late at work to help out this head honcho VIP person.

I left my office at 7:15 to start my trek home. I started to back my car out of the parking lot and it felt really strange. I pulled back into the spot and yep, there it was. A flat tire. Great!

I could only laugh at this point as I explored my options. Call AAA and have them put on my little 50/50 spare tire (which is basically a glorified bike tire).

Then drive home 45 miles on the freeway. Hmm... my only other option was to call Jimmy. So I chose option 2 and called my poor husband who drove all the way out to good old Montrose to get me. What a day!

So while I waited for Jimmy I decided to head to the Mexican restaurant next door and have a Margarita! Ok no I didn't. The whole Mormon pregnant thing kind of goes against Margaritas, but I did go to the Mexican restaurant to eat some dinner. It was yummy and all stayed down, so that in itself is a victory.

Luckily it was just a nail in my tire so we got it patched and now it's good as new. But I sure am glad to have a handy husband who came to my rescue and changed my tire like a pro!

Times, they are a Changing

It's been a while and we have some updates in the house.

First, Jimmy got a new car! Well new to him car. Bless his heart he has always always driven a crap car. And his good old Thunderbird from the early 1900's (ok it's not that old, but pretty old) was a ticking time bomb.

Every time we got in the car we never knew what we were going to get! Maybe it would start, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would run, maybe it wouldn't. I guess it kept things exciting! But anyhow it has long been since time to put that thing out to pasture, so on Monday Jimmy got a 2007 Mazda 6.

It's black with tan interior and it looks pretty sweet. I have to say. He looks pretty sweet in it. It only has 8k miles on it and so far is a dream. I can't think of anyone who deserves to actually drive a decent looking/working car more than my poor husband.

Second, my cat is huge! Or she seems huge to me. We've had her over 1 month now and it's been an experience. She doesn't sleep through the night quite as nicely as she once did. No howling or anything, but I'll wake up at 2am to hear her playing with the blinds or something.

This does not please me and she and her cat box get the boot out of our room it times like that. She seems to have endless amounts of energy, who knows where it comes from. Her Meow Mix must be doing her good or something.

Third, I'm pregnant. Yep, I like how I just tossed that one in there! No, I'm not kidding. After almost 4 years of marriage we decided it was time to start a family.

We didn't have to try for too long, but I should have figured that one. It's not like there is a shortage of Cuillards or anything. Still I thought it might take a while. Nope, guess not.

So you can just lump me in with the 100 other people pregnant right now ( I really think it must be in the water) I'm just about 10 weeks along and good gosh has it been a battle. I'm not sure my body was made to be pregnant because it has been anything but pleasant.

When I took the pregnancy test I was home alone with my cat ( FYI we did not know we were pregnant when we got her!) and I just started sobbing. I was excited but I won't lie my first thought was "what are we going to do" and I was scared to death. I'm still scared to death, but am too busy focusing on not puking to think about that now.

Sure enough week 6 hit and things got ugly real quick. Morning sickness would be nice, how about all day sickness? I had/have my head in the toilet, 3, 4 I think even 5 times a day. I've had every symptom that there is so far. You know what they are, I don't need to get into the details but they are not fun. Every time I find myself in the bathroom I pray pray pray that this goes away at 12 weeks. I don't think I'll make it if it doesn't. So far this olive sized baby is looking like it’s going to be an only child at this point!.

I've thrown up in a Burger King bathroom, my office bathroom, a Wal-Mart bathroom my car (luckily had a barf bag on hand) and my bathroom (about 40 times or so I'd say). I'm thinking maybe I should make a game out of it, how many places can I throw up in?

We go in for our first ultrasound on Monday, and they should be able to find the heartbeat and everything. I'm excited for that and hopefully some words of wisdom from the doctor on how to manage this lovely time I'm having.

I'm more than open to ideas and suggestions from anyone out there. I'll just about try anything at this point (and probably have tried everything but we'll see). If you are one of those who threw up 1 time and otherwise breezed right through pregnancy with no trouble what so ever feel free to keep that to yourself because I don't want to hear about it!

Fight On!

Being that I'm a sports fan you'd think that I've been to many sporting events right? Well I've been to a baseball game, and well yep that's it. No basketball, no hockey no soccer. Just baseball. Granted baseball is my favorite sport, but I'm always looking to expand my horizons.

Well I got the opportunity on Saturday night to go to a USC football game. For free. Yes those really are the best kind. Robbie got 3 free tickets so Robbie Jimmy and I headed down to the Coliseum.

Now, I'm not going to pretend to be the biggest USC fan. I liked them in the early 2000's but in more recent years it just seems like the kick the crap out of everyone and I'm one who roots for the underdog. But jeez going to a USC game can make you change your mind if that's the case.

We arrived at the Coliseum around 6:00 or so, with just enough time to take in the sites. And boy were their sights! So much food, so many people, so much maroon and gold. We got into the stadium and I could not believe where our seats were!



It was like we were on the field! We ate and cheered and yelled o plenty. I think I heard the USC fight song about 100 times. Or more. I went in being so so about USC and came out a fan! In that kind of atmosphere you can't help but get swept up in it. Of course they won (no surprise there) so the whole place was having a great time. I'm not sure I'll ever make it back to a USC Football game, but I hope I do because I had a great time!







Ok so I thought I was going to go a whole blog without talking about my cat. But I can't, I just love her! Everyone else talks about their kids and well I don't have one of those right now so here is the latest with Mitzie:

Looking at the picture below you'd think she was desperately trying to escape the clutches of my friend Tessa! But she's loving this. If you put her on her back and start rubbing her chin and neck she does this. She stretches out until she looks like super kitty trying to fly away. She is such a nut!

Come!

We've had Mitzie for a week now. It has been mostly fun, but jeez it's like having a furry child sometimes! She is feeling more comfortable at home and has started doing some strange things. She gets under her cat bed and pushes it around the house for example.

I kept seeing her bed in strange places and couldn't figure out how she was doing it. Well now I know.

Her toys kept disappearing too. She has this mouse that makes noise when she bats at it and one day I heard it under our bed. I looked under the bed and it was like a mountain of toys! So that is where they all went...

She has figured out how to open doors if they aren't closed all the way. I guess it was only a matter of time until that one happened. She has learned to fear the squirt bottle and knows that means she is in trouble. I just show it to her and she runs off and hides.

She follows you around all over the house. She likes to be around people. If there is no one in a room with her, she will find the room you are and come join you. I do like this quality. The last thing I wanted was a cat that hid under the bed all day. The kind where the only way you know they are even still alive is if you see food missing from the dish and poops in the litter box. What’s the point of even having a pet then?

On Saturday I started on the long yet rewarding road of attempting to train her. Yes you can train cats, just like you train a dog. We are working on the command "come", so she will come on cue. Next is to "sit".

It's the same basic principal, you use food to get them to do what you want. Then you reward them. Well she comes just fine when she knows I have treats. She comes before I even have to say come. Yesterday she did actually come when I told her to without treats.

But then a few hours later I told her to come and she looked at me and ran off. Hmmmm... Guess she may not be the kitty phenom I hoped she would be. I am bound and determined though so eventually she will come when I say!

She has decided that we should wake up at 7am everyday. As you can imagine, this pleases Jimmy immensely. She doesn't meow or anything ( she still doesn't make a peep) but she starts rubbing her little kitten body against my head until I pet her. If I pet her she will lay down and be fine. If I don't pet her she will go between me and Jimmy until one of us gives in and pays attention to her.

