Something Nice to Come Home to

On Wednesday after yet another long day at work I started my drive home. I was thinking about all the stuff I had to do around the house when I got home, and it was enough to make me want to turn my car around and drive back to work!

When I got home, the house was quiet and there was no one there. I went into our bedroom, and it was spotless! Jimmy had cleaned it!

I went to gather up the laundry, but it was already done! Jimmy had done it!

I went to get something to eat out of baron fridge (we were well over due for some grocery shopping), and it was fully stocked! Jimmy had gone shopping!

I couldn't believe it. My mood instantly lifted and was so excited to not have to do those things.

I felt a wave of appreciation for my husband. He works 25 ish hours a week, he is taking 18 units in school, and managed to shop, clean and fold so I wouldn't have to.

Sometimes with the stress of work and life it's easy to forget how lucky I really am.

Bad Day

This day has been so awful, I can't even begin. I have a feeling this post is going to get pretty negative, so be forewarned.

Does anyone else wake up sometimes and think "How the heck did I end up here?" I find myself thinking that all the time recently. I have been blessed with a lot of things, but recently I can't help but wonder what happened along the way. I went from a starry eyed optimistic person with the world at my feet to someone who is bitter and filled with despair more often then I'd like to admit.

Today is one of those days I can say I absolutely hate my job. Hate it. Here is a typical thing that happened today. I was the only one in my dept to actually request off this Friday. But somehow another girl gets it off, the other girl gets to work in the morning when I would prefer to work (If I have to work at all), and I'm closing up shop. Why you ask? Got me. This is just what I do here. I've been a pee on for over a year now, and it is so so old.

I haven't liked my job for quite sometime, but recently I find myself watching gardeners or trash men and wishing I could trade places with them. Or seeing people running and thinking about how freeing it would be to just run at 9am on a Tuesday morning. And I am not a runner, so that right there says something.

I can't say its anyone's fault but my own. I go through life not saying what I really feel and trying not to upset anyone. If I do upset someone, I dwell on it for days and try to figure out how to make it better. I need to be honest with what I want, and I what I think is fair. I'm just not good at that.I hate confrontation and always have. Anyone have any pointers on how to get over that? I'd love to hear them!

Ode to my Husband

I think I'll stop and take a minute to talk about what makes me love Jimmy.

There are some qualities he has that still proceed to shock and awe me.

He never thinks twice about helping some one in need. Be it a stranger, or his own flesh and blood. It doesn't matter if it's midnight, or 8am if you need help he will be there with bells on.

For example a quite some time ago we were on a road trip and stopped to get some food. As we went to leave the restaurant, a woman was trying to help her husband (who was quite elderly and larger than her) into the car. Seeing them struggle, I continued to walk by them thinking "man someone should help them". Not Jimmy though. He ran over there and jumped right in with no hesitation. It's a perfect example of us. I think about the fact that I should help someone, he just does it.

Another thing about him that I love is that he always wants to cuddle. Always. I never have to talk him into it, even if he is watching sports. He is always up for a little snuggle. He usually wants to cuddle more than I do ( I like my space while I sleep).

Even when he is grouchy (which happnes once in a while), he doesn't stay that way for very long. And he still has a sense of humor about things despite his grumpy mood.

He watches stupid shows with me, even if there is something on he'd much rather watch. For example he watched 90210 with me this week. Even I can admit that show is complete crap, but I still like to watch it. And he'll watch it right along with me, even though he hates it. He does it because he likes to spend time with me. It doesn't matter what we are doing. This Sunday we pretty much did all the things I wanted to do. We watched what I wanted and went where I wanted to go.

He may not be the most sensitive person. And he doesn't always show his feelings in conventional way. But he shows them in his own way. And I think I like that even better.

Pooped on!

One of the few things I like about my job is that it is in this nice little shopping area in Montrose. It's not a huge company, and it's not in a huge sky rise type building. The street is lined with little shops and trees and it's really pleasant to walk around.

I was sitting on a bench with my co worker people watching like we often do, and then splat! Bird poop, right on me! Great. As if Mondays weren't bad enough. Although it could've been much worse. I had my hands folded in my lap, and it happened to land right on my hand. About 2 inches in any direction and it would've been on my pants. Or it could've been on my head or something! So I just washed it off and went about my business.

People in my office kept telling me it's supposed to be good luck to get pooped on. We'll see!