All and all she is still a hoot and completely entertaining to watch. I love her to death, but if she thinks I'm never sleeping past 7am again she has got another thing coming!

Exciting News!

It's been a while, and I have some exciting news! No, I'm not pregnant. I've noticed whenever I tell someone I have news, or ask them to "Guess what?" they think I'm pregnant. Nope, not today.

We did however get an addition to the Cuillard family. It's a girl! She is 3 months old, 2.5 lbs and completely litter box trained. Yep, I got a kitten!



Welcome Mitzie Leanne Cuillard (yes I give my pets middle names)!!

After 8 months of convincing, my fellow housemates finally agreed to let me bring in a pet. Jimmy and I went to Petsmart on Saturday and there she was ready for adoption. I fell in love immediately. We brought her home and she didn't make a peep, which is the opposite of what every other cat I've had has done in the car.

We've had her for about 3 days and so far so good. Ok so when she is in the litter box she flings litter everywhere. And she thinks everything that moves is a toy. And she goes to the bathroom more often than I thought physically possible for such a tiny body. But she is so funny I could watch her for hours. She sleeps through the night without any howling and instead of coming home to an empty dark house after work I come home to a dark house with an oh so excited to see me kitty.

Robbie pretended not to like her at first, but I think she is growing on him. I hear him playing with her and laughing at her when she does crazy kitten things. Whenever he comes downstairs she follows him around like a lost puppy.

In a couple of weeks I'm going to put her in a harness and take her outside (she won't be outside without supervision, too many coyotes and such around here) so that should be interesting. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

Ah the joys of being a cat mom again.

Today's the Day!

This blog entry is going to make me sound a little crazy...

We all get excited about things right? Well, I've been waiting for today since early March. Yes 5 months of waiting and pining and finally its here. Today the next book in the Vampire Academy series came out! Woo Hoo!!!



I didn't pre order it. I've had bad experiences with that.

My dear husband trying to do a sweet thing pre ordered the last Harry Potter book for me when it was coming out. Well, the book finally made it to my door a week after the book hit the stores. Yes a week! Might not be a big deal to you, but it was a huge deal to me. Everywhere I went people were reading their Harry Potter books and everyday I went home to find an empty mail box. However when it finally came it was like Christmas Morning!

Anyhow, I don't pre order things anymore. So today I thought I would waltz into any store and find my book. It's not anything close to Twilight big, but it's pretty popular with its target audience of 15 year olds girls (yes I realize I am a 25 year old girl). So I went to Wal-Mart, not there. I went to Target, not there. I went to Borders, they weren't open yet! Once I got to work I looked online, Borders was sold out already! Panic started to flood me.

This happened to me with Breaking Dawn back in December. I was nearing the end of the third Twilight book and COULD NOT find the 4th book anywhere. I started to cold call bookstores to be told they were sold out over and over again. Luckily this little tiny book store down the street from my office saved the day. They had it in stock and all was right with the world.

Well, Once Upon a Time Bookstore to the rescue again! I went down to the tiny store earlier today and there was my book! Whew! Crisis averted.

I'll probably read this book in a day and have to wait until May of next year for the next one to come out. The cycle will begin again…

On a completely separate topic Jimmy had to take this giant horrific test a few months back in order to be a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist.

I saw the book he had to study for it and it was not pretty believe me. If you don't pass it you have to wait 90 days and then pay a bunch of money to take it again. Well he finally got the results today, he passed! Yay!

Old Friends, Good Times

 

I was cleaning out my pictures and found this picture of us when Meg came to town. I love it when people come to visit! (hint hint you out of staters!)

Still Aiming to Please

So my inner makeover has sort of stalled. I was doing pretty well for a while, but like usual I've lapsed back into my old ways.

The other day I had a rather serious conversation with someone. I don't want to get into details with this being a public venue and all but this person has a pretty strong personality and can be somewhat intimidating at times.

I was sharing some bad news with this person (in their mind, good news in mine!). After I dropped my bad news bomb I found myself saying things to this person to ease the tension. It's like I developed a sudden case of turrets and was just saying things to this person that were completely untrue.

I walked away thinking "I don't mean 1/2 of what I just said in there!" Why, why did I do that? It's this need I have to please. I see someone who doesn’t like what I’m telling them and suddenly I'm saying stuff that is a complete fabrication to make them feel better.

What's worse is I've found that this need to please only rears its head in certain places and with certain people. Ask Jimmy and he will tell you that I'm NOT much of a people pleaser with him. But it seems that with people who have strong personalities and are somewhat domineering that I just crumble and start speaking fallacies. Yes Jimmy has a very strong personality, but with him I'm comfortable enough to not feel the need to constantly please.

So when I'm cornered with one of those strong dominating people I haven't got a chance. I feel like a wounded wildebeest running from a hungry lion in the serengeti. I'm toast!

I think I need to start reading my self help book again...

Busted

I drive a lot, usually by myself. I am aware of the laws about texting and talking on phones while driving and try to avoid both for the most part.

So I was driving home from work yesterday and got a text message from my friend asking me if I wanted her to bring me dinner. How nice right?

I thought I would try to be considerate and text her back in a timely manner. As I opened my phone to start texting away I had this nagging feeling that I was not making a wise choice. I mean I have made some serious driving snafus. I’ll admit that I tend to not be real observant behind the wheel. Still no tickets though (knock on wood!). Anyhow I'm not sure if me trying to multi task while driving is the best idea.

So as I’m about to start texting I glance in my rear view mirror to see 4 cop cars hot on my tail with their lights and sirens blaring! I threw my phone in the back seat and thought "Wow it didn’t take long for them to catch me!"

But 4 police cars for a texting while driving violation seemed a bit much...

A green SUV went zooming by and so did the police cars. Turns out I was in the middle of a high speed car chase!

I guess they were not so worried by my almost driving violation after all since they had bigger problems to deal with.

Lesson learned! I won't even attempt texting while driving again anytime soon!

A Boob is Still a Boob

So I'm walking into my office today minding my own when I see a boob. Yes a boob. Ok so it had a baby attached to it, but still. This lady was sitting on this bench in a high traffic area nursing away. No shawl or blanket or cover up. Just a baby and a boob.

I realize I'm a shy person. But I cannot imagine whipping out my boob in public without a cape or something to cover me. I'm sure once I'm a mom I will see things differently. As I walked by this lady trying desperately to avoid staring I started thinking.

Maybe it's me?

When we were in Boston the weather was amazing. We went to Boston Common only to see tons of people in their bathing suits lying out in the sun. Am I the only one who thinks that is strange?

I hate being in my bathing suit at the beach where everyone else is in their bathing suits.

But the idea of lying in a huge public park with business men and soccer teams in my bathing suit made me cringe. If you are in a park wearing water resistant underwear (after all isn't that what a bathing suit is?) and the guy next to you is in a 3 piece suite reading the news paper that strikes me as odd.

I have no problem with other people doing things like this. Really, more power to them. I could just never do it.

Let Down

Well, the Red Sox and I are not exactly getting along right now.

First, they are sucking big time. Every time I turn on the TV they've lost. To add insult to injury the Yankees just keep on winning. There is nothing I hate more than Red Sox losing and Yankee's winning. It really ruffles my feathers.

Now, this whole Steroids thing comes about. So, David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez were using steroids in 2003. Am I surprised? No. Am I disappointed. Yes.

It seems that anyone with a decent batting average these days has had medical help. It's frustrating to me as a fan. I understand the desire to want to hit better. I want the players to hit better too. But not at the cost of using drugs to do it.

I also get that it's hard to compete with players who are using when you are not. That all makes sense to me.

But since MLB cracked down on steroid use hopefully the number of those on steroids still is drastically smaller. I mean after what happened to Manny with the 50 game suspensions it would be stupid to keep using at this point.

I still love the Red Sox. I will not be a fair weather fan. They've let me down before (lets not bring up the 03 ALCS series), and it's bound to happen again. But it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Shape up guys, I mean it!

Summer Belongs to Children

There is some car commercial out right now that claims that summer has always belonged to the children. But getting this new car can make summer fun for adults too. Right.

I couldn't agree more with the first part of the statement though. Unless you are a kid, or have kids that you hang out with at the pool and beach, summer kind of sucks now.

Really all it means for the working woman (or man) is a higher bills. Great! Or in my case continued months of sneezing and weezing while indoors and higher bills.

When I was younger I used to live for summer. It was by far my favorite time of year. I still do like the sun shining everyday, but the rest of it I can do with out. Maybe I'm not doing summer right.

I mean I've still only been out in the sun once this year. Perhaps I need to spend every Saturday by the pool and then I'll like summer again. I won't like the wrinkles/skin cancer I get when I'm older though.

I do enjoy a good BBQ though and summer is perfect for that. I'm addicted to hot dogs. I know they are made of all sorts of weird things, but I don't care. If loving hot dogs is wrong I don't want to be right!

The Living is Easy

So after being back to work for a week it feels like vacation was 100 years ago! It was a nice while the living was easy, too bad it can't be like that all the time.

After a long day of traveling we finally made it to Fenway Park! It was amazing. Except the Red Sox lost. Yes, they lost to the Royals. They played them 4 games, and the only lost one of those. The one we went to, go figure...



The next day we went sight seeing around the city. I love US history, and Boston is bursting at the seams with it!



Of course we had to stop at Dunky's. How can you not when there are 2 on every street corner (I'm really not exaggerating on this either).



After making our way down to Cape Cod, we went to Provincetown and climbed this:



Yes this beastly tall tower thing. Below you can see the view from inside looking up at the 100 levels of stairs. Needless to say by the time we made to the top I was huffing and puffing!



We had a big family "cook out" (they call them cook outs back there, I would say a BBQ?) and everyone ate some of these, except me. I stuck with chicken. The only thing I eat from the ocean is tuna, in the can form.



Of course we played some games with the family! Grandma had never played Phase 10 before, but she was a natural.



We missed all the good beach days, and by the end of our trip the weather was not the best. But we I had to at least dip my foot in the Atlantic (way too cold to swim though!).



All and all we saw a lot of things but did a lot of vegging too. It was a great trip and I can't wait to go back!

Lessons Learned

I'm back from vacation. I had a really good time, but learned a couple of things about myself and the whole traveling experience.

First, I'm grown up. Really. I'm an adult now. When I went on vacation last time
(2007) it was different from this time. I was able to rent a car this time. Yay! Really that is the only perk of being 25.

But I learned quickly that I don't like being told what to do so much anymore. If I don’t want to eat something, I don't want to eat it. End of discussion. I'm done with that phase in my life of being forced to "try" foods that I've tried and disliked 100 times.

I never realized how much I appreciate living on my own until I stayed in someone else’s house with their own rules for a while. Needless to say by the end there I was eager to get back to the place where I can run my own show.

Second, driving in Boston is no picnic. I DO NOT recommend it. It's pandemonium in that city. One way streets, people everywhere no parking anywhere. Ugh. What a mess. We only got lost a few times and didn't hit anyone or anything so that is good.

Third, the east coast is bad for my hair, but great for my allergies. I did not sneeze, have a stuffed nose or runny eyes the entire time. Sure enough the day I got back to CA my nose started acting up again.

Fourth, planes are not so fun. For some reason in my mind I always think I like plane rides. Than I get on one and realize that I have no room to move anywhere. It’s a claustrophobic nightmare on those things. The whole way there Jimmy and I had 2 kids kicking the back of our seats non stop. On the way home we had to listen to the same episodes of Dora the Explorer and Wonder Pets at an alarmingly high volume coming from a laptop in the seat in front of us over and over again. I guess it was either listen to that or crying, so maybe Dora wasn't so bad after all.

Fifth, geniuses look just like the rest of us. I'm not sure why but I thought they would look different. I guess I thought they would all be wearing Dockers and sweater vests (Legally Blond isn't so accurate with that aspect). We walked around Harvard for a while. It was crazy seeing all these kids everywhere knowing that they were all really smart and probably really rich. We drove by MIT too, same thing there. But they looked like the same kids I used to see at CSUN. So we did our best to blend in with the students. I guess it worked because someone asked us for directions. Maybe we look like geniuses after all. If they only knew...

I've got tons and tons of pictures (like 200 of them) so I'll have to dedicate a night to posting some of them using my dinosaur computer at home. It will probably take a full evening considering how slow my computer is!

I go out Packing

Yay it's vacation eve! Can you tell I haven't gone on vacation in a while? I'm so excited I've had trouble sleeping every night this week.

Last night I finally packed. I'll be the first to admit that packing is not my strong point. I have this huge suitcase, and I fill it to the brim. I went to Utah for 3 days and brought my beastly suitcase and filled it so much I had to sit on it to close it.

I could probably roll in a ball and fit in this suitcase that is how big it is. Last time I went on vacation, my suitcase was too heavy! That means it was over 50 lbs. I had to give the sky cap the sexy eye in order for him not to charge me extra to check my bag; otherwise it's like a $75 fee for over weight bags.

So last night I had a goal of packing "light".

That lasted about 10 min. We will be gone for 9 days, and I packed about 10 pairs of shorts/pants and 8 shirts. I guess that part isn't too bad. The shoe part is where it gets ugly. I packed about 6 different pairs of shoes. Some shoes look best with certain outfits right? I guess it's the girl in me, but I need to have choices and lots of them. I hate it when I'm somewhere and I want to wear a certain outfit, but I can't because I don't have it.

After I thought I was finished with my clothes, I kept seeing more stuff I wanted to bring. Jimmy was giving me a hard time about this, so I waited until he wasn't looking and snuck and extra pair of shoes and a couple of shirts in there.

It is definitely going to be another time where I need to sit on my suite case to close it, that is for sure.

I don't consider myself high maintenance, but maybe I am? I mean I'm bringing 2 different curling irons, a blow dryer and tons of products. If that isn't high maintenance I don't know what is. I blame my genes. if I had nice straight get out of the shower and go kind of hair I would not need all that.

I just hope I can keep my suitcase under 50 lbs this time! It will be hard to give the sky cap the sexy eye when my husband is with me...

Burn Notice

So, I'm pretty white. Yep, who knew? I have very fare skin.

Like when I buy make up I have to get the 2nd to lightest one. When I was younger I used to tan up pretty well, but in recent years not so much. As my days of being a 20 something person with little responsibility trickled away, so did my tan. Now most of the light I see is the fluorescent kind beating down on me in my cubicle.

4th of July came, and I'd yet to lie out in the sun all year long. I'm leaving for vacation this week, and am positive I will be the whitest person around. So my one goal for 4th of July would be to get some sun.