The Competitive Gene

Jimmy and I always joke that we are like polar opposites. Usually it causes problems, but with some qualities I think that is good thing. Like competitiveness for example.

We played a game at my house the other night, and it got pretty out of hand. Not that this is the first time that I've seen this happen with a game. But this time in particular left me contemplating how something that started off as "fun" got so heated.

Anyone who knows Jimmy knows that playing most games for him is like competing in the Olympics. Winning is a must. He is not always like this, I've seen him lose at a game and be perfectly fine with it. I think a huge part of it depends on who is he playing with and who he is playing against.

I on the other hand lose all the time. I've always been that way. I'm seriously athletically challenged, so I started losing at a young age. Sometimes it bothers me, but most of the time I'm ok with it.

If it comes down to a choice between me losing or everyone having fun I'd rather everyone have fun. Games are one of those things where I think the experience of playing is more important that the outcome.

Although I don't think my perspective is that great either. I have no competitive drive. I'm scared to get out there and go after what I want, or even try. I'm ok with just conceding and saying " oh well" and moving on.

So which is better? The person that dives in with all their might and plays like it's do or die? Or the person who is ok with just coasting along, and shirks away from competition? I think neither. A nice mix of both would be ideal, so hopefully one of our offspring will inherit that.

We had a chat with our home teacher a month or so ago about what our relationship would be like if we were exactly like each other. I can't imagine if we were both like me. Nothing would ever get done, decisions would never get made and we would just dance around our issues instead of talking about them. Or what if we were both like Jimmy? We'd both be angry, short fused, grouchy, and be constantly competing with each other. A relationship with two Jimmys? Now that is a scary thought...

The Band of Brothers and Me

This past weekend I had the pleasure of spending some time with Jimmy and his brothers. Craig, his brother from Arizona stayed with us for Friday and Saturday night. So me, in a house with 3 Cuillard boys. Yay! It wasn't all that bad really. Once you get used to the fact that everything out of Craig's mouth is either

a. Offensive
b. Embarrassing
c. A complete lie
or
d. Makes no sense what so ever

He is slightly entertaining, in small increments that is. :) On Saturday night Scott came over to play cards, so me in a house with 4 Cuillard boys. The numbers seemed to be increasing rapidly!

Luckily Tessa came over to have some needed girl time. We went to dinner and went in the spa to escape the seemingly never-ending stream of male chit chat.

However this weekend was definite learning experience. I learned a few new nick names for breasts, that flipping off a Cuillard has its consequences, and that I really more than ever want to have girls.

Thanksgiving Countdown, and Other Thoughts

It's coming in 17 days! I'm not sure if I'm more excited about the 4 day binge fest or about the 4 days off from work! Probably both. Due to the fact that my company hates Veterans, we will be open tomorrow on Veterans day.

My company basically hates holidays in general I think. We get Christmas, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day and Labor Day. That's it. 4 paid holidays in a 365 day span. We don't even get the day after Thanksgiving off, but I'm taking it off anyways.

I remember my good old school days when we got tons of holidays off all the time. I guess it could definitley be worse, I could work at the grocery store where they are open 364 days a year ( maybe even 365 now, I'm not sure).

I find myself pondering a lot recently. About a whole slew of things. Sometimes I think the way life works is so odd. We ( if you are one of the unlucky ones who has to) work 40 plus hours a week every week. Most of us are away from our homes more often then we are there. And when we are there, we are sleeping 90% of the time. And we just keep working until...what? We are either independently wealthy or 80 years old? Ugh. To think about it in those kinds of terms is grim thought. Especially when you are 24 and might have another 56 years of working ahead of you. I guess if you have a job you like then you don't mind the time away from your home and family. However I don't think the majority of people feel that way.

So then, you have a weekend. 2 days that you need to cram all your errand running, relaxing and projects into. If you are LDS you really have 1 day. Who decided this schedule? Work 5 days, have off 2 days? It seems a little lopsided to me. Jimmy is quick to tell me that back in the yester years it was work 6 days, have 1 day off. For some reason that doesn't make me feel much better.

I mean when you think about the whole working thing, its nuts really. I mean the amount of time someone will spend working in their life, it's absurd. Yet practically everyone does it. When you have bills to pay, you don't have much of a choice. It makes me think I should've married for money! ( just kidding hun! well sort of...)

There is one thing I can say for working though; it gives you a sense of accomplishment each day. And it makes you truly cherish the time you have off. Friday nights I'm on cloud nine I'm so excited for those 2 days off. Even if I have absolutely nothing going on, it's 2 days I don't have to go to work so that is good enough for me.