I've had my share of sunburns throughout the years. Some worse than others, but all un pleasant. So on Saturday I applied the sunscreen liberally. SPF 30 and I put it everywhere. Or so I thought. I made sure to get some crucial places ( ie top of my feet) that I've missed in years past and ended up paying for it. I laid out in the sun for 5 hours and continued to re apply my sunscreen.

Like always, you feel fine until you are in the shower and you notice red strips starting to appear. By that night it was clear that I suck at applying sunscreen. I'm burnt in some odd places. Like on my arms right above my armpits. I need to get that sunscreen for kids that is purple so you can see where you've put it.

Jimmy is also burnt in some weird places. So yesterday we spent the day hobbling around in pain. My face looks like I'm wearing a mask. How that happened I have no idea. But I look like a raccoon. And no I was not wearing sunglasses. I loaded on the make up to cover it up (I’m sure that is not good for a sunburn, but I can't go out in public looking like a super hero).

So I'm left to wonder, how does this always happen? Always? You'd think with 25 years of sunburn wisdom behind me I'd make sure to put my sun block everywhere. But yet I still end up missing spots. I've tried the spray sun block too. But I seemed to get bunt in even stranger places when I do that.

I'm hoping after this I'll have some sort of a base tan to start with when I go on vacation. Except right now it's raining on Cape Cod, so I'm not sure I'll even see the sun there. Maybe I'm just not meant to be tan!

I am Not a Hairdresser

Not to toot my own horn here, but I think I'm pretty good at doing hair. Other peoples that is. I always used to style my friend's hair before dances, or big nights out.

But really all it takes is one trip to the hair salon for me to realize that I'm no pro.

I doubt I'm alone in this, but I'm a compulsive hair cuter. If a piece of hair (mainly a piece of bang) is not falling right, I snip it. Or sometimes pull it out (hey I have tons to spare right?). My hair dresser teases me because she can always tell when I've been snipping away.

But after I go to the salon and my hair is straighter than I ever though possible and my bangs actually fall the way they are supposed to I'm in awe. How does she do that?

I have a flat iron that I bought from a beauty supply store a while ago that was a pretty penny. And that sucker gets up to 425 degrees (I’ve got the burns to prove it)! I have hair cutting scissors and thinning shears. I use shampoo and conditioner from the beauty supply store too. I'm in that store so much the probably think I'm a professional! So I know it's not the supply I lack. I guess that leaves the skill.

I watch what she does every time. And I do my best to mimic it when I get home. But I can never trim my bangs quite right, and I can't even come close to the degree of straightness she can get.

In the end I guess it makes sense. I mean if everyone could do their own hair, why would we have hairdressers in the first place?

Even if I could do my own hair, I don't think I would. I love my hair lady. I've been going to her for like 7 years and she has never raised the price once.
She charges me so little it's laughable. I'd probably get charged more at Supercuts!

If we ever move I don't know what I'll do.
I'll have to make special trips to Simi Valley just go get my hair done!

Falling off the Boat

I've been doing really well with my eating for the past month or so. After letting my diet get totally out of control ( lets not bring up the pot pie/cake/ bagel/pizza day), I decided as part of my internal makeover I needed to re vamp that too.

So in the past month I've lost.... 5 lbs! Yes 5. On a good day it's 6 lbs, and on a bad day its 4 lbs.

I've tried to not get discouraged at my lack of results. Mainly because my exercising has gone out the window. Unless you call walking around the block a couple of times at my office exercising.

I knew exercising while working full time and being gone from home for 11 ish hours a day would be tough, but jeesh. It is really hard. The last thing I want to do when I get home is work out.

And slowly but surely the temptation has started to creep in again. I love at the beginning of diets how it's so easy to just say no. In the beginning that feeling of a new resolution high is enough to bat away any cakes, cookies and fried foods calling out to me.

But now...

Now that it's taken me a month to loose what some people loose in a week I find the bagels and candy and chips calling out to me again. And I find myself control growing shaky. I mean what is one bagel right? Just one won't hurt...

Anyone have any tricks they use in times of weakness like this?

I think I need to look at a Victoria's Secret Catalog or something to snap me back on track! Or even better, put on my bathing suit. Ugh!

This Sucks. Period.

Ok so this might be a little TMI here, but recently my body seems to have developed an interesting trend. For the past few months when Mother Nature drops off her monthly gift it seems to bring some other illness with it.

Last month I started my period and then had the stomach flu later that day (at work mind you, that was fun!).

Now this month I started my period and my throat is on fire. This means one thing. I'm sick. For me, it always starts with the soar throat. Then within 24-48 hours I'm on my death bed with illness. Great! It's June for goodness sakes. I thought we were out of flu season?

So on top of the breakouts, cramps and mood swings I was puking last month, and can't swallow anything this month.

Now I'm starting to worry about what’s next. Plague? Measles? Alzheimer’s? I guess I better bunker down in my house for July when that time of the month comes...

I'm a Weeper

I learned at an early age that I'm a sensitive person. I’ve done my best over the years to try to toughen up my skin, but unfortunately I still am bothered by things that I wish I wasn't.

The most annoying trait that comes from sensitivity is the crying. I don't get mad, I don't get angry and I don't get even. I just cry. It seems that all my emotions are channeled out of my eye balls and it drives me crazy. Crying is seen as a sign of weakness, and I hate that my eye balls seem to betray me.

So it's not really a surprise that I cry at weddings. I think it could be the wedding of 2 people I don't even know and I'd still cry.

Jimmy and I went to a wedding on Friday night and it was amazing. But sure enough I found myself getting emotional like 6 times. And it was the wedding of Jimmy's best friend! I don’t even know them that well, but I still found my vision getting blurry at key moments.

I think it has to do with seeing other people cry that makes me cry. At that moment, when the bride walks down the aisle and the groom sees her in all her wedding dress splendor they are blissfully happy, and it makes me happy.

I love weddings! I always have, even when I was single I was always down for a good wedding. I mean who doesn't like a party where they feed you? There are a lot of weddings that I've been to where they haven't fed me, but I still usually manage to have a good time.

This wedding happened to be open bar, and believe you me I was not the only one having a good time. :)

Drunken people can be so funny sometimes...

Shiny and New

I'm so not a gadget person. I usually keep my old ghetto stuff until it's past the point of working.IE my cell phone.

I've had the same cell phone for over 3 years. It seems everyone around me has gotten like 10 new phones in that time. But not me.

I'm ok with not being able to fly a plane with my phone, or have my phone tell me how much I weigh or all that other stuff those crazy phones do. I call people and text message, that's about it.

But Bessie (yes I named my phone) was showing signs of age. It literally started breaking a apart. Like chunks of it would come off every time I opened it. And it wouldn't stay open to a certain point. It would just kind of flap there.

Then there was the time when it started vibrating uncontrollably for like 2 min. It wouldn't stop until I took the battery out and then put it back in. Then it wouldn't turn on again. I knew it was time to put Bessie out to pasture.

So I went the phone store and got a brand new phone. It's amazing! I’ll probably have this one for another 4 years if I'm lucky. It has a full keyboard, which I really need to get used to. I keep hitting the wrong buttons with my fat thumbs. But all it will take is a little practice I'm sure. I love you Blue Beauty! (Yes that is the name of my new phone, and it is indeed blue).

On another topic, I'm having another wonderful day at work (not). I came into a bunch of firestorms and was going crazy all morning trying to put them out. So it was a more than pleasant surprise when while on the phone I saw an In and Out bag looming in my peripheral vision. I turned to see that my husband came to visit, lunch for us in hand. It turned my whole day around. So now it sucks here, just not as bad. :)

Love you hun!

I am Like a Tumbleweed

In the wee hours last night Jimmy and I were chatting about things I could do other than be a travel agent. I've known for a while now that this job is just not for me. I don't like it 4 out of 5 days a week it seems and well that has got to stop.

I'm not one who switches careers/school majors/life plans lightly.

If I start something, even if I don't like it I'll stick with it much longer than I should have. I'm not sure why I do that. I guess because I'm scared of the unknown.

So now here I am in a job that I hate most days and part of me does not want to leave it. I've invested so much time and effort into learning how to do this that the thought of throwing it all away and starting at square one again somewhere else makes me ill.

I also have another problem. I have no idea what I'd like to do. I've never know. Even when I was little I didn't have a strong inclination towards one occupation. And now I still don't. Sure there are tons of things I like, but what if I try something and end up hating that too? I used to like travel, now look at me. I guess I'm not really the one traveling here, but still.

How do you know what you are going to like? You don't until you try it.

So, some things I could think of that I like are:

1.Doing hair. I've always loved doing hair. But what if doing that as a job rather than a fun favor for someone makes me hate it?

2.Baking. I love baking too. I tried my hand at cake decorating, and was not too good at that. But the baking part I love

3.Reading. Can you make a career out of reading? I guess if I were a book reviewer. Something tells me people would not be interested in the opinion of a 25 year old with no literary training though.

4.Writing. My major was journalism in college at one point. It had its good and bad points, but in the end I thought it was too much stress and too much pressure. I'm wondering if I should have stuck with that one a little longer though. I covered sports for my college newspaper and watching the games themselves was pretty fun.

5.Horses. Ok this one is silly. But I've always loved horses. I've only ridden one once, but I thought it was the best thing ever. Maybe I could be a horse care taker? Or horse whisperer? Jimmy said he doesn't see me scooping horse poop on hot summer days. But people change all the time.

6.Fitness Instructor. This one made Jimmy laugh loudly for a while. Ok I know I hate exercise. But I think I hate it because I suck at it. If I was good at it and knew what I was doing I think I'd like it better. Maybe not though. I didn't think anyone actually liked exercising, that they just liked the outcome of exercising. Apparently I'm wrong though. I guess you anomalies are out there?

7. Cashier. Yes setting my sights high with this one. I loved being a cashier when I worked at the drugstore. Pressing buttons and making things ding was super fun! Not fun for 8 hours a day though. Fun for 2 hours a day. So unless I worked 10 hours a week, I'm not sure this one will work.

It's frustrating that at 25 I still have no direction. I'm just floating along waiting to have an epiphany or something. So far no luck. I'm in the same spot I was 10 years ago. Except now I can cross travel agent of my list of things I'd like to do.

This is California, Right?

I'm one of those people who are really impacted by the weather.

I think it stems from my hair. Yes really, my hair. Since I young age I've discovered that any kind of moisture makes my hair do awful, terrible things. My hair does strange things anyways, but in moisture it really goes crazy. Unless it's dry and sunny, my hair pretty much goes nuts and there is nothing I can do about it.

When I was in Jr. High my poor Mom used to spend hours straightening my hair. She would blow dry and curling iron until her arms fell off. She knew how important it was to me. Being a scrawny 13 year old with acne, braces and huge afro hair was really hard for me and she wanted to do everything she could to make it better.

But unless it was clear and sunny out, I'd walk outside and all her hard work would disappear as my hair grew and grew with each step into the humid/rainy air.

The weather still gives my hair a mind of its own, but I'm less concerned with it now. Still concerned, don't get me wrong (who likes to walk around knowing they look terrible??) but less so.

But I still hate it when it's not sunny out. I hate it when it rains (unless I'm able to stay at home and not go anywhere), I hate it when it's cloudy and I hate it even more when it's foggy. It makes me tired all day long. So it's a good thing I live in California. You would think being that it's June, I'm pretty much home free for sunny skies right? Wrong.

Ok we do normally have June gloom. But it usually burns off in the morning. So this weekend, when it was cold and rainy on Friday, cold, windy and cloudy on Saturday, and is now completely gray outside I'm a little confused. This is June in California right? I broke out all my shorts and sandals in mid may. Now I'm digging out all my shoes and sweaters again.

I don't mind it being cold, just as long as it's sunny out. I love waking up to a clear sunny day, it starts me off in a great mood. This is one of those times where I do know how good I have it with the California weather. I realize that most other places in the country are still snowing, and I should be grateful for what I have. However I pay an arm and a leg to live here (rent, food, gas all that junk) so I want my clear skies!

Sun, where are you?!

Things I Should Have Listened To...

Today was crappy, so I'm afraid this post will be pretty bleak.

I started thinking today about all the warnings/advice people have given me that I just brushed off. It so easy to think that you are different, or that you know better.

When I was younger people told me to enjoy childhood. Well, I did, but I sure didn't appreciate it the way I would if I could go back and do it again now. I think back to the time before bills and 9-5 jobs. A time when figuring out what I was going to wear to school the next day was the biggest worry I had.

Before I got married people warned me that marriage was tough, and love was not all you really need. I brushed these people off, figuring they had no idea what they were talking about. Well, turns out they did. Who knew? Unfortunately love does not pave the way. Money does not sprout from the ground and living with someone can be really hard sometimes, no matter how much you love each other. I try to tell my newly married/dating/engaged friends this, and I see a familiar look in their eyes. A look that says they are not listening to me, because they think they are different and I have no idea what I'm talking about. The cycle continues...

People used to tell me to enjoy school and that I would miss it when it was done. While you are enduring endless lectures, tests and homework it does not seem so enjoyable. I graduated just over 2 years ago now, and I do miss it. I miss it like crazy actually. I miss that feeling of turning in something that is A+ quality that you worked your butt off on. I miss that " Ah Ha" moment, when a concept that seemed so hard to grasp finally makes sense. The feeling of taking a test you are actually prepared for.

I could go on and on. But in the end the saying really is true, that you don't know what you've got until you don't have it anymore. And that is the strangest part of all of it.

Someday down the road I'm going to look back at my life as it stands now, and miss being part of a young married couple. I'll miss having friends that I can hang out with or play games with pretty much any night. I'll miss being able to spend my weekends however I want rather than shuttling kids all around. But as history tends to repeat itself, I won't really appreciate any of this until its gone.

This is How it's Supposed to Be

I've come to the point in life where I'm thinking success monetarily is not in my future. With few exceptions, being a travel agent doesn't exactly pay well. If we are ever going to be well off finance wise, it will be a ways down the road.

But on Friday night I got to pretend for a few hours. My mom got some Dodger tickets from a friend, and the seats were unbelievable.

We sat in the first 2 rows of what used to be the front section before the remodel a few years back.



Most of the Dodger games I've been to we sat in the bleachers or way way up, so this was a whole new experience. The bathrooms in this section were amazing! The doors closed properly, and they were even air conditioned. There was all sorts of gourmet food, and the seats were padded!

The best part was, I had leg room! Like a good 6 inches of it! Since I'm 5'8" ish, that never ever happens. Last time I went to a Dodger game I couldn't even cross my legs!



Ahh this is they way you are supposed to be able to enjoy a game.

Doesn't look like we will be sitting in seats like this again though ( ie the Red Sox game we are barely even in the park). So I guess for now there's nothing like the view from the cheap seats!