On a slightly different note, how strange is it that you don't appreciate things until they are gone? I mean what is the point of that really? You have something, be it a possession, a person, youth etc. You take it for granted while you have it, then usually one day you lose it/her/him. So then you finally realize how great that thing was, but by that point it's gone. So you can't do anything about it. Usually you can't get it back, so you are just left with a pining/desiring of something you once had. Is there are purpose of that? I guess it is just a learning experience, but a crappy one still.

Side Note: " It's Over, Finally"

As soon as I wrote that post I found out the 1000's of gays/lesbians were marching to the LA Temple in protest. I understand that they are upset, and that they don't know what to do. But I don't think blaming LDS people is the answer. I don't doubt that if President Monson hadn't asked us to support Prop 8 that it would've passed. So I see why their frustration is fueled at us.

However if Prop 8 were to not pass do you think 1000's of LDS people would march angrily to gay and lesbian centers and wreak such havoc that they would be forced to close?

Do you think LDS church and it's people would post websites saying that gay people are an abomination and stole our right to have marriage remain between a man and a woman? Or make offensive commercials or call all LDS people to arms against Homosexuals?

I understand that this is heated, but some things are below the belt. They seem to forget that we didn't do anything wrong here.

We held up "Yes on Prop 8" signs, and when the time came we went to the polls and won. We only peacefully assembled and voted, two things that our US Constitution guarantees everyone the right to do.

Yet some in the homosexual community have lashed out, at us in particular for having our own opinion. Instead of being decent about it, they are spreading falsehoods about our church far and wide. Anyone who knows our church history knows that Mormons being under fire and bullied for believing how they choose sounds slightly familiar...

It's Over, Finally!

I'm sure many others feel the same way, but I'm sooooo glad this election is over! No more political signs or commercials...ahh its wonderful. I've been ready for this election to be done for a long time.

My favorite part of election time is the outrageous ranting of uneducated people. I feel like I heard a lot more of that this election than I did the last one.

Some of the things people told me, oh boy. Obama is the most corrupt man in the world and is out to destroy the country. Mc Cain hates homosexuals and doesn't care about anyone but rich white people. And sure enough, all this ranting came from people who if they told me the sky is blue I wouldn't believe them because of their long track record of having absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

I don't think how I voted is of particular importance, but I think anyone can see that both candidates had pros as well as cons. So anyone telling me that one is sent from God and the other is a messenger of the devil just sounds down right stupid.

On the election note I am relieved that Prop 8 passed. However I wish I could be happier about it. I truly struggled with this one. I struggled through the whole election, and I'm struggling with the aftermath now. I was watching the news last night and I saw gay people marching in LA to show how unhappy they are with the outcome. They showed this lady (who was very clearly a lesbian) crying, and it just about ripped my heart out. I just want everyone to be happy. I hate that I helped to upset so many people. But I guess that is what politics is about. I understand why they want to get married, and I understand why they think they should be allowed to. However I still feel in my heart that gay marriage is not right. I have no problem with gay people and I admire their perseverance through this whole debate.

I look forward to moving on from this election to bigger and better things!

Klutz O Matic

I usually make fun of Jimmy because he is a major Klutz. He always seems to spill something. I tell him he should walk around with caution tape in his pocket so he can block off his frequent accidents. However since we have moved into our new house is clumsiness is rubbing off on me.

Last Tuesday morning when I stumbled out of bed I tripped over one of the many articles on our floor (our room is just a little messy right now) and fell into the bathroom door, hard. I hit it with my knee and instantly felt shooting pain. My knee got all swollen and I have this ugly bruise on it.

Then today, I was walking out to the garage to leave for work. There are about 3 stairs leading down from the house to the garage, and I missed the last one and completely ate it. Luckily Robbie's Mercedes Benz broke my fall. The car is ok, but I can't say the same for me. I fell off the stairs, bounced off his car and fell on the ground. My breakfast went flying. Ouch. I landed on my elbow, and now that doesn't feel very good right now.

Amidst these two falls that occurred in less than a weeks time, I've dropped numerous things as well. What the heck? I might have been a little clumsy before, but recently I'm the one who needs the caution tape.

On a side note, I played hand and foot every night this weekend ( Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and went 0 for 3. It's safe to say that game is not my strong point. It's hard enough to get someone to be on my team, now I'm going to start having to pay people!