Blog 101

Ok so maybe these things have instructions. If they do I just breezed by them. But I think they should have blog instructions somewhere. I'm sure many of you thought that I never posted any pictures because I didn't have them. Well thats not true! I got a new camera a little while ago and have been taking a few pictures, but didn't take the time to figure out how to post pictures on here until now. I’ll admit that I tried once, and it did not go so well. I tried everything except the little icon that says “add image”. Amazing!

I'm the same way with Facebook. I have no idea what I'm doing with that thing! I basically sign on, see what other people are doing and then sign off. I don't really know how to do anything else on there.

Anyhow here are some pictures! These are of flowers around my complex. I know, I know, it looks like a professional took them! Nope, just me clicking away!

Phone People

I think there are 2 kinds of people in this world.

THE PHONE PEOPLE: These are those whose cell phones act as a part of their body. They have their phone with them at all times. Next to them while they sleep, next to them while the shower...I'm sure next to them while they do other things. If they leave their phone in one room and travel to another without it they feel naked. Lost, confused, prone to start rocking back and forth muttering none sense until they and their prized possession are reunited.

THE NON PHONE PEOPLE: These are those who never have their phone on them. You can call them and tell them the world is ending, and it wouldn't matter because they wouldn't get the message. They have an average call back time of 4 days if not more. They are hard to reach, and if you do reach them you feel like you won the lotto.

I am part of the latter. I have my phone on me for certain hours during the day, but most of the time I don't even know where my phone is. I've missed thousands of phone calls and text messages. If I leave my phone somewhere, I think “eh, it will turn up eventually".

After yet another important missed text message the other night (oops!), I started to wonder which one is worse. Someone who is naked without their phone or someone who never has it. Both are annoying in their own right. I remember the time before cell phones. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

Best: You were not constantly interrupted by other people on their phone or receiving calls yourself. If you were driving somewhere, that's what you did. You didn't try to multi task by chatting on the phone will driving. I hate it when I'm involved with someone (be it chatting, playing a game, whatever) and they take a phone call. We all have to wait politely while the finish up their “urgent business". While in jury duty the other day, a man’s cell phone rang and he took the call right there. In a dead silent room with 300 already annoyed people. He continued to yap on his phone about who knows what until a government worker asked him hang up.

Worst: Pay phones! Awful! Having to find one, find money for one and then use one. If someone needs to reach you in case of an emergency, they can. In theory. Unless you are like me and your phone is never on you, then it doesn't do much good. If you need to reach someone in case of an emergency you can because you have your handy phone on you.

I guess in the end you can't live with them, and now we as a society have grown to where we can't live without them. I am going to try to keep my phone on me more often though. Now if I can just remember where it is...

Movie Interrupted

I've discovered a recent trend that is driving my crazy. It seems to be occurring more and more often, and it leaves me to wonder "What are they thinking?!"

Some things just go together, like peanut butter and jelly, or peanut butter and chocolate ( ok like peanut butter and anything in my opinion!).

Other things do not go so well together. IE my hair and humidity. Or, babies and movies.

I've gone to a couple of movies recently, and can't help but notice parents bringing in babies or young children. And no, I’m not seeing children's movies. I went to see Angels and Demons on Saturday. During several key suspenseful parts, we were interrupted by loud wails and cries of un happy babies.

I went to another movie a couple of weeks ago at like 10:30pm and there was a bunch of babies in there too! Okay so they start off sleeping, but eventually they wake up in the middle of the movie and are not happy!

I've been to a movie where a very un restrained toddler ran up and down the aisles the whole time. What the heck?

Last time I checked, the movie theater is not a babysitter.

There are 100 commercials advising you to turn down your cell phones because when they ring in the middle of the movie it ruins it for everyone. Well a crying baby has the same affect!

Granted, I do not have children. So I don't know the feeling of not being able to find a babysitter. And if you bring your babies/young children to the movies and they sit there quietly, then by all means continue to do so! But I'm thinking them sitting quietly through a loud action packed movie does not happen too much.

I can't help but feel bad for the Mom who has to truck her baby in and out of the movie every time it cries. That mom had to pay $10+ to see that movie! And, well she is not really seeing it. She has to get up and down and leave the theater constantly.

Not really a well spent $10 if you ask me!

What is Your Husband Doing Right Now?

I'm not a big bragger, but I'm going to take a minute to brag about my husband.

Right now, he is volunteering at the Special Olympics. Yes that is how he is spending his Friday. He could be relaxing by the pool, hanging out with some friends or playing video games.

But instead he is outside in the blazing heat helping people who are less fortunate than he is. And no one had to guilt or convince him to help. He saw that they needed help and immediately volunteered.

And I can honestly say this is not a rare occasion for him.

He does stuff like this all the time. If someone needs help, he does not hesitate. I remember one time he went and helped this elderly lady clean her house for a whole Saturday.

Believe me I'd been to her house before, and it was not pretty. But she was old and disabled and needed help. And there he was, ready and willing to go.

When I was younger I was always attracted to losers. I liked guys with bad attitudes, and bad grades. Basically just bad boys. The funny thing is bad boys are just that. Bad. They are bad for themselves and everyone around them.

I'm so glad I ended up with someone who volunteers at the Special Olympic and helps me clean up piles of steaming pineapple upside down cake when I've had a melt down. Someone who doesn't look at helping others in need as a waste of time, but time well spent.

Days like this make me remember what a catch I scored!

Good Game?

So I caught the tail end of Jimmy's softball game last night. It was not the best game. I've seen them perform better. Much better... Needles to say they did not win.

But when the game is done, and my husband shuffles over looking like a kid whose dog got killed or something I tell him "good game". His response was to tell me no it wasn't.

Robbie comes over and I hesitate before I tell him "good game" too. He had the same response Jimmy did.

Jimmy later explained to me that he does not like it when people say good game when it wasn’t really a good game.

Ok, so what am I supposed to say exactly then? "Bad Game"? Or "Man you guys really sucked out there!". Never having seriously competed in a sport, I guess I don't understand the whole don't tell me good game thing.

Imagine if you gave a terrible talk in church and everyone came up to you afterwards and told you how bad it was.

Or if someone sings a solo and it's awful. You don't tell them that your ears were bleeding most of the time. You tell them they did a good job.

Or do you? I mean they went out there, they tried their best. Maybe they didn't perform well, but they tried and that counts in my mind.

I think this is part of my problem.

With my attempted inner make over I'm having trouble with that gray area. I don't want to be a peopl pleaser anymore, but I don't want to be downright mean either.

I'm not sure how to differentiate between the two because I've never really tried to before.

Where do you draw the line between being honest, and just being rude?

Tough Love

I've started taking advantage of the fact that I live with someone who is in school learning how to help people exercise. I mean what a resource to have!

I've had Jimmy show me a few exercises to target certain areas. I look back and its funny how I go through fazes of things that bother me on my body. Sometimes I'm ok with one part, and then the next month I hate it.

Anyway Jimmy had me doing some things the other night. After a few minutes I thought I was done, but he had other plans. He wanted to me keep going. My legs wanted otherwise.

I mean when you think about it exercise seems to go against what we are taught from day one. If something hurts, don't do it. Simple right? Don't touch the stove, it will burn you. Don't jump of your roof; you'll end up in a body cast. Don't jump from moving vehicles; don't stick a fork in an electrical socket, etc.

But when it comes to exercising, we do these things, and when it hurts so bad you are longing for the comfort of the grave you are supposed to push past the pain and keep going? Huh?

Ok I know "Pain is weakness leaving the body" blah blah blah. I don't think pain is weakness leaving the body, I think it sucks and I hate it.

Unfortunately that is exactly why I need someone like Jimmy to give me tough love. While he is doing it it feels like a slave driver cracking a whip on my back. But afterwards I appreciate his faith in me. He thinks that I completely sell myself short on things, and I agree. I'm too quick to say I can't do something when it gets too hard.

On another note I baked for the first time since the pineapple upside down cake debacle. I made banana bread on Sunday. There were no fits, or screaming or crying. Then again my banana bread came out just fine. In fact it was pretty tasty if I do say so myself. The true test will be to see how I react when a disaster in the kitchen strikes again...

You Go Girl!

Francois-Marie Arouet de Voltair once said,

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

This, or variations of this is probably my favorite quote. I could not agree more with it. Of course you have those who can take it to extremes. People say things we don't like, and well that can suck.

But I'm a strong believer in being able to say what you feel, no matter how un popular it is. You say how you feel, I'll say how I feel and if we disagree, we agree to do so.

I was watching the news the other night when I heard about what happened in the Miss USA pageant. As most of you have probably heard, Miss California Carrie Prejean was asked what her views were on gay marriage. She was asked this by a very openly gay judge.

She was completely honest, and said this:

"I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other ... In my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and a women. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised ... I think it should be between a man and a woman."

Needless to say the gay judge was less than pleased with this. And Carrie did not win the competition, she came in second.

I can't believe she said what she did. Thanks to reality shows like Pageant Life, I've seen how much work goes into these competitions. It's not like you roll out of bed one day and decide you want to be Miss USA. It takes years of sacrifice and dedication. Knowing that it would likely cost her the crown she so desperately wanted, Carrie didn't lie. She didn't say what the judge so clearly wanted to hear.

Being completely honest, I'm not sure I would have done the same thing. I can't even imagine how difficult it was for her to tell the truth about how she felt. I like to think I would be strong enough to do that, regardless of the issue. But who knows.

I have nothing but complete admiration for this woman.

Even if she isn’t Miss USA, standing up for what she believes in no matter the cost makes her a winner in my eyes!

1 out of 100

Well I had the sheer pleasure taking part in Jury Duty these past 2 days.

I was called to serve Jury Duty yesterday, and was less than thrilled about it. I don't get paid for Jury Duty, so I either have to take a vacation day or take a day without pay. Neither of which is a great option.

I've gone to Jury Duty once before, and it was a truly awful experience. They did not call one person the whole day, and we just sat for 9 hours until they released us out into rush hour traffic.

So I went yesterday hoping to keep an open mind and make the best out of the experience. At about 2 pm they called my name along with about 100 others to be on a panel. Well this was kind of exciting! I had no idea what to expect and was a bit intrigued.

We all went up to a court room and where told that this would be a felony case concerning a DUI. I figured there was no way that the defense would want me on the jury. I don't drink, never have and pretty much think it's a completely useless and destructive habit (Normally I wouldn't say this, but honestey is part of the new me).

So they start to interview people. They call 12, and then the judge asks questions, the prosecutor asks questions and the defense attorney asks questions. The attorneys dismiss people they don't want to be on the jury and this process continues. And continues... Until 4:45 yesterday when those of us left were sent home only to be told we had to come back today. Ugh.

So I go back today, and this process continues again, and again. By this point I'm wondering what I have to do to get my name called. I felt like I was back in grade school PE and they were picking teams for kickball. My heart fell each time my name didn't get called.

If you get your name called, and they don't want you, you get to go home. One lady got to go home at 9:20 this morning! After lunch there were only 4 of us left, so they called in a bunch more people to be part of panel in case they went through all of us.

Finally, they fill all 12 juror positions. There were only 3 of us left from yesterday that didn't get interviewed. 3 out of 100! And I was on of those three. But wait! The judge wants an alternate juror, just in case! They call one of the 3 people left (not me) and she rants about alcohol until they dismiss her. So they call one of the 2 people left from yesterday (again not me) and she is chosen as the alternate. So out of 100 people in the panel, I was the only one who did not get interviewed.

After they jury was chosen the judge said that there was only 1 remaining person from yesterday. I raised my hand and she said thanked me for my patience. Yeah. Thanks indeed! Thanks aren’t going to bring back this completely wasted "vacation" day (some fine vacation!). At least I'm clear for a year. And, I got paid $15 and $0.34 per mile one way for my service today. Wooo Hooo!

A New Me

Well this weekend was a little rough for me. My Aunt Lynne and Uncle Gary came to town, and I loved visiting with them. But some other things happened that made me question myself and they way I do things.

This is going to sound so stupid, but I was watching the movie Clueless. I love that movie. When Cher realizes she needs an internal make over it got me thinking.

I could use a makeover. One on the outside would be nice, but I'm talking about one on the inside. There are certain things I do (or in some cases do not do) that absolutely drive me crazy.

And, in keeping with the way I usually deal with things I just pretend these things aren't there. The sweep under the rug approach. I'm a big sweep under the rug kind of person. In fact this is how I deal with most problems and things. Except it's not really dealing with them. I think maybe in my head if I ignore certain things they will go away. Well, you can imagine how well that has worked out.

In my desperation to not offend others I've offended the most important person. Myself. I never say what I feel when I feel it and absolutely hate being like that. I hate the fact that I say yes when I really mean no. That I tell people what they want to hear rather than the truth. That I allow myself to be taken advantage of over and over again. That I'm always the first one to say sorry, even when I know I'm right.

I'm not saying I'm going to turn into this super witchy woman overnight. But there are going to be some changes. I can say I'm not scared of how people will react to these changes, but well that's a lie. Considering the fact that I'm a people pleaser of course I care. But I have gotten to the point where I care about me more.

I went to Border's last night and bought a book called “The Nice Girl Syndrome". This book sounds like it was written for me. Apparently I'm one of many women who are like this?

But standing up for myself is just the tip of the makeover iceberg.

This is so embarrassing, but I'm going to tell you what I ate one day last week...

For breakfast I had a piece of pizza. Then I got to work and there were doughnuts, so of course I had to eat one! I ate my normal lean cuisine for lunch, but then there was a birthday so I had a piece of cake. And for dinner, a big huge calorie ridden pot pie. Yep, I ate all that in one day. It's not even about the calories so much as the clogged arteries! Needless to say my diet needs a little tweaking...

I really have become a "Sunday Mormon". I go to church on Sunday, but that's about it. I hardly ever pray anymore and I don't read my scriptures. I get to church late and I run out of the church doors as soon as it's over. I don't go to any activities. I've played both sides, and I know how much happier I am when I do more than just waltz into church on Sundays.

I know I have a long road ahead of me. Rome wasn't built in a day after all. But I'm looking forward to it and can't wait to see the positive changes the new me brings!

Birthday Cake Meltdown

I don't usually lose my cool very often. I can keep my anger in check most of the time, except when it comes to one thing.

Baking.

I love baking, but it really brings out the worst in me sometimes. If something I'm baking doesn't turn out, I have a complete fit. I revert back to being a 2 year old and cry, yell and throw things. Seriously.

I'm not sure why baking brings this out in me. Maybe because it's one thing I feel I'm pretty good at. So when I don't do well it really upsets me.

I offered to make a Birthday cake for my Mom (Happy B day Mom, Love you!). I got home last night from work and started baking away. I strayed a little bit from the norm with my creation though. This is where things tend to go awry I think. I found a recipe online to make a double layer pineapple upside down cake. Double layer!? I'd never heard of such a thing! It looked kind of tricky, but I felt up to the task.

So when it came time to flip the cakes, disaster struck. The bottom cake was fine, but the top cake just broke apart. And I just had a complete fit!

I yelled, I cried, and I threw cake everywhere. Jimmy came into the kitchen to find me sitting on the floor, cake all over my hands and sobbing uncontrollably. He started laughing, and I couldn't help but start laughing too. He cleaned up globs of still steaming cake from all over the counter and stove while I tried to salvage what was left of my less than perfect bottom layer.

I think it looks ok, but it's far from perfect and far from what I had pictured in my mind.

After I calmed down, I tried to figure out why I had gotten so upset. I mean it's just a cake! It's not a life or death situation! But these baking disasters always seem to happen to me when I'm supposed to bring something to a function. If it was just for me to eat at home, I don't think it would have bothered me so much.

I guess in the end I have to remember there really is no use crying over broken cake!

Only My Husband

Monday was Jimmy's first day back to school after spring break. He has a class where they have to run the mile each week, and try to improve upon their time. They normally run on Tuesdays.

Well for some reason this week the teacher had them run on Monday. Jimmy was not prepared for this, therefore not dressed appropriately. He was wearing sneakers, but not the right kind of sneakers.

If I was faced with this situation I would do one of a couple of things. I would likely just not run. I’d tell the teacher the situation and sit this week out. Or I might try to run in my faulty shoes, and just muddle through it.

Well not Jimmy. He did not want to sit the run out. And he didn't want to finish in a longer time than his previous weeks.

So he decided to run the mile in his socks. Yes, his socks. When he told me this I thought he was joking. Nope, he was serious.

Not only did he run in his socks, he beat his previous week's times, and beat out a few fellow runners who normally beat him in the process.

Every time I think about him running around the track in his socks it cracks me up. But I can't help but admire him at the same time. He is not one to give up easily. I never would have thought to just run in my socks. And even if I did think of it, I certainly never would have actually done it!

Lessons Learned from Snack Time

This Sunday at church we had a couple of visitors in my class. It was Easter, so that's bound to happen, people visiting from out of town and such.

Well snack time came around and the children scarfed down their graham crackers like they had never seen food before (this is normal occurrence).

One of the visiting little girls asked for another. I'm about 3/4ths of the way through my snack budget for the year and it's only April. So I told her not today, they would get another one next week. The conversation quickly turned sour and went something like this:

Girl: I want another one!
Me: you already ate yours, no more for today.
Girl: but I want one!
Me: sorry, you can have another one next week
Girl: give me another one, now!
Me: Is that how you get things at home, because that is not how we do it here...
Girl: give me another one, please!
Me: No more, sorry! (Ok she did say please, but after her little rant I was not only going to not give her another but make her cough up the one she already ate!)

She was a fairly pleasant girl besides this, but it got me thinking. Man some kids really are just brats! There are kids that you can tell are good, they just have bad moments. Then there are those that are just having a never ending bad moment.

How do you prevent that from happening? I'm sure parents don't raise their kids hoping they will turn out to be bratty. They just do. Either by their own actions or their kid’s genetic make up they turn out to be monsters.

Some of the kid's I've seen, man! They are just spawns. And their parents bless their hearts try and try, but the kids still turn out that way.

Honestly this is one of my biggest fears. That I will have that kid that no teacher wants in their class, or that no parents want to invite to their child's b-day party.

Every time I see something on the news about a child molester or a serial killer I first think about the victims. But then I think about the Mother of that molester or murderer and how she must feel.

To have raised someone who is capable of such terrible things. I wonder if the Mother blames herself for her child's actions, even if she did the best job she could teaching it right from wrong.

I am pretty confident that I won't raise a serial killer. Or child molester either. But I see some kids and they are so polite, nice and well behaved most of the time. I can't help but wonder, how do I make sure I get one of those?

To Fight or not to Fight...

Yesterday after church Jimmy and I settled down to watch some baseball games. He likes the Dodgers and I like the Angels so we end up bouncing back and forth between games.

The Angels were playing the Red Sox, so I had some conflicting feelings about who I wanted to win, but I was definitely more interested in this game than the Dodger one. In the 1st inning of the Angels game, a little altercation occurred between the Red Sox pitcher (Josh Beckett) and the Angels batter ( Bobby Abreau). It didn't seem like a huge thing to me, but both benches emptied as well as the bullpens.

In the end 4 Angels players/coaches ended up getting ejected from the game. What seemed really odd to me is the 2 Angels players that got thrown out. One of them was an outfielder ( Tori Hunter), and the other was an Angels relief pitcher ( Justin Spier or something). Neither one had any involvement in the altercation at all. The pitcher and the batter that stared in this little spat both remained in the game.

So I started to wonder, how is it 2 players that weren't even involved in this got thrown out? One of them wasn't even playing at the time for goodness sake. But looking at the sheer rage Tori Hunter and Justin Spier exhibited, you'd think that they themselves had been almost affronted as Bobby Abreau had.

Is their sense of "team" so strong that they felt it necessary to keep running their mouths and get in the middle of things to defend Abreau (a full grown and seemingly large man?) If this is the case surely getting thrown out, therefore leaving your team shorthanded does not seem like the best idea.

I think it's something else. They both seemed like they just wanted to fight. Spier in particular, whew he was really mad! Some people just really look for or even enjoy confrontation.

I know several people like this. Both male and female. It seems like they desperately search to pick fights, it doesn't matter what it's over or who it's with. Seemingly trivial stuff works them up into such a frenzy you'd think it was a life or death situation.

People like this truly amaze me. Probably because I'm at the complete opposite side of the spectrum, a fight to me is the worst possible outcome and therefore the last straw. Not something I'd ever go looking for.

I started thinking about the movie Fight Club. That movie was a little too strange (and too rated R) for me, but the gist of it is these guys start a club where they get together and beat on each other. The idea seems so odd, but maybe a Fight Club would work out well for these types of people. I mean that way they can get out all their anger fighting other people who like to fight just like they do.

But then I guess society would be condoning this behavior, and I'm not sure that's a great idea either.

So in the end I like Rodney King am left wondering, Can't we all just get along?

Game Time!

Baseball season is finally here! I love the beginning of the season, when every team has a clean slate. Plus as of right now the Yankees are 0-2 despite there massive outpouring of money to secure better players during the off season.

Jimmy's softball game was rained out this week. Normally I'm not a fan of the rain, except in these kinds of instances. I might have done a rain dance earlier that day...

Ok, the softball games aren't THAT bad. I'm just a baby about it. And at the park he plays at now these moths the size of birds (seriously, I'm not exaggerating on this) keep flying all around and terrorizing the fans.

I searched, I scrounged and I fought to find Red Sox tickets for our trip this year. And I did! The seats are practically not even in the park, and they were marked up way way too much, but I bought them.

I mean there are no bad seats in Fenway right? I'm sure I've sat in worse. We will just have a nice panoramic view of the park, that's all. I still can't quite believe what I committed us to. We fly in on a 7am flight, pick up a rental car, drive to our hotel and walk to the game. If our flight gets delayed we are in trouble. If our bags get lost, we are in trouble. If we get lost (as I'm prone to doing) we are in trouble.

But all that can't overshadow the excitement of seeing my favorite team play live in the flesh. They are playing the Royals, so I'm counting on a victory!

I can practically taste that Fenway Frank already...